##

Shit, he knew this would happen!

Knew if he ever let out what was in his heart that he'd lose Dean.

All because he couldn't keep this shit in, keep his fucking dirty thoughts to himself! Now, he's hurt Dean, watches the chasm between them widen every day, wrenching them apart until Dean is barely speaking and Sam's a bundle of nerves, jerking muscles and scattered tics.

See, the bitch is, now that Sam knows Dean's interested like that, it's all he can think about.

Goes back and forth with it, wrestles with his brain and his dick constantly, one minute gonna say 'fuck it' and dive in with both feet, jump on Dean and hold him down, fuck himself on that hard lump in his brother's pants, kiss those amazing lips and beg for every touch, every caress-

Then next he's running scared, knows Dean's just confused, knows he doesn't really want Sam, not the oh, fuck, gonna die if he doesn't have him, all-consuming need that eats at Sam endlessly and he knows if he gives in, lets them have this, Dean's gonna change his mind as soon as they fuck, as soon as the novelty is gone because that's how Dean is. He's always had the attention span of a six-year old and Sam's watched him all these years, knows it's all about variety with Dean, never wanting to be tied down, never the same woman twice.

Knows the only reason Dean's even wanting this is because he's had zero sleep for days and that's messing with his head, making him feel stuff he doesn't really feel, fooling Dean into believing he's in love with Sam, that he wants Sam, knows his brother doesn't really mean any of the shit he's been spouting and he's just mixed-up is all…

Not like Sam.

With Sam, it's bone-deep, a ravenous hunger that sucks his strength and makes him kitten-weak whenever Dean gives him that shit-eating grin, or drawls in the low commanding voice, the one that fills his heart with home and peace and Dean. He's wanted Dean since forever, lusted after his brother for years, his incredible smell and beautiful face, Dean's essence burned into his soul, precious and treasured but he's always managed to keep it down, ignore it and just go on, pretend like hell and Dean had never known, never suspected.

And he would've been fine, really, if Dean hadn't told him about those two guys, if he hadn't seen them for himself, the role-players that had played him and Dean, that had been gay, that had been totally happy with each other.

He could see him and Dean like that, just like that, and it chewed at him, the image of them in his minds' eye, holding each other-

Superimposed Dean's and his face on them, Dean's loving smile and caress, throwing an arm possessively over his shoulder, pressing himself up tight against Sam's back and announcing to the world that Dean loved Sam, that Dean fucked Sam hard and rough every single night and that they couldn't live without each other.

Even now, the thought of that makes him tremble because God, he wants that so bad.

Can't let himself. Can't deal with what might come after.

Maybe Dean's right and the nightmares will stop if Sam lets them have this. But what if-

Shit, what if they do this, cross that line and make it physical, real and the nightmares do stop, what then?

Is Dean gonna lose interest, tire of him and get bored or shit, even worse, pity-fuck him because he's so goddamn needy?

He'd rather have none of Dean than just a ghost, a whisper of what life could be like.

Sam knows himself, once he gets a taste of Dean, gets the feel of him on his skin, it's gonna be all-consuming and Sam's never gonna be satisfied with bits and pieces again, gonna need all of Dean, every day, every night-

And if Dean doesn't want him, after the nightmares stop, it'll end him.

He can't take that chance, lay himself wide open and then have Dean refuse him, won't risk the hurt, the humiliation.

Kinda like Dean did, told you how he felt, let you see everything and then you freaking said no, made him feel dirty for what YOU made him feel, left him feeling ashamed, disgraced and no wonder he couldn't face you.

Sam knows how much it cost Dean to come back, knows how ashamed, how humiliated he was-

Came back for Sam, so Sam would be okay and it wasn't fair, Dean always putting Sam first, never taking for himself.

They can get past this, they can. Sam can forget Dean's mind-shattering kisses, those sinfully delicious, erotic, make him blubber like an idiot kisses that Dean laid on him, draining away his will and leaving him trembling with need. He can forget the hands, warm and close, wrapped around his face while Dean kissed the life out of him, plundering into his very soul with those soft lips, that incredible tongue-

And the naked love shining out of Dean's eyes when he'd look at Sam, terrifying and thrilling, draining away Sam's willpower and turning him into a steamy, blubbering mess.

