Remus looked at Severus. Really looked at the man. Remus had always known the man was skinny, and he just brushed it off, as it was really none of his business. And he had always assumed Albus would be watching out for him. But now that he looked, he noticed that Severus was not just skinny. He was scrawny, and scarily so. The professor had barely been able to vomit up anything of substance, and when Remus had pulled him up to stand he had been shocked. It felt almost as if had been pulling up a particularly tiny woman. There was no way the man could weigh more than 120 pounds, and he feared he was being generous with that estimate. There was no reason for a man Severus's height and age to be so thin. Especially when Remus knew he had access to food at Hogwarts. This was clearly voluntary, which meant Severus was not 'fine' as Severus always insisted when anyone dare ask.
"Let's talk this over civilly." Remus blinked as Severus glared at him for staring, which was fair enough. "Maybe privately, too?" He knew Severus wouldn't want a full audience, and he wanted the man to feel comfortable enough to actually talk.
"We can talk in my room." Sirius offered, already rising from his chair. He gave Severus a pointed look as he remained firmly seated.
"I'd like my wand." Severus drawled, clearly uneasy at the idea of being unarmed amongst both of the, alone in his room to boot.
"Sirius will give me his wand." Remus mediated, giving the animagus a sharp look until he forked his wand over. "I will be the only armed person."
Severus still looked apprehensive but stood, following after Sirius with Remus in the rear. It didn't take long to reach Sirius's rooms, but the awkward silence that enveloped them made it seem a lot longer than it really was. Sirius threw himself unto the grandiose king-sized bed, while Remus closed the door behind them. Pulling out his wand, as he knew that most of the teenagers in the house had a penchant for eavesdropping, he cast a few simple wards. There simply was no point in doing anything more complicated as none of them would be able to take the privacy wards down in the first place. Satisfied, he himself took a spot on the bed, at the top with Sirius.
"Are you just going to stand?" Sirius demanded, as Severus stood stiffly by the door. "Get over here."
Severus scowled but moved closer, to stand near the edge of the bed. "Happy?" He asked, the sarcasm not as strong as it usually was.
Remus gave the man an incredulous look. "Sit." He said simply, wondering why Severus couldn't get the hint that he was being invited up on the bed.
"I'm alright." Severus insisted, still looking dizzy.
"Damn it! Will you sit?!" Sirius hissed, clearly frustrated that he didn't have his answers just yet.
Severus looked apprehensive, clearly recalling their youth, when he rigidly sat down. On the floor. Clearly Severus didn't understand that they didn't expect him to sit on the floor when they were seated on the bed.
"Get up here." Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair. "On the bed. Sit." He elaborated, in a joking voice. Remus hoped Severus would catch on to the fact that Sirius wasn't being mean-spirited.
Severus looked unsure but seated himself atop the blankets, his legs still over the edge and face turned to the wall.
"I like to look at someone when we're having a conversation." Remus hinted gently, pleased when Severus finally seemed to understand. Reluctance showed on Severus's face as he drew his feet up unto and turned to look at the two men on the opposite side.
"Look- I know I probably said some things-" Severus was starting to speak, but Sirius held a hand up.
"I don't want to hear the lies." Sirius said firmly. "I don't want you to try and cover up what you told me last night. I'm not dealing with it." He warned. "Please, just be straight with me."
"What...what did I even say?" Severus asked, looking uncertain as he turned to eye the door.
"You told me, in no uncertain terms, that Albus knew I was innocent yet chose to keep me locked up." Sirius wasted no time in beginning, and when Severus looked like he was about to speak, Sirius simply spoke over him. "You told me Albus had this master plan, and that was why Harry had to keep going back to his 'bitch' of an aunt."
"How absurd." Severus drawled, clearly slipping back into his mask of emotionless serenity. "Does Albus seem like the sort of man who-"
"I said I'm not dealing with the lies!" Sirius barked. "Damn it! You were straight with me last night, why can't you be now!? Do you need me to get you a few drinks?"
"There is clearly a reason I don't drink!" Severus snarled back.
"Why? Because it turns you into a decent person!?" Sirius jabbed. "You do know it's normal to have emotions right?"
Remus quickly spoke up, eager to break the tension. "ENOUGH!" He snapped. "This bickering is not going to get you any answers." He scolded Sirius. "And your lies aren't appreciated, Severus. Not when you made a truce with Sirius last night."
"What?" Severus gave Remus a confused look. "What all...did I say? What did I do?"
Sirius smirked. "I'll tell you. But in turn you've got to answer my questions."
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Sirius smirked at the uncomfortable look on Severus's face. He had just finished telling the Slytherin everything, and clearly he was mortified. Not that he took much pleasure in the fact that Severus was embarrassed, he simply enjoyed the story.
"I owe you." Snape muttered, blushing darkly as he recalled what Sirius could only guess was the bathroom incident. "Who all did you tell?"
Sirius blinked, insulted that Severus would assume he'd tell the world, until he realized that the accusations were well-founded. That was exactly something he would do. "No one but Remus." He promised, looking him in the eyes so he could do that damnable lie check.
"Why wouldn't you tell everyone?" Severus demanded, still untrusting.
