Note: Alright guys, here we are. The end of the line. It makes me quite sad, because I've really gotten attached to these characters and I hate to leave them—but this is where the story should end and I feel like it's always best to end a story on the proper note, rather than dragging it out and ruining it. I'm actually not opposed to re-visiting these characters sometime in the future. I want to work on some of my other stories first, but if in the future I come up with a really good plot and I'm super motivated, I'd be up for bringing Ari and the gang back. We'll see! Maybe that's something to eventually keep your eye out for? Also, I've been writing a new Captain America 2 fic. It's a very different sort of story from this one, the style is different, but it'll go on for much longer than this one (I suspect), so if you're interested, check it out! I've posted the first chapter already, it's called "The Original Three." (And I should probably at some point get back to my Thor 2 fic…)
Thank you to every lovely person who has favorited, followed, and reviewed my story. Special thanks to those few people who left an awesome review every time I posted a chapter. I looked forward to your guys' reviews so much, they made me really happy. I've had a blast writing this story and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! xx, Tinseltown.
Nick Fury was back in America. He'd departed for Europe right after the fiasco in Washington D.C. had settled down but—unbeknownst to Sam or Steve—Natasha had called him the moment she realized the Winter Soldier was alive and was meeting with Steve. He'd immediately made his way back to the U.S., knowing that he would be needed eventually. He'd cautioned her to stay careful, to watch him closely, but to assist in whatever Steve needed her to. To watch and see whether the Winter Soldier was truly a different man. Whether he had changed. Whether he could join their side.
Or whether he needed to be taken down.
When Steve found out Natasha had gone behind his back and done this, he had been extremely angry. "Seriously? Fury knew this whole time?" he'd demanded. "You betrayed Bucky's trust."
"No, I didn't," she'd snapped. "In case you forgot, he sort of tried to kill us all a few weeks ago. And he's shot me before. I know now that he's changed but I didn't know it when you first called me, so you can't blame me for being cautious."
"She's right, Steve, you can't," said Sam. "I like Barnes as much as the next guy but I was a little nervous when you first called me about him showing up."
Bucky had sensed Steve was getting upset all over again—probably at the thought of Nick Fury ordering the Black Widow to take him out if she deemed him dangerous or untrustworthy (not that she ever could have, but Bucky humored her and pretended like she could have)—but he'd quickly said, "It's fine, Steve. I…I get why she did it. I was a menace."
"Are we done arguing now?" asked Natasha, sounding bored. "Because I want to get moving. Fury is waiting."
"Where is he?" asked Sam.
Natasha smiled mysteriously then. "Can't tell. Secret."
Ari bounded down the stairs, brushing her hair down. She wore skinny jeans, a gray-and-white striped t-shirt and black ballet flats. When she wasn't wearing all-black and running around a combat zone, she suddenly seemed so much smaller to Bucky. He and Ari had stayed here at Steve's last night. They had pretty much given up on going back to the hotel; neither of them had the energy to do so. So Bucky had stayed in the guest room and Steve had let Ari stay in his own bedroom like the gentleman he was. Ari had gone a bit pink in the face when he told her where she would be sleeping but Steve wouldn't hear any of her protests that she would be just fine on the couch.
"As if I'd let a lady sleep on the couch," he'd scoffed under his breath to Bucky when Ari couldn't hear. "Women these days aren't used to proper treatment." And so Steve had slept on the couch, which wasn't really big enough for him. That might have explained why he looked a bit cranky right now and kept rubbing the back of his neck as if he'd gotten a crick in it.
"I'm going too," said Ari breathlessly, smoothing down any flyaway hair that was escaping her high pony tail. She was wearing a little bit of makeup too and Bucky suspected she was trying to look professional. She looked nice. He didn't even realize that that was a detail he'd never have noticed over a week ago. Natasha looked nice too, but then, Natasha always seemed to effortlessly look nice, even after shooting several men in a matter of seconds and jumping over a bridge.
"I never had any intention of leaving you behind," said Natasha. "First of all, I knew you'd never agree to it."
It seemed, to Bucky, that everyone had figured out how stubborn Ari was.
"Second of all, Fury told me to bring you," he said. "He wants to talk to you too."
"M-Me?" Ari asked, looking taken back. "Why?"
Natasha and Steve exchanged looks that clearly said Is she for real? but neither of them chose to say anything. Natasha merely shrugged and said, "Who knows? We'll see," in a voice that clearly said she knew exactly why Fury wanted to see Ari too.
