Chapter 7: Devina
I slowly wake up to the breeze of summer coming in through the open balcony doors. I turn and find my soon to be husband still sound asleep. I look at him and all I can do is smile. He has been mine for nearly twelve years, and soon, we will embark and the glorious journey of marriage. I kiss him on the lips and I can feel him slowly start to wake up. In less than a minute, I know he is fully awake because he is now on top of me.
"You know." I say pulling away from his kiss. "I guess now we have to discuss a few things."
"Okay." He says giving me one more kiss before returning to his side. He brushes a strand of hair from my face and kisses my forehead. The way he looks at me always gives me chills. God I love this man with all of my heart.
"You know you need to stop doing this to me." I say and he gives me a confused look but I know that he knows exactly what I'm talking about. "You making me smile like this. It never used to happen before you."
"But that is the smile I love so much." He says which makes me blush. "Well, we do have things to talk about."
"What do I do about them? I mean, I never suspected that this moment would ever come. The day I would have to face both my brother and my sister. With terrible timing too; with the wedding this Friday and Lucas' birthday in only three weeks. What do they expect me to do? Just welcome them back into my life and pretend that they didn't shut me out for the past eleven years?"
"Well, that's not entirely true is it? Mark tried getting in touch with you for the past nine." He says but not with a condescending tone, but a tone of remorse. "You never did tell me why you did that."
"Okay, It's not just the fact that they don't want to see me, I don't want to see them. I see my father because he is Lucas' father too. You know I never really forgave him for what he did. He was necessary but Mark and Lucinda. Why would I cause myself that much pain?"
"Devina…" He begins to say but then I get up from the bed and walk to the balcony. We leave it open to let all of the nature breeze in from central park. My hair tangled and in sweats and an oversized t-shirt, I look out onto the world. I never imagined my life if I didn't have Lucas in my life; if I didn't take him in. Then it hit me; I would still be distant from my siblings but I would have a better relationship with my father. I would still be with Zeke, but our relationship would be totally different; he would resent me for my success and he wouldn't be where he is now, he would probably be cheating on me with Trisha or someone else close to me. I start to cry at the thought of that being my life. The life of, well, my sister.
I don't know how long I stood there, but I suddenly felt Zeke's arms around me. I could feel his chin on my shoulder and I felt a kiss. "What do you want to do about them?" He asks me and I turn around. He wipes away my tears that I have shed thinking about my alternate universe life. "What do you think she would want you to do?" He asks as more tears come out.
"She loved us you know? The last Christmas that we spent together, when she knew you for a few months already, she somehow already knew that you were the one for me. She knew it before I knew it." I say looking up at him. I brush my fingers through his hair, that always somehow sooths me.
"Lorelei always had the talent to know what you want before you know it." He says and I laugh. He and she always got along so well, even from the start. When I first introduced them, they clicked and I always thought it was amazing. He always knew that I took Lucas in because it's what she would have wanted. He knows that before I do anything big, I always ask myself that question.
"She loved all of us. Even if she was miraculously resurrected from the dead, she would ask everyone to forgive and forget." I say and look up at him. "But how can I do that? Forgive eleven years of hurt, of anger, of abandonment?"
He looks into my eyes and takes my hand. He leads me back to the bed and he sits me down. He stands between my legs and takes my hands in his, intertwining our fingers. "You know, eleven years ago, I recall you asking me the same question." He says and I start to remember.
It was just after Doctor White told us that my mother had died while giving birth. Lucinda was crying into her hands and Mark was staring at the floor. My father had just punched a wall and was holding it for support, trying to recover from the devastating news that we all just received. I was there, sitting still, probably from shock. I saw the door open with Zeke walking through the doors in the tri-beta shirt he had on with matching sweats. He saw me and somehow, he immediately knew. I ran to him and all he could do was hug me. I just cried into him and I didn't care what anyone else thought. I'm sure he let out a few tears himself. . We stood there, for what seemed like eternity, and before I knew it, we were sitting down in chairs.
