Turned On

A/N: this is NOT a human/mech fic. Mech/mech is ok with me but I've never really been able to consolidate a human/mech thing in my mind. Squishies with metal…car crashes come to mind. Plus I planned on making this whole series rather tame (for me anyway. Ya want smoking I got other stuff.)

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Humans do the strangest things.

It had become the newest maxim among the Autobots, especially when sharing tales about their human partners. After all, how else could one explain off eating strange foods that had no nutritional value purely for the enjoyment of it, or the seeming compulsive buying of shoes or clothes when they already had a perfectly good set or, most processor boggling, the sudden inexplicable playing of an "air guitar".

Quirks, Ironhide heard more than once, the peculiarities of human behavior. They were, all at once, endearing and maddening. They were what made all the billions of humans so unique from one another. Billions and billions of eccentric habits, each human possessing hundreds of them at once.

It drove Ironhide crazy.

It wasn't that Cybertronians didn't possess quirks. They did, of course, but they were vastly different from that of the humans though a few Autobots had picked up some more human-like habits. No Cybertronian had ever pretended to do skateboard tricks with their fingers on a pencil until Sam's strange friend Miles had shown Bumblebee and Sideswipe. Primus forbid, he didn't even want to go into the air guitar incident. Optimus had originally thought HE had done something to crack the concrete hangar floor. If he HAD done it, it would have been a slagging crater, not a crack!

But he considered himself rather lucky. The Lennox family was rather normal, their weird behavior at a minimum. Granted, Annabelle did odd things from time to time but she was just a sparkling. She had a permit to act weird. The two adults were normal enough though, making it easier for him to get used to human habits without risking a Prowl-like processor meltdown. So he settled down and slowly settled in with this family, doing what he could, when he could.

That being said, he didn't mind taking Sarah places. She didn't chatter needlessly for the sake of noise and, when they did talk, it was meaningful and deliberate. She didn't try to take over driving, letting her hands rest lightly on the steering wheel, and she did her best to keep Annabelle from making too much of a mess in his interior. It was a pleasant break from military activity, giving him a taste of normalcy that he hadn't had in eons.

Except for one thing.

Thanks to the Autobots' taking over the responsibility of driving, the humans no longer had to keep their full attention on the road. As a result, their attention sometimes wandered. Sarah was no exception. While that in itself was of no great concern, she suddenly gained the inability to keep her hands still. Usually her fingers would rub the steering wheel or her thumb over the Autobot insignia on the center of the steering wheel. Ironhide had the ability to lower his sensory net throughout his exterior frame to keep from feeling pain in the midst of battle, allowing him to take even more amounts of damage and still fight, but the interior of his alt mode was part of a different sensor relay that he couldn't control. He felt her fingers on his steering wheel. Fortunately it wasn't enough to bother him and he usually just ignored it.

One sultry summer day, he was taking her on yet another errand. Annabelle was left to enjoy some rare alone time with her father so it just the two of them traveling along the country road into town. Ironhide enjoyed the warmth of the summer sun on his plating. The wind against his frame as he went along cooled him off just enough to keep from being too warm. Sarah relaxed against him, quiet and calm, her mind on something else. The black mech kicked on cruise control, feeling decidedly lazy. He was feeling far more relaxed than he had in a while.

Then Sarah's fingers started moving as if they had a mind of their own. One hand draped over the wheel rubbed at the stitching in the fake leather while the other slid down slightly to the gearshift next to the wheel, to the tow button on the end. He really didn't need it, he could lock his torque himself if he absolutely needed to if he hauled anything for the humans, but it was there in accordance with his perfect disguise.

She had never messed with it before. In fact, he wasn't really used to being touched anywhere BUT the steering wheel. They never even messed with the buttons of the radio, simply asking him to change it knowing his aversion to them messing with buttons too much. But now her fingers were slowly circling the small button, her fingernail gently scraping against him.

Oh PRIMUS! He thought, suppressing a shudder. No, this can't be happening.

Sarah, totally unaware, kept circling her finger, occasionally running her thumb down the gearshift.

