Disclaimer: Nothing in the Charmed world belongs to me and no copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Wow! Two updates in one week. Maybe I'm getting my old demon possessed updating back like I had before. Anyhow, a little chapter to tide you over for a few days.
Chapter 8 You Never Have Been
As the days and nights passed life became progressively harder for Chris to bear. His days were spent in uncomfortable coexistence with those he cared for most, even if he could not show how he felt. His nights were a whole other story though as the nightmares continued becoming more intense with each night that passed. And this night was no exception.
The small boy sat alone on the sunroom floor with his arms wrapped around his knees that he had pulled up to his chest, his small chin rested on those knees as he stared out the window into the greenery behind the Manor. His dark mood matched the gray clouds that drifted by overhead and the tears he wished he could cry matched the downpour that drenched everything in sight. But his tears would no longer fall. As a child living with the demons that had possessed him he had learned the hard way not to let his tears be seen, then he had been told that his tears were okay. But that too had not lasted as his one time protector had turned into his largest tormenter. Chris knew that he somehow deserved the scorn he had received from his adoptive brother and father. Wyatt had explained that the grown version of Chris who had traveled through time had betrayed him and for that Chris didn't really deserve the protection that Wyatt had once offered him. But still Chris missed his brother's attention and also wished that he would occasionally receive the same attention that Wyatt received from their father.
But those wishes were nothing but dreams for the young boy. His brother now tormented him for his tears and his adoptive father just pretended that he didn't even exist. Life was not at all how he had pictured it would be when he had first come to live in the Halliwell Manor.
On most days Chris left the house early and spent nearly all of his time wondering the streets of San Francisco until it was almost nightfall. At first Piper had become completely livid at the idea of her ten-year-old son running the streets by himself. But as time passed and she saw how more and more depressed her son was becoming she had agreed to allow him his freedom as long as he stayed in their neighborhood. He had complied with her wishes for all of two days and then had begun to strike out further and further on his own. Chris figured that if he could survive six years with demon children that the city certainly could not hold nearly as much danger as the underworld had.
But the one time that she would not let him leave their home was on a day such as this one, when the weather showed them all just how angry it could become.
The only thing that could have made this day any worse was if Leo and Wyatt would return from 'up there'. They had been gone for several hours, which for Chris was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because if Wyatt were home he would more than likely find some way to torment his younger brother, but a curse because at that moment Chris would have almost gladly accepted any type of torment from his brother just to break up the monotony of the day.
Mom had left a couple hours beforehand to get P3 set up for the band she had booked for that night, and Chris found himself more lonely than he had ever been before. At least on the days that he traveled the city streets his mind had always been preoccupied with the sights that amazed him. The time he was now being forced to spend indoors alone was enough to drive him almost to tears as the only thoughts that preoccupied his free time were the same ones that preoccupied his nightmares. Thoughts of a beloved brother who was very slowly turning into a monster before his very eyes, or of thoughts concerning all of the heated arguments, that were almost always about him. Or worse yet the image of Leo's angry face as he yet again did something to disappoint the man who should have been a father to him. But worst of all there were the other memories. The ones that did not belong to him. When he was younger he had managed to push those memories to the back of his mind because for the most part they just confused the small child. But now as he was growing older the memories made much more sense and to be honest he no longer was sure when he was reliving a memory in his dreams or experiencing an imagined nightmare. Either way the things that he saw when he closed his eyes at night were frightening enough to cause the child to only sleep in short bursts or not at all.
A small growl of frustration left his lips as he sprung to his feet and strode towards the foyer, not even bothering to don a coat as he rushed from the house trying to put as much distance between himself and the thoughts that plagued his mind most of the time that he spent at home.
Several hours later, with the rain trickling down his neck from his soaked brown locks, Chris had managed for the most part to banish all thoughts of his family from his mind. At least he thought he had, but realized just how wrong he was as blue and white orbs appeared before him in the alley he was using as a shortcut and all of those thoughts came crashing back into his mind as he stared up at the angry visage of his father.
"Where have you been? Piper is worried sick about you," Leo hissed in anger.
Chris shrank back from the anger he saw on Leo's face. "I just went for a walk," he answered barely above a whisper.
"In the pouring rain, Chris?" Leo snorted in derision. "You know Piper's rules. You should be at the Manor."
Chris hated the way Leo had said that. She was always Piper when he spoke to Chris. Never Mom. And their house was always the Manor, never home. Nothing at all to label Chris as one of the family. Always an outsider who had invaded their lives.
"Yes, I know Mom's rules and I should be at home with my brother and my father spending time with my family, if I had a home to go to or a family that really gave a damn." Chris knew his words were bordering on contemptuous and he would regret them soon, but he couldn't hold them back any more. "But instead all I have is a Mom, who wasn't there. So forgive me if I didn't feel comfortable staying somewhere that I'm really not wanted."
