Theme #10 - Dancing

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Your turn, Sam; truth or dare?"

A small part of Sam's brain screamed that playing the world's most infamous game of Truth of Dare with giant alien robots, especially with those with a well earned reputation for being pranksters, was not only a bad idea, but a potentially painful one. However, the rest of his brain quickly over-ruled that one small section labeled "common sense" in a rush of teenage impulsiveness. That and Sideswipe had called Sam a chicken for initially refusing to play and Sam, his male pride wounded, was out to prove him wrong.

Which immediately increased the "potentially painful" risk of the game greatly.

"Dare!"

Make that "exponentially" greater.

Metal face components and species difference aside, there was no mistaking the evil grin that spread across Sideswipe's face as he rubbed his hands together in wicked delight. Arcee groaned, knowing that face all-too-well. Jolt shifted his weight uneasily from one foot to the other, not as familiar with Sideswipe and his pranks as the others, but even he knew that Sam was in for it. As with Arcee, Bumblebee was more familiar with that look and, torn between amusement and growing alarm, settled for giving the silver corvette a warning buzz.

"Right, fleshy, you asked for it!" Sideswipe said happily, "But, given several circumstances, you being small and squishy being one and Bumblebee told me so being another, I'm gonna go easy on you. Your dare, as ridiculous as it may sound, actually goes back a long time. No one has been able to get Ironhide to do this, so let's see if you can."

A flicker of dread started to burn in the pit of Sam's belly at the mention of Ironhide's name. It no longer mattered what the dare was, there was no way it was going to end well for anyone involved, whether it was successfully carried out or not, especially for him.

"Get Ironhide to dance."

"Excuse me?" Sam was positive that his jaw was somewhere around his knees, " Did I hear you right? 'Get Ironhide to dance'? Ironhide?! As in trigger-happy, grumpy-as-hell, piss-me-off-and-you're-dead Ironhide?"

"The one and only." Sideswipe said cheerfully, "Thank Primus for that though…one is bad enough!"

"He'd sooner step on me!" Sam wailed, "He'll throw me out into the firing range and use me for target practice! With LIVE ammo! How the heck am I supposed to get him to DANCE?!"

"That's your problem." Sideswipe said, never losing his cheerful tone, "Just don't forget to get it ALL on video. Unless, of course, you're too SCARED to do it…"

Sam opened and closed his mouth several times like a fish out of water, but no sound came out. Inwardly he cursed peer pressure and his inability to resist it. Finally, he shut his mouth and gulped loudly.

"Fine…I'll do it." Sam mumbled, images of various rather painful ways to die at Ironhide's hands flashing through his mind.

"Great! Just remember…the WHOLE thing…on video." With that, Sideswipe walked off, waving over his shoulder. Arcee gave Sam an apologetic look before she too left, a rather nervous Jolt quick on her heels, leaving Sam alone with his guardian.

"What am I gonna DO?" Sam moaned, sinking to the floor, his head in his hands, "Why, WHY, did I agree to play Truth or Dare with Sideswipe? How the hell am I going to get Ironhide to…dance?"

Bumblebee was silent while Sam continued to bemoan his fate, his optics slightly distant as he mulled over how to best help his young charge. Since he was playing as well, he couldn't outright help Sam but he could at least "suggest an idea or six". Technically it wouldn't be breaking any rules and Bumblebee knew Sideswipe well enough to know that he didn't really care if outside help had been included, just as long as the dare got done. Suddenly, he brightened as an idea came to him, his doorwings fluttering a little in excitement. The theme song to "ER" echoed from his speakers suddenly.

"Honestly, I can't imagine Ironhide, of all Autobots, dancing." Sam went on, not noticing the clue Bumblebee was trying to give him in the form of music, "That's like going to math class without cringing or something equally impossible. It's just beyond impossible. There's no way I'm going to be able to do this without losing my limbs and why are you playing the song from "ER"?"

Bumblebee opted to let Sam's brain sort it out for itself while he wondered why going to math class with its shockingly easy problems and equations that a sparkling could figure out was such a big deal. His pondering was cut short as the metaphorical light bulb suddenly went off above Sam's head, fortunately before the yellow camero had to replay the song for a third time. A grin slowly stretched across Sam's face as a plan began to unfold in his head.

"Bumblebee." Sam said, goofy grin firmly in place, "You are a genius."

~*~*~*~*~*~

"You need my help to do what?"

