#23 The Way Things Are
Jols found Kirra grooming her small spotted mare. She was singing to the animal in a low, happy voice in some language he didn't understand, but the mare did and she seemed relaxed. She stood with her head hanging down, completely at ease, until she caught his scent. Then her head came up and her ears pricked forward. Kirra looked over to see what had caught Jin's attention.
"Hello, Jols," she said with a grin.
Jols returned the smile and felt himself relaxing. Unlike her brother, Kirra was a comfortable type of person. She was usually happy and always had a kind word. But like Tristan, she had the ability to silence a person with a single look. It was an interesting combination.
"Kirra. Arthur would like to speak with you, if you have a moment. I can finish with Jin."
"That would be great, thanks," Kirra handed him the curry comb. "Where exactly is Arthur?"
"In his private study. Follow the corridor until you see the guard."
Kirra nodded and strode quickly from the stable. Her heart had picked up a little at Jols' first announcement. She wondered what Arthur could possibly need to talk to her about. She was able to find her way around easier now and so it didn't take long until she found the guard Jols had been speaking of. He scowled down at her.
"Arthur wanted to see me," she told him coolly, unwilling to let him intimidate her.
It took a moment longer for the guard to decide that Kirra didn't look a threat and he stood aside and let her enter the door to the Roman commander's rooms.
Arthur's private study was dominated by a large desk and a bookcase of sorts. Hundreds of rolls of parchment were shoved into every available space and Kirra found herself drawn to it. She wondered what they had to say or if they were just maps.
"Kirra," Arthur said in greeting as he entered a side door. "Thanks for coming."
She shrugged, "Well, I did have to leave a bleeding patient, but figured your summons outweighed that. Just teasing," She amended at his look of alarm. "I was grooming one of my horses."
Arthur relaxed and Kirra wondered if he had a sense of humor.
"They are fine looking animals. The smaller is especially interesting."
"You might be the first to think that. Mostly everyone here looks at her like there is something wrong with her. She's a good a horse, very calm and a good mover."
"That's good," Arthur commented. Getting to the point he said, "I called you in because I have found a place for your surgery."
Kirra's brows shot up, "Really?"
He nodded, "It will need a bit of work, but," he smiled, "you should have plenty of help with that."
"Can I see it?" Kirra could barely contain her excitement.
Arthur chuckled, "Of course. Come with me." He led her from his rooms and nodded to the guard outside his door as they passed.
"How are you adjusting?" He asked Kirra as they walked.
Kirra was quiet a moment as she thought, "Fine, I guess. I'm not used to the drafty cold rooms and am a little leery of some of the things that are served at the tavern, but I am finding I enjoy it here. I like the people who come to be healed and I really enjoy being around the men – Gareth and Galahad keep me on my toes."
"Those two keep everyone on their toes," Arthur said with a wry smile. Too often he had been the target of one of their endless jokes.
"Yes, but I am so much smaller then everyone else -- they like to pick on me,"
She qualified.
"And Gawain?"
"Oh, he likes to pick on me too, but I let him get away with it," she laughed.
"I meant, what does he say about Gareth and Galahad?"
"Nothing."
Arthur studied the girl for a moment. She had answered if that was no problem and he was surprised that Gawain would allow such behavior. He knew what Galahad and Gareth could do when they put their heads together.
Kirra fixed him with a pained expression, "I am not completely helpless, Arthur. I don't need Gawain to come to my rescue every time they tease me. They are not spiteful or mean, just themselves. I don't mind. I would rather be teased then ignored."
"And what does Tristan say?"
"Oh, he probably threatens them with certain death, but they must not be very afraid of him because they keep it up."
Arthur once again adopted his look of alarm.
Kirra giggled, "I'm just teasing again. Tristan hasn't said anything to them and I promise not to let him kill them."
Arthur slowly smiled at the strange little creature. No doubt she kept Gareth and Galahad on their toes as well. He wondered again exactly what her relationship with Gawain was. When he brought it up to the knight, Gawain joked flippantly and tended to elude questioning.
