#15 Solemn Occasions
It was nearly dark when Kirra and Gawain made it to Niara's cottage. The day following Kirra's last conversation with her mother had passed quickly and the ride had gone even faster then that. They settled the horses in the small shed, as comfortably as possible with two animals inside and approached the house. The windows were dark and Finn pressed himself against Kirra's leg and whined.
"It's all right, baby," Kirra said absently as she rubbed one of the dog's ears, comforting both of them. "I don't think she's here," She said looking over at Gawain.
He had the same idea and left her to do a quick circuit of the perimeter of the small house. "All the windows are dark and the garden is thick with weeds." He said when he returned, "It does not appear anyone has been here for quite sometime."
Kirra chewed her lip as she fished the key from its hiding place in the eaves near the door, "She has to be here. Niara?" She called as she entered the small cottage.
But the Fate was still away on business, or whatever it was that they did when they left those that needed them. Because of the storms, the house was cold and damp inside. Kirra shivered at the musty, abandoned smell. Gawain followed closely and chafed her arms to warm them when he noticed her shiver.
"She's not here," Kirra stated, angrily. "I really thought that she would be here. I mean, we know what the key is. We have them. Now we only need her to help us find the door."
Gawain stepped around the frustrated woman, "It is late. Let us sleep here tonight and figure out what to do in the morning. I will take the room I was in before, unless ..." He looked hopefully down at Kirra.
She rolled her eyes and pushed at him, "Just go to bed." She said laughing.
Then she walked down the hall, still slightly miffed that Niara would be absent from her home, to her room. When she got there, she found it was warm and glowing with the light of many different sized white candles. The soft smell of jasmine wafted on the air and Kirra gasped when she saw the exquisite white dress that was laid over her bed.
It was simple in design, just as she would have asked it to be. It was layered with a longer sleeved, pale lavender chemise underneath, adding the perfect hint of color. Threads of the same pale shade made up the intricate embroidery that flowed and tumbled down the deep, softly rounded neck-line and across the hems at both arm and skirt. Examining the small, fine stitches, Kirra noticed that creeping vines wove in and out of the ever changing phases of the moon. It was extremely delicate and could only be read if one looked carefully.
She crossed the creaking wood floor to touch the fine linen cloth and pulled the dress up to her. Looking in the mirror, it seemed that it had been made just for her and the thought was proven right when Niara suddenly appeared in the doorway.
"Ah," she breathed softly. "So it suits you, does it?"
Kirra turned and blinked away the misty tears that threatened to fall, "It does. How did you know?"
Niara smiled, "I know many things, my dearest one. Now let's try it on and see if I got the measurements correct." She stepped into the room at Kirra's eager nod and silently closed the door.
As the Fate helped her young charge change into her wedding gown, she told of where she had been during the weeks it had taken to figure out what exactly she had meant at their last meeting.
"Did you know the whole time what the 'key' was, Niara?" Kirra finally asked.
"I did."
"So why not tell us?"
Niara smiled mischievously, "Wasn't it more fun to find out on your own? Besides, you would never have believed me and fought it to the last had I said anything." She paused and twisted a plait of Kirra's hair into place and fastened it with a silver pin, "And it was a gift, to you, to him. Small as it was."
Kirra turned and faced the Fate, "It's not small, Niara. It is great and more then I ever hoped for. He and the idea of a future with him make it easier to leave." She grasped the old woman's hand tightly, eyes darkening in sudden seriousness, "Just promise me something."
"What, my dear?"
"Promise me that he will not be killed."
Niara sighed heavily, "I am not sure if I can, Kirra."
Kirra tightened her hold, "Promise me, Niara. That is the only way I can go through with this. If he dies, it's not worth it. I will not survive his death."
There was something soft and resolute in Kirra's words that caused the Fate to believe her implicitly. Niara grew still and silent for a few moments then touched Kirra's hair softly, "Then I will promise you, my dear, that your man will not die but live to a ripe old age."
Kirra's eyes narrowed, "You swear to me, Fate, by my blood." She moved to take up her little silver knife and slash her palm.
Niara smiled and stayed the girl's hand, "No need for that, but yes. You have my word -- which is the word of the goddess."