"Zeke…" My father began to say but then Zeke stood up and hugged him. I've never seen my dad look so broken. He never let me see this side of him and we were close. "Thanks for coming."
"Of course. Lorelei was like family to me. You all are." He says and I know he doesn't mean it with Lucinda because, like me, hates the bitch. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"What do you do when you lose someone you love?" My father asks wiping his tears from his face. "Just watch Devina for a sec while I handle the baby thing."
"What do you mean 'baby thing'?" I ask standing up. "What are you going to do to Lucas?"
"Don't call him that!" My father yells at me which startles me enough to step back. "He doesn't deserve that name. He doesn't deserve any name and he certainly won't have my name."
"He's your son." I say regaining my composure and standing my ground. "What do you expect to do with him?"
"Devina… Leave it alone." Mark says standing up from the long while of sitting down in shock. I cant believe those are the first words he says after the news of our mother's death. I don't even acknowledge it with a glance. Even a glance is too much to credit for that statement.
"He is an abomination that deserves nothing from us." My sister says and all I want to do is smack her but I have enough strength to not follow my first whimsical instincts. However, that statement draws my attention.
"What did you do to deserve the life you were given? You were born from her, just like he was." I say stepping away from her and away from my father.
"At least I could do it without murdering her." She says and I clench my fist but I feel Zeke's hand on my arm. "Is that why you're taking that thing's side? Because you almost killed her too?" She asks and that was enough to get me pissed off enough to do something about it. I punch her in the face and go in for one more time. She lands with her but on the floor and I'm tempted to climb on top of her and injure her enough to make her stop breathing. I step forward but Zeke puts his arms around my waist which stops me.
"Devina." He says into my ear with my eyes never leaving Lucinda. Mark was helping her up now and tears were leaving her eyes. "Bitch isn't worth it. Not now." I finally wrangle my way out of his arms and walk up to my father.
"So that's the end of it then? We will leave and forget them both? His blood runs through our veins as well. You are heartless. All of you."
"He murdered her Don't you dare call me heartless. Your mother was my heart and that thing took her." Is all he has to say and I search his eyes for the tiniest bit of sarcasm. He can't mean that. I look deeper and search for sympathy but I find none. I understand now that he is lost without my mother. She was his humanity and his anchor. Without her, he has nothing left.
"He is a baby. An innocent baby." I say and look around. "What the hell is wrong with all of you?" I ask moving to stand in front of each and every one of them.
"She would've disowned both of you if she ever knew. If she knew that you two were so disrespectful and so heartless." I say to Mark and Lucinda and walk back to where my father stands.
"Devina! Enough." My father yells, something he rarely ever does; but I don't back down.
I look into his eyes with mine dead cold. "She would've left you if she ever saw this side of you. She would've recanted her love for you and smiled when she looked into your eyes and saw nothing."
That was it. Max slapped me right across the face. I was on the ground, tears streamed down my face. After he realized what he did he tried apologizing and helping me up, but I refused it. Zeke helped me up and pushed me towards his chest.
"What the hell is your problem?" Zeke yelled at Max. They both stood on opposite side of me. I touched my face and I could tell it was starting to get red.
"Let me help you stand." He father says as he tried to grab my arm.
"Don't you dare touch her." Zeke says as he carefully get to stand. He was caressing my head. We walked towards the Doctor and Zeke spoke for me. "Can you take us to the baby?" The doctor led the way to the nursery and there he was. He looked so perfect. How could they hate something so innocent? I picked him up, a bundle of joy weighing eight pounds nine ounces. He was so perfect. I turned to the Zeke and he saw how conflicted I was.
"When my dad signs away his rights, what happens then?" I ask doctor white.
"Well, after the paperwork is signed and he is discharged, he will be put into the foster care system and transported to a foster home until he is adopted." Doctor White says and I look at him. I then look at Zeke and before I knew it, I asked a question that was going to change my life forever.
"What if I wanted to adopt him?" I ask and then I could feel Zeke panicking beside me but I cant think about him right now, I have to focus on not letting my baby brother go into the foster care system.
