The wind whipped against the bared skin of my collarbone and the top of my breast. I took a deep breath of the crisp cold air of early spring. I looked to the papers Vincent had given me. First on the list was a noble involved in black market trade. He was strong and tall, not as young as I would have liked but he would do.

"Sir," I called, walking from the darkness.

He turned abruptly at my call, his eyes widened and I smiled knowingly. He was seeing the heavily exposed cleavage, the long split in the skirt of my dress, fully exposing my right leg.

"Yes." He answered in a stunned voice.

"Will you take me home?" I purred the magic words and watched his face flush. I walked to him in the silent night, my heels tapping on the stone of the street. I held out my hand and smiled as he took it. We walked to his manor, cloaked in the night and the veil of the stars. We left that behind as we entered the warmth of his manor. Ironically, home didn't offer the safety, for him, that it usually symbolizes for the human populous. No, it is home were he shall die.

He walked to the parlor and sat in a, big comfy red velvet, chair beside the fire place.

I sat in his lap, and rubbed hands through his soft brown hair. I first hummed softly and pulled his head against my bussom.

" Bury the switchblade a foot deep in snow

Silence is golden

She loved him, you know

Fold up his good shirts and dust off his robe

The violence is over, they told her so

Is it over? Is it over, I said, is it over? Is it?

Her mind tears asunder the heartstrings below

Years go by, still she cannot break the code

The trauma has severed the flesh from the bone

Guilt weighs so heavily on her soul

Is it over? Is it over, I said, is it over? Is it?

Veins stretched tight over a heart blue and cold

Silence is made of gold

Hurt is to have and to hold

This is what she has been told

Is it over? Is it over, I said, is it over? Is it?

Someone speaks softly through the horror and pain:

Love has gone, but it could come again.

Spring arrives quietly, warming her skin

Her heart, now red, is beating again

(Oh, it's over) It is over, it is over, I said, it is over, it is

It is over, it is over, my friend, it is over, it is

It is (some one speaks softly to me by Hannah Fury.)"

He fell in to a deep sleep and I kissed his lips and I too entered his dream.

The sandy beach was warm and windy. My victim stood across from me.

"Please take me home," I uttered softly. The waves all but swallowed my voice, but it didn't matter. His soul heard me, and he was mine. As his lips crushed mine a drank up the cloaking flavor of lust. Fabric was cast aside and as our bodies pressed against one another I fully took over his entire being. He was bland normal, idiotic and I ripped him to shreds with every kiss, every caress, and every moan that I forged until only a charred empty carcass remained. With him dead I left his dream and went about my business, taking every man and the occasional woman on my list..

I entered the manor as I had left, just like a cold breeze. I was full, uncomfortably so. My body felt stuffed and my stomach stretched.

"It would seem you took care of them," Vincent spoke from a chair in the sitting room.

"Yes, is Ciel sleeping?"

"Yes, for now any way."

"Well I shall retire to my chamber now."

"Understood."

I turned quickly and walked up to my room. Such a feast had made me drowsy . When I got to my room I all but collapsed on the bed. It seemed like I closed my eyes for all of one minute before the wailing of Ciel roused me.

I let out a loud groan of exhaustion. Must he be so restless?! I rolled myself out of bed forcefully, landing on the floor. I wanted to stay there and sleep, but Ciel continued wailing. Finally I pushed myself from the floor and trudged to the nursery with my eyes closed, as it was only across the hall.

"Oi baby, sh," I complained as I picked up the squirming babe," Are you hungry? Wet?" I touched his bottom," oh yes you are."

I lie him on the changing table and changed his diaper. Even once he was clean and dry he still bawled and squirmed.

"Hungry?"

I sat and offered my breast which he promptly reject.

"Well sir, what do you want from me?" I looked at him full on and noticed he was not looking at me but past me.

"Ah, scared?" I turned to see what he was staring at, I expected a mundane shadow cast by a toy. I wish it had been. As I turned I stared in to red eyes.

"Hello," a voice spoke.

My reaction was immediate. I pulled five pins out of my hair and threw them before hastily setting Ciel in his bassinet.

The person smashed into me throwing me against the wall. I pushed myself off the wall and to the opponent. My sharp nails cut through his skin like butter.

"Ah yes, found you."He rasped putting a hand around my throat. His grip slowly tightened as I struggled with his grasp.

I kicked him in his groin while I flailed. He dropped me and I fell to the floor.

"Leave me alone," he stepped closer as I pulled myself back, "Why are you here?" Still he moved closer until I was against the wall," Go away," I growled.

"Now now, be hospitable."

"Get. Out." I stood and launched myself at the man digging razor sharp nails in to his neck and ripped through his neck. His warm red splattered across the walls and caressed my face. The babbling brook in his neck poured to the floor.

