Disclaimer: Nothing in the Charmed world belongs to me and no copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: This is going to be somewhat of a short chapter but I needed to explain a few things about Chris' life and the whole time loop concept and I also needed to get across exactly what type of life Chris had been living up until this point. So that being said if this chapter confuses anyone please feel free to ask questions.
Chapter 7 Tears In The Night
Chris knew that choosing to orb to the bridge was a risky maneuver. Leo might actually find him there if he thought to check but Chris needed to be in a place where he knew he could think away from the prying eyes of civilization. And the thoughts he had were filled with all of the pain and sadness of the twenty-one years he had existed.
Never in any of the timelines that Chris could remember had Leo ever accepted him as his son. Sure he had signed the adoption papers to appease Piper. But there had always been a difference in the way that the man had treated Chris and Wyatt since the very first time that he had became their son. Wyatt was his real son and the important one. Chris had always known and accepted that fact, but just because he accepted it didn't mean that it didn't hurt knowing so.
But Chris had to also admit that Leo had other reasons for disliking him, many other reasons. And he had just recently added yet another reason when he lied to them about how the time loop worked. He had led them to believe that he just continuously kept traveling back through time over and over again to try to fix things but in all reality it had actually been other versions of himself who had done so and each time all of the past memories had been passed to the Chris who was a child in that timeline through the link that they shared. So in truth at a very young age he had gained all of the collected memories that each of his former versions had experienced. He had to admit that a lot of those memories had just confused him until he was much older and could understand them better. And now in this timeline he was in reality passing all of his memories to the young child that would some day grow into a new version of him and the loop would continue on and on until the time when one of them was able to stop Wyatt from becoming evil. Chris prayed that he would be that one. But he could not have told them that without revealing to them who he truly was and that was something he didn't think he'd ever be ready to do.
In the first set of memories he held none of them had realized that Chris would someday grow up and travel back through time to try to save his brother from becoming evil. That was actually the easiest time for him. He had been, for the most part, accepted as a member of the family. But each sequential time had become harder and harder seeing as the presence of his grown up self had cast a pall on their opinion of the child version once they had realized whom he would grow up to become. It wasn't as if they'd disliked him knowing that he would grow up to be that man, but it was more that the feelings of mistrust had carried over to his younger version at least as far as Leo was concerned.
Never with Piper though, or at least not as far as Chris could tell. She had always been able to separate the child she adopted from the young man she disliked from the future. But he truly was beginning to wonder if just maybe this would be the time that she wouldn't be able to. That maybe her hate for him had grown too far this time. Every other time she had disliked or mistrusted him but this time she truly did hate him. He could see it in her eyes and he worried for the small child that was living in the Manor now. Would he be able to claim his mother's undying love as Chris had until the day of her death when he was fourteen years old? He just couldn't be sure this time.
He knew though that worrying about what would happen in the future would do him no good. None of that had happened yet. They still didn't know whom their youngest son would grow up to be and for that he was grateful. Maybe this time he wouldn't fail them and his younger version wouldn't have to live with that cloud over his head for years to come and wouldn't have to make the same trip back through time that he had. Every time that he had failed had been a blow to his self respect and he imagined to the way his family perceived him. Oh for the most part none of them had ever said that. None of them had ever even brought it up. He wasn't even sure how exactly he had failed, only that he had failed and failed miserably.
He was such a small child when it all had happened and even though he had shared all of the memories up until that horrible day through the link he always shared with his older self, try as hard as he might, he never remembered how it had happened. How Wyatt had been turned and by whom.
He remembered a terrible day when he had been taken by the Necromancer and that the sisters and Leo had come and rescued him but when they brought him back home both Wyatt and the older version of himself were gone. The month that followed that night was a difficult one for the entire family as they searched furiously for their lost son. They found Wyatt after that month and he had talked to the adults for a very long time, but Chris wasn't allowed to hear that conversation. Wyatt had told him later in private though that he didn't remember anything about what had happened during the month other than the fact that Chris had went back to his own time and left Wyatt to fend for himself. That fact always brought shame to the youngster. He couldn't imagine ever doing that to his brother. Giving up and just letting him be taken. Wyatt had also revealed to them all that before leaving Chris had admitted to him that he was the grown version of his little brother, which made life so much harder for everyone involved. To know that their second son would grow up to one day abandon his brother to evil was something hard for any of them to face, especially the small child who was destined to do it over again just as his six predecessors had.
He knew that his mother and the sisters had always loved him no matter what and they always told themselves that their Chris might not do the same as the others who had came back through time before. He just needed the chance to grow and gain his courage. But still there had been times late at night when he had heard Piper and Leo arguing and the few words that he had caught always involved him and none of them had been said in love, only in anger and disappointment.
And the fact that Chris had apparently abandoned Wyatt was always the main thing that stood in the way of Leo ever caring for his younger son and Chris could not blame him for it either. He had spent enough time dwelling over it himself and always came to the same conclusion. Only a true coward would have done what his grown self had done so many times before and if he had been Leo he would have hated himself too.
But then he started noticing the change in his brother. It started as little things. Chris often caught him lying to their parents and the sibling rivalry was turned up a notch or two as Wyatt often took his frustrations out on his little brother. For a long time Chris never mentioned any of this to his parents. He felt that he somehow owed his brother for the betrayal that his older self had committed. It wasn't until after his mother's death that Chris finally tried to speak to Leo about Wyatt's behavior. Never in any of the timelines that had come before had Chris ever admitted to his family that Wyatt had turned evil in the future. He could never admit that, not as a child or as an adult. Honestly he had been afraid of the reaction that they would have. But this very last time he had finally managed to work up enough courage to admit it to Leo. And the reaction had been one that Chris would never forget.