He'll do that in a heartbeat, deny himself, if it will make Dean be his brother again. Tears sting at his eyes, unbidden, his throat closing over at the thought of this being their relationship from now on, Dean here physically but mentally, emotionally locked away, closed off from him, the animation, the beauty in that gorgeous face gone for good and no, just NO, goddamn it!

Has to get them back where they were before, he just has to.

Shit! This fucking sucks.

#

His nightmares get worse and he watches Dean grow more exhausted each day, knows he's up most of the night trying to help Sam and not touch him and the strain is wearing on both of them.

He's brushing his teeth, staring in the mirror at his own sunken eyes and drawn face and knows he's got to stop this shit soon or it's gonna kill them both-

So, that night, he cuts some rope and hands it to Dean, jerking his head towards the bed and nodding, "You gotta tie me down, Dean. We can't do this anymore."

And he lays down, watches as Dean ties his ankles to the legs of his bed, his brother's eyes firmly on his task, jaw gritted down fierce and he seems tense, rigid-

Dean circles to his head and Sam tries to catch his gaze, figure out what's going on with him but Dean won't engage, just grabs his wrist and twines the rope around and his brother seems okay up close but his breathing's funny, hitching and pulling in his chest and his cheeks are red, flushed.

"Dean? You okay?"

Dean shakes his head, keeps his eyes down, slips a finger under the rope to make sure it's not too tight and moves to the other wrist, words clipped out like they hurt his throat, "Don't think so."

But before Sam can question him further, he's got Sam's other hand tied and is growling out the order, "You need me for anything, you holler, Sam, got it?"

He nods wordlessly, making Dean look at him to see his answer and fuck, the look in Dean's eyes-

It's hot lust, glittering arousal and suddenly Sam gets it, the clenched breath, the flushed face, the gruff voice.

It's turning Dean on tying him up like this.

And Sam's instantly hard, the want slamming into him so fast, his head's spinning and yes, fuck, yes, this is what he wants too, wants to be at Dean's mercy, wants him in control and he squirms on the bed, his voice a pleading wreck, "Dean. Dean, please."

His brother's eyes go wide, haunted, knows Sam just saw everything on his face and the shame hits hard, colors his cheeks crimson and he drops his gaze, gives a pained sob, "God, Sammy, I'm-so fucking sorry, just can't- I mean, look at you, can't-can't take it, it's too much-"

And Dean bolts to the bathroom, slams the door shut behind him and leaves Sam panting on the bed, his raging hard-on fire in his pants.

A quiet moment later, he hears it, faint but there, the soft moans behind the closed door, the rhythmic slip-slaps of flesh on flesh, so low it's almost his imagination but the sounds grow louder with each second, faster now, slick and wet, and when he finally hears it, the muttered, drawn-out, "Fu-u-u-ck…" of Dean's orgasm, Sam's panting hot, almost dizzy with the images in his head.

He whimpers, bites his lip, wishing Dean had tied him face down so he could hump the mattress, try to get some relief for his aching dick-

The bathroom door opens abruptly and Dean is striding across the room fast, practically jumping into his own bed, not looking at Sam at all, clicking off the lamp and rolling over, his voice a low huff in the dark, "Night, Sammy."

He barely manages a whisper back, seeing Dean in his mind's eye, hand on his own dick, jerking and pulling until he's shooting out his load and damn-

Wants to touch Dean like that, wants to taste him, wants some more of his mind-blowing kisses.

Knows himself well enough to understand that he's cracking around the edges, his walls of right and wrong blurring, breaking down and he's not gonna be able to resist much longer.

And then he's gonna snap, jump on Dean and take what he wants, hold Dean down and have him finally, fucking finally.

And Dean's not gonna know what hit him.

#

Dean hears the moaning the second he opens his eyes, knows that's what pulled him from sleep and he rolls over, sees Sam twisting on the bed, writhing against his binds, hears the frantic whispers and wuffling sobs, closing his eyes against Sam's torment, can't watch it, so fucking tired of this every goddamn night-

And anger floods through, he's up before he knows it, across the room and into the bathroom, drenching washcloths in ice cold water, gonna wake Sam's ass up this time, gonna stop this right now!

