#13 Realization
Kirra pushed herself away from the computer and growled loudly in frustration, "I give up." She said slamming her hands down on the arms of the chair she was in.
Her aunt and uncle had left three days ago and she had done nothing but sit and stare at the computer screen. Shay had come the day after, to make sure that she had survived her visitors – all of them -- but found that not even she was unable to get Kirra away from the monitor, so had promptly and annoyedly left.
Gawain wandered in from the direction of the kitchen where he had been sitting at the table looking out the window, bored, restless and surprisingly not hungry. Kirra had removed his stitches that morning and thanks to her help, the last of his bruises were gone. He was completely himself -- well, almost. What he wouldn't give for a good, hard practice bout. He had some growing frustrations to work off.
He had learned that Kirra had the ability to focus on her researching with a single-mindedness that allowed the whole world -- including him, to fade into the background and be forgotten. And since he could do nothing to help, he had spent the time pacing, itching to do something, anything.
All he could see of Kirra was her arms dangling from the sides of the chair. As he approached, he found that she was slumped in it, her face angry and her eyes red rimmed, but dark. He dropped his hands to her shoulders.
"Already?" he asked in amusement.
She tipped her head back to look up at him and gestured sharply to the monitor. A drawing of a knight on a horse was there along with some writing. "I still can't find anything even relating to a key. Grail stories abound, but not one mention of a key, not even an ordinary one used to open doors. Not even the university libraries have anything to say on the matter."
Gawain squeezed gently feeling her bones. She was amazingly resilient for someone so small and fragile, "Perhaps you are not looking in the right place."
Kirra looked back at the computer and rubbed her cheek across the back of one of his hands thoughtfully. Gawain doubted she even realized that she had done so. But he did and his blood heated instantly. He let go and moved away to casually sprawl on the couch to Kirra's right. She brought a hand up and absently caressed her cheek in the same spot.
"You may be right," Her hand dropped and she looked over at Gawain, eyes dark and far away in thought. "Come on, let's get out of here." she blinked suddenly coming to herself and pulled herself out of the chair, "I have to get out. Now. Maybe the answer is closer then we think and it only takes some standing back to find it."
They decided to go for a ride. The day was fine and warm. Gawain watched Kirra closely. She was distracted and kept muttering to herself in English so he no idea as to what was going through her mind. Jin had picked up on her mistress' mood and gave a little jump as if to remind Kirra where she was. Kirra shook her head, eyes clearing, and leaned over to pat the spotted mare on the neck, crooning to her.
She glanced at Gawain, "Sorry, I'm not all here. I'm working a few things out."
"I noticed," He commented wryly and a frown creased Kirra's brow.
"We've come pretty far," She said looking around her and realizing for the first time where she had led them. "This is where you fell out of the sky or from wherever you came." She scouted the ground, "Maybe there is something here."
Gawain watched her as she swung down from Jin's back and slowly made her way to the edge of the tree line. It was a beautiful place, green and lush and warm, not cold or damp like the island he had come from, and he wondered how Kirra would feel leaving the land that she had been raised on.
"Nothing," She said standing tall and shading her eyes from the sun as she turned to face the waiting knight. "I wonder where your weapons went. All you were left with was your knife."
He guided Fate to her, "I think I dropped them before I fell through the light."
"Light?" Kirra said glancing up at him. "You never said anything about a light."
"I just remembered," He replied not taking his eyes off the green trees. They were so unlike the ones he knew, tall and peaked with sharp needles instead of leaves. "There was an ambush and I had taken three arrows before I was knocked from Drea's back.
"I barely made it to my feet when I saw a warm light and heard a soft voice calling. I thought I was dying. The voice told me I would be safe if I went to the light." His eyes grew troubled, "I remember looking back and seeing Gareth glance my way, but there were too many on him for him to come to my aid, so I stumbled through and found myself here."
Kirra took a deep breath, "I think you were dying. You had lost a lot of blood by the time I found you." She rested her hand on his leg, "Don't worry, we'll find the way to get back. They'll forgive you when they learn the story." She stayed that way a moment longer before dropping her hand and remounting Jin. "I don't think that we are going to find anything here and it will be dark soon."