"Um…" Doctor White says startled by my question then quickly regains his composure. "Devina…"
"I'm eighteen. I am his blood. Isn't that supposed to mean that I'm the one he's supposed to go to?"
"This is huge responsibility Devina…"
"I don't need to know about the responsibility that this decision carries, I need to know if it is possible…"
"It is possible, in fact it's preferable." He says. "Would you like me to start the paperwork?"
"Not quite yet. I need to talk to my family about this." I say and he nods. He leaves the room and just in time. I turn and look into Zeke's eyes and I see the terror in them. I sit down in the rocking chair just holding Lucas. Zeke sits in the one right beside it and I know he needs a second to gather his thoughts together.
"Devina…" He begins to say breaking the silence and I look into his eyes. "This is…"
"Zeke." I say interrupting him. "You have been an amazing boyfriend for the past year. You put up with me. You know how crazy I am and you don't care. You give me your shoulder when I cry uncontrollably over irrational things and you put up with me yelling at the tv when two people get together whom should not even be together…"
"So what do you want from me? Do you want me to be the father? Do you expect me to be by your side?"
"Zeke…" I say in a comforting tone.
"Damn it D! I love you. You know I love you, but this is too much. I'm twenty. I don't know anything about raising a baby."
"Zeke…"I say a little louder.
"I mean, we are still in College. We have lives. Fun lives. We make mistakes. This is the time to make mistakes. We cant mistakes once we have a child."
"Zeke!" I yell now. "You are not going to be the father. I wouldn't put that on you but I am going to be his mom, with your consent or not. I will not let him be alone. I just need you to tell people I cheated on you and got pregnant. That is all you know. As for us, were done."
"What?" He says almost sad.
"Everything you said was true, I don't want to put that pressure on you. You need a life, a better one without the one I am about to jump into. I will raise him like he is my own. Your life doesn't have to change. This is my decision and I don't want you to have to suffer the consequences too. I asked myself what my mother would have wanted me to do and this is it."
Zeke is silent for a long time. He just looks at me. I walk towards the door and I want to leave. I won't turn around, I feel like I am walking away from the love of my life. It just so happens that this place only has one exit and he is standing in my way to get to it. As I pass by him, he grabs my arm. He looks at me, with those dazzling eyes that I fell in love with.
"Devina…" He says in a now calm and even tone. "I don't want to lose you."
"Zeke, this is my problem. My responsibility. This year has been fun, but all good things must come to an end." I say and take another step forward but his grip doesn't loosen.
"You don't get it." He says to me. "I won't lose you." He looks at the baby and I can tell that it is the first time he really looked at him. "Why Lucas?"
"Lucas was my mothers' fathers' name." I say and look up at him. "I won't let you do this."
"You don't have choice." I say with a firm voice. "I wont let you throw away your life."
"I'm not throwing away my life if I'm with you." He says and reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box.
"Don't you dare…" I say to him and turn away. He gets down on one knee and starts to propose.
"I got permission from your parents a few days ago. I know our anniversary was three weeks ago, but this is bigger than us now. Lucas doesn't change how I feel about you. I love you. To every tear, every smile and every laugh. You are constantly running through my head. Whatever I do, you are apart of the decision process. I need you and your stubbornness to get through the day. I hate the idea of never seeing you again. Will you marry me?" he says and I finally turn around with tears streaming down my face.
"What in the hell is wrong with you?" I ask stepping towards him. "Most guys would jump at the chance to break up with their obsessive crazy girlfriends. If I told any of my ex-boyfriends that I wanted to adopt a baby they would run so fast that there would still be a shape of their body left on the door."
"I'm not most guys and I'm certainly not going to be one of your ex-boyfriends. With the risk of you slapping me in the face and telling me to get lost, I'm going to ask you again. Will you marry me?" He says letting a tear fall from the corner of his eye.
