Caroline had woken at 5am with a stiff neck and a sore back, she had had the worst dream she had woken her face wet from the tears her dream had so strongly created. She had dreamt that Kate had walked away from her she was unsure if that because in the dream Caroline had said no to the idea. Or if it was because they had tried and failed in the attempt to give Kate what she so desperately wanted! She was aware even if she agreed to it in theory it wasn't exactly like having a husband who could do the business every night until it succeed and Kate was getting older and her history, ,meant everything was against them from the off.

She had slowly walked up the stairs to see a sleeping Kate curled up on her side of the bed, she had felt a harsh stab to her chest as she saw their picture in her grasp upon the pillow. How could she even think of saying no to her request not if it meant that she would never see this view again.

she wanted to go closer to hold her, feel her close to reassure her and be reassured but something drew her back, as once again she distanced herself. Before she had really come to she had found herself pulling on her coat and reversing out of the drive, she felt the tears welling up inside her. She finally pulled up at the nature park, where she could walk the steep countryside trails, she recouped herself urging herself on further until she reached the peak and collapsed upon it.

she sat for a long time until feeling her fingers tingle with the numbness of the cold winters morning finally become noticeable. What was she to do.. She could go along with the idea to please Kate and pray she never fell pregnant... But then that wasn't simple how many times would Kate put herself thought the disappointment. How many times would she have to console her heartbroken lover, and how guilty would she feel if she found she felt glad. Or worse what if she changed her mind and she was her self devastated when it didn't happen. Then both her and Kate would be heartbroken, what if it drove them apart the disappointment the emotional turmoil too much.

On the other hand she could tell Kate the truth and then Kate might leave her, for not being able to give her what she wanted. She'd call her heartless and say it was her final chance and she was prepared to do this without her if that's what It took.

Or if Kate said she understood and either it would slowly tear them apart or worse she would forever feel guilty towards Kate for standing in her way. She held her head in her hands she couldn't think straight either way she saw a bad ending to the situation, either way equalled heartbreak.

Driving in the car she had the intention to go home but always Caroline elliot had chicken out last minute and before she had really thought where she had been driving to found she was not far from the farm.

As she pulled up outside Gillian's she sat for a while, she had become entranced in her deep thoughts brought back to the present from a harsh tap on the window.

She looked up at Gillian as Gillian smiled opening the door of her car, Gillian couldn't help but let smile falter as she took in Caroline's demeanor she sensed something was gravely wrong. She had never seen the Caroline Elliot she knew so untangled so lost looking, her body so heavy her brow so creased and the red blotched cheeks gave away the tears that she had shed.

"Caroline what's happened" Caroline slowly slid out of the car and into Gillian's arms they embraced, Gillian noting how deeply Caroline clung to her. Caroline wasn't entirely sure what had lead her to Gillian's but somehow in the short time they had known each other despite their failings out they had had a deep connection, an understanding.

Caroline sat in the kitchen clutching the Luke warm cup of tea as Gillian stoked her hand "oh I see" Gillian sighed. "It's a tricky one" she said softly "yep" Caroline said glumly she felt older, heavier than before.

"Caroline how do u feel honestly deep down." Caroline shrugged I don't know I'm confused everything was perfect and now..." She looked at the table fidgeting with her hands.

Gillian lifted her chin "you don't look like the Caroline I know..." She looked up confused "your not whole anymore". She smiled knowingly "are you opposed so much that you would let yourself become like this". "Oh Gillian I don't know what to do I feel broken I'm so scared to tell the truth and so scared to lie and either way watch my whole world fall apart".

"Caroline ...Do you trust Kate?"

"Yes" a soft whisper

"Do you love Kate?"

"Yes" louder this time

"Do you want To live your life without her?"

"No" she sounded more resound.

Gillian leant a little closer " Then Caroline I speak frankly what the fuck are you doing here!"

Caroline burst into tears "I know but I just can't face her, I can't see her reject me I can't... She looked up imploringly can I stay here tonight?".

"Of course you can but I really don't think that is going to make things any better".

Caroline flipped her phone over again it was another phone call from Kate she had ignored this morning.

"Caroline can I tell you what i think" she questioned, Caroline looking up intrigued "your sabotaging your chance at happiness. Sitting here you loose either way but at least if you confront it,... Go with it or say no at least you have taken a chance It might work out... Sitting here is not going to resolve it.

Caroline stood up "your right Gillian, I have to talk this over maybe it will be ok". She looked apprehensively as she gave Gillian a hug and headed home once more.

Kate threw out her suitcase she felt the tears prickle down her face and drop against her hand, she whipped them away viciously.

she had dreaded Caroline would react like this but after all that they had been through she should have expected nothing less. She couldn't be treated like this. If Caroline didn't even love her enough to talk to her ...what was she to do.

Caroline understood what this meant to her and instead of chatting about it seeing what the answer was she had slept down stairs, left before morning had ignored her calls. She had sat feeling sick all morning and not even a text that just showed her how much Caroline thought of her. That's what you get for going out with Caroline Elliot an immature andselfish reaction to a issue not even solely about her. No she wasn't going to put herself in this situation again she loved Caroline but loving her made the disappointments that followed oh so much worse.

She stumbled as Lawrence passed her on the stairs "Kate where are you?... Are you ok? "Home, tell Caroline I know her answer" "but what's happened" "nothing it's fine, she will be back soon I presume". "Where is she?" "How would I know she never talks to me!".

"Kate don't leave, whatever it is you can sort it I'm sure" "she doesn't want a family she's got you and William, why would she want to have a family with me as well". He was taken aback at her frankness "you are family".

Kate burst into tears once more holding him tight "your a lovely young man I'm sorry to have to put you in the middle. I just need some space". She pushed past him and was down the drive before Lawrence could even locate his mum.

"Mum"

"Lawrence I can't really talk now"

"mum Kate's gone!"

"Gone? where?"

"She left she was really upset whats happened, she's taken her things! "