A/N: So this is the longest chapter yet; you can call it a 'thanks for all your alerts and favs!' or you can call it a 'sorry to all my Sanguine Wood readers because I probably won't be updating it until later this week!' ;3 Buut, yeah. If you happen to be a reader of that story, I've been really busy lately and haven't had the time to work on it, but fortunately I had already written this chapter for Pray For Rain- so here ya go!
Chapter 5
The rest of the day confused Loki to no end. The others seemed determined to find some way for him to communicate with them- although the only thing he truly recognized was something like a writing instrument, placed into his hands, which turned out to be both useless and frustrating since he couldn't see- not to mention it was difficult to have a one-sided conversation. He might be able to convey certain simple words, like 'hungry', 'thirsty', and 'sleepy', but hand-motions had worked out quite well already, so there was no reason to write it down.
Most of the rest of the day consisted of sitting, walking, or standing, receiving embraces and reassuring kisses from Thor, and smelling the air whenever they entered a new room.
As if understanding Loki's boredom and/or confusion, the thunder god would walk beside the trickster while he felt about a room with his hands so he could 'see', in his own way, where they were. It was time-consuming and no doubt boring for the blonde, but he seemed neither impatient nor frustrated with Loki. Where did my brother suddenly get all of this patience? Loki wondered.
Before he knew it they were once again walking into a familiar-smelling place- Thor's room. He was again aided in bathing and changing clothes, and when he realized Thor had to bathe as well, Loki insisted on remaining by his side, sitting outside the tub on a comfortable chair that had not been there before.
Then it was time for bed. Sleep. Loki didn't like sleeping; in fact, he hadn't slept very much since Thor had rescued him. Last night he had slept very little, clinging to his brother and feeling the chest move steadily up and down throughout the night, the strong heart beating against his head. When he finally did slip into a fitful sleep, he had nightmares that awoke him shortly thereafter, sweaty with his own heart ready to break through his ribcage. Fortunately, Thor had still been there, the same breathing and steady heartbeat calming him once again.
Not wanting to repeat his restlessness of the night before, Loki waited until Thor was asleep, then warily got out of bed to explore the room. He frequently- in fact every several minutes -returned to the bedside to feel for his brother, felt for the breathing and the heartbeat, then continued feeling about the room.
He moved slowly, methodically, determined not to stub his toe on anything- or any other body part. There were two small tables next to the bedside, and two metal-feeling objects of odd shape atop both of them. He couldn't figure out what they were and wondered why they needed to be so close to the bed. When he felt for a button, the top of the odd object became very hot, and Loki jerked away. The next moment he realized what it was- something to provide light. He would have rolled his eyes at himself- if it were possible -for his stupidity, of course that's what they were. Finding the button again, he turned it off, feeling the heat subside.
Straight across from the bed Loki felt large windows that spanned the entire wall. He wondered if the city glittered outside and if it looked anything like the golden spires of Asgard when the sun's light faded, giving way to the glow of innumerable multi-colored stars and nebulae.
There were certain spots in the room that had cool air blowing out of seemingly nowhere, and Loki wondered if there was a window open somewhere. Was it winter? Why would they leave windows open? There were several other things in the room the mischief god didn't understand the purpose of. A collection of medium-sized furniture- or something -gathered in the corner made of materials Loki couldn't identify being the most unrecognizable.
Pictures hung on the walls- ones he unfortunately couldn't see -and two soft chairs and a single table sat near the window's edge. There was a set of double doors to the left of the bed, near the washroom door, and Loki wondered what they were until he realized it was only a closet- a very large closet he could walk into that he didn't feel like visiting at the moment.
Walking from the wall at the head of the bed to the glass windowed wall, it was thirty paces, and from the entrance to the washroom door it was twenty. It was a large enough room and he wondered what other types of rooms were in this tower- if that was in fact where they were, no doubt Stark had many homes.
The carpet was the first thing he noticed when entering this room yesterday, but he hadn't considered its feel in any detail until now. It was soft under his toes, like the fur of some animal, and Loki wondered how many of the creature it would take to fill a space this size. The mortals were an industrious lot, however, perhaps it was artificially created, somehow.