Bucky had wanted to set off as soon as possible because he was starting to feel a little jumpy and anxious at meeting Nick Fury and when he got jumpy and anxious, he still got a little more violent with his arms. He didn't want to end up destroying Steve's bathroom mirror or something. But—to his intense annoyance—Ari insisted that they eat breakfast. "Breakfast is important," she said threateningly. "I will never understand why Americans don't get this."
"He's more Russian than American," said Natasha. "Considering he was a Soviet soldier for so long."
"I'm American," Bucky snapped loudly. His cheeks and neck heated up when he thought about the fact that he'd fought alongside the people that technically should have been his enemies. He'd been no better than a neo-Nazi, even though he hadn't chosen it. The knowledge would always make him feel angry and dirty inside.
"Natasha, watch it," said Ari warningly and Bucky looked at her with surprise. Ari had so far maintained a good nature with Natasha. In fact, a part of Bucky thought Ari was a little (or a lot) intimidated by the Widow. He could understand why. The Black Widow was a force to be reckoned with. But Ari's tone was serious and no-nonsense right now, her arms were folded, and her expression was stern.
Natasha raised an eyebrow and looked questioningly at her. Bucky sensed an odd tension in the air and he couldn't help but wonder if it was a female alpha struggle. Both of them had iron wills and unbendable strength, in different ways. And neither of them took anyone's bullshit.
"Don't push his limits," said Ari. "He's not even close to mentally healed like a normal person. Sorry, Soldier," she added. "I know this makes you uncomfortable. But you need to give it a rest," she said to Natasha. "He's not well yet and you needling him isn't helping him."
"Wow, you really are a nurse," said Natasha, sounding mildly impressed. "Alright, I'll leave Barnes alone. But when he's all better, don't expect me to go easy on him."
"Wouldn't dream of it," said Ari, smirking slightly and Natasha smiled back at her. Steve, Sam, and Bucky exchanged bewildered glances, clearly not sure over what had just transpired between the two women but clearly too nervous to ask for an explanation.
After Ari was satisfied that they were all sufficiently stuffed with eggs and toast and orange juice, they clambered into the black SUV Natasha had brought from somewhere and they rolled off, Natasha driving this time. Sam had called shotgun and Steve had playfully shoved him away and while the two had squabbled in good nature for a moment, Ari had gracefully slipped in between them and clambered up onto the shotgun seat. Both of them had stared at her for a second while she smiled smugly at them and then Steve dove onto the seat next to Bucky before Sam could move and snickered while Sam climbed into the back, rolling his eyes.
It was certainly interesting to watch. Sort of like a surreal comedy show. Bucky supposed even superheroes had to keep things light at times.
Natasha drove through the city and then she went past the city limits to a much seedier part of the city. The buildings were covered in graffiti and homeless people sat at street corners, holding boxes and staring at people passing them by with vacant eyes. The houses grew smaller and skinnier and people sat on their front stoops, holding crumbled brown paper bags. Several young children played some sort of strange game that involved chalk and hopping and Natasha had to wait for them to scamper before she could maneuver around them. Bucky felt Ari tense next to him as she stared out the window and he wondered why she was afraid when she was in a car with four extremely capable fighters—but then she shook her head and muttered, "Disgusting."
"What's disgusting?" he asked in a low voice.
"The socioeconomic disparities," she said furiously. "These people are so underprivileged and underserved and there isn't enough focus on them. It makes me so mad. But it's hard to do something as one long person…"
"We've got a do-gooder here," said Sam, nodding at Ari with approval.
"Not a do-gooder," said Ari stiffly, still glaring out at the streets they were passing. "Just someone who cares about the welfare of those who not a lot of people care about."
Natasha pulled into a narrow alley and drove until the SUV couldn't go any further without scraping its sides. They all squeezed out of the car with some difficulty and then she let them over to a gray metal door with peeling paint set into the brick wall (that had been graffitied with what looked like "DAZ RULES 4 LYFE" or something to that effect; Bucky couldn't be sure, it didn't even quite look like English to him). She knocked six times in rapid succession, rapping out a certain beat—knock knock-knock-knock knock knock—and the door swung open. Natasha ushered them all inside and shut the door after them, dead bolting it.
The room ahead of them looked like the lobby of a skinny brownstone apartment building with cracked linoleum floors and dingy walls. Despite the terrible lighting and obvious rundown appearance of the place, it still seemed clean and he could hear the sounds of human activity and people talking somewhere nearby. Someone cleared their throat and he turned to see a blonde woman with shoulder-length waves and a face that seemed to signal that she missed nothing and saw everything. She was the one who had opened the door for them.