"You are so stupid." I say going down to his level and kissing him. He kisses me back and I finally pull away. "You lost your chance because I'm never telling you to leave again." We sit in the rocking chair, me on his lap and Lucas on mine and that is the first time we ever had a family moment.
After about twenty minutes or so, my father enters the room and you can tell he was crying for the redness of his eyes and the blotchiness of his face. He looks at all of us sitting in the chair and he grins a little.
"Babe, why don't you call your family down here, I'm sure you have some news to tell them." I say and we stand up. He gives me a kiss and releases my hand. On his way out, Zeke gives my father the death stare and exits.
"I'm sorry." Max said.
"For what? Abandoning your son or for slapping me?"
"Both. I can't love him though. You know that, no matter how cute he is or how much he resembles me. I won't love him and I wont apologize for that anymore. We can find him a good home. That's the extent of it."
I stay quiet for awhile and then I finally speak. "Don't look, I can be his mom. You can explain that is why I wore baggy cloths for a while to hide my pregnancy and then mom and her child died in child birth. Put my name on the birth certificate, as well as Zeke's. We already talked about it. We will be his parents. You will enact my trust fund now, and create one for Lucas. You will go to all the special occasions and stay for however long I say it is appropriate and wont look to him as if you don't like him."
"This is not a negotiation."
"Oh but I think it is. You don't want to look bad as Senator, especially when your term is ending in a few years and I know you want to run for governor. You know by abandoning your son it will make you look like the monster you are, but with this story, you seem like an understanding father and a morning widow and father."
"Why are you so cunning and manipulative?"
"I'm like mom in that way. Do we have a deal?"
"Deal." He says after taking a minute to consider it. After that, Zeke's family came over and our families devised the plan that would last for Lucas' life.
"When did you say the dinner was?" I ask Zeke and roll my eyes. He smiles and puts a hand on my cheek.
"It's tonight at seven." He says and I look into his eyes. "I know you are going to want to punch all of them in the face, but when you do feel like ripping out their throats, talk to me. I might be able to talk you out of it."
"No you won't." I say laughing at him and he eventually joins in. "So, aside from that, I also wanted to talk to you about something else."
"Shoot." He says jumping onto the bed and lying down on his side. I go under the covers and snuggle up next to him. I rest my chin on his abdomen and he smiles at me.
"About the baby proposition you proposed to me a couple nights ago…" I begin to say and Zeke raises an eyebrow as if he doesn't know what I'm talking about.
"Go on…" He says and grins.
"I was thinking, that we could try." I say and before I could say another word, he is already on top of me which makes me laugh. "I see you're very up to trying."
"Well…" He says kissing my neck "I'm sure as hell going to enjoy it." From then he started to move down his kisses until they made me moan in pleasure. I moved his head up to my mouth and I fit mine into his. I put my arms around his neck pulling him closer and closer until there was no more space between us.
"Theo!" Trisha said while laughing on Theo's back opening the two double doors. Quickly after them, Skylar and Derek barged in with Skylar on Derek's back.
"Damn, you two are still in bed?" Derek said putting Lane down.
"Oh Shit. We interrupted something." Trisha said putting her hand over her mouth. Theo just laughed as well as Derek.
"You two better get up before X…" Skylar began to say before Xavier and Jelly came in as well.
"Oh Lord!" Xavier yelled while covering his eyes. "You couldn't wait until we left for you two to do that?"
"Um my house." Zeke said while giving me one more kiss before getting up from bed. Everyone was already dressed for the day and it was just Zeke and I are still in our night time cloths.
"Why don't you all wake up Lucas while we get ready. What time is it anyway?" I ask and get out of bed.
"It's 6:30." Jelly said checking her watch. "We'll start breakfast and wake up Lucas for you guys. So you can go back to doing whatever it is you two were doing." She takes Xavier's hand and leads him out of the room. I walk to the bathroom and I think I hear high fives from the door before it closes.
"You didn't just high five them." I say as Zeke comes to his sink.
