##
Dean slides off the bed, slow and easy, lets his hand roll down his chest, over his stomach in a sensual caress, starts playing with the snap of his jeans and Sam's eyes watch every move, every touch.
Dean looks down at himself and then up at Sam, making sure he's got Sam's attention, like he'd be looking anywhere else right now, and he gazes, dry-mouthed, as his brother's fingers work the button on the denim, unhooking it slowly. The zipper comes next, the hiss of metal a shiver down Sam's spine, and Dean's eyes catch his, watching his reactions and fuck, Sam can barely swallow over the thick knot in his throat because his brother is so fucking beautiful. His heart's crashing hard against his ribs, a trickle of sweat's rolling down his back as Dean pushes his jeans down his thighs, lets them fall to the floor, thumbing at the waistband of his shorts teasingly.
Sam's breath is caught, wedged in his chest and the air is heavy, pressing down on him, all sound sucked out of the room as he waits, trembling with anticipation, gonna freaking see his brother, all of him, for the first time since they were kids…
Fuck, that's right.
The memory rises up, a sharp ache in his heart, doesn't even know how the hell he ever forgot-
Dean had stopped being naked in front of Sam right after that trucker, right after their shared shower, just stopped, went from walking around free and easy to uptight, closed off and he'd felt it immediately, the withdrawal, the separation. Had no freaking clue why, always wondered if it was because Dean was angry with him, had stopped loving him because he'd let someone else touch him.
And it's out of his mouth before he can stop it, honest puzzlement and a deep hurt he didn't even know he still had inside-
"You thought I was dirty, didn't you?" His voice is a shaky whisper, "After-after that asshole truck driver grabbed me, after the shower, you-something happened. Something changed because you always used to walk around naked or damn near and then, after that, you just-stopped, always made sure you were covered up tight around me, even in the hot summer, you-never relaxed around me again and it made me feel…like I disgusted you, had disappointed you, because I didn't shove the jerk away sooner."
And Dean's breath catches in his throat, the stunned look that washes over his face has Sam's eyes stinging with long-buried tears, the harsh memory flooding through, still clenches at his gut, truth be told, the feelings of bewilderment, floundering, just trying to understand what the fuck had happened to change things between them.
He had fallen in love with his brother that day and Dean had pulled away, faster than he could blink, couldn't have known what Sam was feeling and yet-
Had barely touched him after that, for years, just did his duty, took care of Sam but a part of Dean was gone from him, buried under layers of clothing, behind closed, locked doors and he had ached for that piece, for the closeness and pure love they'd once had.
He shakes his head, eyes locked on Dean's and repeats it, makes it real so he won't ever forget it again, "Like I disgusted you."
"NO! No, no, no, Sammy, you got it wrong, all wrong, I never- Holy fuck." Dean's hands are on him, gripping tight enough to bruise, green eyes pinning Sam in place, make his breath stutter and stop because of the desperation swirling there, the words choked out in a rush, "Never, never thought you were dirty or disgusting, why the hell would you even-? Told you, you're beautiful, perfect, always thought that, always will 'till the day I die, you-it's always been you, Sam and I'm so fucking sorry you ever thought-" Dean's voice trails off and he bumps his face against Sam's, chokes out a noise like he wants to say more but can't find the words.
Sam gestures helplessly between them, a child's hurt, old and longing, "Then, why? You-you just stopped, pulled away and it- hurt, man, a lot, thought you'd figured out how I felt and you were saying no, only way you could."
Dean pulls away, bites his lip, shakes his head in earnest, "Didn't-didn't know at all, it was-shit, told you, don't remember much about the shower, just later, watching you sleep but it was in my freaking head, Sammy, had this picture of you, glistening wet, your head thrown back, eyes closed and you were just letting me do whatever I wanted to you and it-"
And Dean looks ashamed, shoulders slumping as he admits the truth, "Fuck, it turned me on, so much I just-gave me a hard-on every time I was around you, didn't know what the fuck to do about it, freaked me out, feeling that way about my brother-kept trying to tell myself it was hormones and perfectly normal, but I knew it wasn't, knew I was a sick fuck and I needed to keep away from you. Sure the hell couldn't let you see that shit, so fucking scared of you finding out, did the only thing I could, covered up, kept my dick as far away from you as possible and eventually, it dimmed, that picture in my head, and I pushed it back, made myself forget but it was habit by then, changing in the bathroom, wearing clothes around you, didn't think you even noticed. Never meant to hurt you, Sammy, just-just did what I had to, couldn't let you see, thought you'd get scared, if you knew, run away from me."