Comes back out and sits on Sam's bed, starts washing his sweaty face with the cold water.

At his first touch, Sam jerks back, his words stuttering to a halt in his throat, his body stilling and Dean's reached him at some level, just gotta keep going-

"Sam, wake up!" And he's slapping at his face with one hand, drenching his hair with the other. He yanks up Sam's t-shirt and lays the sopping cold cloth over his chest, shaking him and hollering "Wake the fuck up, now!"

Sam's eyes pop open and he stares at Dean, dazed and unfocused at first but Dean sees it flow in, awareness and yes, thank Christ, he's awake, out of his nightmare.

"Dean?"

"You awake, Sammy? You know where you are, who I am?" Dean wants to be sure.

Sam nods, "Yes, I-was I having another nightmare?"

"Yeah, you were. Listen, Sam, I know what you said and I know you're right about us not being together. But you're still sick, you're still suffering with this and that's not okay with me. So, I'm gonna take care of you tonight so you can get some sleep. And you're gonna let me."

"What-what are you gonna-"Sam's eyes are huge, scared.

And Dean moves down, unties Sam's ankles and slides his hands up, grabbing at Sam's pajama pants and pulling down.

Watches Sam's dick pop out, straining up into the air and hell, yeah, his brother not only goes commando, but he's also sporting one hell of an impressive hard-on.

Sam gasps as the air hits him, "Dean-"

He tosses Sam's pants over his shoulder, can't even believe he's gonna do this but Sam needs it-

Holds himself back, doesn't matter what he says, Dean's not gonna touch his brother unless Sam says it's okay and he hears his own voice, hoarse and pleading, shaky ground and frantic effort, and he knows he's on the edge, about to lose control, "Please, Sammy. Please let me. Just this and no more, I swear. You –we can't keep this going, gotta do something, man."

Sam stares down at him, catching Dean's eyes over his rock-hard dick waving in the air between them, the heat in his gaze a pulsing thing, dark passion and frantic hunger, and the hiss of Sam's voice is Dean's undoing, breaks him so sweet, he almost sobs with it-

"Yes!" Sam's voice is shaky, stuttering, but there, damn it, real and giving permission, "Need-fuck, Dean, yeah. Do it. Need it, please!"

The words slam into his brain, crushing his self-control and it snaps like a brittle nerve, his lust rolling and battering everything in its path, wiping out reason, free will and conscience and before he knows it, before he even realizes what he's gonna do, he's got a fist wrapped around Sam's cock, dragging up and down just like Sam loves-

Never done this with Sam awake and his wrist trembles, almost pulls away but then he tightens his jaw, grits down on his courage and shoves away his own fears because this is to help Sam and Dean doesn't matter now, it's only Sam, always Sam.

And his hand works the velvet flesh, sure touches, knows this body almost as well as his own by now, feels Sam's hips buck up, respond, Sam's gasps of pleasure filling his head, his heart with purring satisfaction because he did this, gave this to his brother.

"OHMYGOD, Dean, Oh God, feels so, ahhhh, good, yeah, jus-just like that, fuck, yeah-" Sam is crying out now, his voice low and desperate, lost in the sensations but he's still holding back, Dean can feel it, his body tense and rigid, won't let himself go, not completely-

And that pisses Dean off, grits down his determination and damn it, he's gonna make Sammy lose his mind if it's the last thing he does, gonna make damn sure Sam remembers this!

He locks eyes with his brother, bends his head and gives Sam's dick an experimental lick, one swirl around the tip before he pulls back, lets the taste fill him and oh, fuck, yeah, just as sweet as he knew Sam would taste.

Opens his mouth and goes for it, swallows Sam whole in one fell swoop, relaxing his throat, wants all of Sam's cock in his mouth, wants to taste every inch, savor every thrust.

Dimly hears Sam's yelp of surprise, the hot moan of lust and then Sam loses it-

"Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ!" Sam's hips start jerking, bucking into Dean's mouth, head thrashing back and forth and he can barely hold down the hot body under his hands, can barely keep his mouth on that sweet dick lengthening even more in his mouth.