"Welcome back, Captain Rogers," she said politely, nodding at Steve. "Agent Romanoff. And these are…?"
"Sam Wilson, Ari Madden, and…Sergeant James Barnes," said Natasha, slowing down slightly on Bucky's name.
The woman's eyes narrowed slightly at Bucky's name and by the way her shoulders tensed for a moment in shock, he could tell that she knew who he was. She stared at him wordlessly for a moment and then she composed herself and smoothly side, "Nice to meet you. I'm Agent Sharon Carter, also known as Agent 13. One of the remaining members of SHIELD, actually."
"I thought you were seeking a position with the CIA," said Natasha, frowning.
"That's my day job." Agent 13 shrugged. "I'm still SHIELD, no matter how…low-key we are now."
"I wouldn't say low-key is the right word," murmured Natasha but she allowed Agent 13 to show them the way. Agent 13 took them up four flights of stairs and knocked on room number 44. They waited for a moment and then came a voice: "Send them in."
Agent 13 opened the door and ushered the group in. She closed the door behind them and then she was gone. Bucky looked around at the room he was in. It was a small apartment and they were standing in what would have been the family room, except it had been converted to what looked like an office reception area of sorts. A man leaned against a small desk in the middle of the room, his arms crossed. He was tall, well-built, and wore dark sunglasses and an all-black outfit that made him look quite tough. He was black and his mouth was pressed into a flat line. Bucky remembered standing on a rooftop across from Steve's old apartment, aiming his sniper rifle straight at this man and shooting him in the heart. He never missed. How had this man survived?
"Well, here we are," said Nick Fury, rubbing his hands together slightly. The dry sound made Ari wince next to him and he was sure she was lecturing him on the benefits of moisturizing properly in her mind. "Sergeant James Barnes. I see you've returned to us and with your memories fully intact. I suppose it's safe to assume that you no longer work for HYDRA and will no longer be attacking us?"
Nick Fury's voice was so full of leader-ish authority that for a moment Bucky thought he was back in the army, having orders barked at him from a higher-up. For a moment he was tempted to open his mouth and say, "Yes, sir." But no…he didn't answer to anyone anymore like that. Not an army general, not a HYDRA leader, no one. So he licked his dry lips and finally said, "Yeah. I don't work for HYDRA anymore."
"Good, I'm glad to hear that," said Director Fury, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "Agent Romanoff, I trust the mission went well?"
"Yes, sir," she said. "No casualties on our side. We retrieved Sergeant Barnes' files and his memories. Gavin Hoffman is dead."
"Another cockroach down and yet there's so many more that are going to pop up." Director Fury sighed and then looked Bucky straight in the eyes, which was a bit disconcerting considering he couldn't actually see Nick Fury's eyes. "Do you know what Whack-A-Mole is, Sergeant Barnes?"
"Uh, no," he said, confused.
"It's a game children play at arcades," he started. Then he paused and asked Natasha, "Are arcades still a thing with the young people?"
"I don't think so, sir."
"Well…anyway. It's a game children used to play where there are several holes cut out into a box and you hold a hammer and you wait for a plastic weasel to pop up—and when it does, you have to smash it on the head to get a point. The weasel pops up quickly and leaves just as quickly and you don't know which hole it's going to pop up out of, so you need to keep both eyes open and watch every hole. That's not un-entirely what dealing with HYDRA has proven to be. In the weeks since you and Captain Rogers managed to singlehandedly destroy a portion of Washington D.C., I've been traveling and looking into HYDRA as much as possible. And what I've discovered is that HYDRA truly is like the hydra from Greek mythology. A many-headed monster. Cut off once head and two more rise somewhere else. We've cut off two heads so far—but you can rest assured that HYDRA is not anywhere near gone. They may be weak now, but they will rise again."
He stopped and looked at Bucky with Bucky guessed was probably a hard glance. Bucky had no response to this. Everything Nick Fury had said was true. Alexander Pierce himself had said it quite a few times. That was the reason the organization had been named HYDRA, apparently—because they prided themselves on their ability to never be truly killed off. "Hmmm," said Director Fury, seeming to take notice of Bucky's silence. "Anyway. I'll be talking to you, Sergeant Barnes. But first I'd like a talk with Aritamis Madden."
Everyone turned to look at Ari, who looked surprised. "Alone?" she asked, pointing to herself. "Me? Just me?"
"Yes, just you, Miss Madden," said Director Fury.