Doesn't even know he's crying until Dean reaches out, rubs the tears away with his thumb, "Please, Sam, please, don't ever think that again, I love you and I've never been disgusted by you, never! I-you take my breath away, man, you're so incredible, so stunning. My Sammy, mine, not gonna share you ever, can't, just…beautiful, perfect."
And the relief that washes over him is a tidal wave, crashing into the hurt and breaking it up in the surf, cleansing and healing, and he nods, huffs in a freeing breath and sweeps his eyes down Dean's body, aching for what's been denied to him all these years, "Then show me, Dean. Want to see you, all of you, need to."
Dean searches his face, gives a nod at the yearning in his eyes and steps back, hooks his thumbs under his shorts and pulls them down fast, no fanfare, no teasing, just letting Sam have what he needs.
And the huge cock is swollen, tip pink and gorgeous, waving and bobbing in the air, the head beautifully slick, leaving Sam gasping as he watches Dean kick off his underwear, thrust his hips forward and stand, hands curling around his waist, letting Sam see.
And holy fuck, his brother is hung, velvet soft, long and thick, the drop of shimmery wet on the tip glistening in the light and Sam swallows hard at the sight, needs to steal a taste, just once.
Reaches out without thought, lets a fingertip trail over the slit, steal the pearl away and he stares at it for a moment, wrestling with himself and finally, with a whimper of need, he slips it into his mouth, lets the taste of his brother fill him-
It's sharp tang, salt and honey, dark and sweet, Dean's sweat and scent mixed in and it's decadent, guilty pleasure and secret sin and he moans low in his throat, wants more.
"Jesus, Sammy." Dimly hears Dean's hot whisper but he can't help himself, has to-
Drops to his knees without thought, blinks up at his brother with a shrug of apology and wraps his hand around the thick base, opens his mouth and dives in, swallowing Dean's cock in one swoop, pure lust shooting through his brain, has to have this man, has to find the source of that flavor, knows if he can take Dean deep enough, suck hard enough, he can pinpoint the succulence, revel in it, drown in it.
His jaw is stretched wide as he tries to take all of Dean in, heaven on his tongue, delectable, bittersweet and he swallows around the fullness, lets the savor flood through him and his hands are on Dean's hips, gripping tight, and suddenly, he can't get enough, ravenous for more.
Sucks hard, tongue dancing wildly around the satin skin, never done this before but it's love, it's Dean and he's swallowing down each delicious drop he can wrench out of his feast, hears the gasps and yelps of pleasure from above but it's beyond him now, the need, has to get to the essence, to the core of this incredible taste.
"Sammy, wait, don't-don't want to come yet, ahhhhh, fuck! Jesus, man, your fucking mouth, just stop, please, just want-want to, God, Sammy, please!" Dean's got his hands fisted in Sam's hair, tugging wild, almost sobbing, trying to hold back his orgasm even as his hips are bucking into Sam's mouth, brain and dick at war with each other.
But Sam can't stop, needs to finish this, mumbles raggedly against the hot dick filling his throat, "Want to taste you, Dean, fill me up, want to choke on you, please-" Sam's words are thick, garbled, "I can get you hard again, know I can, just, need this, Dean, please. Want you to fuck my mouth, feel you come down my throat, wanna swallow every drop-"
"Jesus Christ, Sam!" Dean breaks, whines with pleasure and begins thrusting in earnest, fingers in Sam's hair digging in and holding on, gripping tight and each deep shove is rough, possessive.
Sam moans, takes it all eagerly, meets Dean right there, widening his mouth and relaxing his throat so Dean can use him as hard as he wants, loves this, all of this, needs Dean to finish, quench the thirst in Sam's soul for this, one dream finally sated, fulfilled.
Feels the pulse, the hot quiver against his tongue as Dean goes rigid, body tremors rocking through, a gruff bark of pleasure ripping from Dean's throat as the first spurts of warmth hit the back of Sam's throat, trickle over his tongue and he battens down, sucks harder, wants every taste that's teased at him, musky spice and sweet nectar, and suddenly his mouth is full of Dean's seed, overflowing and his brother just keeps pumping, filling him.
Some spills out, dribbles down his chin and he's swallowing fast, trying to take it all.
