Saturday 4th October, Still Early Morning, The Loft

oh my god! This letter is from Japan... Not the nation because I can see the writing on the front I know that writing. This is a letter from Michael.

I can't open it. I just can't. What if it is him saying that he wants me back? What am I going to do? I am dating JP now. What would JP say? I can't hurt JP he has been nothing but nice to me. But this is MICHAEL! The Michael. Ok well I don't know it's him but who else could it be writing to me from Japan.

Maybe its someone else. Maybe a fan has got my home address and wrote to me from Japan. Do I have Japanese fans????

What if it is Michael and he is just telling me that he has changed his mind and he doesn't want to be friends anymore????

I knew I should not have sent him that email I knew it! I don't know what came over me.

I can't deal with this I have to sleep...NO I have to open it I am never going to sleep until I open it.

What could Michael write to me in letter that he could not tell me over email or on the phone?? What could it be? I could just open it i suppose.

Oh dear I am going to open it... I feel just like Buffy when she found out that Angel had come to Sunnydale and he hadn't told her. I feel exactly like that I feel out of the loop. Why did Michael warn me that he was going to send me a letter? I don't even know when this was sent. How long does it take for mail to get her from Japan?

Oh god here goes...

Saturday 4th October, Still early morning, The loft

OH MY GOD!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!

I - CAN'T - STOP - CRYING!

It wasn't some fanatic Japanese fan... It was Michael.

Dear Mia,

I really don't know how to say all this to you. Which is why I am writing this down? I know that by the time you get this you will probably hate me for what I have done to you, but I just had to tell you why. I know that I wont be able to tell you over the phone.

Mia, I love you. I think I always will. When I saw you kiss JP, I didn't hate you I hated me. I mean I hated myself for leaving you and at that moment I wanted to stay so that I would not have to leave you alone. That was when I realised that I had to end it.

I really have to do this, it's not just to prove myself to you and your family and well everyone else in the world but to prove to myself that I am something without you. I know that seems really selfish but I can't imagine myself without you and that scares me.

I knew that if I had seen your face and seen you smile I never would have been able to do it. So that is why I ran away from you.

I just wanted you to know that I don't hate you or blame you for what happened. I don't like JP though and when I get back I will be having a word with him. That being said I know that you have every right to date other people and in fact I hope that you do. Maybe then you will understand and be able to forgive me for the whole Judith thing. I know you don't understand it but that's because you have allot of growing up to do.

I just hope that we can stay friends and I hope that you don't forget about me or how much I love you more then anyone else every could (including JP). But at the moment we cannot be together because I need to concentrate and I can't spend all my time worrying about you, which I know I would.

I love you in spite of the fact that you are a princess and one day you will be mine. Until then I hope that you don't hate me because I don't think I could take it if you did.

Love

Your Michael

WHAT??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I hate myself.

What am I going to do?