Ironhide had been on many planets throughout his long life, each planet drastically different than the last. Some had been organic, like earth, some metallic, like Cybertron and others an odd mix of both. However, earth was the only one he had been on that was so packed with life. He actually had to recalibrate his scanners because every time he scanned for a human, he picked up almost hundreds life forms from plants to insects. And it wasn't just on land either. There were living organisms in the air, under the ground, IN the ground and in the water. Never before had he encountered such a phenomenon. It was as irritating as it was fascinating. The plant was literally crawling with life forms, all interacting with the resources of the planet in various ways. It gave him a slagging headache.
One such resource that provided both wonder and fear to both Ironhide and humans was water - more specifically the large bodies of salt water that covered approximately 71% of earth's surface. The humans marveled at it because they had yet to fully uncover its secrets, to truly penetrate its depths. They managed to make a living off of it, either by harvesting its abundant life for sustenance or by drilling for minerals deep beneath the sea floor. But they really had not yet been able to utilize it fully. It was too vast, too powerful. Man might rule solid ground but water remained beyond his reach.
Ironhide marveled at it because the humans were utterly fascinated with it. Not exactly a big fan of water himself, the black mech couldn't understand just what was so alluring about "going to the beach". It entailed sitting on a sandy beach in the hot sun, getting said sand in every gear and hard to reach crevice and occasionally jumping into the ocean that not only had the capability to rust armor but contained flesh-eating bacteria and marine animals that could harm or kill a human, not to mention strong currents and riptides that could drag any human under the waves.
So it made no sense why the humans loved the ocean and threw chance to the wind just to get wet when they could do that in a swimming pool. All the dangers in the ocean, they should be avoiding it.
But then, humans rarely made sense. Instead of running like any sensible being, they often stood their ground. After all, they were fighting Decepticons that were far larger, stronger, smarter (well, perhaps not smarter), better equipped weapon-wise, less squishy…and won.
So perhaps it was just another human oddity, he decided. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to keep an optic out for any trouble on the beach, especially with the bunch that was currently splashing around in the surf. Lennox, Epps, Sam, Mikaela, USMC Lieutenant Victoria "VT" Ebanks and US Army Ranger Samantha "DS" O'Connor all attracted trouble worse than a loose pack of sparklings with energon goodies. He didn't care what Ratchet said about water not harming them…these six could and would find a way to make a seeming innocuous trip to the beach disastrous.
So Ironhide settled down under a palm tree in his alt form to keep from getting sand in his foot, enjoying the shade from the fierce sun. He had been near forced to come along. They knew he didn't like the beach but with most of the other mechs busy, or saying they were, he was the lucky one chosen to accompany the humans. So he sat under the tree, trying to keep from overheating, keeping watch and hoping trouble wouldn't visit today.
But sure enough, trouble did show up, but not in the form of something Ironhide could turn into sushi. No, it was more trouble of the human variety.
He wasn't so sure how it happened but suddenly Lennox and DS came running up to him and with a "Sorry Hide! Hold these!" They threw something in his front seat through the open window and took off like they were running from a live bomb, laughing hysterically. A quick scan revealed a rolled up towel sitting innocuously on his passenger seat. What was so funny about that? It was slightly damp and covered in sand. There was NOTHING funny about SAND getting in his interior!
A string of cussing snapped his attention away from his interior and the grains of sand settling into his faux interior. For a second he was afraid that a wrench was going to come flying out of nowhere but then he realized that the cussing was NOT from Ratchet on a rampage.
It was from VT.
Who was in the water.
Screaming.
Instantly he transformed, forgetting about the towel, cannons charging as soon as they transformed, looking for the threat. If it was a shark, he'd blast the thing out of the water. If it was a rip current…well, they'd just owe him a bath after he pulled her out. He just had to…
He slammed to a halt. There was…nothing. No shark, no current, no blood, nothing. What the frag was going on?
"YOU SLAG SUCKING IDIOTS!" VT screeched from the surf, her impressive voice heard loud and clear over the pounding waves, "WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE YOU ARE HOSED!"
The "slag sucking idiots" in question were currently on the beach, falling over themselves laughing. It only served to confuse Ironhide further. No one seemed to be hurt or in danger.
"WHERE ARE THEY?!" VT continued in a beautiful imitation of Ratchet, "YOU BETTER FRAGGING BRING THEM BACK!"
"Sorry no can do!" DS yelled back, still snorting and giggling.
"WHAT?!" her voice raised to a pitch that would rival Starscream, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN 'NO CAN DO'?!"
"We don't have them…but Ironhide does!" Lennox yelled to her.
"IRONHIDE!"
Ironhide was totally floored. He had just been thrown under the proverbial bus and had the sinking feeling he was about to get into a lot of trouble but he had no idea WHY. "Have who? I don't have anything!"
"NOT WHO YOU FRAGGING DUMB AFT! IT! MY CLOTHES!"
"Your…" Ironhide suddenly remembered the towel, now shredded in his gears when he had transformed suddenly. But then he picked up something else. Reaching gingerly into his side plating he pulled out a scrap of light blue and black lycra material. Material that matched the colors of the swimsuit VT had been wearing. The one he realized she currently wasn't wearing.
He could see her icy blue eyes narrow across the waves.
"Oh slag…"
There were a few things to keep in mind when dealing with the blonde Marine. When pushed enough, she had a nasty temper. Two, she never went anywhere without a gun and three, she never missed. Ever. Ironhide added a fourth.
"Which is what?" Ratchet asked as he rooted around in Ironhide's gears.
"If she wants to shoot you, she won't hesitate to run out of the water despite missing her clothes." Ironhide hissed as Ratchet yanked on internal gears, "I really thought humans were opposed to that sort of thing."
Ratchet held up a bullet before adding it to the pile of shredded towel, swimsuit, sand and several other bullets, "Never would have guessed…but that woman is more volatile that an angry Decepticon on high grade."
"Mute it." Ironhide groaned, "How was I supposed to know? Never heard of skinny dipping before."
Ratchet couldn't help it. He broke down laughing. "Only you, Ironhide…only you would get shot over a prank because you transformed with a femme's bikini in your alt."
XxXxXx
A/N: I'm back kids! Squeezed a 4 year degree into 6 years but I finally graduated! I'm trying to focus back on writing but real life is calling so things are still slow. Anyway, there's the beach one. Lets see how fast I can pop these chapters out.