There was a knock on Tami's office door. "C'mon in." The door opened and Matt Saracen's head appeared. "Hey, Matt, give me a minute and then we'll get going." Tami made a few notes on a pad of paper and put the pad in one of her desk drawers. She stood up and reached for her purse. "C'mon."

"Wha- where are we going?" Matt looked confused.

"I thought we'd go on a little field trip."

"I can't, I mean this isn't excused, I don't have a note or anything."

"I know that, but being a guidance counselor gives me a little pull on some things." Tami started walking down the hall and Matt scrambled to keep up. They walked out the front door and over to Eric's Explorer. Tami started it up and the radio came on.

"-mmy, you can't be serious. No way Dillon wins without Smash."

"Why's that?"

"He's the best player on the team, best high school running back in Texas. Hell, I don't why Coach Taylor hasn't benched Saracen and put Smash at QB."

"Oh no, don't try and start a quarterback controversy again. Seems like we go through this the entire off season and every other hour during the season. Matt Saracen took Dillon to and won State last year. And all anyone expected him to do was sit on the bench and maybe get in the very last series after the game was sewn up."

"That's what I'm saying, he's a backup, he isn't QB1 material."

"Uh huh. Well tell us, just what kind of material makes up a QB1."

"You got to have command of your team; you have to have the respect of your team. You have to win. You have to be able to throw that ball all the way down the field and hit a receiver in the eye."

"Okay. And you don't think Saracen has any of those qualities. Was there someone else who looked just like Matt Saracen playing QB and winning the State game at Texas Stadium last year?"

"He got lucky. He had Jason Street and Coach Taylor coaching him on the sidelines and Tim Riggins and Smash Williams to give the ball to and he still nearly cost us the game."

"Whoa now. Yeah, he did throw that early interception, but as I understand it he was the one who came up the last play of the game, drew it up right there on the sideline."

"Well, would you agree that he doesn't have the respect of his team? I mean he got into a fight with Smash after a game and those two have been squabbling on the sidelines the whole season, I me—"

Tami hit the power button and the sound cut off. She glanced over at Matt who was chewing his thumbnail. "Sorry about that. I don't know why Eric listens to that all day, just nonstop criticism and people sayin' he should be fired." Matt grunted. "I thought we'd get some lunch at the Alamo Freeze and then talk."

"Are we gonna eat there?"

"Would you rather go somewhere else?"

"No that's fine, but are we gonna eat there?"

Tami looked over at Matt. "Oh. I hadn't thought of that. How about I go in and get it to go."

"I'll pay for it." Matt reached for his wallet.

"How about we split it?"

"Okay."

Tami pulled into a parking place facing away from the windows. "What would you like?"

"Two double cheeseburgers with ketchup and lettuce, a large fires and a large chocolate shake please."

"I'll be back in a minute."

Tami pulled the Explorer into a parking spot at the lake and unbuckled her seat belt. "Do you want to eat in the car or at a table?"

"I hate picnic tables. It's like they got together and said, 'Hey let's build the most uncomfortable thing possible for sitting and having a meal at.' The new metal ones are worse than the wood ones; they're either freezing cold or burning hot."

"So that means we'll eat in the car."

The next few minutes Tami and Matt busied themselves eating and drinking, then Tami wiped her mouth with a napkin. "You know that you don't have to play football."

"What?"

"Well, Matt, your actions the past few weeks, you don't seem to be enjoying football or much of anything else. You don't have to play football."

"Everybody will hate me if I don't."

Tami flicked her thumb at the radio. "Those people? They're never gonna meet you. And they get on Coach Taylor more than anyone. And do you really think the people who care about you are going to hate you? They will probably be disappointed and confused, but they aren't going to hate you. Do you like to play?"

Matt stared out the windshield for a few seconds. "The last play of State when I saw Smash carry those three guys into the end zone and then Coach Taylor hugged me and told me how proud he was, that's the best moment of my life. But, what, what does it say if that really does turn out to be the best day of my life?"

"Do you really think that's gonna be the best day or moment of your life? You have everything ahead of you, the choices you have, the options, are close to endless. Sounds to me like you just don't know what you want to do with your life, or even what your major will be in college. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. That makes you like ninety five percent of the high school students. I remember at the end of junior high eighth grade, when we were signing up for classes for ninth grade, they wouldn't let us register unless we wrote down and signed what we our major was going to be in college." Tami shook her head.

"What was your major?"

"My actual major was social science and I minored in psychology. As for what I wrote in eighth grade, I had no idea. And said so, and refused to write something down. It was just me in a room by myself the whole day with that piece of paper and a pen."

