#30 Darkness and Joy
Six months had passed from Gareth's death. Gawain still grieved, but only in dark, quiet moments in the middle of the night. Kirra helped him where she could, but knew that there were some things she could not fix and let him feel what he would -- instinctively she knew it would help the healing process. She was always there with a calm word and a warm embrace when he needed it, though.
The spring had swiftly flowed into summer and now it was again autumn and just at the peak of the harvest. The usual festival had been held so Kirra had been up late dancing and laughing with Gawain and the others and she and Gawain had just retired for what was left of the night when a loud banging on the door pulled them from sleep. Gawain groaned and rolled from Kirra to answer the door, cursing under his breath. Kirra nestled further into the warm blankets, determined to stay asleep, until she heard Vanora's name said. She popped up and bounded out of the bed to stand at Gawain's side, concern darkening her eyes.
It was Dagonet at the door explaining the situation and asking for Kirra. He was not at all surprised when she suddenly appeared clad only in her nightclothes, hair rumpled and face flushed from sleep. When he was home, Kirra was never found very far from Gawain.
"Wha's wrong, Dag?" Kirra demanded, rubbing her eyes and blinking to clear the last remnants of sleep.
"Van's in a bit of trouble. She's bleeding pretty heavy and the baby can't come." His voice was low, but Kirra could hear the undercurrent of panic in it. Things must be bad if Dag was panicked.
She pushed passed him and ran down the hall to her room. Upon entering, she pulled off her nightclothes and threw on a clean dress then grabbed the small pack of herbs she kept with her in case of emergency and ran back to where Dagonet and Gawain stood waiting.
They quickly arrived at the small house that Bors and Vanora shared. It was strangely quiet and the windows were dark and seemingly empty. Kirra entered passing briskly through the house pausing only to glance at the children clustered together in the main room. They were still and silent; their eyes wide and round in fear. Kirra could feel their terror and it pounded at her. The oldest children tightly clasped the younger ones in hopes of giving and receiving some comfort. Bors was waiting with them, quiet and still and pale as the children.
To Kirra, he appeared to be in shock. Fear etched deep lines in his face. She knew he must feel very helpless and for men like him and the other knights, helplessness was not a feeling they tolerated well. These were men of action and Bors was far too quiet for her liking. She spared no more then a disapproving glance at him before continuing to make her way to the back. Why was he not with Van? He followed her.
Kirra entered the back room in which Vanora was laboring Bors at her heels. Gawain and Dagonet hung back just inside the doorway. She wrinkled her nose at the smell. Something unwholesome and dark was burning over the fire; its acidic smoke filled the room making it heavy and oppressive. It weighed them down and took away hope. Kirra had the distinct feeling that the walls were closing in on them all.
Vanora laid white and panting on a bed at the far side of the room. Her face was pale and drawn with pain. Tendrils of sweat dampened hair, uncomfortably resembling blood, clung to her face. The same physician who had attended the birth of the Roman baby years earlier was urging her to push. He stopped short when he saw Kirra followed by the woman's lover and two other large, somber knights enter the room. He stepped away and cleared his throat nervously, his small eyes flicking from face to face.
Kirra held up her hand in a sharp gesture to stop him from making some poor excuse. But she could spare thought for him; her full attention was drawn to the farthest corner of the room. For there, in the dark shadows, was a deeper shadow, one that she had never seen, one that caused her heart to accelerate in fear. She took a hesitant step forward only to recoil, gasping and stumbling back in horror. Her small pack dropped from numb fingers and she looked down and forced her heart to beat normally. It would do no good for her to panic; it would only cause the men and Van to panic.
Gawain took the several steps needed and grasped Kirra's shoulders to steady her. He looked in the direction in which she had been staring but saw nothing. He glanced at the other two men who stared uneasily at her and shook his head in confusion.
Kirra looked at the men in disbelief. Could they not see that in the darkest corner of the room Death waited? She glanced back and he seemed to know she could see him. She closed her eyes when he smiled at her from under his hood, a gleam of dry white teeth in the darkness of the shadow. She knew his meaning; he could wait for as long as it took but eventually he would have his prize.
Kirra looked over to the physician, her eyes wide in horror, and asked in a chilling voice, "What have you done?"
The man, not understanding Kirra's question began to stutter in his defense that he was doing the best he could and so on and so forth. She ignored him and strode to the window. The Roman wrung his hands and made clucking noises of disapproval when she threw back the hangings to let the night air enter and cleanse the room of the dark and unholy stench. Kirra noticed that Death retreated further into the shadows avoiding the pure beams of moonlight that streamed in.
"No, you will let the ill humors in." the physician protested wildly as he crossed the room to cover the windows.
