Summary; It had been one night, one night she had let her friends persuade her to let loose and have fun, a little to much fun. She didn't expect herself to wake up the next morning in Edward Cullen's bed, nor did she expect to find herself standing in front of him with life changing news a month later. Life was about to get interesting.
Bella POV
February 11, 2014
For two days after the birth of our daughter the doctors had required me to stay in the hospital. It included endless nights of families coming and going, mothers coddling their newborns, and the happiness of everyone around me. In the two days since they had wheeled her away Edward and I had barely spoken, things were tense, and now that we had to bury our daughter, things weren't getting any better.
Carlisle, Esme, and my parents had put together a small funeral where we would say goodbye to Carlie for the final time. Though when we arrived it was anything but small. Sue had flown in with my brothers, Phil had come up to be with mom, and Angela, Jessica, and Lauren all arrived with flowers in their hands and what they meant to be comforting hugs. The entire hockey team, coaches and players, had shown up in support of Edward, though however awkward it was, they were still there.
I hated that she would never get to see the light of day, that I would never get to sing her a lullaby, or wake up in the middle of the night just to look at her. That the small piece of Edward and I would never get to know her parents, her family, all the people who loved her. I was angry at the world, and I wanted to know what I could have done to keep her alive, to make sure she was healthy, I didn't know what I had done wrong.
Dad, Sue, and the boys were staying at a hotel not far from my apartment, and oddly enough I wanted to go back to Toronto with them, I needed to get away. In the two days since I had lost my daughter people had waited on me hand and foot. Treating me like a China Doll, and I hated it. I knew that I wasn't okay right now, that I was a mess because I had lost my daughter, but things weren't going to get better if people felt like I couldn't be left alone for more than a minute at a time. I was seriously suffocating, and while I knew that yes I needed help, someone to talk to about the guilt I was feeling; I wasn't getting it from anyone.
Dad and Sue were the best of those I had around. While yes they sat with me, they didn't look at me with guilt like everyone else did; they tried their best to get my mind off of Carlie, to get my brothers to make me laugh, and it was these reasons that I knew going back to Toronto was the best thing for me right now.
Dad and Sue had already agreed, they had talked to the president, and they had agreed to let me continue the rest of my semester online, and only required me to come back and sit my finals at the end of may. While leaving Edward behind may not be the smartest idea right now, I needed to get out of here. Dad and Sue would be leaving in two days, and I would be going with them whether Edward agreed or not. Maybe it was shellfish leaving him behind with everything was here, but I needed time to get over what happened. I wasn't leaving him behind for good, but for now, I needed it.
"Hey" Edward said as he walked into my apartment with an overnight bag in his hands.
"Hi" I said quietly. "I need to talk to you." I said as he raised an eyebrow.
"What about?"
"Me, leaving." I said quietly, looking him in the eyes to try and convey my message as he took a step back.
"Excuse me, I thought you just said that you're leaving?" he said, maybe a little harsher than expected.
"When my dad and Sue leave in a couple days I'm going to go with them."
"No, no you aren't." he said as I looked at him in disbelief.
"It isn't a question Edward, it's a statement." I said as he stood there. "I figured that you would understand with everything that has happened, that I would want a little time with my family."
"We're your family, the people here, we're your family." He said as I closed my eyes.
"I'm not saying that you aren't Edward," I said as I bit my lip, even though in my mind they weren't. "I just need to get out of here, to have some time to work on me, and I want to do that in Toronto."
"So you're going to leave us all behind, leave me behind, so you can have me time."
He was being an ass and I wasn't sure what his problem was, I was trying to explain things calmly, though he wasn't really letting me explain at all. "You don't understand what I'm trying to say, at all!" I said as he looked, or more so glared at me. "Everything around me reminds me of Carlie, it's depressing, and I don't want to be that way. I already feel guilty that loosing her had something to do with something I did, I need to get out of Boston, go back home, and deal with all of this. I don't want to feel guilty about leaving you too. Just because I'm leaving Boston doesn't mean that I want to break up with you, it just means for a couple months there will be some distance between us."
"You can get help here, finish school up here. You know that everyone will be around to help you, to make sure that nothing goes wrong." He argued back as I closed my eyes.
"I know, you're doing it now, and to be honest it's suffocating me! I'm not china Edward, I get it, we just went through something traumatic and you want to make sure I'm okay, but you're always around. I'm not going to break down at the drop of a hat."
"Then I'll back off Bella, but I still don't understand why you need to leave." He said, his voice breaking a little at the end.
"Edward please, it's just for a couple months." I said as he closed his eyes, ran a hand through his hair then looked at me.
"Whatever, leave. I'm done." He said picking his bag up and walking out the door, slamming it behind me.
I stood there in disbelief, he hadn't just left, he had left me. He was doing exactly what he didn't want me to do. I understood that this was hard for everyone, we had just lost our daughter and now I was telling him that I wanted to leave so I could go home. But I didn't understand everything that was going on in his mind, he had barely spoken to me since we said goodbye to Carlie, and it made me realize that maybe he did blame me for loosing the baby.
So I picked myself up and called my dad, told him that I would be ready to go as soon as possible, and two days later I was gone. Because fixing myself was the most important thing to me right now.
Edward POV
March 14, 2014
"Edward, it's nice to have to back." Coach said as I stepped foot into the arena for the first time since the miscarriage.
"It's nice to be back." I said, looking around. I hadn't realized how much I had actually missed it here.
In the weeks since losing Carlie plenty had changed, especially with Bella leaving. I hated the way I had acted to her in the end, and after a lot of thinking I realized how wrong I was to deny her the things we both needed. After multiple talks with my father I realized that the best thing I could do right now was to start seeing a therapist, to have someone to talk to at the end of a long day, and just a couple weeks later, it was helping tenfold.