Then he came to the door. Loki could feel cool air seeping in from outside and suddenly felt the urge to try and open it. With a shaking hand he began turning the knob, but before the door could move he let go and stepped back, as though the door might come alive all its own and open wide and suck him out, into the waiting arms of some terrible nightmare Thor wouldn't be able to save him from this time.
Suddenly fearful, Loki rushed back to where he knew his brother slept, then hastily slid under the covers and snuggled close to Thor's warmth. As if sensing Loki near, the thunderer mumbled sleepily and turned toward him, to which the younger turned around and draped Thor's arm over his chest. Content and feeling safe with Thor at his back, Loki fell into sleep a moment later.
.
"What is your crime, Odinson?"
Loki was trembling; he knew he had to answer, but he was in too much pain to remember. He felt the hot metal sear the bottom of his foot once again, and he screamed.
"What is your crime, Odinson?!" came the question again, more angry.
He swallowed, throat dry and lips like sandpaper. He wanted to answer, had to answer. When he felt the molten heat near his foot again, he yelped out: "Wait! Wait!" the heat moved a fraction away. "Wait, I-" he gathered his thoughts, forced his mind to work, to remember. "I-I-I k-killed... people." The words came out, but he gritted his teeth, knowing it wasn't enough. The ropes creaked overhead.
"What else?" said the voice of his torturer.
"I..." Loki kept his eyes clenched shut- even though he wore a blindfold -determined to get the words out. "I...I hurt people, I hurt... the mortals, and..." His knuckles were white as he balled his fists, trying to remember, trying to ignore the ache of his joints against his uncomfortable restraints. His arms were tied behind his back and the rope was fastened to the ceiling. He was bent over, knees touching the floor as well as his forehead. His ankles were tied together and fastened to the floor so he couldn't move. Loki gasped and felt fresh tears flowing when his mind began to shut down at the growing heat at his heel. He shook his head desperately, unable to find the right words. "Please... I can't remember, I'm too tired- Please stop-"
He screamed when the burning metal touched him again. He jerked against the ropes holding him up, trying in vain to move away from the agonizing onslaught.
His torturer screamed at him, "And did your victims ask you to stop?! Or were they so beneath you, like ants, that you didn't bother to even look at them or hear their pleas?"
The searing pain stopped, but Loki was panting, sobbing, the pain too much. "Please, I don't- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." But it didn't matter how many times he had said it; it didn't make them stop.
"If you are sorry, then," began the horrible man, "tell me what you have done. What is your crime, Odinson?"
Loki continued sobbing against the wet floor, trying to catch his breath and ignore the pain at the same time. He knew if he didn't answer correctly and completely, the torture would continue until he got it right. So, once again, he forced his mind to work. "Th-" he choked out, "Thor..."
"What about him?"
"Thor, I... I tried to kill him..." Loki grit his teeth and shut his eyes, the blindfold suddenly insufficient to keep the memories out, even if he needed them right now.
"Yes, and?"
Sweat dripped all around him, he wanted to sleep, to go away, but he didn't like the nightmares that haunted him; of Thor's frozen dead body beneath his fingers, of screams and blood. "I'm a traitor," he whispered out, tears wetting the blindfold further. Loki continued, suddenly lost in his memories through the haze of pain, "I'm a monster..."
There was a pause. Silent air filling the trickster god's mind with images of terrible deeds he wished to forget, but couldn't.
Suddenly he was released, the rope overhead falling on his back as he collapsed to the floor. Next, his ankles, then his arms.
Unable to walk back to his cell he was forced to crawl back on trembling hands and knees. He collapsed several times and his escort- a guard -kicked him to force him back up. The man's words didn't reach the mischief god's ears, so tired and lost in sorrow that he could barely breathe much less heed words.
When Loki finally, after what seemed like hours, reached his cell, the grating metal door closed behind him and he curled up in his usual corner. The darkness permeated every part of the cell, the dim torchlight from the corridor the only illumination- insufficient and flickering. He shook terribly and couldn't stop crying, suddenly so cold... too cold-
"Loki," said a voice.
He jerked up, startled by the unexpected voice in his cell.
"Loki," it said again, like words from the dead. The trickster stared at the corner opposite, where the voice had come from. "Loki are you there?" it whispered- but it was so far away... so far away. There was a breeze from nowhere, for there were no windows.