It was all Ironhide could do to suppress a groan. He couldn't stop the shiver that ran through his chassis nor his rising core temperature. He couldn't simply tell her to stop. What was he going to say? "Stop touching the gear shift, you're turning me on"? Frag no!

Sarah's other hand found the signal shift and the cruise control button at the end. One fingernail dragged over the indentions for the windshield wiper settings.

Ironhide couldn't help it. He shivered again and gave a quiet groan. It had really been too long since he had been with anyone and his body was reacting far too quickly for him to calm himself.

"Ironhide?" Sarah asked, suddenly realizing that the temperature in his cab was rising and he was shaking, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah." He managed to grind out. He really wanted to tell her to get her hands OFF him but still had no idea how to without damaging his pride and dignity beyond repair.

Concerned she sat up straighter. As she did do, her hands dragged off both shifts, fingernails dragging against him.

"SLAG!" Ironhide slammed on the brakes, sliding off into the grassy shoulder as sensors lit up his processor faster than a shot seekers aft, nearly making him scream out in arousal.

Sarah flew out of the cab as soon as he came to a complete stop, totally convinced Ironhide was sick or hurt. Seeing the black truck sitting there on the side of the road quivering with waves of heat shimmering from him only seemed to confirm her theory. Too concerned for his well being to question him as to just what was wrong, she pulled out her phone and called Ratchet.

Ironhide was only dimly aware of what she was doing, doing his absolute hardest to clamp down on his excited circuits and cooling his engine off. He heard her talking but as soon as he was in complete control again, he would reassure her that he was indeed ok.

"Alright, Hide…what happened?" Ratchet pinged in on the comm. line.

"Ratch…what?" Ironhide stuttered in horror, realizing what Sarah had just done. He couldn't exactly blame her but oh primus no…anyone but Ratchet. He would NEVER live this down, EVER!

"You know what? Just sit tight. I was on my way to give you your regular systems scan since you can't be bothered to come see me anyway." Ratchet said, "I can see you now."

No no no…Ironhide began rerouting and suppressing signals. Ratchet's scans were so acute that he could tell exactly what happened. Especially since he was still overheated and his circuits were still tingling.

The familiar tickle of a scan told him he was too late. He held perfectly still, hoping beyond hope that Ratchet wouldn't notice. PLEASE don't let him notice…

"Well?" Sarah asked the yellow hummer, worry scrunching her face, "What's wrong with him?"

Ratchet was silent a few seconds. Mistakenly, Sarah began thinking the worst…until the medibot burst out laughing. Unable to contain himself, he transformed and fell over, roaring hysterically. For his part, Ironhide groaned.

"My apologies…" Ratchet snorted when he could at last speak, "I can assure you. Nothing is wrong with Ironhide. Far from it. You were touching him before he went off the road?"

"Yeah I guess so. I have a tendency to start messing with whatever I'm holding when I start daydreaming." Sarah trailed off, her eyes going wide as realization hit her, "Oh no…I did NOT…"

"Oh yes you did." Ratchet chuckled, his rather evil smirk telling Ironhide that he was so screwed.

Ironhide groaned again. Primus hated him, he really did.

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A/N: LOVES AND HUGS TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FAVERS AND REVIEWERS! Good God I would have just chunked this otherwise without yalls lovin. I'm thinking on the other prompts but this time I'll leave the choice to you. For the next chapter, should I do sparkling!Ironhide or adult Ironhide? Review and leave your request!

I dunno about the rest of you but I do this all the time to my poor truck when I'm driving along or sitting at red lights. The tow button is indented so it's almost like the perfect worry stone. What's even better is that I got TWO because on the other side is the cruise control and it is also indented. Not only was it funny when DracinaStormsailor and I giggled insanely about this, but it was even more hilarious when my MOTHER and I started laughing hysterically over getting the truck hot and bothered by pressing buttons while we were driving to go look at colleges (she kept hitting the wrong button and turning the wipers on instead of the cruise control and I said she was giving my truck an orgasm. The state trooper we passed gave us a funny look.).