Watches Sam as he starts bobbing his head up and down, letting his tongue circle and dance over the velvet flesh, humming in his throat with each deep plunge, letting the vibrations tickle while he's sucking hard-

And Sam's eyes clench shut, his fists are white-knuckled around the ropes holding him in place and his whole body is shaking and rocking, lost in the rushes crashing through, gasping out Dean's name over and over like a mantra and eventually just trailing away to hot groans and low keens.

Gets them into a sweet rhythm, letting his hand drag up and down in sync with his lips, jerking his brother off while he lovingly works with his mouth, letting his tongue play along the skin, in the tip where drops of sweet come taste like honey and the smell of Sam is everywhere, surrounding him.

Dean can feel the cock in his mouth grow even more as he hums and licks, knows Sammy's close and gives another swirling lick up the length, sucks hard on the tip and lets his tongue go, circling wild, playing on the sensitive underside.

Sam's hips start thrusting in earnest and he opens his eyes, locks on Dean and fuck, there's fire in that gaze, glittering sparks of hot yearning and Sam's stuttering hard, twisting his hips, "Y-you gotta s-stop, Dean, holy fuck, g-gonna come-"

Like hell, he's stopping. He's done the work and he's damn well gonna get his reward.

"Ahhhh, ahhhhh" Sam's back arches and Dean feels the pulse, the hot liquid hitting his tongue and it's bitter, thick and salty but there's a sweet trace, all Sam and Dean takes it all, swallow it down and keeps sucking, wants every drop Sam will give him.

"Dean, no-no more, please-" Sam's voice is weak, faint, his whole body trembling as the waves of orgasm roll through him and Dean lets the soft dick fall out of his mouth with a plop, nudging against it with his nose, breathing in Sam's scent.

Fuck, he loves this man. Wants to lose himself here, in the smell and the taste, wants to eat Sam alive, get him inside so they're one, whole, complete-

And he jerks backwards, shakes it off because what the fuck? He doesn't do whole and complete, he's Dean Winchester, love 'em and leave 'em and what the hell is he even thinking about?

But he knows, in his heart of hearts. He's thinking future and forever, the end of the hunt for them and just settling down, loving each other, having earned it-

And fuck! That can't happen! Has to stop his freaking traitorous thoughts, has to remember they're hunters, they have a job to do and they just can't stop.

Has to remember Sam doesn't want this. And that's the core of it right there. He'd say screw it to everything if his brother would just-

Bites his lip and firms his resolve. Not gonna happen, Sammy's not ever gonna let them so Dean just needs to deal with it and shut the fuck up about it.

He sits up and grabs Sam's pants off the floor, gets them back on his long legs, pulling up and nudging against Sam's ass, "Lift up, Sammy."

#

He does, mindlessly, breathless, bones liquid fire, can't barely lift his own body, his knees are freaking shaking so bad.

Can't believe Dean just did that, laid that incredibly awesome blow job on him, always dreamed of it and now-

His dreams never even came close.

Because the reality, the freaking feel of that ridiculously sensual mouth moving up and down, the hot tongue pulling sounds out of Sam he didn't even know he could make, and he's grasping at the memory, wants it branded into his soul, indelibly inked across his brain, the wet suction, the firm grip, the feeling of dying sweetly, of falling in and losing his mind, Dean shattering his control so easy-

Watches as Dean adjusts his pants and moves up, unties his wrists, staring down at Sam with dark, unreadable eyes, "Shouldn't need these now, Sammy, pressure's off and you shouldn't have any more nightmares tonight. I'll watch over you, make sure you're safe, like always."

Dean's hand hovers over his skin, rubbing the chafed flesh gently, the tender gaze that ghosts over his eyes makes Sam weak and shaky, knows how hard this was for Dean, to give this and not take. Sam knows he was full on whimpering like a girl, unable to do anything more than spread his legs wider for Dean and make sweet noises in his throat, and Dean could've fucked him easy, he was ready for it, open and so fucking in love with his brother, he'd have let Dean do anything at that point, given himself over totally and completely, with no regrets.

But Dean didn't. Nope, he'd pleasured Sam and denied himself and even now, he's turning his back, climbing into his own bed and he gruffs out a sentence, not giving away a fucking inch of how he's feeling, what he's feeling- "Goodnight, Sammy. You sleep now."