"Oh yes I did. I will take the gratitude for being your fiancé and soon to be husband." He says and I just shake my head. I go through my daily morning routine and surprisingly finish before Zeke gets out of his closet. I open his closet door and his back is to me. He has his suit pants on and stating at two different ties; a red one and a black one. I put my arms on his waist and kiss his back.
"You know, it's weird if the girl gets dressed faster than the guy." I say and he turns around to put his hands on my waist.
"Well, which one do you think?" He asks putting up the ties.
"I think you look great in both." I say and he raises his eyebrow. Whenever we go shopping together and ask him which one he likes better and that is the response he always gives me. "Fine, I like the red one."
"You're only saying that because it's matching what you're wearing." He's partially right. The tie does go along with my red calf pencil dress with my nude heels over with a black blazer. "Well technically I'm wearing both tie colors, so I'm not biased. Also, red makes your eyes pop."
"Okay." He says while giving me the tip and him picking up the white button up shirt. I put the tie down on the chair and button up his shirt. "So, you look pretty today."
"Thank you baby." I say and finish buttoning up the top button. "Tuck in your shirt." I say as I get the tie. He does so and I put the tie around his neck and begin to tie it.
"My parents want to have lunch with us tomorrow night. They feel like they haven't seen us in years." He says as I put the tie through the hole. I love his family, they're way better than the dysfunctional one I have. His parents are humanitarians, real ones unlike my crazy bitch sister. His parents' names are Anna Beth and Kyle Parker. They're good people to me and to Lucas. When they found out that Zeke wanted to adopt him with me, they were of course nervous because it's a huge responsibility to have a child, but at the same time, they were proud of him for following his heart.
"Is it like a family thing with your parents, X and even Madeline too? I feel like I haven't see her in ages."
"I think so. Xavier told me that mom missed us but now I want to do something with them. I feel like you're going to need it considering that we'll be dealing with your family the night before."
"That sounds even more perfect. I'd love to. Set it up." I say and adjust his tie to make it perfect.
"You know, I love you." He says to me and then I think about why he said that now.
"That was random. I love you too."
"Good, I thought you were just using me for my sperm to have a baby." He says and I just laugh at him. The man I love is absolutely crazy. He puts on his jacket and we walk out of the room and down the immense amount of stairs until we finally reach the ground floor. From the staircase, we could smell the amazing smell of breakfast. We walk past the formal living room and make our way to the kitchen.
"Oh my God." Zeke says as we walk into the formal dining room to find all of our friends pigging out to the food I'm pretty sure Marcella made. We sit down at the head of the table as we get a few "good morning." I sit next to Zeke and we start pigging out at the French toast.
"I hope everyone's hungry." Marcella says as she puts down the chocolate chip pancakes on the table.
"Have my babies." Xavier says and we all laugh. As I take my first bite, I see Lucas eating three different things at one.
"Slow down there bud. In what world do you not give your mother a morning kiss?" I say to Lucas and he wipes his mouth and stands up. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and rushes back to his seat to eat even more.
"So, do you all not have to go to work today? It seems like everyone is trying to eat themselves into a coma." I say and they all laugh. Eventually, we all stop eating and then i take a glance at my watch.
"Okay, it's 7:45. I need to go. I have court at nine." I say and get up from my seat. "Who needs a ride to work?"
"I do." Trisha says and stands up. She gives Theo a quick kiss and Skylar does the same to Derek. I give Zeke a kiss and then run to my study. I get the files I need for the Danvers case and put them in my bag. I meet Trisha and Skylar in the car, but then I remember that I didn't say goodbye to everyone else. Oh well, I'll do it at lunch.
"Sky, weren't you supposed to take Lucas today?" I ask as I get my phone out.
"Marcella and Josephine don't have work today, they said they'll take him and meet us for lunch today." She says and I just nod. The city began to move past me and before I knew it, I was at the courthouse.
"Arthur, can you take them to the office?" I ask as I get my things together.
"Of course ma'am." Arthur replies.
"I'll see you two for lunch." I say and open the door, as they begin to nod, their faces freeze. "What?" I ask but then I turn around and then I see my father looking directly at me.