Leo was livid with rage. The boy hadn't ever really come out and told him how he felt about the living arrangement they had. But still, they had taken him in and given him shelter and took care of him. And even after they found out what he was destined to do in the future they still had kept him around. It would have been just as easy to have found somewhere else for him to go, or for Leo to have turned him over to the Elders to do with him as they saw fit. "You ungrateful little bast…" he began in anger but then he just shook his head. "You know, fine, have it your way. You want to be on these streets running wild, go right ahead. I could care less if you come back to the Manor or not. But don't ever call for my help, because I won't be there for you." With that Leo orbed away and Chris stood in shocked silence.
Never before had Leo just flatly told him outright that he didn't care but Chris had always suspected. "You never have been," he whispered and then backed up next to the alley wall so he could slump to the ground. He had vowed that he wouldn't cry ever again and even though he knew that the rain would hide his tears he still did not let them fall as he sat miserably staring at the spot that Leo had just orbed from. Part of him was glad that he had gotten all of the angry emotions out but another part of him, the part that he never let anyone see wanted to scream out at the world that it wasn't fair, that he wanted a father just as badly as anything he had ever wished for and not just any father. The father that had just left him there, the father that was always so kind and patient with Wyatt even when Wyatt didn't deserve it.
Chris was startled awake by a loud noise coming from the next room and then he heard voices that belonged to Randy the bartender and Phil the delivery guy, who apparently had dropped a case of whiskey to the floor.
Chris sat bolt upright and breathed in deeply trying to push away the pain that he was feeling after yet another nightmare that he had had no control over. The original nightmares that he had suffered were all filled with his younger years with the demons but the most recent ones had all revolved around his family and truthfully he wished that he could go back to the earlier nightmares. They were so much easier to bear. If only he could control his dreams. Then memories like that one would have been banished from his mind forever.
One glimpse at the clock told him that he was overdue at the Manor again. Since the nightmares had started he had found himself more and more often oversleeping while being locked in a nightmare he could not seem to get out of.
So he quickly got cleaned up and dressed trying to go about his normal routine but nothing was normal about the way his mind dwelled on this last painful memory that was plaguing him now.
He had gone back to the Manor after that incident. He had realized that he really had nowhere else to go. For some reason when he arrived back his mother was not there to worriedly greet him but Wyatt was. And for once Wyatt didn't even bother to torment him. He had actually seen something that was akin to pity in his older brother's eyes as they silently went upstairs to the bedroom they shared.
Chris had paused next to his mother's bedroom and could hear her muffled sobs through the door. He wanted to go through that door and try to comfort her pain but Wyatt had sadly shook his head and led Chris into their room. Then he had told him that when Leo had come home he had said some really awful things about Chris and that their mom had defended him as fiercely as a lion mountain does a cub. Then she did something that had surprised even Wyatt. She had kicked Leo out and told him not to come back until he could be a father to both his sons. That news had shocked Chris even more and it had also made him feel decidedly more horrible about everything. He had never meant to do anything to tear them apart. He had just wanted to get away for a few hours.
Chris hadn't know what to say to Wyatt, so he hadn't said anything as he laid on his own bed with his face turned to the wall and let his own guilt eat him up inside.
Leo had eventually come back home and had promised Piper that he would try harder to be a father to Chris, and for a while he had given it a halfhearted try. At least until 'The Event'… With that thought Chris closed his mind off and refused to think any further. He wouldn't dwell over that anymore. Not today. His time was running out and he had too much to get accomplished.
So he braced himself for another day of coexisting with them and orbed himself to the Manor attic. But after the painful nightmare he had experienced he was not prepared for the sight before him as he appeared.
Leo looked up from where he was sitting on the floor. He had Wyatt on his left side and his younger son sitting on his lap as he read them a story from one of Wyatt's favorite storybooks. Even though the boy could not read yet, he was fascinated by the pictures in the book and the different voices that Leo was making as he read to them. But he looked up sharply as he sensed the turmoil in his older self at seeing the touching family moment.
"Hey, Chris," Leo said smiling brightly at the Whitelighter as he appeared before them. He was so lost in the overwhelming joy of spending time with his sons that he didn't notice the dark scowl that covered Chris' features.
Chris couldn't hold back the contempt he felt at the perfect picture he was seeing before his eyes. "You hypocritical bastard. What are you doing?"
Leo blanched at those words and gawked at the angry sneer on Chris' face for a moment before he had enough sense to react. He turned to Wyatt and lifted his youngest son from his lap standing him next to his brother. "Wyatt, can you take your brother down to the kitchen for a snack. I think Chris wants to talk to me about something."
Wyatt's eyes had gone wide at the amount of venom in Chris voice but he did as his father said and pulled his little brother along behind him as he rushed to the kitchen to get his mom.
Once the boys were out of hearing Leo turned to Chris and gave him a confused look. "Chris, what was that about?"
Chris knew he was playing with fire. He knew he should just make an excuse and leave before he made things worse but his anger and pain were too fresh from the nightmare to allow him to think straight much less hold his tongue. "You have no right, damn you," he yelled out in anger.
"What don't I have a right to, Chris?" Leo asked not at all understanding what had made him so angry.
