"Hey!" I yelped, smacking his hand as it latched on to my arm. "No I'm not!"
"Ow," the boy, Natsu, said, letting go and looking at his hand, which was turning red. "What'd you do that for?"
"You grabbed me," I notified him, wondering just how stupid this guy was. "And I have no idea who you are."
I didn't mention that I hated it when anyone touched me- let alone some creeper of a stranger.
"What's the problem with that?" he complained, annoyed. "And why do you smell like Earthland?"
"Earth land?" I asked, looking around, as if the forest greenery would supply an antidote to the confusion of this situation. "Isn't that, you know, redundant?"
"No, Earthland's a place you dummy," he said, as if this should have been immediately obvious. Then he stopped, and turned around, frowning. "Hey, where'd Happy go? Happy!"
I was now seriously considering bolting. Wasn't happy an emotion? How can it go anywhere. However, and decision making was successfully stalled when what looked like a flying blue cat winged around the corner into the woods. He had a hotdog clamped between two furry blue paws, and was smiling.
I nearly collapsed.
"Oh, there you are little buddy!" Natsu said, grinning. "Hey, what's that? Can I have some?"
"No way," Happy said, his voice petulant, swooping higher above Natsu's head, "it's mine! I found it."
"Aww, that's no fair."
It appeared that he'd forgotten me, so I turned around and started to speed walk deeper into the park, the mulch cushioning my footfalls. While they continued to argue like two kindergartens, my brain was in full-on stress mode. Was I insane? Psychofrenic? There couldn't be any other explanation. I was feeling dizzy, and so stumbled off the path and practically collapsed on a rotting log. It compressed like an earthy-smelling sponge and I put my head between my legs and focused on taking deep breaths, which wasn't easy when your brain is practically waving a flag with a picture of a flying blue, slightly humanoid cat on it, screaming, "Look at me! You're going crazy!", which wasn't exactly encouraging. I wasn't seeing the dark brown menagerie of woodchips and earth before me, pockmarked with shiny green shoots.
"Shit," I hissed to myself. "Shit shit shit shit shit." I felt as if my insides were crumpling. I'd have to tell my dad. What was I going to do? Damn it!
"Hey, you okay?" someone asked, and I instantly recognized the immature tone of Natsu. I didn't look up, but squeezed my eyes shut. If Happy was a figment of my imagination, and I could see nothing else that he could be, then Natsu had to be too, right? I mean, he saw Happy too, so it would make sense.
"Wow, she looks pretty bad," Happy said, and I realized the figment must me hovering beside Natsu's head. Natsu's figment of a head.
"Yeah, why'd'you think she's so pale?" Natsu asked.
Just ignore them. They'll go away. They have to.
"Well I dunno, maybe I scared her," Happy said. Well, that was true. "Remember the last time we were in Edolas? They all ran away screaming."
"Oh, yeah," said Natsu, and I could practically see him scratching his head. "Anyway, don't you think we should bring her with us? Maybe Erza knows why she smells like Earthland."
"I don't know, Natsu," Happy said, landing on the ground so that I was staring at his impossibly blue back paws. Great, he stood on two legs, too. I suppose this is the product of reading too much. "Maybe your nose isn't right this time."
"My nose is always right, okay?!" Natus raged, suddenly tensing as he yelled this fact to the entire neighbourhood. "Anyway," he continued, abruptly calm, "she's got red hair. It looks like my fire. I like her."
"And just like that," Happy said, sounding condescendingly sad. I didn't know what was just like that, because I was trying to wrap my mind around him saying "My fire." Did he carry fire around with him? Great, I had created a pyro as a brain-child.
"Hey, what's going on here?"
A new voice. Relief and panic pulsated through my veins in quick succession, both glad that someone could help me, and anxious about being found in such a lapse of mental health.
"Oh, hey man," Natsu said. "I found this girl who smells like Earthland and now she's freakin' out."
"Well no duh," the new voice said. It was a deep voice, monotone and detached. "These people haven't been connected to Earthland for thousands of years. They probably don't even remember about magic and exceeds and stuff."
"Oh come on, it can't have been that long," Natsu said dismissively. "It's only been a couple of years."
"Time passes differently here."
"Alright, alright. Well, what are we going to do with her?" Natsu asked, standing. The bushes rustled, and what I assumed to be yet another figment- this was just getting worse and worse- stepped forward. Wait, could figments make bushes rustle? I looked up, eyes probing to see if they were affecting the environment around them in any way.
The new figment was as tall and muscular as Natsu. He had his arms crossed over a bare chest, and didn't seem to be wearing anything more than boxers. His shoes seemed to be crushing the greenery beneath them, but they could have been squashed when I had crashed in here. I swallowed and looked up at his face. He had pitch black hair and I remote expression, one side of his mouth tugged down in a decidedly indifferent way.
"I'd say we should bring her back to Wendy and Erza. Are you sure she smells like Earthland?" he said, sounding like he didn't really care either way. I hoped they would just go away. Or maybe disappear in a puff of fire and smoke.
"Of course I am!" Natsu retorted. "Jeez, why is everyone being so mean to my nose?"
"Okay, then we'd better get going. Lucy and Levy will have searched their area and be heading back to base."
"Sure thing," Natsu said, and stepped forward. Somehow, I ended up tossed over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
"Hey!" I yelled, distressed. Figments can't manhandle you! "Put me down!" I drew back my knee and kicked him solidly in the stomach. I hit him solidly, but the wall of muscle limited his effectiveness, even as the surprise of it bolstered it. The breath whooshed out of him and punched me in the stomach in turn.
"Seriously? Why'd you kick me?" he demanded, but I didn't answer; I was too busy trying to see around the black polka-dots that had appeared in my field of vision.
"Natsu, calm down. She just wasn't expecting you to pick her up," Gray said. "However." Something cold and sharp pressed under my chin. Far too cold to be metal. I jerked, startled, and pain cut across my throat.
I didn't say anything, but overwhelming anxiety surged in my stomach. What the hell was happening? I couldn't put it all together.
"Don't fight. I'm not afraid to hurt a girl," Gray said. "We don't know if you come as an enemy or a friend, but you have to be one or the other if you come from Earthland."
He crouched in front of me and I saw that it was a knife of ice, growing from his hand.
And that's when I fainted.