#22 Brother

Kirra had not seen Tristan since the day he had tracked her into the stable. She could feel him watching her, but he was never careless enough to let her see him again. It frustrated her and she grew cranky at the stress.

One morning as she was angrily chopping herbs, Gawain gently took her knife from her and laid it on the table.

"Just go find him," he said. "You won't feel better until you do."

Kirra looked up startled, tears of frustration forming in her eyes. She brushed them away impatiently, "I just don't get it. Why does he have to be so childish? I know he's following me -- like some deranged ghost." She purposefully raised her voice; no doubt Tristan was nearby and would hear it.

"I can't take a step without feeling it and yet he won't talk to me," She stomped her foot.

Gawain chuckled and hugged her rigid body, holding her and rubbing her back until she relaxed against him, "Tristan is not much of a talker. He never has been. He won't allow anyone to get close to him and so we have all learned to let him be. You will have to be the one who corners him."

Kirra heaved a sigh and rubbed her face against his chest, "I know."

He chuckled and tried to resist the fire that warm friction sent speeding through him, "You had better go now, because I rather like it when you do that and if you wait much longer, I'll not let you go – for awhile at least."

Kirra rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the pep talk." Her face softened, "I love you, you know."

Gawain kissed her gently, "I know and I love you. Now go find your brother before you chop off a finger. It might be a finger I miss."

Kirra laughed as she left the room.

It was a lot harder to find Tristan when she was looking for him then when she wasn't. When she wasn't, she always felt his eyes on her, but he must have heard her conversation with Gawain and was hiding somewhere. Funny, she never would have pegged him for an avoider.

She stopped by the tavern. Vanora was a gossip and always knew what was going on, so reason said she may know where Tristan went when he was hiding out. She didn't and couldn't help Kirra out at all -- Nine was doing well and the others were asking when she was coming to visit again. Without any ability to help, Kirra left soon with a promise to do just that.

She wandered uselessly almost all day before she thought of asking Dag – and felt stupid for not thinking of it sooner. He watched people almost as much as Tristan and was much easier to both find and approach. She found him in the stable mending his saddle girth.

"Dag?"

"Hello, lovely," He said looking up from his work.

Kirra smiled. Dag was fast becoming one of her favorites. He was so quiet and had such a calm manner about him that one was instantly comfortable – once you got over his huge size.

"How was your day?" she asked him.

"Fine," he paused and watched her for a moment. "But I doubt you found me to ask that."

Kirra shook her head ruefully, "Sorry. Have you seen Tristan?"

Dag was silent for a moment.

Kirra huffed, "I know you have. Do you know where he is?"

He nodded slowly and got to his feet, "Come with me."

"Thank you, Dag. I owe you," She said, trotting after him.

They found Tristan at the top of a steep hill not far from the village. He was standing motionless watching a small dark dot drift on the air currents. At the faint scream of a hawk, he turned sharply. Seeing who it was, he relaxed. Dag nodded a farewell and left the siblings to talk. Kirra went to stand beside Tristan and looked out over the landscape.

"It's beautiful up here," she said.

She let the wind toss her hair and closed her eyes to feel the heat of the sun on her face. She hadn't had much time to herself since she had gotten here. It was nice to be able to relax and enjoy the beautiful weather. When she opened them she caught Tristan staring at her.

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"Not you," his voice was low. "The memories you stir."

Kirra's brow puckered, "I can't help that."

"No, you can't. It is for me to work through."

"Alone?"

Tristan looked down, "I don't want to remember."

Kirra's eyes hardened and she clenched her fists, "I do."

"You remember nothing?"

"Very little. I was very sick and the fever seemed to wipe my memory – that or the Niara did it. I should have asked her."

Tristan looked over in sudden interest, "Niara?"

"Do you remember an old woman that came to my birth?"

Tristan nodded slowly, "It was said she came to mine as well. But she was so old, I didn't believe it."

Kirra snorted, "You should have. She is the oldest of the handmaids of the goddess. She's ageless. She was at Gawain's birth and Gareth's, no doubt the rest, too. She took me from our parents when I became sick and put me where I would be taken care of. Her interference kept me alive."

"Why should you need to be kept alive?" Tristan asked without realizing how harsh he sounded.

Kirra blinked and chose not to let his words bother her, "That I don't know. Niara only said that I was saved to come back here and take care of all you – I think that's it anyway. Gawain was sent for me because I couldn't return on my own."

"Ah."

She laughed at that small sound of denial. Tristan turned to look at her, his eyes piercing.

"I am not going to ask if you approve or not. It doesn't matter. It's done and I love him."

Tristan shook his head, "It's not right."

Kirra took his wrist in her small hand, suddenly as serious as he was, "It is -- completely right. I need him and he needs me. He and I learned that together, don't sully it, Tristan."

Her eyes darkened, "We are the last. The last of our tribe," She let that and all its implications sink in. "I don't know how or when, but Niara told me that and I believe her. You have to survive the remainder of your servitude. You all do -- so here I am."

Tristan was surprised at the passion Kirra spoke with, the utter conviction in her gray eyes. He couldn't help believing her. She wouldn't lie to him. He nodded curtly.

""Our tribe and the Alannis are great rivals."

"Think of it as a convenient merging," Kirra said dropping his wrist.

He raised an eyebrow, "Merging?"

Kirra shot him a pained look, "Oh, please. If you haven't figured it out, I'm not going to tell you."

"Is there hope for you to be paired with another?"

"You hate him so much?"

Tristan's eyes tightened. He could never hate one of his brothers, "No -- the idea of my sister with a slave. And he is below your station, even were he not a slave."

Kirra met his eyes steadily, "I'll never be paired with another."

He nodded. He saw how they looked at one another, how the rest of the world seemed to fade and not matter when they were together. Perhaps it was better that Kirra reside in the barracks. Perhaps Arthur had seen that much.

"Will you be my brother, Tristan?" she asked softly, begged really.

Kirra was not beneath begging. Though she had loved Lil and Scott with all her heart, she had always longed to find some member of her biological family, to know where she had come from and where she belonged. It would crush her if Tristan denied her now.

"I never stopped, Imp."

Kirra sighed in relief and wrapped her arm around his waist, leaning her head on his arm. He tucked her under his arm and the two stood frozen in the moment for a long while, watching a bird as it dived and played in the wind.