"Oh come on, Ratchet, please?" Sam pleaded, "Help a human out?"

Ratchet stared at the young human, his bomb shelled expression priceless as his processor struggled to fully comprehend what he thought he heard. Did he really just hear the words "Ironhide" and "dance" in the same sentence? Not just in the same sentence but with relevancy towards each other? No…he couldn't have. His audios must be malfunctioning...unless…

"You want me to help in one of Sideswipe's stupid pranks?"

"It's…well, it's a dare, actually." Sam said, shuffling his feet, "Sideswipe dared me to get Ironhide to dance and Bee and I figured that if anyone in the world could help with that, you could."

There were those two words again and, again, in the same sentence. As CPU boggling as it was, Ratchet knew that his audios had not been deceiving him. Sam was actually going to attempt to get Ironhide to…to dance. No, correction; Sam was attempting to get HIM to get Ironhide to…slag it, he was still having trouble reconciling those two words together. However, the devious part of Ratchet's spark was roaring its approval. He couldn't deny that it would be hilarious to see the old cannon…dance.

"Say that I do help." Ratchet said slowly, "What's in it for me?"

"Uhh…a copy of the video?"

"It's a start." Ratchet shrugged, "Tell you what; if you keep those fragging younger twins out of my medbay for a week and throw in a few cubes of the high grade I know Sideswipe has hidden in his quarters, I'll help you out."

"Hard bargain."

"You forget." Ratchet growled, "This is IRONHIDE we're talking about here. If he gets so much as a hint of this, it's blown before it even starts."

"You're not…"

"Of course I'm not going to tell him!" Ratchet snapped, "But 'Hide isn't an idiot, though he might act like he has his head up his aft ninety percent of the time. He'll figure out pretty quick who was behind it and probably before you have the chance to get far, far away."

"Ok, we have a deal." Sam said quickly, his previous thoughts of painful deaths resurfacing.

"Good. We can use the medbay to alleviate any suspicion. All I have to do is call Ironhide in and theoretically he'll show. Cross your fingers he isn't in a stubborn mood. Just let me know when you're ready and I'll comm. him." Ratchet said, his plan of attack rapidly solidifying.

It didn't take Sam very long to get everything set up. Since Ratchet was taking over the hard part all he needed to do was find a spot to set up a video camera where Ironhide wouldn't see it and blow it up while still maintaining an unobstructed view of the whole medbay. Sam had no idea what the medic had planned, but whatever it was, he fervently hoped that Ratchet could hold the vengeful black mech's attention long enough for him to escape with his health and body intact afterwards.

Feeling very nervous, Sam looked over at Ratchet and nodded with a gulp, feeling butterflies throw a party in his stomach. The party increased in intensity as Sam watched Ratchet tilt his head slightly to the left, indicating he was talking via comm. link, a smirk twitching the corners of the CMO's mouth components. A moment later, Ratchet gave him a nod to signal that everything was now in motion and signaled Sam to go hide, which he did very willingly.

It wasn't long before he felt rather than heard heavy footfalls coming towards the medbay. Poor Sam felt sweat break out on his forehead and his heart give an extra pound with every vibrating step. At that moment he wasn't sure which he would prefer; an insane Megatron with his fusion cannon aimed right between his eyes or a raging Ironhide with BOTH cannons primed and aimed right between his eyes.

The medbay doors opened to admit the hulking black mech, who had a decidedly puzzled look on his face.

"Ok, you can quit the incessant texts already!" He rumbled, "Cool your slagging circuits, Ratch. What the frag is the problem?"

"Why didn't you show up for those scans yesterday?" Ratchet demanded, somehow able to keep a straight face…or scowl, "I sent out a comm. for ALL Autobots to report to the medbay for a scan. Did you show up? NO!"

"What…what comm.?" Ironhide asked, his processor scrambling, "What scan? I never got a comm.!"

"What do you mean 'you never got the comm'?!" Ratchet exploded, spinning on the astonished black mech, "I sent SEVERAL out so processors like your two-bit trash can could actually PROCESS it!"

"What the frag?" Ironhide shouted back, looking increasingly bewildered and slightly nervous, "I never GOT a comm., from ANYONE!"

"THAT'S NO EXCUSE!!" Ratchet punctuated the end of his tirade with a flying wrench, which Ironhide ducked with practiced ease. The wrench was quickly followed by a spanner, then another wrench, screw driver, tubing…pretty much whatever Ratchet could get his hands on until the air was thick with flying tools and equipment, all of which Ironhide managed to avoid.