"Why didn't you write something, anything?"

"Because I was stubborn. And because I was scared. Scared if I did write something down, that I was locked into that for a major, that I couldn't change my mind. Then I got to college and found out that you could get a degree without having a major, you could get a degree in independent studies. I know you like art a lot, and that's good, but you get to college and maybe the best thing is that you can sample a bunch of different things, different classes and see how they look on you. There are some people who know what they want to be in ninth grade. Most of them want to be lawyers or doctors. And that's great. I was friends with a boy who got involved with a play in eighth grade and I swear you could see the light go on. He joined the drama club in ninth grade and was President of drama club and thespians the next three years. Now he's President of Entertainment for the Disney parks. Pretty much the whole world is open to you."

"I like football. I like playing it. I guess maybe I love it a little, but not like Smash does. Or Jason did. I-I don't know I never thought I'd be the starting quarterback for Dillon when I was in tenth grade. I thought it'd be like they said on the radio, I'd sit on the bench behind Jason, maybe get in for a few minutes at the end of games and then compete to start my junior year."

"Have you thought about playing in college?"

"I'm not good enough to play at Alabama or USC or Miami or Florida State o—"

"Don't say that."

"No, it's true. No matter if I got a private coach and Coach Taylor worked with me for an hour after practice and four hours every day after the season was over and during the summer, I'd never do more than warm the bench at a division one school. I might start at a division two or three, but the schools I'm thinking about for college most of them don't have football teams. "

"What schools have you been thinking about?"

"Places that have a good art program? Painting, drawing. Savanah College of Art and Design, Carnegie Mellon, Julliard. A couple of others."

"Have you talked about this with your grandmother? I mean, those are clear across the country, we're talking at least two days driving."

"No, she kind of waves her hand and says it's all foolishness."

"It isn't."

"I know, it's just, I mean I can't see putting her in a retirement home, she'd hate that, but there's no way she can live in that house by herself either, I thought Carlotta being there would let Grandma stay in the house if I went away. 'Cept it was Carlotta who left instead of me." Matt swallowed hard and stared out the passenger side window.

Tami put her hand on Matts shoulder. "It hurts when someone leaves. In some ways it's worse if they're still alive rather than if they're dead, 'cause they're out there living their life and for whatever reason you can't be a part of it. Life isn't fair for everybody. Not everybody gets what they want. Jason Street wanted to play quarterback in the NFL. He and Lyla were gonna get married; she was probably gonna be a cheerleader on whatever team he played for. Now she's off holding hands with Jesus and he's kind of at loose ends. Coach Taylor and I have talked about you a few times, about what you've been doing. Not just these past few weeks, but a few times over the last year. You have had to grow up so fast. Your mom and dad arguing and catting at each other a lot until, they both left. Not your mom left and took you or your dad left and took you, but they both left and you were with your grandmother." Tami shook her head. "I don't understand that. I've tried to understand it. I can see why your dad wouldn't take you, he went back into the army and it would have been a real hassle redeploying to a new base and a new town and new school every year for you, worse if he'd taken you and then got deployed to Iraq, that I don't want to think about. But why your mom wouldn't take you with her-I won't say it's unforgivable, but it's close. And it's okay for you to be angry about it. There's nothing wrong with that. You can even say that you hate your parents and part of you does, but part of you is always going to love them. And your mom and dad do love you and care about you, even though they left. But you've had to keep up your grandmothers house and you've been working, having a job since you were—"

"Eight. I was mowing ten peoples lawns just about every week, not including my Grandma's."

"And you've always had a job of some kind since then." Matt nodded. "Right now you're working nearly thirty hours a week at the Alamo Freeze, and you're QB 1 at Dillon High School, which means you've got practice and related stuff at least four days a week, and classes and unlike some people you actually do your work and study and I'm guessing you do a lot of the shopping and helping out your Grandmother and you try and have a social life.

Tami sighed. "That is a lot for an adult to have on their plate and frankly I think it's too much for a teenager. I think you tend to keep things inside you, angry feelings and such. Rather than getting mad you push it down and after it while it goes quiet, but then something else comes along, like 'The Swede' or Eric leaving for Austin and you want to say something, yell something, but you don't. Because you're a gentleman. You were raised and taught manners and respect and that sad to say is not a common thing anymore. But that new thing burns for a while and then it gets mixed with the old stuff and it builds up. If you played defense instead of quarterback you could maybe get some of that anger out hitting the players on offense."

"Coach did teach me how to tackle, after you know, what happened with Jason, except I end up getting blocked by someone."