Arthur sensed it went a little further then just lovers. He had been told that Gawain didn't so much as look after another woman now. Lancelot had said it was causing some jealousies among the women at the tavern. Arthur hoped Kirra, being who her relation was, would be safe from any personal attacks, but with women scorned one never knew.
And there was Tristan. When he had come to report on Kirra, he had said less then Gawain. Merely confirmed that Kirra was his younger sister but that he had no idea as to where Gawain had found her and why she should come now. Arthur could see the strain that her relationship with Gawain placed on his scout and it made him a bit anxious, though he was quite certain Tristan would never harm a fellow knight.
"Here it is," he said as they reached a run-down little hut near the practice yards.
Kirra stopped and examined it. It would need some work, but she already had several people who owed her favors for her work, so she would have a steady supply of labor and supplies.
"It's perfect," she breathed in excitement.
And it was. A low wall ran to the left of the little hut, hedging in what would be a large and wonderful herb garden. A small well sat in the center of the heavily weeded area, but it was in the perfect location. Kirra would not need to go far to get fresh water. She pushed open the rotting door and jumped back, almost into Arthur when it fell off its hinges with a muffled crash and puff of dust.
The inside was perfect as well and Kirra wondered if the little house had been used at one time for the same purpose she was to use it for. The floor was of smooth stones that fit together tightly and made a level surface. She could see a small dark hole at the far end of the room and she hoped it was a drain. That would make cleaning the floor so much easier.
The one room was a good size. Three cots could easily fit in against the far wall and there was a large open hearth. The shelves that had been built into the walls were still sturdy, in fact, but for the wild garden and rotting door, the little house was in great shape.
She turned and grinned at Arthur who was waiting just outside the door, "This is great!"
"I'm glad you think so. Whatever you need to get started will be provided."
"Thanks," Kirra couldn't wait to get started. She could already see what the little house would look like when clean and tidied up.
"I've something else for you," Arthur said watching her closely.
That surprised Kirra. What more could she possibly need? She waited for him to tell her.
"I've had a room cleaned out for you," he announced.
Kirra's face didn't change, but her eyes darkened. She was too quiet. She was reacting to the news in the way Arthur thought she would.
"Thank you," She said somewhat stiffly.
"Since it seems you are comfortable in the barracks and it will make more then one of my knights more than a little anxious if you were not within sight or hearing, you will still be staying there. But I thought that a young woman would need a little privacy and time away from men."
Now that she understood more of his reasoning, Kirra relaxed, "Thank you," she repeated a little more warmly. She was far from pleased, but would not put up too much of a fight. She would move her stuff into the room, but they both knew where she would be spending most of her free time.
"I'm a distraction aren't I," she said as they started back.
Arthur sighed; she was too much like her brother, "Yes, but to remove you from the men would be more so. Truth be told, I am not completely comfortable with the arrangement, but since you are staying and since you are the sister to one of my men and … something more to another, I will make concessions. You will earn your keep."
The girl met his eyes steadily, suddenly appearing older then her tender years, "I will prove to be invaluable to you." She promised.
Arthur was surprised at her confession. It was not said with any amount of pride, just matter of fact. She completely believed what she said and was so compelling about it that Arthur had a hard time not believing her himself. He hadn't time to respond, however, because as they turned the corner on the way into the stable, Gawain came striding towards them, worry written on his face.
"Kirra," he called, gentling his voice for her. "Where have you been?"
Kirra raised an eyebrow, "With Arthur. He found me a place to set up my stuff."
Gawain gripped her shoulders and Arthur became concerned by the emotion he saw in the knight's blue eyes.
"You have to tell me where you are at all times."
She smiled gently and smoothed a wrinkle in his tunic, "Jols knew where I was and then I was with Arthur. I hardly think he would let anything happen to me. You worry too much."
Gawain met Arthur's eyes. They were cool and mildly disapproving. It was an expression Arthur had never seen on him before. It was almost as if he didn't completely trust Arthur with the girl.