Loki stared, wide-eyed, but he couldn't see anything in the dark except... except... Red, red, red, red, red... "Th-Thor?"
Silence.
Silence.
Silence... Red.
"Loki."
The trickster ripped out his hair and screamed at the stillness, and the red, and that which wasn't there.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Thor awoke to strange sounds; sounds of strained breathing and odd whimpering noises. When he opened his eyes he saw dark hair and stared for a moment in confusion. Loki, his mind registered next. He leaned on one elbow and moved his brother so he could see his face, then realized the noises were coming from Loki.
The trickster continued whimpering and breathing hard, but when Thor caught sight of blood dripping onto the bed from Loki's stitches he began to shake him awake.
"Loki! Brother, wake up!" he shouted.
Almost immediately the white eyes opened, wide and confused and frightened. Then he began to struggle, until Thor hugged him tightly and ran a hand through his hair soothingly. The smaller god calmed down after a moment, although clearly he remained distressed as his breathing barely slowed.
"You are all right, brother," Thor spoke with his lips against Loki's forehead. "You are all right... I'm here, I'm here." With the words spoken, he seemed to relax against Thor, his breathing slowly returning to normal. "Did you have a nightmare?" asked Thor, even though he knew his little brother couldn't answer.
He sat them both up and after looking at his clock realized it was almost time to wake up. Worried for Loki, he decided they had had enough sleep for the night.
Loki held to him tightly, once again not about to let him go. No matter, thought Thor. I suppose I should become accustomed to this. He smiled a little and swung his legs over the side, hoping that today would be easier given that much of what they had to do yesterday had already been done- his brother no doubt still remembering what would now become ritual for them.
.
Since Loki had been sweaty from his nightmare, Thor decided to shower him again. Today, Bruce Banner would be returning and he wanted Loki to make a good impression- not that Banner needed a good impression, he was a very compassionate man, he would surely accept Loki after seeing what punishments he had already endured.
When Thor escorted Loki to the main kitchen-area, there sat Banner and Tony at the counter, the smell of coffee lingering in the air. Loki had clearly noticed earlier, as he had sniffed the air and dawned a face of curiosity and slight confusion.
Banner's first words upon seeing Loki were: "Wow." He said nothing further, although an obvious grimace was growing on his face.
Loki was as blank and staring as ever, although he seemed confused as to why they were doing nothing but standing. Perhaps he was expecting breakfast?
"Doctor Banner," Thor acknowledged with a nod of his head.
"Huh, yeah, oh hey, Thor," he said, still staring at the trickster god. "Sorry, I-I'm a little-" He suddenly stood up and walked a few steps away from the others, back turned. He ran a hand through his hair, then hung his head a little as he rested a hand on his mouth.
"Doc?" asked Tony, obviously worried. "You okay? Not gonna turn rage monster on us, are you?"
Banner shook his head, not turning around. "No, I'm okay. I just need a sec."
Tony turned back around with brows raised, then to Thor he whispered: "Yikes. Maybe I shouldn't have given him the nitty-gritty details, he gets all sensitive and stuff-"
"I can hear you, Tony," said Banner, back still to them.
The inventor perked his lips and continued, although not in a whisper, "But seriously, your brother's kind of like Tim Burton's worst nightmare. Or-" he dipped his head, "maybe more like his wet dream- Ow!" Bruce hit him on the back of the head. "Why does everyone keep doing that?!" Tony then looked back at the scientist, injury immediately forgotten. "Oh hey. When'd you get back?"
Banner gave a tight-lipped smile. "Just now. You two okay?" he asked the gods.
Thor nodded, Loki did nothing but hold on to Thor gingerly. "Are you well, Banner?" asked Thor.
"I'm fine," he answered, although he clearly still looked somewhat frazzled.
Tony eyed him, "You sure? You've still got some green around the eyes-"
"I'm fine, Tony," he said in a determined but not unfriendly voice. Both Thor and Tony nodded.
"So," began Stark, "this is the part where Loki touches you to find out who you are. It's fun! Sort of like charades for blind people- Ow!" Banner smacked him again. "Stop doing that-!"