"Ahhhh, Ahhhh, Fuck!" Dean is still thrusting, lost in the orgasm, ass cheeks clenching as he drives his cock deep into Sam's throat, gives him every drop, every delicious taste.
The harsh moans trail away to gasps as Dean hangs onto Sam's head for dear life, trying to recover, whole body trembling from the rushes still racking through and he's panting, almost whimpering, "Holy hell, Sammy, that was, unnnhh, fucking awesome, man! Get, ohhhhh, get up here."
Sam is licking away every trace of come he can find, letting his tongue stroke over the sensitive tip and making Dean's hips rock in with each swipe and he's suddenly hauled up, finds himself on the receiving end of the world's most incredible, soul-stealing, mind-blowing, blistering kiss, he's ever received, hot need and tortured breath, and Dean's holding him right there-
Won't let him escape while he takes his mouth so good, the erotic swirl of tongue making Sam dizzy, tries to hang onto his equilibrium, but he's drowning sweetly, overwhelmed at the jolts of hot fire sizzling through his body, at his own pathetic need to let Dean have everything, all that he is.
Dean breaks the scorching kiss, stares at him with such a look of adoration that Sam drops his eyes, can't gaze into those eyes for very long because he's not worthy, never has been worthy of his brother's pure love but he's damn grateful Dean doesn't know that.
And he's yanked forward, a warm hand curled around his wrist, can't barely think from that kiss and lets himself be pushed and tugged, only managing one question before his mouth is taken in another hot kiss, "Where?"
Dean takes his time, swirling against his tongue until Sam moans low in his throat, lets his body relax and wraps a hand around Dean's neck, hooking him closer. Dean breaks the kiss and whispers the words against his lips, kicking Sam's heart rate to the roof, "Gonna make you fall in love with me all over again, Sammy."
#
The water is relaxing hot, loosening the tension in his shoulders, steam filling the air and Dean is there, close and warm, washing him gently, the soft sponge along his shoulder drawing circles, the love in his brother's eyes making him weak in the knees, the words trembling through his soul, filling his heart in ways he didn't even know he needed, and he almost sobs with it, so in love with Dean that it rips at him, burns into him, pure and sweet, never knew he could feel this way.
Dean's voice is hoarse with emotion, the tremor in it almost painful, hurts Sam to hear because he knows Dean's baring himself completely, knows how hard it is for Dean to let Sam see him like this, especially in the wake of the first time Dean shared his feelings and Sam acted like a jerk, shutting him down, making his brother feel ashamed and he's just so damn grateful that he's been given a second chance at this.
"When you first started with the nightmares, and I heard you talking about a 'him', someone that you cared about, that you wanted enough to dream about, I-I was so fucking jealous, Sam, I could barely see straight. I mean, you don't do one night stands or casual, nope, you always get in deep, give everything you have to it, and it freaking hurt like hell that you felt that way about another man, Sammy, and not me." Dean scrubs over his skin gently as he talks, washing his arm and hand, lovingly stroking each finger before moving back up, across his chest, the sponge first teasing over one nipple and then the other.
Doesn't seem to be aware he's doing it, but to Sam it's spikes of pleasure tingling through his loins, jacks his breathing up to gasping, feels so freaking good.
His nipples have always been over sensitive and Dean somehow knows that, moving the sponge over to his other shoulder but those damn talented fingers still stroke a taut nub, playing and pinching gently, turning him on so good.
Dimly hears Dean still talking, tries to focus-
"Kept thinking that he didn't deserve you, that if he made you so scared, he was an asshole who didn't know a good thing when he had it. Wasn't gonna let you go be with him, ever, especially after you and me…"
Dean takes his hand, kisses each fingertip before he rolls the sponge over them, washes them lovingly, still telling Sam everything in his heart, "After you kissed me, after I touched you, I knew if he ever came for you, I'd beat his ass down and make damn sure he never showed his face around you again. But then…fuck, Sammy, you stared right at me, told me you wanted 'him' but I knew then, it was my touch you craved, my hand on your dick, my body covering yours. When I finally figured out it was me, I-just so fucking happy, you know? And then, when I told you about what we were doing, you-shit, Sam, I know why you cut us off, broke this, but it cut my fucking heart out, man, went from flying high to slammed into the ground in seconds. But now-"
He washes over Sam's back in a slow arc, staring at Sam's mouth as he talks, "Now, I get to have this, fucking finally, and just love you so damn much, Sammy."