"Mommy's ...lo...lo...ok...ing...ff...you," he choked and placed a scarab on the hollow of my throat. I jumped away from him immediately and ripped the jewel beetle off of me. It had already begun to burrow. The beetle squirmed on the floor and crawled back on to the man.

"Mother, will not be finding me...brother"

I picked up his dead body and breezed out of the house to the forest. The darkness seemed highly appropriate for the deed I was committing.

"Let's find a big stone. Just to be sure you sink to the bottom."

When would they realize, I am never coming back. How many dead strangers, called family, will have to die before they get it. How many would sleep in this lake? Would this be the watery grave for my entire "family"? I carried a boulder back to the corpse tied it to him then let it fly. I walked back home, feeling the full extent of my injuries.

"Family is over rated." I grumbled.

The nursery was in shambles, there was no way I could leave Ciel in it to sleep. So the little blue haired infant came with me. My work never seemed to be done. I never really rested any more, even now in this big manor, with this big bed, sleep eluded me. There had never been a time when I felt secure enough to rest. My life always hung on a thread, that at any moment could snap. Even if it did snap, even if I went plummeting towards the depths of hell I would continue grasping and searching for anything to keep me out of the fires. This is why I can never rest. I must always be ready to survive.

I looked at Ciel as he slept peacefully. He was a perfect noble, and would never know my pain and I'm glad for that. I want him to grow and marry and love. The same thing I wanted for his father. I love them both, even though they will never have to work as I have. I listened to the soft heart beat of the baby safe in my arms and remembered my little baby. I held her body for all of one minute before her heart gave out. My little Autumn. I could see her auburn hair, like her father's, coal eyes, like mine, along with her tan, native reddened skin, like me only lighter. My sweet sweet Autumn Paige Nightshade-Porter.

"Camilla!" Someone yelled outside my door, startling both me and Ciel awake. Ciel wailed in surprise. I hissed as the morning light cut through the half drawn curtains. I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep.

"Bloody fucking hell, who are you banging on my damned door at this hour!" I yelled.

"Camilla where is my baby!" Rachel yelled outside of the door.

I hurried to the door and opened it,"He is here with me, I assure you he is fine."

As if she had cared any other time about the well-being of her child, I bet there's a family affair.

"He had better be." She pushed past me into my room and picked up the crying child,"what is the matter with him?"

"You startled him with your banging on the door," you wailing ninny.

"What happened to the nursery?"

"An accident," I sighed.

"An accident! You are supposed to protect my baby!"

"He's absolutely fine!" I said exasperated

"I do not know why Vincent settled for the likes of you."

I could say the same thing about you, I thought.

"Vincent!" She called and left.

I hated her. To the public she was quiet and friendly to all, but in the confines of home she was reserved and distant she only ever spoke to criticize. She only ever held her child for social affairs. A selfish stupid noble who has never known a day of struggle.

I threw myself on the bed and burried my face in pillows. Frustration filled my lungs and spread through my body. I hate them!

"Millie I heard there was an accident last night," Vincent's voice came from my doorway.

"Are you here to punish me for inflicting imaginary harm to your precious son?" I mocked knowing that's what Rachel had asked for.

The door closed and I listened to Vincent step towards me.

"It's indecent to see a lady in her night attire," I said loud enough for him to hear.

"You're bruised from head to toe."

"Family visit," I said with a laugh.

"Camilla look at me."

I looked up at him with a sigh and watched as his gaze softened.

"Oh Millie," he murmured.

"Oh don't do that! Don't you pity me!"

"I promised your father I'd keep you safe," he sat on the edge of my bed.

"Yeah and you promised me you wouldn't change, we both know your promises are a load of cow shit."

He sighed,"Sleep in, love."

I looked up at him,"What?"

"Sleep in..." He stood and left.

I could have sworn he called me love. How peculiar.

I got up from bed and walked to the vanity. Ah my face was the cause of pity. My lip was swollen and bruised, my neck held finger shaped bruises. I suppose it is lucky I ate last night, my face wouldn't heal for a while. Vincent had left the door open. My eyebrow twitched in irritation.

"Is it so hard to close the bloody door?!" I complained and smacked the door closed.

The feeling of frustration came back. I snatched a pillow from the bed and screamed into it. My hands tingled, I wanted to kill something, to turn bones to dust. I settled for ripping the pillow to shreds. Tears fought their way out of my eyes and I wiped them away angrily. They didn't stop, and it only made me angrier. How dare they make me cry! They? Who is they? Why am I crying?! I covered my face with my hands. I don't know. I don't know.

"Camilla." Tanaka called from outside my door.

"Good God leave me alone, Vincent said to sleep in!"

"Ah but Master told me to dress your wounds," his ancient voice spoke.

"Fine," I wiped my face on my sleeve and looked up as he entered.