Which had been Ratchet's intention all along. Ironhide was unwittingly playing along to his plan beautifully, taking the bait like a sparkling with an energon goodie. Though he managed to keep the snarl on his face as he shouted various curses at the black mech, it was taking every ounce of willpower Ratchet had to keep from falling to the floor in hysterical laughter. Oh, he couldn't wait to see that video! It was going to be well worth whatever hell Ironhide put them through later.

Sam couldn't believe it. He had thought it utterly impossible, but here it was playing out before his astonished eyes. Ratchet was playing Ironhide like a puppet, only with wrenches instead of strings. He had Ironhide spinning, ducking, dodging, rolling and jumping in such a way that it looked as if the black mech really WAS dancing.

And, Sam silent admitted to himself, for a 4 ton giant metal robot covered with heavy armored plates with cannons a quarter of his weight mounted on his arms…he was pretty damn graceful. But, as graceful as he may have been, it was still utterly ridiculous to see the massive mech dance around like that, once even spinning all the way around on one foot, that Sam suddenly found himself shoving his fist into his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

Ratchet finally started to run out of tools and Ironhide took full advantage of the brief pause to flee the medbay and the "enraged" medic with his apocalyptic hailstorm of tools. His rapidly retreating footsteps had barely faded before the remaining mech and the hidden human finally erupted into howls of laughter that left them both rolling on the floor.

~*~*~*~*~*~

It had been a week since the premier of Ironhide's new found "talent" had been released to the entire base, including an opening night showing in the communications hanger on the main screen. True to Ratchet's predictions, it had taken Ironhide about two seconds to figure out who had been behind it (aside from Ratchet's obvious assistance) but by then, Sam and Bumblebee had put as much distance between them and the enraged Topkick as they could without leaving the planet. Bummer though it was to have to avoid the base for obvious safety reasons, Sideswipe helped make it far more bearable by sending them the picture he had taken of Ironhide's horrified expression when he had walked in on the end of the mass showing.

According to the silver corvette, no one was sure if they would be able to fully repair the wholesale destruction Ironhide had wrought on the firing range. It didn't help that the soldiers on base had taken to calling Ironhide "Twinkle Toes", which resulted in a huge crater appearing in the middle of the already smoking range.

But in that week Ironhide had calmed down to a degree where he wouldn't shoot Sam on sight…or least without a proper warning. Still, Sam didn't dare venture back until Ironhide had gone out on patrol, making it safe for at least the rest of the afternoon.

Their small group hadn't been able to celebrate Sam's new hero status for very long when a familiar shadow fell over them.

They at least had the dignity to stand in slightly abashed silence before the Autobot commander who held up a copy of Ironhide's "performance".

"I have no problem with you younglings playing Truth or Dare…but let's leave out the dares that end with total destruction of the firing range, even if the same dare puts our CMO in a good mood for several weeks." Optimus said, making sure all of them nodded their understanding. Then he paused, considering the tape in his hand.

"I have to admit one thing." He said, with small laugh that was quickly disguised as a snort, "Altering it so that the copies have 'Hide in a tutu was pure genius."

~END~

A/N: Ah Truth or Dare…love it up until you get THAT dare. XDD Like Sam, I simply couldn't visualize Ironhide dancing in the way my mind kept conjuring. I blame my insomnia for that… and for the tutu thing. I probably should go hide now…~runs for dear life~

I apologize for the lengthy amount of time between updates, but between a persisting writer's block, college, work, the horses and the uncooperative weather which needs to behave so I can actually WORK at work (swim lessons) I have had no time to write and even less brain power to actually come up with something. Don't think that I'm giving up or anything, but just bear in mind; writer is a sleep deprived, over-worked and completely insane college student.

Please, please, PLEASE let me know what you think, how I'm doing, what could be better, mistakes I made, questions, comments, concerns, the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow be it African or European via review. I really want to know…it will make future chapters much better if I know I'm heading in the right or wrong direction.

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Seriously, I really appreciate the feedback and support. There's a saying that "an artist is never fully happy with their work" which I agree with 100%. I'm a little self-conscious about posting, be it my writings or my art. Getting such positive feedback from y'all allows me to want to continue. Love y'all!!! ~glomps~

-Vanillathunder215