Kirra's bared teeth glistened wolfishly in the moonlight as she snarled at him. He stopped short, swallowing convulsively in fear. "You are the only ill humor I see here tonight." She hissed.
She advanced on the man with a dangerous look in her darkening eyes. He gave a small yelp as she grabbed his arm and shoved him towards the door with far more strength than he though such a small woman should possess.
"Get out," Kirra's voice was soft and deadly. "And if I ever so much as see you walking on the same side of the road as a woman with child, I promise you, I will hunt you down and kill you myself and it will not be over quickly."
The physician's eyes rolled back in his head and he practically fell over himself in his haste to get away from the deadly little woman in front of him.
When Kirra tuned to back to the men, they were looking at her as if they half feared her. Gawain took a hesitant step forward and Kirra shook her head roughly and made some attempt to speak in a normal tone, "I am fine."
She spared no time for any explanations, but went to Vanora. On her way over she passed by the fire and looked into the pot that hung over it. The contents looked like sludge and smelled worse than sulfur. She wrinkled her nose and looked back at the waiting men.
"Dag, take that out and bury it. Make sure that you do so far away from any living thing. Please bring in some fresh water and put it on to boil. Bors, come here. You helped to create the child and so you will help Van through delivering it."
Tense and white-faced, the two men did as they were told while Gawain waited in uneasy silence for orders.
Kirra questioned Bors, "How long has she been like this?"
"Her pains started this mornin' and then things just got worse …" His voice trailed off. Kirra could see he was in shock.
She hissed at him, "And you didn't send for me?"
Vanora answered panting, "You were busy earlier and havin' a good time tonight and then Gawain was actually smilin' for once, I just wanted to let you be."
Kirra looked at her sharply, "It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, if you need me, not Gawain's smile or all the Legions of Rome with the Pope leading them can keep me from coming."
Kirra felt momentary guilt for the fun she had been having while her friend had been suffering. She hadn't even noticed that Vanora had been absent. She rolled her head to relax and took a deep breath. Her eyes lightened to their customary grey and the anger left her, replaced with a feeling of urgency. Dag re-entered with the water and set it to boil.
Kirra retrieved her pack from the floor where it had fallen and dug through it. She took out a small bowl and dipped a little of the water into it. Standing in the moonlight she swirled it a bit and then washed up with a pinch of her soap.
"Van, I am sorry, but I have to check you." Vanora's eyes were closed, but she nodded weakly. "Gawain, Dag, you can leave, but don't go too far. Bors, you stay put."
They didn't wait to be told twice. Kirra sat in the edge of the bed, angered by the bloody sheets. Damn Roman, she thought as she checked the laboring woman. She stopped when things didn't quite feel right. Upon closer examination, she told Van in a somewhat level voice to stop pushing.
Vanora looked at her in surprise as did Bors, "But …" She was stopped by the force of a particularly strong contraction.
"Just blow, Van. Don't push." Kirra ordered, "If you do, you could risk harm to yourself and the baby."
Vanora moaned and bit her lip, drawing blood as she struggled against her body's instincts. Bors looked at Kirra hard. He had had enough of vague answers and wanted to know what was going on. He was upset enough to take his frustration out on the healer.
"Start explainin', girl."
Kirra was steady as she met his eyes, "The afterbirth is coming first. If Van pushes it out first, then it could tear away from her womb and she could bleed to death, or it could pinch the baby's cord and cause the baby to suffocate. Or both could happen."
At her pronouncement Bors went deathly white. Van had heard enough through the waves of pain to know that she was in real danger.
She asked in a small voice, "What do I do? The child has to come out."
"He will Van, I promise you that. I just have to help him a bit." Kirra tried to sound confident, though inside she was shaking like a leaf.
"How you gonna do that?" Bors demanded with a frown.
Kirra looked at the couple and waited for another contraction to pass, "Do you trust me? I mean really trust me. I can help, but only if you can trust me with your life and the life of your baby."
Bors looked as if he might balk, but Vanora simply nodded her head.
"I have to cut you open to get the baby."
Bors stood up angry, "You can't do that. It will kill her." He loomed over Kirra who sat watching with her brother's infuriatingly stoic expression.
"Oh, I assure you I can do it and it won't. Where I was raised children were delivered by this method almost more then they were delivered naturally." Kirra was calm.
Vanora moaned and clutched at the bed sheets, Bors sat down heavily. He was at a loss. Vanora looked at him and nodded her agreement. She was ready to do anything, if it meant the pain would end.
Kirra briskly stood and moved beside Bors, "Good. I am going to put you to sleep, Van – like I did with Nine. You won't feel anything. You'll wake later, after I'm finished." She placed her hand on Vanora's head then said quietly, "I promise you that you and the baby will be fine." Vanora merely nodded and Kirra wove a limited sleep spell.