Dean squeezes the sponge, letting the bubbles flow down Sam's back to his ass, reaches around with his other hand and cups one of Sam's cheeks, pulls it open-
The rough edge of the sponge rubs across his hole, stiffening his back with arousal, because goddamn, just fucking goddamn, he's so worked up, it's starting to shatter him, Dean's hands on him, touching him intimately, and God, he wants more, so much fucking more.
Dean's mouth covers his suddenly, sweet fire and dark lust, his brother's lips soft and heady, hand sliding into Sam's hair, wrenching his head to the side so Dean can open him properly, kiss him thoroughly, no tongue yet but the drag of mouth on mouth, the shivery promise of something more shoots him to the moon and back, bucks his hips in, so fucking aroused he can't even think!
When Dean finally pushes him open, thrusts in with his tongue, dominating, taking control, Sam lets him, knows this is where he belongs, under his big brother's touch.
The sponge has circled back to the front, rubbing figure eights over his belly, sliding lower and he jerks back when Dean's hand curls around his dick, but Dean follows his mouth, hangs on to the kiss and won't let him free, won't let him breath as those wonderful fingers drag up and down his length, leaving him a stuttering mess.
Could cheerfully die, right here, right now and want for nothing more.
Isn't ready for the thick finger that pushes in, nudging past his tight entrance and sliding in, easy and slow, the tip darting around, searching-
And Holy jumped up Jesus Palomina!
Damn near jumps out of his skin because Dean's finger is pressing on this spot inside him that's electric, jagged sparks of pleasure soaring through every nerve, making his dick rock hard in seconds and the other hand takes advantage, jerks him rough, steady until he's on his tiptoes, trying to get a grip on the slippery tiles to hold himself down, to ground him to anything other than the surges of delight rocking through his body.
Dean finally lets go of his mouth, just enough to see his face, to watch his reactions, and Sam sees the dark fire surging through his brother's eyes, the hot passion and he's suddenly pulling out of Sam's grasping hole, releasing his dick and shutting off the water, grabbing a towel with jerky movements-
"Shit, Sammy, fuck, can't wait any longer, gotta have you, right the fuck now-"
And he's dragged out of the shower, dried rough, skin still damp and pink when Dean's hauling him towards the beds, shoving him down, Dean's body still glistening wet, drops trickling down and God, Sam wants to lick him dry, let his tongue slide along that tan skin, that hard chest, can't believe how goddamn beautiful his brother is.
#
He's flat on his back, the mattress soft underneath and Dean is above him, staring down at him with hooded eyes, the lust in them intense, glittering hunger and it's scary, almost, how much his brother wants him-
Not scary enough for Sam to stop this, however.
Dean leans down, kisses him gently, chaste and almost meek, goes to pull back but Sam needs more, not gonna be satisfied with little pecks.
Cups his hand around Dean's head and pulls down, presses in, urges Dean open and slides in with his tongue, needs to taste.
Dean gives a moan of pleasure and meets him eagerly, letting his own tongue dance over Sam's, and they tangle and sway, push and suck, the kiss deepening, becoming more, possessive and grasping, one goal, one mind-
To get as close to each other as humanly possible, lock souls.
When Dean breaks the kiss, his eyes are half-lidded, staring at Sam's mouth like it's ambrosia, "So fucking sweet, Sammy, can't get enough of you."
And he's back, takes Sam's mouth harder, almost rough, pushing in and holding him there, with his tongue, with his lips, fucking into his mouth, and when Sam tries to pull away, take a breath, Dean gives a growl of need and forces him to stay, fingers tangled in his long hair, hanging on tight.
And he's getting the bejesus kissed out of him, falling into the downy soft of pleasure, flames of raw passion flickering and growing, becoming an inferno and he's shaking hard, dick twitching, wanting to explode and how the fuck is that even possible that he's so turned on from just Dean's tongue, Dean's lips, everywhere, filling him, surrounding him, taking him hot and wanton.
Fuck, Dean's a good kisser, makes Sam quiver and tremble like a fucking teenager getting his first blowjob and he's slipping on the precipice, falling, falling so hard, no handholds to stop his downward slide, knows he's gonna lose it soon-
Knows he's gonna start begging.
