A shout out to Birdie7272 for being AWESOME! Without her nitpicking this story would not be finished yet. Technically it's not, but this is the part that was giving me the most trouble, so please enjoy, and don't forget to review.
"No Buffy don't..." Dawn cries out. But it's to late. My mind is set. I am jumping.
Jumping, then I am falling.
Falling, then I am floating.
Floating, then I am flying.
Flying, then I am soaring.
Soaring, then I am free.
Free. A concept in life that was unattainable. But now, in death, I am free. For here in death there is no pain, no fear, and no doubt. I am complete. Everything is as it should be and, everyone I left behind is where they need to be. Except for Spike. In an instant, I could see it all. Every thought, decision, action, and consequence of every timeline of everyone I left behind. But Spike's was nothing like what I expected. For one hundred plus years, Spike has loved only to be unloved in return.
As a human he longed for the attention of Cecily Addams. He wrote beautiful poetry in hopes of winning her attention. In the end, he was heartbroken by her rejection, and ran off, seemingly straight into the arms of Drusilla. Sure Cecily's rejection was hard, but nothing hurt quite like the profound emptiness that resonated from Dru. For over a century, he put up with her inability to return his feelings. He tried everything he could to bring her back to reality. But she was too broken. even still, he loved her with every fibre of his being. He could see her pure innocence, drowning deep inside. But again, he knew she would never be his. Angelus had ruined that for him.
Finally there's me, Buffy. I was so wrong about his feelings for me, and he continues to be alienated because of it. I just couldn't believe that the very thing I was designed to kill, the thing that has no soul, had the ability to truly love or feel anything at all. And now I watch him in the shadows, unseen by my friends, as he takes in the sight of my unmoving body. Paralyzed with grief, his heart shatters into a million little pieces.
I was so wrong about Spike. Sineya was right, death is my gift. Without death, I would have never been convinced of his love. He doesn't deserve to be in the shadows. Not anymore. He deserves love. And that's exactly what I intend to give him. All I have to do is find my way back.
Thanks for reading. Keep an eye out for part two. I'm still in the process of writing it.