It's been a while... But here is an update..
They lay totally spent from the rather loud love making, ridding Caroline of her headache and stresses COMPLETELY. Caroline leaned closer whispering into Kate's ear.. Kate couldn't help but chuckle. "You've got such a dirty mind Caroline "takes one to know one". "True, true" Kate giggled she loved playful Caroline and god she made her feel so amazingly sexy. Kate snuggled into Caroline's back looping her leg over Caroline's, Caroline could feel the warmth of Kate's hot centre against her back. The desires suddenly building once more inside her before she felt Kate wriggle and gently speak..
"Caroline I've been thinking about something I wanted to ask you but I'm scared", Caroline immediately turning to face Kate's fragile face. "you don't need to be scared you can talk to me about anything", She flashed her beautiful smile reassuring Kate.
kate let her head dip as she began to talk to scared to see Caroline's reaction. "Well umm you know we've talked about babies and well Caroline I love you so much you make me so happy and I love the boys... But a baby.. Would make me feel complete".
Caroline nodded rubbing her arm and seeking Kate's eyes "I umm.. I mean how? How would it work?" Kate's head lifted to look into those sparkling blue orbs that so easy dazzled her. "Well um I have a friend from university and in theory he always said he would help".
Caroline nodded again taking it all in still not sure about how she felt Trying to be supportive but she didn't want to give Kate false hope. She had never really though Kate still wanted a baby she knew she had tried lots when she was with Richard and It hadn't worked. As it hadn't come up since she had dared to hope Kate had come round to the idea of it not happening now.
"Say something Caroline" Caroline couldn't speak she couldn't lie but she couldn't tell Kate she was not prepared to have another baby. What if Kate left her what if that was it for them she couldn't bear to loose her.
"Caroline" Kate shook her gently bringing Caroline back to the present as she watched Kate's sad eyes "umm well I mean I'm not saying no, but it wasn't really what I was expecting at 45". Kate nodded "I know Caroline I do but I just have this need so deep inside me I cant ignore it. I had to at least ask you and discuss it".
Caroline smiled she understood that shed always wanted children herself and she looked at her boys now as the best thing she had done with her life. How could she stop Kate having the same! But she couldn't help feel the disappointment she was looking forward to traveling the world and enjoying her down time after years of stress and being a mum.
"can I umm think about it a little" she saw Kate's saddened eyes but Kate nodded "what makes you want it so badly now?" Caroline spoke softly.
Kate took a deep breathe "I've always wanted it, it's not gone away but seeing Emily-Jane at Gillian's it just makes me feel so sad to think I'll never have that". Caroline smiled holding her tight " I understand".
As they lay in bed Caroline's head span she finally felt Kate roll over Caroline lay there for a long time, fidgeting she couldn't sleep. How was she going to get round this she wanted Kate but a baby wasn't part of the plan.
she listened to Kate's deep breathing knowing she was asleep, and slipped out of bed heading downstairs. She sat at the kitchen table a glass of brandy in hand and her head resting on the table. Everything was going so well, why did she suddenly feel like everything was about to fall apart. Caroline thought of only hours ago of them all laughing and joking at Gillian's and her and Kate in the barn, she had felt so happy so content... Could this change everything!
Caroline sat wrestling with her thoughts until she finally fell asleep at the kitchen table, Kate had waited for a long time for Caroline to come back to bed, she had heard her leave but understood she needed time. But as she lay there unable to settle she could only think of what Caroline was thinking. As it reached 3 am she finally couldn't stand it anymore and got out of bed to find her beautiful girlfriend. She popped her head around the kitchen door to see Caroline sprawled out over the table fast asleep.
Kate couldn't help but feel sad, Caroline would rather sleep down here than be near me, she doesn't want this baby. She had always known she would have to persuade Caroline a certain degree, but she hadn't expected this for Caroline to shut her out. As she returned to the now cold bed she rolled over to where Caroline had slept and curled into her pillow letting the tears fall, like hot pokers down her face.
Her tears stung they were tears for the children she had lost, of the ones that had never been and for the fear of the child she would never have, and for Caroline who she feared she would loose.