"Well, I think Eric would rather you get blocked and maybe even kind of get out of the way rather than hit someone and hurt your throwing arm or shoulder. That's what happened to Voodoo a few weeks ago."

"Really?"

"Yup, he threw an interception and tried to tackle the safety, broke his collarbone separated his shoulder, got a concussion and the safety scored. He's out for the rest of the season and probably the playoffs as well."

"Good."

"Eric told me what happened last night at your grandmother's house. Did you know that your grandmother was worried about you? She said she thought you needed Eric's help. Now I don't think that meant you ending up in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running over you, but something needed to be done. I want you to know a couple of things. Julie doesn't know what happened last night. She'd heard some rally girls talking about you being drunk, but that's it. And I promise you she's not going to hear about last night from me or Eric. The only way she's going to know is if you tell her, okay?" Matt nodded. "What he said last night about people caring about you and loving you, like your grandmother and Julie and Eric is true. And me as well. I care about you. He cares about you like he does the rest of the players but with you it's-I guess deeper is the best way to put it. You know he has different expectations for different players, I mean he wants all y'all to become good respectful men, but-"

"He lets Riggins slide on being hung over and Smash on running his mouth all the damn time."

"I wouldn't say he lets them slide, he did kick Tim off the team for real earlier this year, right? And he has talked with Smash about not talking about himself in the third person all the time. I know you and Smash got into it earlier this year and that's a piece of the stuff inside you, but you went and got him from that awful college visit he had, right? Even brought him some clothes and food. Football is really the only thing Tim Riggins has, it's the only reason he's in school. As for awful things, I can understand why you said what you did to your art teacher, but you know you can't do that. You can't call a teacher a bitch."

Matt shifted in his seat. "I'm sorry. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't apologize in front of everyone. I'm not like that, I'm sorry."

Tami nodded. "Like I said I understand, but you have to apologize to your teacher. It doesn't have to be in front of the whole school or the class but you will apologize to her. And you're going to have two detentions. Normally it would be a weeks' worth and I'd have a conference with you and your parents, but I think your grandmother doesn't need to know about this."

"Okay, when do you want me to apologize and when do I do the detention?"

"Well, you can do the apology tomorrow morning before school starts; can you get here a little early?"

"Yeah, I can ask Landry for a ride."

"Okay. As for detention, I'm pretty sure you can't do it during practice or Buddy Garrity will have another thing to pester Eric about, but you probably work after practice, right?"

"Not every night, I try to get most of my hours on the weekend."

"Still, you need the money." Tami drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. "Okay you bring me your schedule and we'll see what we can work out."

"All right. Thanks Mrs. Co—I mean Mrs. Taylor. You don't like being called Mrs. Coach do you?"

Tami smiled because that was what Eric occasionally called her during their foolin' around times, especially when they were both moving together. "That's okay, whatever is comfortable for you. Two more things.

"How are you and Julie? I know you two broke up, which was sad, but those things happen, are you civil?"

"I guess. I mean," Matt glanced at Tami then out the window.

"Matt." He turned and looked at Tami. "This is between you and me. It doesn't go any further than this car. Like I said earlier Julie cares about you. I know that it's hard going to school or being around town and seeing your ex boy or girlfriend, even more so in Dillon when you're QB1."

"Well, she came into work a while ago and apologized and said she'd like to be friends and I guess I said yes. I mean, I nodded, but I—"

"You accepted her apology but you didn't spend twenty minutes talking to her."

"No. It's hard."

"Yes they are. Relationships are hard, especially for someone like you juggling so many things."

"I—I would like to friends with Julie, but I don't know how. I've never seen a book on it anywhere."

"If there was one it'd sell a billion copies. Maybe just chat with her in the hall. The reason I asked is that Eric and I talked about it and we thought it might be good for you and your grandmother if you came over to our house for dinner a few times in the next little while." Matt frowned. "Eric asked Julie how she'd feel about that and she understandably said she thought she'd be a little uncomfortable, but she didn't out right refuse it, because like I said, she does like you and care about you. Fair to say that it'd be a little uncomfortable for you as well?"

"Yes ma'am. If Grandma is there it might be less, she loves Coach, she'd probably monopolize the conversation the whole time."

Tami laughed. "She does dote on him. I wish more people were like her. So, would you be okay bringing your grandmother over to have dinner with us?"

Matt chewed on his thumbnail for a minute as he thought. "Yes, just let me know what we can bring over, and we have to bring something, Grandma will insist on it. Mrs. Taylor?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for, you know."

"You're welcome."

THE END