And the order reaches his ears, seems to sink right into his bones because suddenly, his eyelids refuse to stay open, his body relaxes into the warm bedding and he lets go, obeys Dean and slides down easy, right into sleep, barely able to mutter back before dreams claim him, loving his brother with every shred of his being, so safe, so loved, "Night, Dean. Love yo-"

And that's all he knows, slips into a deep sleep, and it's later, towards morning, that his dreams take on epic proportions and it's Dean's eyes, Dean's lips, all over his body, turning him on and making him moan with desire.

He comes in his sleep, shuddering through dream-Dean's mouth on his cock, working him up so good and he wakes up with a jolt of awareness, in the thralls of orgasm, huffing out nonsense words, his pants of "Oooooh, fuck, ohhhhh, Dean" filling the air and his pajamas are wet with his slick, hips still moving as his balls twitch and spurt out the dregs, knows he cried out his stupid brother's name, knows it-

Drags his eyes fearfully over to the next bed, hoping like hell Dean's asleep but no.

Sees Dean's gaze glittering back, the hot spark in them filling his insides with promises, with forever and Dean's voice, when it comes, is hoarse, used and wrecked, "You okay?"

And Sam knows his brother saw everything.

Saw Sam fucking the air, heard Dean's name on his lips, watched it all and yet, his voice is still love, still there, his brother, his Dean-

His voice, when it comes, is broken, a hushed plea, "No, not okay. Jesus Christ, I wish-I just, just once, you know? Know we can't but, fuck, it's hard."

And he's up, off the bed and lunging towards the bathroom before he lets himself do what he really wants to do-

Which is fall to his knees and beg Dean to take him hard, against his will, so they can have this and he doesn't have the option of refusal, can get this freaking weight off his shoulders. Knows Dean will, if he asks him to.

It's taking all his will power to not ask him to.

#

That night, at the bar and grill, the buffalo wings are spicy good, the beers cold and delicious but of course, there's a pretty little gal behind the counter who flirts with Dean the whole time and Sam's used to it, he is, but for some reason tonight, it's hitting him wrong, pissing him off because Dean's got his stupid 'aw shuck's, ma am' grin on his face, like this hasn't happened to him thousands of times before, like he's clueless and the chick is falling for it, so hard that it's nauseating.

The anger in the pit of his gut is roiling hard, gotta get out of here soon because he does not want to see this shit tonight!

The third time Dean gives a sexual innuendo and the girl titters inanely, Sam's had enough. Slaps his hands down on the table hard and at the look Dean jerks at him, holds out one, barks out, "Keys."

"Sammy, what-?"

"I said keys, Dean. I'm going back to the motel." He gives the waitress a meaningful look, "You can find your own way back, I'm sure."

Dean studies his face, purses his lips and starts to spit out a comment but stops himself, reaches in his pocket and wordlessly hands Sam the keys.

He's out of his chair instantly, across the diner in three long strides and out the door, not looking back. His shoulders are tensed up around his ears, the knot in his stomach twists and burns, he's got a pounding headache and does his brother even give a shit?

Hell, no because it's all about Dean's dick and the flavor of the moment.

Knew Dean would do this, all his shit talk about how much he loved Sam and wanted him and then it changes in a heartbeat, soon as a pretty girl catches his eye. Fuck, Sam is so glad he never let them cross the line any further, so glad he never revealed how much he loved Dean because now he can swallow it back down, push it away and they can go back to being just brothers again, none of the other fucking shit between them anymore.

In a way, it's a relief to have it over, maybe now life can get back to normal, as normal as their life ever is, that is.

#

He's at the table, laptop humming in front of him, when Dean slams in a half hour later, kicks the door shut behind him and stands there, hands on hips, scowling at him fierce, "Sammy, what the hell, man?"

He glances up at Dean and then back to his computer, ignoring his stupid horny-ass brother that has to fuck anything that moves.

"Sam!" Dean thumps down the cover of his laptop, "Look at me, damn it!"

Sam presses his lips together and folds his hands on the table in front of him, rolling his eyes at his brother before setting his shoulders in a rigid line and staring at him exaggeratedly, unblinking, "Okay, I'm looking at you. What do you want?"