"Uh, sure," said Ari, clearly bewildered. Bucky heard her say, "You can call me Ari…" as they shuffled out of the room and then the door slammed shut and he couldn't hear anything anymore. He considered for just a miniscule moment pressing his ear to the door to hear what they were saying—but realized immediately that would be wrong on many levels. He couldn't trespass on Ari's privacy that way.
"So what now?" he asked.
Sam shrugged. "We wait."
"You wait," said Natasha. "My job here is done. I have to get going."
"Wait, Natasha!" Steve's hand shot out and grabbed her arm, yanking her back around. "Where are you—?"
"Retrieving Stark," she said. "He's still…shaken up from his encounter with that Mandarin character. He hasn't coped with what happened in New York as well as you have. So he may need some convincing to get over here."
"Couldn't Pepper just do that?" Steve asked.
"Pepper is dealing with her own issues," said Natasha. "She's not well right now. Don't worry, Rogers, I'll see you and Barnes soon enough. Stark has to take a look at his arm, remember? Among other things." She turned and gave Bucky a jaunty, sassy salute. "Sergeant. It's been great. See you later." Then she threw herself over the railing—Sam let out a startled cry—but when Bucky looked over the railing, he saw that she'd neatly landed like a silent cat on the floor four stories below and was stalking to the door. When the Black Widow was on the move, she truly was on the move.
Bucky crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, staring at his feet. Sam kept shuffling around and moving but Steve leaned against the railing, hands in his pockets, his baseball cap tilted down, also immobile. Bucky didn't know what it was for Steve—perhaps being frozen in ice for decades—but he knew at least for him that all his years of being the Winter Soldier had trained him to stand or sit still, frozen, for long stretches of time. He had once stood immobile for five hours, waiting for a South American leader to exit a party to have a rendezvous with a reporter on a balcony across the street. The five hours paid off. He didn't miss the shot. He got the reporter too, before she could even let out a scream at the man's head being blown off. Bucky winced at the gruesome memory.
"What's taking so long?" he mumbled to himself—just as the door flew open and Ari walked out. She looked a bit pink in the face and looked very far away. He raised his eyebrows at her and asked, "So what did you talk about?" but she waved him away and murmured, "Tell you later. Go in, he wants to talk to you alone." He watched, a bit confused, as she wandered down the hall and then down the stairs, almost as if she were in a dream. Clearly Director Fury had said something that had caught her majorly off guard. Bucky couldn't imagine what it was.
Steve nudge him. "Go on. Fury's waiting for you."
He squared his shoulders, steeled his courage, and then strode into the room, hoping he projected confidence.
"Close the door behind you, Sergeant," said Director Fury.
Bucky did so and then took a seat in the armchair in front of the desk, as Director Fury was motioning for him to do so. After a pause, he said, "You don't have to call me 'sergeant.' I'm not a sergeant anymore."
"Really? Well, I'm going to keep calling you 'sergeant'," said Nick Fury, taking a seat in the black leather chair on the other side of the desk. "That's your title. You never officially lost it. And you're a leader, I can tell from the looks of you. Does it bother you, me calling you 'sergeant'?"
"No," said Bucky in surprise. "I just—"
"Good," interrupted Nick Fury. "Because I wasn't planning on stopping." He clasped his hands together and looked at Bucky for a moment, not saying anything. Then he slowly pulled his sunglasses off to stare directly into Bucky's eyes. Perhaps he expected Bucky to gasp or show some sort of outward reaction to his ruined eye, but Bucky didn't move. He was used to seeing violence and damaged, broken bodies. A ruined eye was nothing to exclaim over. Nick Fury quirked one eyebrow and nodded to himself, as if he were saying, Nice, and then he said, "Tell me about yourself, Sergeant Barnes."
Of all the questions Bucky had been anticipating…this was not one of them. It caught him off guard. Talk about himself? Why? There was nothing to say. "What do you want me to say?" he asked roughly. "I was born James Buchanan Barnes. I got drafted into the war and then I got captured by HYDRA. They turned me into—"
"No, no, no, no," said Nick Fury, holding up a hand. Bucky halted in his speech. "You misunderstand me, Sergeant. I'm not asking for your history. I've become quite knowledgeable about that in the last few weeks and Agent Romanoff has briefed me. I'm asking about you. Yourself. Who are you? What do you stand for?"
"I—I don't know," said Bucky, a bit stunned. "I don't…I don't work for HYDRA anymore, if that's what your asking," he added, uncertain as to whether that was what Nick Fury was getting at. "I'm not on their side anymore. I don't like hurting people."
"But you'll do it if you have to." It wasn't a question. A statement.
"Yes," said Bucky slowly. "I'm a soldier. If I have to…I'll do it."
