A flash of limbs. His hands everywhere, the taste that is so unmistakably him. The exact moment when he realized she need reassurance about what they were about do. Then just as suddenly she sees his face.
"god you're awful"
"and you don't even know how awful you are."
"I don't give a damn"
The last line repeats until Alicia's eyes pop open and she feels the tears on her cheeks. More often than not the only memory she can see is the face her wore when she answered yes, the hatred mixed with the hurt. A glance at the clock lets her know that it's okay to start her day, there's no need to try and fail at sleeping again. There's no need to risk falling back into her beautiful nightmares.
She knows it will be one of those days when her courtroom opponents will be in a corner licking their wounds – she is in warrior princess mode, she'll put on her toughest armor to protect herself from her memories. But she knows it has to stop she knows the armor is temporary and she has to figure out how to let him go. She just can't figure out how. How do you survive breaking the heart of the one you love to break your own and save their life?
"My plan is I love you."
He sits nursing a scotch, he thinks he's on his 5th, he's pretty sure he's at the bar and that Kalinda was with him, but he's reached a point where he no longer cares. He wants to be alone with her, or the best thing available to him now, his memories of her. Questions flitter in and out of his fuzzy brain, he wants to know why. Why Peter? Why didn't she give him a chance? Why wouldn't they work? He doesn't want the simple platitudes of her kids and her marriage he wants to really know why. He wants to know why she left instead of coming to him.
They would have made it work.
He would have made her stupid plans, he would have given up the romance if it meant he still had her in his life as more than a courtroom and legal adversary. He misses the touch of her skin, the smell of her shampoo, the sound of her laugh oh god the sound of her laugh, but most of all he misses his best friend. Who do you turn to when the only one that can dry your tears, is the one who made you cry?