Dean flushes, an angry glint in his eye, "I want to know what that little scene was back at the restaurant! You made me walk back here, man. If you got something to say to me, just man up and fucking say it, Sam. Don't be giving me this bitch face and this freaking attitude because right now, I just want to fucking punch you, asshole."

"Jeez, thought you loved me, Dean. Isn't that what you've been saying? And now you want to punch me." And he mimics Dean's drawl, "Want you so bad, Sammy, can't live without this….what a fucking bunch of crap, man. The only thing you want is to get your dick off and nothing else matters to you."

Dean stares at him like he's sprouted horns and wings, like he can't believe what Sam's saying, "You-you're pissed because I was flirting with that girl? Is that what this is about?"

Sam isn't gonna give an inch, "You can do whatever the fuck you want, Dean. I don't really care anymore. "

And he's done, not gonna say another fucking word, grits his jaw to keep in the shit rolling around in his brain and before he knows it, it bursts out of him, raw and terrible, "You're a goddamn liar! Telling me all that shit, making me believe you actually had feelings for me and then, right in front of me, jerk, slapping me in the face with how little you do feel for me and you know what? You can have her, Dean. You can have all the sluts you want and Jesus, am I ever glad I didn't let this thing between us go further! Now I know what really matters to you and it's what I've always known, just lost sight of it for a while and I guess I should be grateful to you, for showing me your true colors, again. Glad I saw the way things really are and it doesn't hurt at all, asshole, you hear me? I'm happy I saw that shit tonight because now I know what's real."

And he doesn't even see Dean move but suddenly, he's being yanked up, spun around and his back slams into the wall, knocks the breath out of him and he's staring down into Dean's pinched face, eyes sparking with rage, and something else, something dark and hungry-

Dean's got his shoulders pinned, holding Sam in place by brute strength and there's a part of him that's responding to the rough treatment, to the manhandling, it flickers a hot flare of something dirty and slick in his brain-

Dean bares his teeth, leans in close, "Now, you better just shut that fucking mouth and listen to me for a minute. You're the one who called a halt to this, said we couldn't, remember? I didn't do anything wrong back there, I was only flirting, trying to get a free piece of pie out of her, for fuck's sake, not get laid and then you get all bitchy and jealous, stomp away like a possessive girlfriend and then you call me a liar, act like I'm the frigging scum of the earth, have the balls to tell me how I'm feeling-"

And then Dean's body is pressing his flush against the wall, his cock rock-hard against Sam's and the fingers on his shoulders dig in, holding him in place while Dean gets closer, mouth right up against Sam's ear, hot breath tingling over him, "I love you. Only you and you are fucking pushing me so hard right now and I'm warning you, Sammy, you better stop. I'm just a man and I can only take so much of this shit, been holding myself back for you, because you didn't want this and now you're sending out all these mixed signals and I'm-"

Dean sucks in his breath and Sam can feel him trembling, fighting for control and he does it, starts to push more, wants Dean to lose it, wants his choice taken from him. Tilts his head away and darts his eyes to Dean's, sees the dangerous glint there and throws caution to the wind, "You're what, Dean? What are you gonna do?"

Dean dips his head into Sam's exposed neck and nips, letting his teeth scrape across and making Sam just about jump out of his skin, the low growl turning him kitten weak, knees knocking because his neck is goddamn sensitive and Dean's mouth is doing delicious things there, "I'm about ready to say fuck it, Sammy and show you how it is with me and to hell with what you say you want, gonna give you what you need, take you hard, right here, and make you want it."

Sam can barely breathe, Dean's words filling him with want and please and now, can't resist that tantalizing voice vibrating against his flesh, but he can't give in, keeps his anger close, lets it fuel him, needs it to hold him back, reign in his stupid feelings that even now are raging in his brain, God, wants Dean so bad- "You can talk all you want, jerk, it's what you do that matters and I know you, asshole, watched you all these years, same shit, every single fucking day. You gotta have every chick, gotta fuck as many of them as possible, it's like a challenge for you and you don't care if you even know their name, you just want to get your rocks off, use them and leave. It's never personal for you, never means shit, it's just you, how you are and I forgot that, let myself believe what you said but then today, saw you, just like always and I should have fucking known it was all a lie."