"Even innocent people?" Nick Fury's voice was calm, nothing judgmental in his tone.
Bucky paused and then swallowed. As much as he would have loved to say no…he couldn't. Because even back when he'd been Sergeant James Barnes in the war, he had hurt innocent people. They'd been innocent men with wives and children and friends, guilty only of the crime of fighting for the other side. "Yes," he said. "Even innocent people. But not," he added, "the way HYDRA made me. Not…not taking out people mercilessly just to further HYDRA's goals. Not that way."
"I understand," said Fury. He stood up and walked over to the small kitchenette adjacent to the room they were sitting in, opening the fridge. "Care for anything to drink? Tea? Orange juice? Water?"
Bucky suddenly realized his throat was extremely dry from nerves. "Water," he said.
Fury got him a glass of water from the fridge and then poured a tall glass of amber liquid for himself. "Iced tea," he said in response to Bucky's carefully watching eyes. "Just what an injured man needs on a hot summer's day. This damned building gets no air circulation at all—reminds me of summers spent in my granddad's apartment in Brooklyn."
An injured man…injuries given to him by Bucky. Bucky took a sip of the water, hoping it would clear his throat, and then roughly said, "About your…injuries. I, uh, I'm sorry. For shooting you. I obviously didn't…choose to do it on my own. I have nothing against you. But I still could have killed you, so for that…sorry."
"Apology accepted," said Fury, leaning back in his chair and taking a sip of his iced tea, his eyes closed.
"How did you survive anyway?" asked Bucky curiously.
Fury's good eye slitted open. "Why? Disappointed?"
"Wh—no!" said Bucky, clenching his fists a bit. His hands shook and a bit of water sloshed into his legs. "I just never miss a shot. So…"
"That's true," said Fury. "Don't worry, Sergeant, you didn't miss your mark. Lucky for me, Dr. Banner had a little invention that saved my life. You'll meet him in due time, I hope, and see for yourself the brilliance behind the legend."
"Dr. Banner," repeated Bucky. "He's…"
"The Hulk, yes," said Fury.
Bucky actually didn't know who the Hulk was but he vaguely remembered Ari telling him he was one of the Avengers—a ragtag team of superheroes that included this Tony Stark and Steve, that had managed to save the day two years ago. It wasn't exactly strange that he'd never heard of them; he'd been frozen in cryo at the time.
"What do you know about SHIELD, Sergeant Barnes?" Fury asked suddenly, changing the subject.
Bucky shrugged. "Nothing. I knew it was the organization under which HYDRA hid. I knew it was…just some government thing. Steve and Natasha are a part of it," he added.
"Your definition is surprisingly accurate now," Fury muttered to himself. Then he straightened up and said, "SHIELD is an espionage and law-enforcement division of the government that deals with containing threats—usually of the paranormal kind. It started out relatively unknown but became a household name after the Battle of New York—which is what the world has dubbed it, just so you know. It was started with good intentions but, as you know, HYDRA managed to infect it and bring about controlled chaos. It was something none of us—not even I—saw coming. And after the events in D.C. a few weeks ago…SHIELD is largely compromised. But it is not done. Yes, we're down to only a handful of people…but all of us still retain the goals the original team that formed SHIELD envisioned. A safer, more peaceful world with control over supernatural or paranormal elements. Control—not destruction. We don't aim to kill beings who are different. Just keep them in line. Do you know who started SHIELD?"
"Not a clue," said Bucky.
"Agent Peggy Carter," said Fury. He watched Bucky's face carefully and then slowly slipped on his sunglasses. "Ring a bell?"
Bucky's eyes had widened slightly. It did, indeed, ring a bell, now that he had his memories back. Peggy Carter—the fierce dark-haired woman with the red lips who Steve had been sweet on…that Peggy Carter? "Agent Carter was an honorable woman," he said.
"She still is," said Fury, smiling slightly. "Agent Carter is very much alive. Old and bedridden and ill, yes, sadly. But she is alive. And so are her ideals. As long as even one of us retains SHIELD's original ideals, then SHIELD remains alive to combat evil in the world. But we are greatly weakened, Sergeant. We need to build ourselves up again. Perhaps not to the level we were before. It seems it was a mistake to become such a huge organization. But we need members. People to fight—not for us, but with us. And that's why I wanted to talk to you and Ari Madden today. Sam Wilson has already agreed to join SHIELD. I was hoping you and Ari Madden would join as well."
Bucky cocked his head slightly, a bit confused. "Ari?"