Kirra's sharp expression didn't soften, "I don't know about her, but I trust you. Thank you, Niara."
The Fate stroked Kirra's cheek, "No, thank you child. Now, shall we finish with your hair? I think your groom is becoming antsy."
Kirra laughed when the sounds of Gawain's pacing in front of her door could be heard. Finally, he knocked and entered, his jaw dropping at the sight of Kirra dressed in her white dress. It was the first time he had seen her in such clothing and it suited her.
It would seem Niara had prepared for him too because his clothes were different and closer in design to what he been wearing when they found him. They flattered him much more then t-shirts, shorts, and jeans ever had.
Niara finished putting the final bell-like flower in Kirra's hair, which had been intricately twisted and woven. The silver pins holding the heavy mass in place caught the candle light and glimmered like small diamonds in her dark hair. Kirra's eyes glowed and her cheeks were pink. In the flickering light she looked to be the human reincarnation of a moon beam; a study of light and dark and innocent energy.
"You like it?" She asked twirling in a circle as she slipped toward him
"You are beautiful." He said softly, pressing her hand, wanting to crush her to him, but mindful of her dress and the old woman, who was not a woman, watching him. So he contented himself with a brief but fervent kiss.
"Well, my dears, the night grows older, shall we start?" Niara asked with a chuckle aimed at Gawain's reticence.
--------------------------
The moon shone down, full and bright, on the bower Niara had caused to be erected. It was strewn with hundreds of the same small, white flowers that Kirra wore in her hair. Their soft fragrance filled the air. Candles danced in the night air, cheerfully beating back the dark and the world seemed for a time to pause in its nightly rotation.
Niara was dressed in a gown of midnight blue and looked more a part of the night then she did a woman. She stopped and turned when she reached the head of the bowery and took one of Kirra's hands and one of Gawain's hands in her deceptively gnarled and old ones.
"Do you both come here of your own free will?" She asked eyeing the young couple. She could feel that although Gawain truly loved Kirra, he had serious misgivings. She smiled reassuringly at the young man when he nodded soberly. He managed a small smile.
"Good," She placed Kirra's small, soft hand in Gawain's much larger one. "Here, you will be bound to one another, for as long as you are faithful to the promises you make. Life as one is not an easy thing, but through love and," she smiled, "at times tolerance, you will be able to weather anything that comes your way."
Gawain looked down on Kirra; she was unwittingly gripping his hand hard enough that her knuckles were white. Her other hand was fisted and he realized that she was just as nervous as he, if not more so. She calmed when he began to gently stroke the back of her hand with his thumb and she loosened her death grip and smiled apologetically.
"Gawain," Niara started and the knight once again turned his attention to the Fate. "Do you here take Kirra to love and cherish and protect until such time as the goddess sees fit to take her?"
A peace stole over Gawain at her words and he didn't hesitate, "Yes."
Niara smiled and turned to Kirra, "My dearest, Kirra," She touched the girl's cheek lovingly, "do you here take Gawain to love and cherish and protect until such time as the goddess sees fit to take him?"
Kirra frowned at the last words and she was silent for a moment of time as if turning them over in her head. This was the step into the darkness that she had always feared, not that she wasn't so excited she could hardly breathe, but this was the real thing and she suddenly felt so young. She looked up at Gawain standing patiently in the cool light of the moon, watching her, and knew her heart. She never looked away from him as she steadily echoed his answer.
"Yes."
They missed Niara's near laugh of relief as she bound their hands together with a thin length of braided horse-hair in the tradition of their people, in symbol of their commitment to one another.
"Then at this uniting of tribes, I bless you with the courage of the Horse, the fierce loyalty of the Wolf, and with the blessing of the goddess, grant you the wisdom of the Eagle." The Fate's voice rang in the night as she finished the ceremony. "It is done."
And it was. In their souls, Kirra and her knight felt the binding Niara had wrought. The night was still as it waited with hushed breath as the two embraced and shared their first sweet kiss as one.
-----------------------
When they had composed themselves, Niara led the couple not back to the cottage, but to a tall, narrow door at the back of the little shed that housed Fate and Jin. It was one that Kirra never noticed before.