And all it takes is one swipe of Dean's fingertip over his tight nipple and something snaps, he can fucking hear it, a bone of stubbornness, of fear, breaks so damn good and he can't help it, can't hold back-
Shows Dean all of it, everything inside of him and damn, not good, so not good, can't hide anymore.
Pushes Dean away, starts babbling stupid, bares himself, wide-open and exposed, knows Dean can kick him, take him down if he wants because he's broken now, can't stop any of the words flooding out of his mouth-
"Dean, God, you don't-you don't even know, man, it's here, right here, freaking hole in my heart that's so deep, so fucking wide and nothing can fill it but you. You-everything, man, just everything that ever mattered in my life, you-you're home, you're love, you're just-God, I love you so fucking much and I'm such a fuck-up, you know? Always disappointing you, don't deserve to have this from you, know I don't, always letting you down, you-you deserve so much better than me."
"Stop it!" The growl cuts him off, the hand that slaps over his mouth a tight clench, stopping the flood of words Sam's spilling out into the air between them and he can only bleat out soft whimpers now, needs to have Dean's forgiveness, can't take this pure love from his brother unless he's paid enough, needs to make things right between them, needs Dean to know how much he means, how much Sam loves, even though he never fucking shows Dean how he feels, how grateful, how humbled, he just wants, for once, to make sure Dean knows it, all of it, everything in his heart.
But Dean is scowling down at him, lips stretched tight in a fine line, chin set with temper, "Now you listen to me, Sam, and listen good, because I don't ever want to hear that fucking shit out of your mouth again!" Dean's voice is angry, gruff and so goddamn deep, it stirs something in Sam's soul, it's been his protector his whole life, that voice, keeping him in line, making him behave, follow orders even when Sam fought against him and now, all he wants is that deep voice all over him, surrounding him with safe, with home.
Dean's green eyes are snapping fierce, "You have never been a fuck up! We both had our share of disappointing each other but it doesn't matter, letting each other down doesn't matter because we're always gonna have each other's back, always gonna fight to keep this! This-this is worth fighting for, you are worth fighting for and don't you ever forget it! There is no one better for me than you. You're everything, Sammy. Always have been, always will be. Best I could ever have."
He jerks his hand away, leaves Sam's mouth still smarting from the bruise of fingertips and Dean is staring at the marks he left, his eyes darkening as Sam swipes his tongue over his swollen lips, sucks in a shaky breath-
And when Dean bends, presses in soft kisses, Sam feels the tears burning at the back of his eyes, the tender after the rough almost too much and he's blinking fast, gritting his jaw to keep them at bay. Dean pulls back, stares into him, love flaring up in his eyes as he breathes out the words, "You get it yet? How it is with me? Fucking head over heels for you, jerk, so just stop, Sammy, stop with the whole 'I'm not worthy' crap and just let me show you!"
"Dean." Sam whispers up at him, and takes another shuddering breath, everything Dean just said echoing through his brain, and is that really how Dean feels? Does he really love him that much, that deep? He wrestles with himself for another moment, wants so badly to believe in this-
His brother reaches out, wipes at a tear he didn't even know escaped and sweeps it into his mouth, and Sam knows, right then, that Dean's telling him the absolute truth, unvarnished and bare, and a calm fills him, stills his worry, and peace comes then, slides through his doubts, his fears and releases them, and a sob catches at his throat, chokes out before he can stop it and he's reaching up, cupping Dean's face with his big hand, caressing the familiar lines, the cut cheekbones, that beautiful mouth.
And he nods, leans back and relaxes, letting his body open for his brother-
Dean is searching his face and he sees the surrender, sees the acceptance shining out of Sam's eyes and he gives a sexy grin, "About fucking time, Sammy."
And he bends his head, lets his eyes slide down, warmth and heat following his gaze, across Sam's chest, along the length of his dick and down both long legs, eyes touching like fingertips and Sam feels every catch, every slide, his skin goose-pimpling at the sensations, needs Dean to take him, needs that so fucking bad!
When Dean leans over him, starts kissing and biting over his jaw, down his throat, it's a nuzzling tickle that makes him shiver, hot fire sliding down his body as the mouth moves lower, tongue laying wet trails everywhere, over his nipple, sucking on it rough and then sweeping gentle, biting and licking, until Sam's hands are cupping his head and he's choking out small whimpers, arching up for more-
The other nipple is taken next, worked over good, bitten to a pulsing red and then suckled soft, the dark want spiraling through Sam's gut fast, "Please, Dean, need."