"The woman has a sharp mind, good instincts, and morals as straight as an arrow," said Fury, "or so Agent Romanoff tells me. I also get the feeling she was a bit bored in her life before, from what she tells me. I think she would make an excellent SHIELD agent, provided she receive some physical training. And I think you would make an excellent agent. Despite what HYDRA did to you…you remain a good man. Maybe a little confused, but good. Physically, you're a fearsome fighter. And you would get to work side by side with your best friend, Captain Rogers. I can't think of any better way to utilize your skills than to join SHIELD and try to uphold the goals Agent Carter envisioned for the world."
Bucky's head was spinning. He had expected Fury to perhaps yell at him or offer some resources in assistance to hunting down other parts of HYDRA—but he'd never expected this. A part of him wanted to immediately say yes but a part of him hung back, wary of rushing right into another organization that clearly wanted to use his skills. He didn't want to be the pawn of another organization and even though SHIELD seemed better than HYDRA, obviously, he still didn't know much about them. He didn't want to be used to do terrible things again.
"Can I…I want some time to think this over," he said, choosing to state it instead of asking for it. He wasn't going to ask for permission; it was his life.
"Of course, take your time," said Fury, standing up. Bucky also stood slowly, setting his glass down onto the desk. "But consider this, Sergeant: HYDRA is still out there. Other threats are still out there. One day, the world will need the Avengers again. It's my hope that the next time the Avengers come together, the Winter Soldier can be a part of the team." And with that, Fury said, "You're free to go," and disappeared through a door at the back of the room, shutting it behind him.
Bucky stood there for a second, thoughts crowding in his head, and then he turned and left, walking a bit mechanically. Steve and Sam were sitting on the ground, talking in quiet voices to each other, and they stood up when Bucky came out. Steve wiped his hands on his jeans, leaving dust on them, and said, "Done? Fury's gone?"
"Yeah," said Bucky.
"What did he want?" asked Sam.
"Wanted me to join SHIELD."
There was a pause and then Steve asked, "And…are you going to?" Bucky looked up at him and saw the hope in Steve's eyes and forced a smile to his face. "I said I'd think about it."
"Oh," said Steve cautiously. "Oh, okay. Well…that's that. Let's get going."
They found Ari downstairs, curled up on a bench in the hall, earbuds in her ears. She was staring vacantly at the wall across the hall and her hands were tapping her thighs to the beat of the song, which sounded like a heavy and fast rock song to Bucky. When she saw them, she pulled out her earbuds and stretched. "All done? Yeah? Let's go."
None of them knew how Natasha had left to wherever she was going to, but she had left the car behind for them. Steve found a piece of paper on the dashboard with I want this back so don't damage it, or else! :) written in pink lipstick and he chuckled, pulling the Hummer out of the narrow alley without scratching even one inch of it. The drive back home was absolutely silent and when they arrived, Sam got out and apologetically said, "I'd love to stay and hangout—but I've been gone for long enough. Gotta call my mom, get back to work, all that great stuff. So I'll see you later, Steve." He hugged Steve and then surprised Bucky by pulling him into a hug too, clapping him hard on the back. "Hope to see you later too, Barnes. And I'd better see you around," he said to Ari, winking, and she laughed and hugged him. He got his motorcycle out from Steve's backyard and then rumbled off down the road, disappearing when he turned round the corner.
Now it was just Steve, Bucky, and Ari standing around awkwardly. "So…" said Steve slowly. He looked at Bucky and then at Ari and then at Bucky and then he said, "You know what? I have to run some errands. So you two…make yourself at home. I'll be back in couple of hours." He got his own motorcycle out of his garage, flashed Bucky and Ari a smile, and then roared out of sight. Bucky watched him go and then sighed and shook his head, smiling slightly. Steve was a good friend and Bucky knew now that he had dozens and dozens of years ahead of him to get to know his best friend again. A man worth knowing.
"What?" asked Ari, her eyes still locked onto the spot where Steve had vanished.
"He doesn't have any errands to run," said Bucky. "He just knows you and I have stuff to talk about."
"We do?" asked Ari apprehensively.
Bucky shot her a look. "Yes. We do." He turned and walked through the garage into Steve's house. It was warm and lazy inside, the ceiling fans turning slowly through the summer air, the house quiet except for a faucet dripping somewhere. Ari threw herself onto a sofa and Bucky sat down next to her. She wrapped her arms around her knees and then faced him. "So," she said. "What did you want to talk about?"
Bucky almost rolled his eyes but he refrained from doing so. "What did Fury want to talk to you about?"
"He wanted me to join SHIELD," she said slowly. "You?"