I had yet to be in contact with Bella, Angela had told me that she was settling into Toronto fine, and had started to get some help. She was still taking classes at the University, though it was online, and she would be back during finals week to sit for her finals and walk at graduation if she wanted.
I wasn't sure what I wanted though, I had broken up with her in haste because I was frustrated, and hurt, and so many other things I didn't understand at the time. I hadn't tried to speak to Bella because my thoughts were still jumbled. We had originally gotten together to try and make things easier for Carlie growing up, I had found a great friend and partner in Bella, but I didn't know if we would be compatible without having Carlie as our common interest.
With the hockey season almost over, and having not played in a month I wasn't sure how much time I was going to get. Having already talked to the coaches, and general managers, I would be moving to play for the Rockford IceHogs (Chicago's AHL affiliate team) after graduation. I hadn't applied for medical school, completely cutting that option out, and honestly I was excited that I would be playing hockey hopefully for the rest of my life.
Bella POV
May 19, Finals Week
Having arrived in Boston late last night I gulped. The last three months had been more challenging that anything I had ever experienced, but I was working through everything, and my life was finally starting to get back to normal. A lot of my time in Toronto was spent between finishing my classes, and seeing a therapist who helped me work through the miscarriage, Edward leaving, and everything else that had been bothering me.
I wasn't sure who I would see this week, outside of Lauren, and Jess, and Angela, I wasn't sure who I wanted to see. In the three months since Edward and I had gone our separate ways, no words had been exchanged. And even though I had sought out help, and was working through my problems, I wasn't sure if he was someone I wanted to have some face time with. If I chose to avoid him, it wouldn't be a problem. We shared no classes together, and I hoped our finals were no where near each other, but I didn't know.
"Morning sleepy" Angela said as I walked into the kitchen with a sleepy smile on my face.
"Good morning" I smiled as she handed me a cup of coffee. "Mmmm, coffee" I smiled as she laughed.
"You and your coffee, I don't know how you gave it up cold turkey when you were pregnant." She said before unexpectedly pausing, waiting for my reaction.
"I'm not going to have a meltdown if you mention Carlie, Ang, really." I said as she let out a relieved sigh and nodded. "I've been seeing a therapist, and she's been a huge help."
"You had mentioned that you wanted to start seeing someone, but I wasn't sure if you had or not. It's just that, your calls and texts have been really few and far between these last couple months."
Nodding guiltily I bit my lip. "When I first left things were really difficult. Loosing Carlie was obviously still fresh in my mind, and then Edward just left, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I mean obviously I knew I wanted help, that I wanted to get my life in check, but for the first month in Toronto I really sat around the house doing school work."
"What made things changed, made you really get help?" She asked me.
"I was just sitting in the living room one day when I overheard Kane asking Sue what was wrong with me. It made me realize that while yes, I was getting things done, I was doing them in a zombie like state. So the next day I woke up, asked my dad for the therapist someone had given him, called and made an appointment. I've been seeing Zafrina ever sense."
"It's nice that things have gotten better for you." She said as I bit my lip, wondering if I should ask her how he was doing. "He's doing okay," she said suddenly as I looked up at her. "Edward, he's doing okay."
"How"
"I just knew, I could see the look in your eyes." She said as I nodded. "I haven't talked to him much, he was gone for about a month after you guys lost Carlie, and then came back. Since then he's kept close to the team, doesn't talk in classes. I can tell that he wants to ask about you, but I don't think he's ready to see you yet."
I nodded; honestly I wasn't ready to see him either. There was a lot that had happened between us, and things that I was sure we weren't ready to rehash. "Thanks for telling me Ang. I'm sorry I've been such a shitty friend these last couple months." I apologized as she raised her eyebrows.
"You've had a pretty good excuse B. I mean you lost a child and your boyfriend broke up with you within a week, I'm not sure anyone would be able to be a good friend after that happening."
"You're amazing Ang, I'm so happy you're my best friend."
"Me too Bella, me too."
So for the next week Angela and I bonded as much as we could in-between studying for finals. It was the last time we would be able to really be with each other for an extended period of time. After finals I was going back to Toronto, I wasn't walking at graduation, and soon after I would be starting work with the Leafs. Call it nepotism, but I was grateful to be getting a management job there so quickly.
Angela and the girls begged and begged for me to at least go to graduation, but I was okay with receiving my diploma in the mail, and hearing about over the phone for the weeks following.
So Saturday morning I rolled my suitcase down the front walk, placing it in the boot of Angela's car as she drove me to the airport. Four hours later I was back in Toronto, and back to the routine that had become my life these last months.
Edward POV
Graduation Day
Looking around the stadium where the grads were grouped I scanned for Bella. I hadn't seen her the week of finals, when I knew she would be here, and I had no idea if she had decided to walk at graduation.
I had spent the last three and a half months building myself up for this moment. For the opportunity to see her again, and as Angela approached me, she shook her head. Bella had decided not to walk, she wasn't here, I wouldn't get to see her, to apologize.
So graduation was mundane, I sat in a sweltering stadium for hours upon hours, waked across a make-shift stage, got my diploma, waited for everyone else to receive theirs, and eventually I got to go home.
Authors Note:
I'm so so so so so so sorry about how long its been taking me to update. But I'll be getting this story finished soon, and hopefully with longer chapters. I only have a couple more to go (I warned you it would be short) and then I'll be starting something new. If anyone has any ideas (try and include hockey), with any pairings I'll see what I can do.
But there won't be another update for another week or so. I'm going into finals next week so I'll be studying my butt off until then; then I'll be home for SUMMER. Okay, reviews make me update faster. I want lots of them.
~ Lo