"This is the final door that will take you back." The Fate announced. "Only together will your keys open it and allow you passage. Only together may you cross its threshold. You may take the horses and Finn with you. Fate, you will ride and Jin has agreed to carry your things."
Kirra opened her mouth, but was interrupted when Niara smiled.
"I have, my dear, taken the liberty of preparing everything that you will need -- clothing and the like. As well as a few other things you will find useful."
Kirra beamed as any woman would at the mention of new things.
"When do we go back?" Gawain asked.
Niara gestured, "Whenever you like. You may stay in the cottage for as long as you like, but the moment that you enter it tonight, it will become a limbo -- simply an indeterminate place of waiting. You will be safe there, but will not progress. I would council you to leave directly."
Gawain turned that over, then asked, "Where will we come out?"
"You will be an approximate three day ride from the Wall. You will recognize the place, Gawain." Niara said.
"Wall?" Kirra asked as she glanced up at Gawain.
Gawain answered her before Niara could, "Hadrian's Wall -- our home away from home." He added sardonically, then addressed the Fate, suddenly more serious then Kirra had ever seen him, "That is too far, Niara. We will be intercepted before we can reach the safety of the fort." He glanced down at Kirra, anxiety creasing his brow.
Kirra wasn't too keen on the word intercepted. Intercepted by what? But there was no time now for her question as Niara was speaking again. She would have to wait.
"Oh no, my dears, you will be under the protection of the goddess for three full days after you return. Time enough to reach safety. No enemy will be able to see you, much less harm you. But you only have three days." She carefully explained so neither would forget.
Gawain must have been satisfied with her answer for he said nothing more as the Fate led them through the dark and back to the little house. This time the windows shone with warmth and cheer.
"Well," said Niara when they reached the porch. "As with the beginning, this is where I leave you. You will have whatever you need inside." Her eyes sparkled as she reached out to Kirra and drew her into her arms. The girl's eyes were moist.
"Will we ever see you again?" Kirra asked in a quivering voice as she clung to her last real link to the only home she remembered.
"Oh, dearest," The Fate wrapped her in love. "I will look in on you from time to time and," she pulled away, "should you ever need me, you will be able to call to me." She stepped back and took one last look at the couple before her, it would be the last time she would see them for a long while. "Take care of one another. Oh, and, I almost forgot, I was asked to give this to you Gawain." She held out a small leather pouch and smiled at the bewildered man as he opened it and stood looking into it with stunned expression.
"She said it was promised to you long ago."
Kirra looked at Gawain in curiosity as he gripped the little bag and said gruffly, "Thank you."
The Fate nodded, "Now go in before you get cold. Good-bye, my dears." And with that the Fate was suddenly gone.
Kirra gasped and fell back against Gawain in surprise, one second the woman had been standing in front of them and the next second she had just disappeared. She glanced up at Gawain whose expression of astonishment matched her own.
"Well," he said squeezing Kirra's shoulders, "I never was one for long good-byes." He kissed the top of her head, "Shall we go in."
Kirra froze like a hunted animal and looked at the cottage then back at Gawain. His eyes were soft now, but sharp at the same time and his hands at her shoulders were gentle and firm. Now that they were alone and everything was different, Kirra realized that she was terrified. Not of Gawain, not of begin alone with him, they had been alone together for the past several weeks, but she was afraid of what came next -- what she knew was expected of her.
Now, Kirra was not naïve, she knew what happened between men and women; it was on TV everyday, in books, and movies. She had been learning about it since the sixth grade, in some rudimentary form or the other. She and Shay had spoken of it in depth, well as far as their innocent knowledge of it was concerned. They had giggled over it. But now it came down to the moment, Kirra found that she wanted nothing more then to run screaming into the night and find a tight hiding place far, far away from anything male.
Gawain noticed her suddenly pale face and wide eyes, "Kirra, are you all right?"
Kirra was unable to get her throat to work and slowly begin to back away. Everything had happened so quickly. She felt as if her life was no longer her own, that she was no longer who she was even hours ago when they had entered Niara's for the first time in weeks.
"I … I don't …"
Slowly, steadily Gawain neared his trembling young wife. He didn't make any move to touch her and stopped far enough away so that she would not feel threatened or trapped. He correctly guessed the reason for her sudden trepidation.