When Vanora was unconscious, Kirra turned to Bors and touched his arm, "Please trust me. They will both be fine. Stay here, I have to go and get a few things. I will get someone to watch over the other children." Bors didn't look at her as she left the room.
Outside of the room, Kirra started issuing orders, "Dag, please find me all the clean linen you can." She walked into the room where the children were gathered. She stood in front of them with a bright smile, gathering their fear and taming it, "Children, I need you to come with me. We are going to play a little trick on some friends of mine and I need your help. Afterwards, I am sure that they will be happy to tell you a few stories."
The older children nodded and climbed to their feet as Kirra picked up one of the smallest and handed him to Gawain, who promptly froze, holding the child away from his body. She picked up another small one and beckoned for the rest to follow her. Gawain caught up with her outside the small house. H noticed that they were making their way back to the barracks.
"What is going on in that head of yours, Kirra?" He watched her closely, mirroring her cradling of the child she held, with the one in his arms. He was surprised at how comfortable it felt – once the child determined he was not going to be dropped and stopped squirming.
"We have to get the children away for the night. It's doing none of them good to be there. I need you, Galahad, and Gar --" she broke off abruptly, kicking herself at her slip up. Six months and she still spoke of Gareth as if he were alive. Gawain said nothing so Kirra hurried on, "You and Gal maybe Lancelot to entertain them for awhile."
Gawain had more pressing problems than berating Kirra for an obvious mistake. "Entertain them?" He was at a loss, what did he know about children? What did Galahad know about children for that matter? And Lancelot? Well, that was laughable.
Kirra sighed, "You know, games and stories and such. Between the three of you, you have heard enough stories that you should be able to keep the children busy for hours. If that doesn't work, I don't know, teach them how to throw knives or something like that."
"These are Vanora's children; I don't think that is such a good idea. She might get even with us."
Kirra smiled up at him in reassurance," If it helps, she will be down and out for over one moon span. Trust me she will not even be thinking of moving."
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The night proved to be one of the longest that Kirra had ever lived through, but at last, just as the sun was peeking over the horizon, the thin wavering wail of an infant could be heard throughout the small home.
Kirra tied off the last stitch and wiped wearily at her eyes. She had never felt so fatigued. After bathing her friend and changing her into a clean shift, Kirra felt as if she could sleep for a year. She looked at Bors, cradling his newest bastard, and smiled.
"Bors," the big man looked up at her. His expression one of complete love, "I'm leaving. Van will most likely sleep until noon or longer. She will be in quite a bit of pain. I am leaving an herb packet. Steep it until it is a dark green and then make her drink it. It will help tighten her womb and ease her pain. If it doesn't help much send one of the children and I will try another way."
He nodded and rose from the bed, careful not to disturb the mother of his child. Kirra was surprised to find tears glimmering in his eyes, tears he made no effort to hide, "Thanks, girl." He said gruffly, slinging his free arm around Kirra and giving her a brief, but crushing hug, "I was afraid Vanora was goin' to leave us. You saved her and the child."
Kirra hugged the big man back, "How could I do otherwise? She's the only woman friend I have here. There is nothing that I wouldn't have done to make this easier on her." Her gaze sharpened, "You should have called me first."
Bors nodded and grinned broadly, "Next time we will." He promised.
Kirra shook her head. After all that, the man was actually thinking of the next time. "Perhaps you had better discuss that with Vanora and I personally would wait a couple of weeks, before you go making any plans the likes of that."
He chuckled, "You better get off now and rescue whoever it is that is you stuck with bastard duty."
Kirra giggled as she left the little house, Dag on watch at the door, and approached the barracks. She began to hurry as there was not one sound coming from any of the rooms. She fairly burst through the door to Galahad's room, but stopped abruptly, giggling as soon as she could make out the dim interior.
Sprawled over the bed and piled every which way on the floor were sleeping children, men, and one huge dog. Gawain held two small children curled in his arms. Galahad had one, and each was leaned upon by others. Vanora's particularly vivacious five-year old was sprawled across Lancelot's lap. Two others lay with their heads pillowed on Finn. It was a sweet sight.
Kirra picked her way around the children and knelt in front of Gawain gently she reached out and touched her palm to his cheek, "Time to wake up, Sleeping Beauty."
The knight stirred and opened one eye, "Let's us sleep, woman, we are run ragged. How their mother does it, I'll never know."
Giggling again Kirra kissed him and silently left the room. She wearily made her way to Gawain's room down the hall and stripping her dress off fell into bed and immediately fell into the deep sleep of the truly exhausted. After her door had shut, Tristan melted out of the shadows and settled himself beside it to make sure that no one disturbed his sister's well deserved rest. And for a time peace descended over the barracks and all were in good hands.