"Oh," he sighed as he came in. Tanaka held warm towels.

"You can just leave them, I can handle it. I'm sure you have a lot to do, with a social event planned for this afternoon."

"How did you know of the gathering?" He asked as he knelt in front of me and soaked a towel in warm water.

"Rachel only gets Ciel when there is some sort of social event." I attempted to take the towel from him but he moved it out of my reach.

"I will do it," he touched the warm cloth to my lip and I winced,"Camilla before I entered...where you...crying?"

"Something like that..." I sighed then took the towel from him.

"I've known you since you were little, you've never been one to cry. How long has this rain cloud of yours been brewing?"

"Five years," I whispered trying to keep the festering sensation of emotion from taking over me.

"You really should not hold in such emotion."

"Yeah, well what's the use in crying. It doesn't change a damn thing, just makes you look weak."

"You're a lost cause young lady," Tanaka shook his head.

"We already knew that."I smirked then hugged the old man, tears running freely.

"There there, Millie."

"I hate them, so much, almost as much as I love them."

"Learn to respect the nobility, if you don't you'll grow bitter," he warned.

"Too late. I was auctioned off to Vincent like cattle by my family. I suppose they weren't to keen on keeping the black sheep of the family any longer than they had to."

"It will all work itself out. I'm sure someone will take to you and he will treat you like the princess you are."

I pulled away from him and scoffed,"I'm a bit old for fairy tales old man."

"Alright, alright,"

"I'm sure Vincent has ordered you to do other things...can I be of help?"

"No, you need rest. Your body is strained from the incident. Relax today, master's orders."

I groaned and fell back in bed.

"Hang in there Millie. I'm sure there is more for you."

"Sure, and an ass will become a white steed and ride me away in a golden carriage!" I laughed,"get real."

Tanaka closed the door after his departure, an action I was grateful for. People fill your head with fairy tale nonsense so that you stumble through life with a veil over your eyes looking for some man to give you all you need. You think, on the day of your marriage everyday will be as happy as now when you say I do and sign the marriage certificate. I was a fool to fall for all of the fanfare. I mean now that I think about it, about my past, what did I expect. I should have known he didn't love me. Predators do not love their prey, end of story. I lifted my head and stared across the room at the mirror on the vanity. My face...it was painted with purple, green, blue blotches of pain. What did I care about those fleeting blemishes? No, there is one blemish that I will forever hold. All because I loved instead of fed.

My skin isn't the perfect snow white that everyone loved. It is of the land and of the ancients, damning me because I am not the same. Mother cursed me with the burden of the ancients, with their hunger and now she's looking for me. After seventeen years, she's looking for me. That's unfair, and cruel, and heartless, and everything I know mother to be.

There was a time when Vincent cared when family "visited", when he'd hold me and promise me no matter what he wouldn't allow them to lay a finger on me. Some friend he turned out to be. For five years we've been separating. When he first met Rachel he spent all of his time courting her. Back then I had father, and I didn't much care. "Nobles are nobles," that's what Father said, even though he was noble himself.

Then my love came around and I managed to marry before Vincent. Vince attended my wedding and afterwards accused me of having shirked our friendship. I was naïve enough to believe it was my fault. I made sure I attended his wedding and he was the first to know when I was with child only months after did he announce Rachel's pregnancy, as if he were trying to cast me in a shadow. Then my little Autumn came and she passed. My husband grew resentful of me because I was unable to bear a strong child, not realizing he was the weaker of the two of us. Through that time of pain and strife Vince told me that I was silly , and that he was building an empire so he could not be bothered with folly of a child. I thought he was right...so I did everything I could to make Funtom, his empire, happen. Oh but my husband was the jealous type.

"Too much damned time with that, Vincent!" He said and the liquor made a fog about the room,"you don't know your place as a lady. You bow to your husband."

And I did not, I was not taught to bow to anyone, so he kicked me down. He made sure I stayed down with every strike of the fire hot poker on my back. Yes he made sure I bowed, and I did. Until the sixth time...And I made him bow to me. I made him beg for mercy, as prey should. I went back home and found my father sick. I called upon Vince and he came, he held my hand through the sleepless nights and on my father's death-bed he promised to protect me, to care for me. Then he left me, they both I'm here, living with the sickest of sick nobles, a pack of dogs! Bound by my prey, and my father's good heart.

"Maybe I should go to mother..." the words slipped from lips out in to the placid silence. No, I can't go to mother. Despite the pain it causes me, I love my heart. It is just like daddy's. No I can't go to mother, she'd just rip it out for me. No I love my daddy's.

I fell back in bed and let myself let out five years of frustration. I shredded every pillow in the room and cried as loud as I pleased. They could kick me out! What care have I?! They won't though. The precious young Phantomhive needs to eat and be supervised. And once he doesn't need it anymore I will leave and never look back.