At that moment Piper strode through the door a look of worry covering her face. Wyatt had told her what was going on in the attic and she had nearly sprinted up the steps to find out what had caused her son so much distress. She stood stock still seeing the anger boiling inside Chris as he stood defiantly in front of Leo. She didn't talk as she waited to see how this played out and whether or not she'd have to interfere.
Chris noticed Piper enter the room and a small amount of his anger waned knowing that the accusations he wanted to throw at Leo would more than likely hurt her also. He turned away from them and growled an angry "Never mind," feeling as if he'd lost the chance to truly let loose some of the bitterness he held inside.
"Nuh uh, Chris. You don't say something like that and then just run away. What doesn't Leo have the right to?" Piper asked moving forward so she stood next to her perplexed husband.
"Chris, what did I do to make you so angry at me? I've backed down and given you my trust in this whole Wyatt thing. I even convinced the sisters to give you another chance. Why are you so angry at me?" Leo asked not at all understanding Chris' strange behavior.
Chris could hear the pleading quality in Leo's voice and it only fueled his anger. Why did this Leo have to be so different to the ones he had known before? Why did he have to be what Chris had always wanted for a father but never had? "It's not something you did, Leo. It's something you're gonna do. Or something you did in my version of the future I guess."
"What did Leo do, Chris? What doesn't he have a right to?" Piper asked in curiosity.
Chris couldn't look at them. He didn't want either of them to see the pain in his eyes as he said the words he couldn't hold back. "He doesn't deserve that boy as a son."
Leo gasped at those words. "What do you mean?"
"In my version of the future Piper may have two sons but as far as Leo was concerned he only had one. Just Wyatt. Never the other boy," Chris admitted making sure to phrase it as if talking about someone else.
Piper looked sharply at Leo and he just shook his head denying that he'd ever see it that way. The he turned back to Chris. "You're wrong, Chris. I have two sons. I don't feel that way. I don't know where you got your information, but it's not true."
Chris couldn't withhold the pain from his voice when he answered that though. "I saw it with my own two eyes, Leo. I saw you ignore him. I saw you treat him like he was an inconvenience. I heard you tell him never to call for your help because you'd never come for him. I saw you destroy him with your hatred." I felt it, he wanted to scream in desperation.
Leo and Piper's faces both drained of any color at those words. How could something like that happen? How could Leo ever do such a thing? Leo's head shook back and forth in denial. "No, Chris. I don't know what happened to change me so much in your future, but I will never treat my son that way."
Chris wanted to believe those words. He wanted to so bad. This Leo had never been much like the one he had grown up with. Oh he had gotten angry and taken it out on Chris but that was for a very good reason. Chris had stranded him in Valhalla. But other than that and the distrust he showed for a very long time afterward this Leo had actually seemed fair in his dealings with Chris and he seemed to be forming a bond with the small child, which had never happened before this time. But what would happen to that bond if Leo knew the truth? Chris hated to imagine what would become of this small child if he was sent down the same path that Chris had traveled as a child. "You say that now, but people change. Circumstances can change you beyond your wildest dreams or your worst nightmares." With those words Chris orbed away not even bothering to shield where he was headed. He truly didn't believe that Leo would follow him to the underworld anyway.
"He's got to be lying, Leo. There's no way you'd treat our son like that," Piper spoke up in defense of her husband, but Leo had heard the ring of truth in Chris' words. The tone was the same as it had been when Chris had said he was always alone.
"Somehow I don't think he is," Leo whispered sadly. "But I won't let that happen again."
Piper was surprised by his words. Since when did Leo believe everything that Chris said? "But…"
Leo just shook his head in dismay. "At least at this rate there might not be any demons left to get to Wyatt, if I keep pissing Chris off."
"What?" Piper asked in confusion.
Leo knew that he had been holding onto Chris' secret for way too long. It was time that Piper understood just how far Chris was willing to go to save Wyatt. "He's in the underworld, vanquishing demons."
"How do you know?" she asked in surprise.
"Because I can sense him there now, and because I saw the way he looked the other day after the argument we had with him. He'd been on a vanquishing spree and was so exhausted that I couldn't wake him from the nightmare he was having," Leo explained sadly as he remembered the lost look in Chris' eyes once he was awake.
Piper blinked a few times and then nodded understanding more. "That's why you changed your mind about him."
He nodded. "If you had seen him, you would have too."
This was a lot of information for Piper to process. She had had no idea about what Chris was willing to do to help Wyatt, but then something occurred to her. "He said that he saw you mistreating our son, that means he knows us in the future."
"Yeah, I'm guessing that he is one of the boys' Whitelighter in the future. Probably the younger one. Whitelighters have been known to become very attached to their charges at times, especially if they think their charge is being abused or neglected in anyway," Leo explained the only theory he could come up with to fit the way Chris acted.
"So what do we do now?" she asked in worry.
"We protect our sons, and pray that the future Chris knows never comes to pass," Leo answered sighing deeply. "For all our sakes."
A/N: Originally this chapter was supposed to have more Piper and Chris but it just kept getting longer and longer and never got to that point, so next chapter will be Piper and Chris. So any thoughts on this chapter?