"Because we made a truce, remember?" Sirius teased, surprised when Snape frowned deeply.
"I may have been drunk, but I was completely serious about that." He growled, looking insulted.
Sirius blinked in surprise. Snape was offering up the truce while he was sober. He hadn't expected to get their so quickly, or at all, or without Remus's help. "Fine then." He stuck out a hand, waiting for what seemed an eternity, before Severus gave him a firm shake. It took a few moments more before Severus stuck out his hand to Remus. The wolf did not even hesitate, he shook the hand firmly.
"Well, now that that's out of the way." Remus grinned as he stood. "I think I'll go and bring up some lunch to eat while we discuss the things that need to be discussed." He hopped of the bed. "I'll be back."
Sirius nodded and waiting patiently for him to return. He hadn't realized how much more awkward things could become, until Remus had left. Severus was silent, not moving much and simply staring down at the maroon blankets. Sirius hated the silence. He had to break it. "So, how are you?"
Severus blinked but shrugged. "Okay, I guess."
Sirius bit back a sigh. Even small talk with him was torture. "I'm good too. It's great to finally be free."
Severus nodded. "What are your plans?"
"I'd like to get my auror license." Sirius explained. "Get up a roster of girlfriends- you know, the usual." Sirius smirked as Severus rolled his eyes. "What are you going to do?"
"What do you mean?" He demanded, raising a dark brow.
"When you're free?" Sirius elaborated, leaning into the pillows.
"I am free." Severus insisted, clearly wondering what the hell he was getting at.
"Not really." Sirius argued. "You're trapped."
Severus's face instantly flashed rage. "I've made my own choices and I'm living with it!" He hissed. "I don't get to be free. I don't get to be happy!" The anger faded to regret. "And I deserve that."
The silence filled the room again, and Sirius clearly understood that he had pushed too far. "I'm sorry." He muttered, feeling a bit guilty. While he hadn't introduced him to the dark arts, he had likely driven him further into it. Not that he was ready to admit to that out loud.
"Someone want to get the door?" Remus's voice called out from the other side of the door and a knocking sounded as he kicked at it.
Severus jumped up before he could even move and opened the door so Remus could come in and place the large platter of food in the middle of the bed. Remus jumped back into the bed while Severus slowly made his way back to sit at the foot of the bed. Sirius grabbed a ham sandwich and started to chomp down and Remus was quick to follow. Severus however refused to even look at the food, or even grab a cup of tea. Sirius was content to ignore it, figuring it wasn't his business if the man ate of not.
"Eat." Remus ordered, as both of them moved onto a second sandwich. Sirius knew that voice well, it was the rare tone Remus used when he simply wasn't going to be argued with.
"I'm fine." Severus parroted his mantra from before.
"Oh, really?" Remus asked, and Sirius went cold at the tone. That was the tone of voice Remus used whenever he called one of them out anytime they exhibited self-destructive behavior.
"Yes." Severus insisted, unaware of just what he was getting himself into.
"You're not. Eat." Remus insisted, his eyes flashing dangerously.
"It's best not to get into it with him." Sirius offered. "Just nibble on a sandwich." He did not want to have anymore interruptions, and in all honesty, they weren't exactly close mates with Severus. If anything it was an uneasy truce, and it wouldn't do any good to be pushing their lucks.
Severus sighed but grabbed a sandwich, glaring lightly at Remus before taking a small bite.
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"If you already know everything I said was true, why do you need to hear me say it?" Severus demanded, annoyed at the kindness. It was a foreign concept to him, and it made him completely uncomfortable.
"I'd like more answers." Sirius responded. "Like why Albus would keep my locked up, and why he would keep sending Harry back to that woman."
"It's all part of his master plan." Severus sighed. "The greater good." He phrased, the words tasting foul on his tongue. Had Lily's death been part of the great good? Was his death going to be for the greater good? Surely he wasn't going to survive this war. If one side didn't kill him the other would, and if by some miracle he was unscathed...he'd take his own life. He was tired. He was ready to go. He was barely holding on anymore. He did it for her. He did it in the vain hope that he could actually redeem himself. "Look, you can confront him all you want. He's not going to listen."
"I'll make him listen." Sirius vowed. "He can't just use Harry as a...-"
"Pawn." Remus finished for him, for once looking like the werewolf he was.
"It's not going to work. I've tried. It's always the same old answers...We simply have to put our faith in him and trust he knows what he's doing." Severus droned on, hating the words. But while Dumbledore was a bit manipulative, he was by no means evil. He simply did what was necessary.
"Sirius, he's right. I trust Dumbledore." Remus sighed sadly.
"He's using Harry-"
"This is war Sirius." The werewolf seemed exhausted. "Look, we just have to keep our eyes on Harry. Even more so now that we know..."
Sirius glowered before seeming to cave in to his own fatigue. "Isn't that an easier way to kill Voldemort?"
Severus seethed. "Don't you think I would have done that by now?" He snapped. "Do you think I like what I've done, do you think I enjoy what I've become!?" He jumped from the bed. "It was never supposed to be like this. Things were supposed to be different!" He was ranting. "I wasn't supposed to end up like this." He shook his head as Remus tried to touch him. "And I deserve all of this. All of this! It's what I deserve."