As soon as Kurt got home, he went ballistic. He began to throw things across his apartment - cushions, photos, anything. He was sobbing loudly and his throat was wrecked by the time he was finished, but he didn't care. He collapsed onto the floor and curled up into a ball, rocking himself back and forth as he continued to cry.
Not only was he heartbroken that he'd probably just lost Blaine forever, but he was angry. He was angry at himself for letting himself feel; for falling too hard, too fast. It was much simpler when he decided to ignore his feelings and he was just numb to everything. But Blaine had managed to worm his way into his life and now he couldn't get him out of his system.
The worst part about his feelings for Blaine was that they were magnified greatly. He wasn't feeling a small crush that he could easily get over like he would be if he were actually human - no. Kurt had never been in love before, but he somehow knew that that's what he was feeling.
Blaine was...he was special.
Kurt had managed to make himself all but immune to other people's feelings, but that first night in the club, he could practically feel his heart shattering in his chest when he realised he'd upset Blaine. And then the car incident...Kurt wasn't the kind of person to save someone's life. He was usually the one who did the killing.
Blaine made Kurt want to be a better person. He had no idea how, or why, but whenever he was around Blaine he didn't feel an overwhelming urge to kill. Sure, he picked up the scent of Blaine's blood and it would tempt him a little, but he'd make sure to calm himself down.
He couldn't believe he'd been stupid enough as to not realise what Kurt's friend was going. Even if Blaine hadn't been there, he would've found out somehow. Kurt would've probably ended up killing him, and then he'd feel guilty and confess to Blaine a few weeks later. Or, he would've let the teen get away and he'd have told Blaine everything.
He understood why Blaine didn't want to see him. He probably wouldn't want to see him either if he was in Blaine's shoes, but he felt empty knowing that Blaine never wanted to see him again. Part of him wanted to chase Blaine, and make him listen to him, but the other part told him it was an awful idea. The teen was already upset enough, and having Kurt constantly trying to get his attention would probably just hurt him more.
He finally dragged himself up and off the floor, looking around at the mess he'd created. He wiped his sore, red eyes and glanced around the room when he was hit with an idea. He made his way into his 'bedroom' - which was really just a section of his apartment that he'd partitioned off and placed a bed and a desk in that he hardly used - and sat at his desk, grabbing some paper and a pen.
Dear Blaine,
I guess I should probably start with how incredibly sorry I am, for everything. I should've told you everything the second I realised that I had feelings for you, but I couldn't. For the first time in over a hundred years - literally - I felt normal. Being with you, or even just knowing that I'd get to see you made me feel like my old self, and I guess I didn't realise how much I missed that part of me.
I know that you have no reason to believe anything I say, but I promise I haven't lied to you about a single thing - except for living with my dad. Everything else I've ever told you is 100% true. I really do speak fluent French, and I haven't eaten ice cream in forever, and I honestly used to lay out in my garden and look up at the stars for my mom.
I swear, I will tell you everything and anything you want to know. Maybe it's too much to ask of you, but if you're this far into the letter then you obviously still care. I need you to trust me, and believe me. I will tell you everything from the second I was born if that's what you really want, but I am begging you to just hear me out. If you hear everything I have to say and you still want nothing to do with me, then fine. It's your decision and I'll get out of your life for good, but I'm in way too deep to just give up without fighting for you.
I care about you so much, Blaine, and I really want the chance to know you...if you'll let me.
Kurt.
