Wednesday, 12pm the Loft
So my mom said that I could not just sit lie around and sleep all day and that if she expected her to let me stay home for the rest of the day I was going to have to talk to her...
Well I mean I couldn't let her make me go back to school not after what I had done... And I didn't want to have to explain to JP what I had done.
So now all I have to do is make up a problem that my mom will believe caused me to have a breakdown.
"Now Mia, Lars says that you were talking to JP when all this happened. I don't know what he could have said to you that made you so upset but Mia you should know better then to let a guy make you cry."
I had this whole story about how I thought that I had found a lump and that I was sure that I had cancer or maybe I had discovered my long lost twin or something. But I couldn't let my mom think that JP had done something to hurt me. This was not his fault. So before I knew it I was spilling the whole thing to my mom. Including the kiss between JP and me. And Michael not writing back even though he said he wanted to be friends.
My mom just stared at me for a bit.. Even my mom thinks that I am freak and moms are supposed to know what to do when everything goes wrong, but I suppose my mom can't even pay the bills on time.
"Mia, I think that you feel guilty because you like JP and also because you still love Michael" She sounded serious when she said this but she had to be joking right? RIGHT??? I mean I know that I and Michael are broken up.
"It is possible to like more then one person at the one time. And just because you still love Michael does not mean that you can't like JP as more then just a friend." She was using that face she used when I have done something that reminds her of when she was young. Oh god I hope she doesn't start a story. No good story ever came started with 'When I was your age.'
"Mia I think that you need to try to forget about Michael." I guess she could see the look on my face so she added "at least for the moment. You and Michal had something really special but what you need to try to understand is that not all relationships are as special as you and Michael... No that's the wrong way to put it. Just that you don't have to be in love with someone to date them."
I could not believe that my own mother was saying this. I expected it from Lana and from Grandmere but my own mother telling me to date a guy that I wasn't in love with. I was lost for words. That's so not fair on JP.
oh my god what if Michael wasn't really in love with me after all. Maybe he was just dating me because he liked me. Maybe he only told me that he loved me because he felt sorry for me. I could never do that to JP. I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes. I guess my mom could too because she said.
"Just because you date someone else it does not make what you and Michael had any less special. And it does not mean that you have to fall in love with JP." She was starting to panic because the tears had started to fall.
"Mom" I said through sobs "I can't do that to JP. He had only ever been nice to me I can't tell him that I love him if I don't. I know how that feels. AND I AM NOT JUST GOING TO FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH MICHAEL." So I was yelling and crying but instead of yelling back my mum just walked over to me and hugged me. I was not expecting this.
"You don't have to tell JP that you love him, but you should tell him something. I think if JP is as understanding as you think he is he will understand if you just tell him the truth." My mom whispered in my ear. "Maybe this is what Michael meant when he said that you had some growing to do. I don't think he would have coped with you freaking out all the time while he was over in Japan. He really has to concentrate on his work, and how could he do that if he was worrying about you. And he would worry Mia, because I am sure he does love you."
Maybe it was something to do with my mom hugging me or maybe it was what she had said but I just felt that everything maybe wasn't as bad as I thought. I mean maybe it was a good thing that Michael hadn't written back to me. He did say that we needed some space and there is a lot of space between here and Japan.
I can't believe I am saying this but maybe I should date JP. If he doesn't hate me for embarrassing him in front of everyone at school.