"I am sorry I worried you, Gawain," Arthur said in measured tones. Yes, there was definitely something more to this relationship then just the outward appearance of lovers.
Gawain had dropped his hands from Kirra's shoulders, but the tension had not left his body. Inadvertently, he had placed his body between Kirra's and Arthur's, almost shielding her from the Roman. It was interesting.
Arthur took a step back, "Kirra, your room is third on the right in the second corridor. Gawain." He turned on his heel and left for his own rooms. He had much to think about.
"Whoa," Kirra breathed. "Talk about so much testosterone, I could cut it with a knife."
Gawain looked at her in bewilderment. She still used words he had no understanding of.
"It was Arthur. You can't go all caveman with Arthur." She laughed slipping her hand into his.
"I was worried," Gawain replied unapologetically.
"Yes, but you trust him. You told me so yourself."
"It is different when it comes to you. And what did he mean your room?" Gawain looked down at her, his eyes icy.
Kirra frowned, "Apparently, I am a distraction and so he has had a room cleaned up for me. It's further from you then I like, but we both know where I'll be staying."
Gawain hugged her to him tightly as if he were going to lose her. She let herself melt against his hard body. He was the one who needed the comforting, not her, so she remained still, content to be where she was, until he turned her loose.
"Better now?" she asked with her mischievous grin.
"Only because we both know where you will be staying," He reiterated soberly.
Kirra reached up and pulled his face to hers, "Home is only where you are, Gawain." She said softly as she pressed a sweet kiss to his lips.
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It took only three days of hard work to get the little house in order. The roof had to re-thatched, but other then that it had proved to be in fine condition and the men liked the idea of helping her as opposed to spending another day training. Dag even helped her plant her herb garden.
It seemed they finished not a moment too soon, because later that evening during dinner Arthur called the men for a meeting.
Gawain was unusually sober as he came back to his room. Kirra was bathing in a large tub she had found somewhere. She had a few tight muscles from the unaccustomed work she had done – digging the weeds out of her garden and turning the earth by hand had been killer on her back, and arms, and legs, and everything. She had stolen three chairs from the other men's rooms and had draped them with blankets and set them up around the tub to keep in the heat.
"What did Arthur want?" She asked when she heard the door open. There was such a long pause that she grabbed a square of cloth and heaved her sore body out of the hot water to see what was going on. She wrapped it around her and stood dripping on the floor as she waited for Gawain to answer her.
"We're going out," he said looking over at her, for once feeling nothing at the sight of her wet, scantily clad body. His worry overrode every other emotion. "There is word of an attack on a village west of here. We have to go and diffuse the situation."
"Oh, that's all?" Kirra turned back to her bath.
Gawain's eyes widened in amazement, "How can you say that? We will be gone for at least seven days, maybe more."
Kirra shrugged and settled back into the steaming water, "Well, as long as I can keep an eye on you, it's not a big thing."
"Kirra, you can't come."
There was a splash as she launched herself out of the water again and the floor was hit with a small wave, "What?" she cried in outrage as she stood wet and glaring, this time not bothering with a cover.
Gawain moved to put his hands on her shoulders, "You aren't allowed to come."
"Says who?" she hissed, livid that anyone would dare make that decision for her.
"Arthur."
Kirra's body went rigid, "How am I supposed to take care of you if I can't go where you go? What's the use of being the "knights' healer" if I have to stay here? Doesn't he realize that if anything happens to any of you, you would never make it back in time for me to be of any help?"
Gawain pulled a blanket from a chair back and wrapped the furious little woman in it, "He is only thinking of you."
Kirra stepped away, a look of betrayal painting her features, "Didn't you explain it to him?"
Gawain settled himself into the chair, "Yes, and it didn't matter. Tristan was against it as well."
Gawain remembered with a little shudder the look Tristan had given him when he had stood to argue with Arthur and explain why Kirra should be allowed to accompany them.