And his words are cut off at Dean's angry curse, the hot mouth crashing down on his a surprise, pushing into him, tongue punishing and cruel, taking him hard, warring with his in Sam's mouth, teeth clacking rough and strong hands are wrapped around his head, holding him like a vice, while a firm thigh down below shoves his legs apart, grinds up under his balls, making him twist at the friction, cry out into Dean's mouth at the freaking pressure, the goddamn heat that flares up from down below, turning him into a blithering idiot in seconds.

He fights back, tries to twist his head away, get his hands between them so he can shove Dean off.

He's jerked away from the wall, the room a dizzying slide as he's swung around, thrown down and the soft mattress is underneath him, Dean's hard body on top, holding him in place and he can't breathe with the emotions rushing through him, it's tearing through his gut, turning him stupid and freezing him in place, loves this, all of this, Dean mindlessly driven to prove his point, to show his love-

And fuck, Sam wants this more than anything.

"Gonna show you what the fuck's what right now, Sam! Fucking accusing me, telling me what my goddamn feelings are, who the hell you think you're talking to, man?" His flannel shirt is ripped open, jerked off and his t-shirt follows, and why the hell isn't he even fighting this, why is he just lying here, letting Dean manhandle him, staring up at his brother's determined face and trembling at the possessive, feral look in Dean's eyes.

"Calling me a liar? You're the one who's fucking lying, Sammy, to yourself!" And Dean makes a small choked noise in his throat as he looks down at Sam's chest, his breath catching in his throat, and Sam watches his hands clench on his thighs for a moment and then relax.

Dean's voice is rough, broken, "You-you're killing me here, man, it's-too much now, can't-can't-ah, fuck it!"

And he lowers his head over one of Sam's nipples, rubbing his lips across gently before licking, the soft tongue shooting flames through Sam's entire body from just that one touch, leaving Sam jerking back, gasping for more, gonna start begging soon if Dean doesn't get the fuck on with it.

The bite is sharp and bright, and fuck, that's nice! He arches up into Dean's mouth, needs more of that pain mixed with pleasure, can't believe how his nipple is coursing hot desire through the rest of his body, his entire flesh hotwired and in tune to that one small spot.

Dean licks, swirls his tongue around and bites again, moves up fast and takes Sam's mouth before the moan of pain even leaves his throat.

Sits up and stares down at Sam, reaches out, pinching and rolling the nipple in his fingers, watching Sam's reaction-

And the electric pulses shooting through him with every tug, with every twist of nub are making him crazy, driving him to the edge and he can feel Dean's eyes, seeing his every reaction, wants to hide, goddamn it, doesn't want to be wide open and so fucking hungry for this.

"Tell me you want it, Sammy. Tell me you need this, just like I do." Dean's voice is hoarse, low and pleading, his fingers going to the other nipple and tweaking hard, circling rough, making Sam cry out at the rush of pleasure, never knew his nipples were so sensitive.

"No, NO, can't-can't want this-" He's muttering, not even aware of what the hell he's saying, body curving into Dean's touch even as he denies-

"Fuck you, Sam! You want this, I know you do! Son of a bitch, you're a hard headed bastard!" And Dean's hand slides down, unbuttons his jeans, "You're gonna admit this…" and gives the zipper a slow tug, letting Sam hear every click, "that you want this, even if it takes me all night…" and suddenly his pants are jerked down his hips, yanked off and tossed, leaving him naked and panting, wide open and exposed, his hard-on saying loud and clear what his mouth can't.

And Dean looks down and grins, "Well now, look at that. Seems like your dick is pretty on board, huh?"

A warm hand wraps around him, gives a slow pull up and Jesus, that feels good, Dean's hand tight and perfect around him and he clenches his fists, tries to hang on to his control, but it's spiraling fast, not gonna be able to keep it in much longer-

Dean drags his dick up and down again, making Sam bite back whimpers and then he looks up, catches Sam's eyes and the look there is pure love, fierce and powerful and they study each other, the smile on Dean's face falling away and he looks lost, child-like and vulnerable, his voice a hushed whisper, "Please, Sam, just-please."

And it's that small pleading voice that does it, breaks him, shatters his defenses and he can't keep it in any longer, consequences be damned because he needs this, they need this, and he's gonna let himself have it, just this once.