He nodded. "Same."
Her voice dropped lower. "And are you going to?"
"I don't know," he said. "I think so. I mean…I have to think about it. How about you?"
"I think…I think I'm going to," she said slowly, her blue eyes watching his reaction carefully. "I…I just…I want to do something different with my life," she said finally.
"Other than being a nurse?" he asked.
"No!" she said, sounding shocked. Then she laughed. "No, I love being a nurse. I love saving lives. But I just…I was stuck, you know? Stuck in that stupid house, in that stupid town, working at a hospital where the biggest emergency we ever had was Mr. Waldschmidt falling down his stairs on a monthly basis. And I was just…I wasn't going anywhere. I had friends but they weren't really close to me. I was stuck in that house, surrounded by my mom's china figures—"
"Yeah, those were kind of weird," said Bucky and Ari laughed again.
"—and memories of Dani and my parents and stupid reminders of Alex and…and it basically sucked," said Ari softly. "So when you showed up…I admit, part of my motive for taking you in and then bringing you to meet Steve was selfish. I obviously wanted to help you, of course I did—but it was also exciting. It felt like I was on an adventure, doing important things and meeting important people. Making a difference. And it felt so amazing and important and I just… And then, when we went to those HYDRA headquarters…even though it was violent and crazy and I was scared out of my mind the whole time that I would die or you would die or something, I was also pumped! You know what I'm saying? I had this amazing adrenaline rush. Like a high or something. And afterwards, it felt amazing. Having been in action. Successfully completing a mission. Saving people. Saving things. Doing good."
Bucky marveled at her words and realized that Fury was right—not only did Ari have a clever head, good heart, and straight morals…but she had an agent's instincts. She was quick to learn physical fighting and weapons and she had that endless energy one needed to constantly put themselves in danger. In fact, it seemed to thrill her a little bit. She had the right attitude. And in that instant, he knew she'd join SHIELD and she'd be a damn good agent as well.
"So your job?" he prompted, glaring at her slightly. "And your house?"
She smiled sheepishly. A ray of sunlight hit her face at a slanted angle as the sun moved in the sky and it made her blue eyes seemed to almost glow. "Yeah, I quit my job and promised Alex I'd sell my house…"
"You're insane," he said, torn between anger and incredulity, shaking his head. "You are insane. To do all that—for me? What is wrong with you?" He couldn't help himself; he reached out and shoved her, gently.
She shoved him back. "I know, I know, it makes me sound like some mental martyr or saint, right? But okay, I'm not that weird. I was lying to Alex about the house. I promised I'd sell it if he helped me. He only made me promise that because he knew me having to sell our parent's house would hurt me. But I was never planning on doing it, I was tricking him."
"He would have made your life a living hell when he found out," snapped Bucky. "He would have beat you up." Ari shrugged and Bucky's temper rose. He grabbed her wrist and shook it slightly. "You can't just let some guy beat you up! You have to attack him back!"
"You mean like how you're crushing my wrist right now?" Ari asked, wincing.
"Oh—!" He let go of her wrist as if her skin was white hot metal. "Sorry—I just got caught up—"
"It's fine," she said gently.
"I need to teach you self defense," he muttered. "You are so crazy."
"But I think I'm going to sell my house anyway," she added.
"What?" he demanded. "But—wait, why?"
She shrugged. "I've realized that I need to move on. I can't live in my parents' house—in their memories—for forever. I'll never be able to move on. I'll always be stuck in the past. It's not healthy. I need to get my own place, a brand new place where I can start over. Besides, if I join SHIELD, I'll need to move anyway. So I'm going to sell and get a brand new start. Same goes for my job. I only quit because I knew they'd never allow me so many days off, and I had actually planned on going back and re-applying. I knew they'd take me, they had no reason not to. But now? Now…I have new options. I can join SHIELD. Live in D.C. Become an agent and work as a medic or a nurse on missions. See the world. Get in on the action."
"You don't sound scared at all," Bucky noted.
She grinned and he could see in her eyes how happy and alive she was at the moment, her eyes practically sparkling. "I'm not! I mean—I am. In a way. This is a big step and its new stuff. But I'm ready to take it. You showed me that, Soldier, so thank you." She leaned in to hug him but he grabbed her thin shoulders and held her at arm's length, saying, "Wait! Wait. I have something to say to you too."