The tongue licks lower, trailing wet over his skin, nips at his lower belly, his hip bones and he's straining up with his thighs, wants Dean to keep going, his cock aching for it-
Hot air blows over his dick just before he's enveloped in warm wet heaven and fuck, that's nice, Dean's mouth moving down slow, taking him in as much as possible before he has to pull back, Dean's hand around the base, dragging his skin up and down in rhythm, the tongue inside a frantic snake, twisting and curling, driving Sam to the edge and holding him there, torturing sweetly.
Can't hardly talk, can only stupidly repeat, "Oh, God, Dean, oh, God, Dean…" in a mindless mantra, too caught up in the deliciousness going on down below to form a coherent thought.
Dean's mouth is gone, ripped away and Sam moans at the loss, needs his brother to keep going, finish him-
He's flipped over suddenly, dragged to his knees, happens so fast his head's spinning, and strong fingers spread open his ass cheeks but he's not ready yet, needs prep, lube, something, "Dean, wait!"
Something's nudging against him and Sam stiffens, almost lunges away but he's held fast, Dean's hands digging in, holding him in place and he's tense, nerves on high alert, and then he feels it-
Wet and soft and fuck, that's Dean's tongue-
Circling and licking his clenched hole, fingers pulling it open, baring him, even as the tongue works it's way inside, muscle firm now, wiggling and poking and black desire shoots through his legs, turns him kitten weak and his arms give out, collapsing him down into the bed, would have fallen flat but Dean's got his hips in a death grip and rucked up high.
Hears the harsh noises coming out of his throat, can't stop them, he's grunting and moaning, high pitched whines that shake through him with every twist of that wicked tongue and when Dean presses in with two fingers alongside his tongue, pushes against that spot and goes deep, he almost comes right there.
His dick is so hard it hurts and he starts babbling wild, can't hold it back, "Oh, God, Dean, holy fuck, feels so damn good, can't take it, it's too much, can't, ungghhhhhh, gonna, gonna come!"
"Uh-uh, no you don't, Sammy. Not yet." Dean's fingers slow, pump into him lazy, while his other hand reaches under, squeezes Sam's dick hard, pushing the orgasm back and making Sam almost sob at the denial, needs to get his dick off now, right now-
"God, Sam, you taste so sweet, just like I knew you would. Gonna slick you up now, gotta have you, man. S'okay, Sam? Can I? Won't do it unless you say you want it too." Dean's damn fingers are driving him crazy, keep rucking over that electrical current inside, making his legs twitch and jerk.
And it's not even a choice now, it's a necessity, has to let Dean finish them, has to feel his brother all over him, and he hears the pleading in his own voice, wants this so bad, "Yes, Dean, God, yes, need you, want to, so fucking bad, want to see you, can I? Want to see your face, your eyes when we-finish this. Love-love you, please-"
He's released instantly, rolled back over and he gropes up blind, pulling Dean's mouth to his, pushing in with his tongue, tastes himself there, mixed with Dean's taste and it's filthy, tantalizing and enticing, and he moans into it, shoves in deeper, needs to chase after it, find more.
Feels Dean lean away, doesn't break the kiss but he's fumbling for something-
Sam hears something click, the wet noise of friction before slick fingers push back inside him, getting him ready and he spreads his legs wider, wants Dean to know how much he wants this, grinds his ass down on Dean's hand plunging inside, feels so fucking good.
Dean breaks the kiss, squeezes out more lube and coats his dick, leans forward and catches Sam's eyes, locks there-
"I love you, Sam."
And there's a pushing at his hole, Dean's cock insistent, stubborn and Sam catches his breath, knows it's probably gonna hurt like hell and tries to relax, let himself go loose and pliant.
Dean presses harder and breaks through, thrusting forward fast to get past Sam's slack muscles, stretching his ass incredibly wide and Sam cries out at the burn, at the wrenching open, his muscles clench, lock down and he's got his hands on Dean's shoulders, holding him back, his body fighting the invasion hard.
"Shhh, it's okay, we'll go slow, promise, sorry, Sammy, know it's gotta hurt like hell. I'll make it better, take care of you, I swear!"