Kirra's jaw set, "Oh, he's going to hear about this one." She vowed as she turned and yanked her underclothes on – it was a little difficult as her skin was still wet.
"It won't matter. His mind is set. He'll tie you and leave you for someone to find if he has to. He said as much."
"That is ridiculous!" She exploded, trembling with rage. "I can't believe he would even think he could tell me what to do."
Gawain got up and grabbed Kirra's shoulders again and looked into her eyes. His tone was firm, "He can, Kirra. And even if Tristan couldn't, Arthur's word concerning us is law. You have to learn that."
Kirra was taken back by his words. She had forgotten the fact that her people were owned; she turned her head to the side and looked at the floor. Tears of frustration and anger trickled down her cheeks, "It's not fair."
Gawain brushed her tears away with his fingers, "No it's not, but it is the way things are."
Kirra threw her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest, "I am still going to tell Tristan what I think."
Gawain chuckled and hugged her to him, "That should be interesting."
"He'll probably not even blink," she complained.
"Probably not, but then if it is you, he may feel slightly guilty."
Kirra rolled her eyes.
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She was still angry when she woke the next morning, but held off leaving her warm cocoon to find her obstinate brother if she could spend a few more precious moments with Gawain. She dreaded his leaving as she had dreaded nothing before. She thought he felt the same. Whenever she had shifted during the night, he had tightened his hold on her until she had given up and lay still. He came awake at a quiet rap on the door and rolled away from her to sit on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.
"Promise me you'll not do anything crazy while we're gone." He said looking over at her.
Kirra nodded. She had never seen the fierce expression in his eyes before and it frightened her.
"If you need anything, go to Vanora. If you have to, stay at her home."
Gawain pulled himself to his feet and proceeded to dress. He had laid his clothing and weapons out the previous night, so it didn't take long. Kirra followed suit and dressed in a long skirt and shirt. She wound her hair around her head and secured it with several pins.
"I'll be fine. You just be sure not to take more risks then you have to."
Gawain took her in his arms and held her tightly, "We have to go." He murmured into her hair.
Kirra followed him silently to the stable. The other men watched her closely, no doubt having heard their argument the night before and wondering if the same would follow here. She stood impassively silent, her eyes darkening dangerously only when she spotted Tristan but she stayed in her place and whispered to Drea in English as Gawain fixed his bag and weapons to her saddle.
She watched Arthur out of the corner of her eye when he came in, but still stayed silent. She said nothing when Gawain ran a fallen tendril of hair through his fingers and mounted Drea. They had said their good byes. She watched impassively as Gareth and Galahad rode slowly by with small sympathetic smiles on their faces. Lancelot patted her head as he rode by and earned a little scowl. Tristan was the last to leave. He didn't mount until the rest had left and even then he merely turned to Kirra.
"I would not have you come," he said.
She folded her arms across her chest and growled, "You are not my mother."
"She would not have you come."
Obstinacy flashed in two sets of similar eyes and neither spoke for a long moment. Kirra finally sighed, it was not in her nature to hold a grudge and really, who could out-glare Tristan?
"You had better go, I'll yell at you when you get back."
He reached out hesitantly and gave her a brief hug before turning and mounting Talon and whistling for Iolani. The beautiful bird came at once and settled on his fist for a moment before taking flight. Kirra watched her brother's retreating figure until he rounded the corner and then she moved to go back to her room to wait.
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It took ten days for the men to return and Kirra had hardly a moment to miss them. She worked from dawn until well past dark and then she fell senseless into bed and slept a few dreamless hours before waking up to start all over.
From the moment the men had left, her House had not been empty. It would seem that most of the villagers had only been waiting for the knights to leave before paying a visit to the new healer. They went away with all manner of teas and tinctures, but very few had any stories to tell. Kirra treated them kinder and was more gentle then the Roman physicians; she turned no one away – no matter how unable to pay for her services they were. She was surprisingly normal but strangely her remedies worked better then anything and everyone came away feeling better then they should.