Instead of being understanding and trying to work with Chris to fix the problem Leo had raged against it and had accused Chris of lying to him and of much worse. He had left their home that day and went to stay with his grandfather and until the day he traveled back in time, never again spoken to Leo. His grandfather had been the only person he had left to turn to and the one person who didn't seem to think that any of that other stuff even mattered. But even that hadn't lasted nearly long enough as his grandfather too was taken from him shortly thereafter by lung cancer. After that Chris had bounced between his aunts houses, but never truly felt as if he belonged. Then the world had crumbled all around them as Wyatt's reign of evil began and life truly did become a living hell.
Chris didn't want to think about all of those things and all of the other things from his past six lives that had been eating away at him a little at a time for the past few months, but this trip to the past seemed different. The nightmares were worse this time around and there was a deep sense of dread that had settled into his very soul. Always before when his former selves had set out through time they had been ready and eager to change things. To fix things and to correct the mistakes that had been made. But this time around had been so much harder and every little slight or harsh word just seemed to rip at his soul more and more each day. He didn't seem to understand his own mind anymore. Maybe all of the sets of former memories were becoming too much for him or maybe it was just that things seemed to get a little bit worse for him each time this happened over and over again. He wasn't sure. But with each day that passed the old painful memories kept springing back into his mind and tonight after Piper's harsh words and Leo's offer of help it had become worse than most of the nights he had spent in this time.
Chris had been sitting silently for hours staring out across the city as these thoughts played through his mind and he wasn't quite sure when the tears had started to fall, but for once in his life he didn't even bother trying to stop them. But just before he orbed himself back to the small office at P3 he made a pledge to himself and to his brother, one that he fully intended to keep. "Whatever it takes, Wyatt, I won't fail you this time. This time I will save you, or die trying."
Leo hadn't been able to stop thinking about the last thing that Chris had said. He was always alone. Those words had struck a cord somewhere deep inside the Elder, but it wasn't just the words that he spoke but the tone of his voice when he had said it. Leo had dealt with many charges in his long years as a Whitelighter and often times those charges had expressed that same sentiment to him, but he was always able to point out how wrong they were and prove to them that they did have people in their lives that cared for them. But what did Leo really know about Chris' life? He was sure that Chris hadn't been a Whitelighter for very long. His inability to heal had proved that. So did he have family back where he came from that he had been separated from? Leo really didn't know anything about Chris or the life that he did come from. But the one thing that he did know was that when Chris uttered those words he had meant them. There was no doubt in Leo's mind how true the statement was from the amount of emotion in the young man's voice.
He had stood for a long time staring out the window that Chris had been standing by just before he orbed away, and was surprised when he heard a voice clearing behind him. He turned to see Piper standing in the attic doorway. "The boys okay?" he asked walking slowly towards her wondering just how angry she still was with him.
"Sleeping," she answered quietly. She had stood watching him for several moments as he stared out the window and had noticed the way his shoulders seemed to sag and when he had turned towards her there had been a brief flash of sadness run through his expressive blue eyes. She knew that both of them held a great deal of worry over their son's future, but somehow she had expected determination to be the main emotion her husband felt. Part of her had wanted to be angry at him for railroading her into accepting Chris' secretive attitude towards her son's future, but seeing that look on his face softened her heart enough to put aside her anger for the time. "And how are you?" she asked reaching out slowly to grasp his hand.
Leo took encouragement from the offered hand and grasped it tightly giving her a small smile. "I'm fine, Piper."
She quirked her brow at that. "The look on your face a moment ago didn't speak of being fine."
Leo sighed deeply and squeezed her hand as he looked away from her face. "I don't want to fight with you anymore, Piper."
At first Piper thought that maybe he was upset over the disagreement they had but something about the way he had said that made her realize that he had other concerns that she might not want to hear. "What are we going to fight over, Leo?" she asked dropping his hand. But before he could answer her she figured it out on her own. "This is still about Chris, isn't it?"
Leo looked at her sharply for a moment but then looked away again, not able to meet her angry glare. "Listen, Piper, a week ago I would have been the first one to agree with you about him. But that was before I really took a good look at him and what he's doing here."
Piper had to still her tongue not to comment about their Whitelighter and all the lies and half-truths he had been handing them.
"Piper, Chris is putting himself through a lot by being here and trying to help Wyatt. I know he says that he's doing this because of the chaos that his future has become, but the amount of commitment he's showing to this mission of his is staggering if you take a good look at what he's willing to do for it." Leo knew that Piper hadn't seen everything that he had. She hadn't seen the condition that Chris was in when Leo had found him earlier, but still she had to see all of the good he was doing.
Piper considered Leo's words and had to admit that before this whole incident with Chris explaining the time loop to them she had felt a moment of concern over the young man's well-being. She had worried that maybe he was pushing himself too hard. But that worry had been swept away by her worry for her oldest son. "Fine, Leo, I'll give him another chance."
Leo was pleasantly surprised that she gave in so easily and he reached out pulling her into a tight hug, feeling slightly better about the situation they were in. He knew deep in his heart that if they only worked together they'd somehow find a way to save their son and just maybe somehow the nightmare that Chris was living would stop plaguing his soul and he'd learn to trust those around him.
A/N: As I said, short chapter, but I think it packed quite a punch by showing everyone more of what Chris has been living through. If there are any questions about the time loop, I'll be happy to explain it. I hadn't originally intended for it to work this way but I had a really good plot idea that required it to be like that. And yes, I did just suggest that Chris abandoned Wyatt to the evil in his past trys at fixing the future. Ducks flying objects I'm not gonna give any spoilers even if I'm tempted to so you will all just have to read ahead to find out the entire truth. I'd love to hear what everyone thinks so go ahead and push the little review button at the bottom.