Okay, so I am now also working on a story called Divergent Reread. This may cause less frequent updates of this story, but I promise to keep updating at least every other week. At least. If I forget, please just harass me with PMs or something.
After dinner, we leave the initiates with Eric.
"Are you ready to go through my Fear Landscape?"
"Of course." We walk together to the room, hand in hand. We grab the syringes, injecting each other's necks.
At least my seventh fear will be gone, I think to myself. Or will it? Am I still afraid of intimacy, just not with Tobias?
The ground beneath us changes, showing green grass and a blue sky. Wings flap next to my ear, talons on my shoulder, birds attacking Tobias.
"Grab the gun, Tobias!" I yell, stooping down to grab my own. We kill the birds in record time.
The birds fade away, leaving me in the filling tank of water. Tobias presses his back to one side of the tank. Crap. This fear is his fear, too.
"Help me break the glass! Just pound on it!" We pound on the glass, willing it to crack. Finally it does just that. Tobias takes a few seconds to collect himself, readying himself to move on.
Waves. The next fear is the waves.
"Tris, you are Divergent. You can control the simulation. Follow me!" He climbs onto the rocks, pulling me up with him.
"Deep breaths, Tris. You are safe up here with me." I am safe. I am in Tobias' arms. The scenery changes once again, bringing us to the next fear.
Fire. Peter. Logs. Rope. Torches. This is a simulation. They can't hurt me. This is a simulation. Rain. Think of rain. Think of the rain, falling from the sky, putting out the flame. The ropes fall away.
Tobias comes toward me, engulfing me in a hug. The next fear is the scarred man in Abnegation.
"This is your bedroom?"
"Yep. And here they come." The fists pound on the window. Think, Tris. Think. The gun will be in the closet door. I make my way there, trying not to think of the mangled bodies.
I grab the guns and hand one to Tobias. We shoot, but I once again do not have enough bullets.
"Tobias, I am sorry. I should have thought of this ahead of time. We kind of have to go into the closet to keep them away."
"Okay, Tris. It's fine. Let's try to get your heart rate down pretty fast, though. Alright?"
"Of course." I pull him into the closet with me. "I have an idea of calming down." I lean over and kiss him. He smiles, kissing me back.
All too soon, the scene changes again. I forgot about this one. In the middle of the circle are my mother, my father, my brother, and my husband. That's new.
"Do it." Hisses a voice next to me. Jeanine.
She presses her gun to my temple, the cold circle against my skin.
"Do it." She says again, much more insistent.
"Tris," says Tobias. "It is just a simulation. It's not real. This is your last fear. Just shoot us so we can go home and talk."
"I can't, Tobias!" I grab Jeanine's wrist, taking the gun from her hand. I shoot myself in the forehead.
"What the hell was that, Tris?" Tobias asks, furious.
"I- I don't know. I couldn't shoot you!"
"That is no excuse!" He storms off, leaving me standing alone in the Fear Landscape room. I have conflicting thoughts- should I stay at Christina's place tonight to let Tobias cool off, or should I go home and talk to him? I head to Christina's place, planning to talk to her and get her advice.
I knock on her door.
"Tris? Are you okay?" I was crying on my way here, so I'm sure my eyes are puffy.
"Yeah, I just need to talk to you."
"Okay, hold on one sec." She yells at Will. "Will, get your ass over here!"
"What did I do, Christina?" He asks worriedly.
"Oh, nothing babe. Tris and I just need to have a little girl-to-girl."
"Okay. I love you." He kisses her cheek and before heading out, he shoots me a worried glance.
"Come on, Tris. Let's go sit on the couch." She leads me over, sitting down on the opposite end. "What is the matter?"
"Boy stuff." I say, shakily laughing. "Okay, so Four and I were going through my Fear Landscape together, I mean, I went through his during our initiation, so-"
"What?! You went through his Fear Landscape?"
"Yeah. And no, I can't tell you his fears. Anyway, we went through and all, but my last fear was having to kill my family. Four included." She nods as if to show she is listening. "Well I couldn't do that. So I shot myself instead. And after we were out of the simulation, he starts freaking out! He's all like 'What the hell was that, Tris?' and then when I said that I couldn't shoot them he just storms off saying 'That's no excuse.' I mean, that was so uncalled for!"
"Yeah, it was. I think it was because it hurt him to see you kill yourself, but there is no reason for him to treat you like that. Do you want to stay here tonight to let him cool off?"
"Do you think that is the right decision? Should I go talk to him and then if he is still pissed off just come back here? Or just wait until morning?"
"I have an idea. Why don't you stay here for a couple of hours to let Four cool off and then go talk to him?And you are always welcome to come back here if things don't work out."
"I think that is a great idea. Thanks Christina. Do you want to get Will to come back in here?"
"Sure. I'll be right back."
"Thanks again, Christina." I fall into a daze, thinking about what to say to Tobias. When Will comes back in, I snap out of it.
"Will, I have a question for you." I say. He nods, urging me to continue. I tell him the whole story I told Christina, then add, "Since you're a guy, if you were in Four's position, what would you want me to say when I came back hours later to talk to you?"
"I wouldn't want you to say anything. I'd want you to come over and hug me, whispering in my ear that we should talk. I'd want you to wait for me to start the conversation before saying anything."
"Whoa. Will. That is so precise." He just shrugs, blushing.
We decide to play Bed, Wed, or Dead to pass the time.
"Will. Bed, Wed, or Dead- Shauna, Marlene, and Lauren." I ask him.
"Hmm… Bed Marlene, Wed Shauna, and Dead Lauren."
"Chris." He asks. "Bed, Wed, or Dead- Four, Uriah, and Peter."
"Wed Uriah, Bed Four, sorry Tris, but he's hot, and Kill Peter." Will looks offended when she calls Tobias hot. I slap her on the arm, feigning hurt. We play for at least an hour before we grow tired.
"Should I go talk to Four now?"
"Yeah, I think you should." Christina tells me. I nod, thanking her for letting me crash here if need be.