After returning to the house, Kirra threw something together for dinner; a salad and cold chicken, much to Gawain's displeasure, but seeing she was still preoccupied he didn't complain, ate what she gave him and figured he would raid the refrigerator after she had retired for the night.
He looked up from his plate at one point and caught Kirra watching at him with an unreadable expression on her face. She wouldn't meet his eyes and instantly averted her gaze when he caught her staring. As he watched she pushed her food around and finally rose to dump it, uneaten into the trash. Something was definitely bothering her, she almost always finished her food.
Coming to stand near him, Kirra seemed to come to a decision and ordered, "Gawain, kiss me."
The knight looked up startled and uncertain he had heard her correctly, "What?"
Kirra studied him then repeated, "Kiss me."
"Why?" he asked, still in shock.
Large eyes grew dark and narrowed, "Call it an experiment. Could you handle that? If it was for science?" Her face flushed and Gawain knew by her tone of voice that she was annoyed -- or extremely embarrassed.
Not waiting for a third invitation, Gawain pulled her roughly into his lap and claimed her mouth. The moment his lips touched hers he knew he would unable to pull away after such a small taste. Like before, she was warm and soft and more then willing. He tightened his hold on her, roughly tangling his fingers in her hair, welding her to him and the world fell away. Fire pulsed through his blood and he felt he would rather die then let go of her. He wondered how it had been that he had ever wanted any other.
Kirra molded her smaller, softer body to Gawain's and clutched at his shirt. She saw stars and her body tingled in anticipation. Heat blossomed where she had never felt heat before and she felt herself feeling more alive then she ever had. She saw him in sharp, clear relief, while the rest of the world spun wildly out of control. He was her only anchor.
As Gawain reluctantly released her, he groaned and opened his eyes to see her staring at him. Her eyes had brightened to shining silver.
"Could it be that simple?" she murmured. Her small hands were pressed to his chest, the tip of her tongue wetting her lips. She was nervous.
Gawain brushed her hair back, "Could what be that simple?" he asked.
She looked up, deep in thought, "I'm not completely sure. Kiss me again."
Had she not been so serious, Gawain would have laughed out loud. But he stifled the urge and obliged her. This time it was soft and lingering, but the effect was the same; the world fell away and he felt the undeniable, primal need for ultimate possession. Kirra murmured something against his lips. She was warm and pliable in his arms, almost limp. He pulled back.
"What?"
Her eyes opened and were soft and misty, "I love you." She said in surprise at her own admission.
Gawain pushed her back, alarm written on his golden features, "No, you don't, Kirra. You have said it yourself, you don't know me."
She looked down at the tiled floor considering, then back up at him. Her eyes were steady, "Yes, I do. Enough, anyway to be able to say that and to know you feel the same way about me."
He shook his shaggy head and she touched his face, "Don't deny it. It's there; I've seen it in your eyes and heard it in your voice. You think I don't know the way you watch me, the reason you never touch me for long, but I do. I'm not wrong."
"It would never work, Kirra. Never," he stressed the word and tried to push her from him, but Kirra wouldn't let herself be budged. She was stronger then she looked.
"I have nothing to offer you. I cannot even freely give myself as I am not free to do so."
Kirra's eyes gleamed mischievously, "Then you admit it."
Gawain glared at her said nothing and Kirra correctly took his silence as agreement. Her smile widened and her heart pounded wildly.
"I cannot give you what you need," He reiterated.
Kirra let go of him and stepped back. He felt the loss of her at once. "How do you know what I need?" she asked severely.
He searched her face before answering, "Because it is what I need." he admitted reluctantly.
"Then it will work, Gawain." She took his hand and kissed his palm. "It has too. That's why you were sent, here, to me."
"Anyone could have been sent, Kirra, and the result would be the same."
"No," she denied, clearly hurt by his calculated remark, but unwilling to back down, "It would not be." She dropped his hand and looked at him. Sober. Certain. "I know it would not be the same and I refuse to let you believe that." Then she turned, "Think about it." She said over her shoulder as she practically danced up the stairs to her room feeling lighter then she had in months.
The knight watched her go before shoving himself to his feet and dumping the remains of his dinner. He spent most of the night pacing through the dark house, thinking.