"Everything will be all right. You have nothing to fear from me, Kirra. I will not make you do anything that you are not ready for." He deliberately kept his voice soft and its familiarity eased the nervous pounding of Kirra's heart and he saw the tension in her shoulders ease somewhat.
Kirra looked down, cheeks and ears pink with embarrassment, "I'm sorry, it's just that … just that everything has happened so fast and I don't feel like I can keep up with it." Her words came slowly then finished in a breathless rush.
Gawain nodded. He still made no move to touch her, "That is easy to understand. I feel it to some extent myself. I have to return shortly to my brothers and my commander after a long absence and try explain what I have been doing and where I have been. Not to mention the difficulties your presence will pose."
Kirra looked up, the hurt evident in her eyes. He sighed, unsure if he would ever get the role of husband down, and finally gathered her stiff form to him. "You know I did not mean it the way it sounded."
"I know and I know it will be difficult for you." Kirra said as she relaxed further and rested her forehead against his chest, taking in the clean scent of him. He was warm and solid and standing so close to him, she had a hard time remembering why she had been so frightened.
Gawain took a moment to relish the feeling of her small body in his arms and legally so, "Come inside, it will do you good to eat something."
Kirra drew back, eyebrows raised, "Me?" she asked in amusement. "I believe you are the bottomless pit here."
Gawain shrugged unconcernedly, "Fine, it will do me good to eat something, while you make up your mind about me."
"You," Kirra said slipping her hand into his and intertwining their fingers, "I made up my mind about a long time ago. It's me, I am uncertain of."
"You will find yourself, of that I am sure," Gawain said confidently, taking advantage of her momentary calm to usher her inside.
The house was warm and good smells drifted from the kitchen. Gawain made to lead Kirra in that direction when she tugged on his arm to stop him.
"Wait."
Turning he gave her a quizzical look. Her eyes were wide and over bright as if she were about to cry and Gawain saw a bit of her fear from before, but just a bit.
"What is it, love?" he asked gently, brushing a dark tendril out of her eyes.
"I … I …" Kirra took a deep breath and her eyes sharpened in determination. She rose up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Gawain's stunned lips. It was soft and hesitant, everything it should be from a nervous young girl on her wedding night and it sent a pleasant shiver through his body.
He tightened his hold on her and kissed her until she was limp and breathless. He smiled at the small mew of protest she made when he finally let go and he had to keep his hands on her hips to steady her.
"I have something for you," he said once Kirra had opened her eyes, which were soft and shining, "It is the custom of the men of my tribe to give their wife a gift on their wedding night."
"But I have nothing for you." Kirra said, her ears turning pink. She was embarrassed that she hadn't even thought of it.
"Little one," he chuckled, "you are the gift. But this is what I have for you."
He opened the little bag that Niara had given him prior to her disappearing and pulled out a small wide-banded silver ring. "It has been in my family for generations. My grandmother promised it to me when I married," He paused and grinned, "I always was her favorite." He placed the ring on Kirra's right forefinger, where not surprisingly it fit perfectly.
"It's beautiful." Kirra breathed as she examined it.
The ring did not look as old as Gawain claimed it to be. It shone and shimmered in the light as if it possessed some inner light of its own. It was engraved all the way around with running horses – the courage of the Horse.
It seemed as if the gift of the ring had in some way changed Kirra, for she went from being frightened child to a certain woman in the span of mere moments. She took her husband by the hand and led him to the room they would be sharing for the night. It was the one she had always stayed in and it still glowed with the light of the many flickering candles.
Turning after she had closed the door she advanced on him, slowly and with such grace she hardly seemed to be walking, but floating. Her eyes darkened dramatically as she pulled the tiny pins from her hair and let it tumble in dark waves down her back.
Gawain couldn't take his eyes off her and when she touched his chest, his heart nearly stopped at her closeness. He cupped her face in his hands and haltingly told her she was the loveliest thing he had ever before seen. To which Kirra laughed a low laugh and tossed her head.
"Help me out of this, will you?" she asked turning so that he could loosen the ties of her dress.
Gawain pushed the heavy fall of her hair out of the way and unable to help himself, nibbled at her neck, eliciting a small gasp. It was that small sound that undid him and soon both he and Kirra were deeply lost in one another.