"Yes, God, yes…" and he reaches up, cuffs Dean around the neck and pulls him down, wanting that mouth on his, wanting him close, "Want you too, want this, always have, I-God, Dean-"

And Dean's mouth is right there, hot and sweet, tongue sliding in and curling around his and he's drowning, the hot flicks of lust jerking through him in time with Dean's twisting tongue and Sam lets go, surrenders and opens up, lets Dean have him, all of him, for the first time, holds nothing back.

He's moaning, falling in deeper, wants to die here, right here, with Dean's tongue on his, with this wild heat that rages through him every time they kiss and he's suddenly frantic, needs more, needs all of Dean.

Presses in more, hooking his hand around Dean's head, feeling the answering groan when he slides his other hand down, squeezes Dean's ass and pulls him closer.

Dean breaks the kiss, staring down at him with wide eyes, his cheeks flushed with passion, his full lips swollen and wet and he's never looked more beautiful to Sam, "Jesus, Sam, you're a good kisser."

Sam leans up and presses in another kiss, whispers hotly, "Just thinking the same thing about you." And he gives a tug on Dean's shirt, "Need this off-"

And Dean sits up, eyes glued to Sam's face, "You-you're sure, Sammy? 'Cause this is it, no going back once we do this. Need to make sure you understand what's going on here."

"Pretty sure I've got a good idea, Dean." Sam can't help it, gives a laugh because what the hell is Dean talking about.

But when Dean leans down, his eyes a serious burn, his jaw a firm grit, Sam's humor flies right out the window and he can barely breathe with the images Dean's words are drawing in his head, "No, I don't think you do. See, I'm gonna make love to you, Sammy, right now, gonna taste you everywhere, gonna show you how much I love you, wanna blow your goddamn mind and make you scream for me, have you at my mercy, take you every way I've been dreaming about and when I'm done, you won't ever question my feelings again, you understand? You're gonna know exactly your place in my life and there aren't gonna be any more doubts or fears, just truth, only truth between us."

Dean leans in, captures Sam's bottom lip and tugs it forward, biting down hard, making Sam whimper in pain, "And you're gonna be mine then, for good, for keeps. So you better be damn sure about this."

And there's a pulse of silence, Dean waiting tense, ready to pull away if Sam changes his mind-

Sam pulls in a deep breath, gotta be honest with himself, there's still a huge honking part of him that's scared as hell, knows this is wrong but there's no way they can go back now, gotta finish this, see it through and deal with the aftermath later, knows there's gonna be guilt and anger, mostly at himself but that's tomorrow.

Can't stop now, not when he's got Dean's warm weight holding him down, everything he's ever wanted, his for the taking and he opens his mouth to say a resounding Hell, yes but his voice comes out small and shaky, breathy and afraid, "I-, hell, no, I'm not sure, Dean. Not sure about any of this, I just-want you, so fucking bad I can't see straight and it's not gonna stop until we do this."

Dean draws back at his words, wavers, shakes his head and starts to pull away, slide off the bed and oh, hell, no, that's so not gonna happen-

Sam sits up fast, grabs Dean and pulls him close, bumping and rubbing the familiar face with his own, letting his lips ghost over the warm mouth, knows Dean's gonna pull back, call a halt, knows he's only got a few seconds and he starts begging, can't let Dean go, can't let this go, "Please, Dean, nothing else matters right now, just this, need this, need you…please! Don't leave me here, have to finish this, want to know you, just once, please!"

Feels tears start burning at his eyes because Dean's gonna leave, gonna make them stop-

But the soothing sounds that surround him are full of love, and the hands that stroke up and down his back are gentle, sensual, and the soft kiss pressed into his mouth is a promise-

The lights in Dean's eyes are glittering with hot fire as he leans back, tugs his shirt off and throws it aside, hauling his brother in for another bone-wrenching kiss, "Shhh, Sammy, not going anywhere. Gonna take care of you, like always. Gonna let us both have this, just once."

And he gives Sam a slow sexy grin, pushing him back down onto the bed while his eyes roam over the naked flesh trembling under him, "Better hold on, Sammy 'cause this is gonna be a wild ride."

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