Kirra had just sat down to a well deserved dinner in the tavern when one of the little bastards, Five, came running with news that the men had been spotted. It wasn't until she heard that they she realized just how empty her life had been for the last two weeks. She jumped to her feet, leaving her dinner uneaten, and raced to the stable arriving just as Arthur dismissed his men.
Gawain slid from Drea's back tired and travel worn, with quite a few more bruises then when he had left. He turned and had only a moment to react when Kirra slammed into him. She clung like a little cat, kissing any part of him she could get a hold of. He laughed and squeezed her back.
"Easy," he winced as she pinched a tender spot.
Kirra slid to her feet and stood examining him with sharp eyes. She brushed his hair out of his eyes and whistled at the shiner he had.
"That's lovely -- so many different colors," she cupped her small, cool hand over it and whispered a few words that calmed the ache and soothed the man. "How are the rest of you?"
Gawain smiled, "A couple of good gashes -- nothing Dag couldn't handle, an assortment of bruises, but over all we're fine."
Kirra raised and eyebrow and then turned to the rest of the men who were watching with amusement on their faces, "I had better see every last one of you at my House before night falls. I want to make sure of that myself." Their faces fell and she shrugged, "That's the way things are." She called over her shoulder as she left to build up the fire and prepare her herbs.
She entered Gawain's room several hours after dark, stretching her stiff back and yawning. She had expended more energy healing bruises and minor cuts in the hours since the knights had returned then she had the past ten days tending the villagers.
Gawain was deeply asleep and didn't so much as twitch when she slid next to him and lay her head on his shoulder. He was the only one who hadn't come to see her and now in the flickering glow of the fire that burned in the hearth, she could see how beat up he really was. She sighed, deciding that if was comfortable enough to sleep, then she would let him be and she soon fell asleep.
She jerked awake several hours later to find she was alone and sprawled in the middle of the bed. Sitting up, she spotted Gawain standing by the window, his body held stiffly and the muscle in his jaw tight.
"Gawain?"
He turned his head to look at her. The moonlight that fell from the open window gave his hair a silvery sheen. Kirra could see the dark circles under his eyes and the exhaustion he tried to hide.
"How come you're not sleeping?" Her voice was heavy with concern.
"Too sore," He said turning back to the window. Kirra slid from the bed and padded to him.
"You know," she said sliding her arms around his waist and resting her cheek against his warm broad back, "I can help with that."
He covered her hands with his and leaned back into her, "I know, but I also know what it takes out of you."
She kissed his back, "That's stupid. It's like a muscle; the more it's worked the stronger it grows. So, I'll be tired, big deal – you'll be able to sleep." She came around to face him and took his hand, tugging insistently. "Come back to bed."
Gawain allowed her to pull him to the bed and push him to sit on the edge. She went to the small table and dug in her bag there. Pulling out a small lidded jar, she came back and climbed on the bed behind him. She opened the jar and rubbed a bit of its contents between her hands, than, moving his heavy hair to the side, she began to massage his back and shoulders.
Her hands were gentle but firm as they slid over tight muscle and tender bruise. After a few moments, Gawain found himself able to relax. Kirra hummed a soothing tune under her breath as she worked, pausing now and then to press a kiss to the back of his neck or a bruise that looked particularly nasty which caused him to shiver.
He was nearly limp and certainly feeling no pain when she pulled him down flat and leaned over him, her hair brushing his skin, to do the same to his torso, it didn't have quite the same relaxing effect and soon he stopped her ministrations all together with a rough, desperate kiss.
Kirra pulled back, giggling and pushed her dark bangs out of her eyes, "That is not at all helpful." She chided.
Gawain shrugged helplessly, "You started it."
She leaned over the side of the bed and put the little jar on the floor, than curled next to him, yawning, "Not with that in mind. Next time don't wait to come to me."
"I never wait to come to you," he said tucking her closer and drowsily stroking her arm with his fingers until they both fell asleep.