The blood is pounding in his head and he's making wrecked noises, hurt moans and painful breath, and Dean is running soothing hands over his legs, his stomach, and Sam's trying to relax, he is, but it's so freaking painful, doesn't understand how anyone can enjoy this shit-
Dean's mouth is taking his, kissing deeply, even as he's bearing down, shoving past Sam's clenched muscles and suddenly, he's in, sliding home, filling Sam completely.
"Open your eyes, Sammy." Isn't even aware that he closed them but he must have, hears Dean's words and he tries to obey, he does, squints open and there's the beautiful face above him, worry shining through-
Dean makes a noise in his throat, his eyes soft and warm, wants to take Sam's pain as his own, take it from him but he can't and Sam knows he's struggling, because Dean's causing the pain and it's hurting him more than Sam at this point.
Knows Dean's a hair's breath from pulling out and calling the whole thing off and nope, uh-uh, that's not gonna happen because Sam wants this, they both need this and he's just gonna suck it up and pretend it feels good-
Gives Dean a half-smile, "Wow, that was-you're so freaking big, wasn't expecting it but hell, that's awesome!" And he squeezes his muscles down, wiggles a little, "Come on, Dean, need you to k-keep going, okay?"
He sees the doubt in Dean's eyes, the shake of his head because Dean knows he's lying like hell so he pushes it, says the one word he knows will work, get him what he wants, "Please, Dean? Please don't stop. Want this, okay?"
Dean lets out a low breath, nods against his better judgment and pulls out slowly, slides back in easy but Sam still gasps, fingers clenched in Dean's shoulders, teeth gritted but he moans encouragingly, lost in his brother's eyes-
Dean does it again, slow out and then in, and it goes easier, the slick helping lessen the burn and when Dean pulls out, shifts his hips and thrusts again, he hits Sam's prostate.
And Sweet Baby Jesus!
Bursts of pleasure shoot through his body and there's no more pain, no more burn, only sizzling sparks, sweet flames and he stiffens, cries out when Dean does it again, starts begging, "Oooohhh, fuck, Dean, harder, shit, need it, please, again, Christ, feels so fucking good!"
And Dean's lost in watching his reactions, hanging on his every movement as he bucks in with his hips, whispering out everything in his heart, "So beautiful, Sammy, God, look at you! Love you like this, love making you feel good, so freaking grateful you're letting me have you, perfect, perfect for me, just like I knew you would be, love you so much, can't even-"
Sam grabs Dean's face, pulls him down and kisses wild, hungry and frantic, bucking up with his ass each time Dean thrusts in, making his brother go deeper, wanting to feel every stab, every plunge, wringing pleasure out of each movement.
And when Dean's fist circles his dick, starts jerking him off, and gives one more shove in, hits that spot like he's got radar, that's it-
Sam feels the rush crowd through, didn't even know he was so close but it crests, bursts and he's coming hard, shooting his load all over Dean's hand, his stomach, clenches his muscles, grips Dean's cock hard-
Dimly hears Dean's cries of pleasure, feels the pulsing hot in his ass and Dean's filling him up, emptying into Sam and he's never felt anything better than that, his brother's hot breath in his mouth, shuddering body pouring everything he has into Sam, marking him, claiming him.
Leaves them both weak and trembling, kissing softly as they catch their breath, bodies hot, sweating, clinging to each other and Sam can't believe how good he feels, how complete.
Never gonna forget this night.
#
They're curled around each other and Dean can't stop touching him, like he's not whole unless he's got a hand on Sam somewhere and they haven't spoken yet, no words can belay what's in Sam's heart and he's pretty sure Dean's right there with him.
Dean's kissing his shoulder, one hand stroking his hip and the other splayed across his belly, holding him close. The warm mouth roves just under his ear lobe, trailing down his neck and back up, nipping at his skin before Dean just takes a deep breath, snuggles in closer.
"God, I love you, Sammy."
And he knows that now, never gonna doubt his brother's love again but he's worried, doesn't know where they go from here, can't give this up now, knew he wouldn't be able to, wants more, wants to know Dean, now, wants to give Dean pleasure like he just gave him.
Knows he said it was the only time, knows he and Dean agreed just once but now-
Can't say it, any of it, because he's the one that drew the line, made Dean accept and can't back down now. Knows in his gut it still isn't right, not by society's standards and they can't let themselves continue with this but damn-
He's never felt anything so right in his life.
He slides his hand over Dean's, where it lays on his skin and clutches tight, gonna cling to his brother, to this for as long as he can.
"I love you, too, Dean. Love you, too."
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