"Then stop acting like a big jerk." Bruce stood straight, arms crossed in humor, eyebrow raised in challenge.
Tony squinted at him questioningly. "Hmm," he said. "Are you sure you're not about to go green? 'Cause I got a panic room just for when-"
"Stark," Banner said dryly. "What does this have to do with anything?"
He tweaked his jaw. "Right. Blind people chara-" he jerked back and stood up, obviously worried the scientist was about the hit him again, although Banner remained passive and stared at Tony, slightly amused. "Anyway," Tony straightened himself, "how're we gonna do it this time, blondie?"
Thor's eyebrows perked at being addressed, having been thoroughly entertained by his teammates' friendly bickering. "Ah, yes... I have not given it much thought. Have you any ideas, Stark?"
Stark rested a hand on his chin as he looked Banner up and down. The scientist crossed his arms and shifted his weight, annoyed at Tony's tactless scrutiny. While the inventor stared, Banner spoke, "Actually, you know Loki and I never really met..."
The thunder god nodded, "Yes, but perhaps he only need know that there is another in his presence, perhaps he does not need to know..."
The doctor raised a brow. "You mean, maybe he's better off not knowing the guy who beat him into the floor is anywhere near him, right?"
"I am sorry, I meant no offense-"
"No, no... it's fine, I just... Are you sure? What if he figures it out and he knows you lied to him? I'm no expert in relationships but Loki seems like he might need someone right now that he can trust completely. If not you, then who?"
Thor stared at the small unassuming scientist with an astonished expression he couldn't quite help. Before he said anything, Thor gave one long nod that was more of a bow. "You are wise beyond your years, my friend. And you are right; I do wish him to trust me. However," he hesitated, "I still do not know how he may recognize you..."
Banner walked toward them slowly. "Well, let's just see if he can tell by touching my face... or, my hair?" He shrugged and smiled a little. "It can't hurt."
Thor nodded as the scientist approached, and he once again lifted Loki's thin wrist up so he could feel the face in front of him.
This time Loki's look of confusion continued for some time. He felt of Banner's face first, then his shirt, then his folded arms. His hair was next, then his face again. The trickster tilted his head, as though unsure of who was before him.
"Oh wait," said Banner as he reached in his shirt's front pocket for his glasses. "Maybe this'll help."
After slowly ghosting his fingers across the edges of the glasses, Loki suddenly jumped back, then moved backwards on stumbling legs until he fell against the wall next to the entrance. Thor immediately ran to his side then wrapped both arms around him. "I am sorry, brother, I know you are frightened, but Banner will not harm you." As if he heard him, Loki shook his head desperately, eyes wide like saucers and small whimpering noises escaping. He reached up and held Thor around the neck, burying his face in his brother's shoulder. Thor addressed the doctor, "I am sorry, Banner, I did not expect him to react this harshly."
"No, actually," said Bruce quickly, approaching in a half-crouched position, "I-I understand. I'd run from me, too, if I got beat as badly as Loki did." He crouched down next to the two, obviously aware that Loki wouldn't know he was near.
Thor smiled a little at him but concentrated on his brother. "Loki," he said to the side of Loki's head. "Nothing will happen; I'm here. They are friends, they are here to help." He kissed the spot then began standing up slowly, bringing Loki with him. The trickster held tightly, trembling and breathing hard. Thor kept one arm around his waist and used the other to rub his back.
"Maybe you should take him back to your room," supplied Banner helpfully.
Tony yelled from the counter-side, arms up. "But they haven't eaten yet! I got more smoothies! I wanted to show Brucie the Glappy Face..."
That reminded Thor, "Where is Rogers?"
"Out," came Tony's unhelpful reply.
Banner gave the inventor a look, "He means he's been called back to SHIELD. Some kind of debriefing for a mission or something. Don't worry about it, I'm sure he'll be back soon."
Thor nodded.
A/N: As I said, I'll be busy this week (among other things, I have freakin' jury duty, ugh) but hopefully most of it won't interfere too much with my fan fic writing.
Anyway, as you can see, these flashbacks/dreams of Loki's aren't in chronological order, and that trend will continue the rest of the story. Hopefully by the end you guys will get a more complete picture of what happened to him over the last couple of years.
I love you guys and I love your reviews! X3