She sat back, looking at him expectantly. He took a deep breath and said, "This is hard for me to say…so don't make me say it twice." He took another deep breath, feeling extremely strange. Saying all this out loud was very uncharacteristic for him. "I want to thank you. You didn't have to help me. In fact, you could have driven right past me. I looked like a deranged person when you found me. And I wasn't responsive at all. But you stopped and you have me a second chance. And even though I was…I wasn't as kind as I could have been…" He coughed to hide his burning cheeks. "I have no doubt you saved my life. Without you, I'd still be wandering around, sick and confused—or I'd be dead because I would have gone running back to HYDRA on my own to figure stuff out. I'd never be reunited with Steve. I'd never have gotten my files. I'd never have gotten my memories back. You helped me become Bucky Barnes again and I'll always be in your debt for that. You've saved me multiple times and I want to say thank you."
Ari smiled and her smile looked a little wobbly but she wasn't crying. "It was nothing, Soldier, you don't need to th—"
"But I do," he insisted, running his hands through his hair, frustrated. "You don't understand. It's not that you just saved me, even though that obviously matters so much… It's that you…you made me care. You make me care. You made me feel human again. You helped me understand what caring for people and being a friend feels like. You're—you're important to me. You feel like…I feel safe when I'm with you. Which is funny, isn't it?" He gave a shaky laugh. "Because you're so small. But you…you're bigger than me. In ways. And I really couldn't imagine life without you as my friend anymore. I couldn't imagine you going back home and me never seeing you again. You saved me and you're one of my closest friends and I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way, I don't mean to—to back you into a corner, but—" He took a deep breath and noticed tears were sliding down Ari's face. "What?" he asked in alarm. "Why are you crying? Is it because of what I'm saying? I'm sorry. I'll stop talking—"
"Soldier, shut up," said Ari, smiling through her tears. "I'm smiling because I'm—I'm so happy you've come this far. I consider you my friend too. And don't worry about me disappearing. I'm going to join SHIELD. I don't know if you will, but I'm going to see you around. We're friends. Friends don't abandon each other, right?"
"I'm joining SHIELD too," he said. He hadn't realized it until a moment ago—but now he knew. It was the right decision. If he could utilize his skills for good, it might be able to cross out some of the terrible things he'd done in the past. Besides, he'd be with Sam and Natasha, Steve and Ari. He couldn't let these people go now that he knew them.
"Can I hug you now?" she asked, wiping away her tears, still smiling, "or will you push me away again?" Without waiting for an answer, she hugged him so hard that his eyes actually widened for a moment at her strength. And then he hugged her back. He hadn't hugged a human being in decades and at first, the feeling was foreign. But the more he held on to her, the more his eyes burned because the feeling was so overwhelming and then suddenly he was silently crying into Ari's hair. Which did, indeed, smell like roses.
But only for a minute. Because he was Bucky Barnes and Bucky Barnes didn't cry for very long. He quickly wiped his eyes before Ari could notice he'd shed a few tears and then pulled away, giving her a shaky smile. "You're an amazing person."
"I know," she said with faux-smugness and then they both chuckled. She ran a finger down his cybernetic hand and he marveled at the feeling of human touch. He glanced at her face and wondered. Several people had insinuated that he was in love with Ari and he had refuted them. And he still didn't know if he was in love with Ari. Love meant other things, didn't it? When he looked at Ari, he didn't feel the urge to touch her or be intimate with her. He didn't want that with her. But what he did know was that some things were more important than just human love and he knew that if he had to be intimate with any person on Earth, he would have picked Ari. So even though he didn't want to, the fact that he would have chosen Ari if he had to spoke volumes. He wasn't currently in love with Ari but did he love her? Yes. She had done for him what no one else had done and for that, he would care for her for forever.
And lucky for him, he had forever. He would join SHIELD, as would Ari. He would be trained, except this time he would make his own decisions. He would be human this time. He wouldn't be a pawn. He'd learn to be a hero. He'd get to know his best friend again. He'd get some sort apartment in town and he'd visit with Steve and he'd be Steve's rock again. He'd get to know Sam and Natasha better and he'd meet the Avengers. He'd read his files eventually and he'd mourn over the people that he'd hurt, but he'd be able to forgive himself eventually. He'd make friends in the future, even if it would take time, and one day, he'd meet some girl. Maybe he'd eventually fall in love with Ari (he thought he could feel the beginnings of something there)—but the point was, his future was open for him to choose his own paths. To say "no" when he wanted to. To care for people with his own heart and mind. His story wasn't over and this time he was writing it himself. The world would know Bucky Barnes as a good man again.
There they sat in the warm summer afternoon, Ari holding Bucky's hand, enjoying the peaceful silence and waiting for Steve to come and rejoin them. And Bucky knew he'd finally come home.