Part 1/2

Half an hour later, Sharon was silently watching the lawyer Tao found shredding Lane's case to pieces in the conference room. Provenza was sitting opposite her on the other side of the desk, Flynn was standing behind her and Sanchez was sitting to her right. None of them said a word. John Marks was a sharp man, and they were all hypnotized, watching a show they very much enjoyed.

"Oh, please, you've got nothing here. Detective Sanchez was only defending himself. He wasn't the one who attacked first. Everyone who witnessed the incident is willing to testify to that, and that includes the patrol officers and the coroner, not just the Major Crimes squad."

"And yet, the victim is injured and in the hospital." Lane wasn't impressed, and Sharon wondered if he was capable of speaking in tones other than light and joking ones. The opposite of her.

"The suspect… was stupid enough to attack a trained police officer. Of course he's the injured one." Marks slammed a folder, which contained statements from various witnesses, on the desk.

"The detective could have neutralized the victim with one hit. He used excessive force, there's no doubt here."

"What's undoubted is that you'll never get him fired over that. The most you'll get is a few days suspension… maybe."

Finally, Lane looked defeated. He knew that Marks was right. He was cornered. It was either putting Sanchez on trial and watching him win, or agreeing with Marks.

"Can I talk to Captain Raydor, alone?" he said, looking at Marks. The latter turned to look at Sharon, waiting for her answer.

"My Lieutenants can stay." she said quietly from her seat. Sanchez got on his feet quickly without making a sound and left the room with Marks.

"Look, Sharon… I don't mind closing the case with Detective Sanchez getting a few days suspension –"

"Gee, thanks." Andy said from behind her. Lane looked at him resentfully for a second.

"But I highly recommend you get him to see a therapist. I'm sure it wasn't the first time he exploded and it won't be the last. He might not be so lucky next time."

Sharon didn't expect him to care like that. It was sweet. She nodded in understanding with the tiniest of smiles.

"Good, I'll go break out the good news." Provenza said with his usual grumpy tone before he got up and left the room.

"Thank you, Eric," Sharon got up too, "you could've dragged this on, but you didn't."

"I have to admit that the thought crossed my mind, but it wouldn't be fair to Detective Sanchez."

Sharon frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I shouldn't use him as an excuse if I wanna spend more time with you." There it was again, his mischievous smile.

"No, you definitely shouldn't."

"How about we spend more time together tonight? As friends, of course. I know you're married." By his tone it was clear that he couldn't care less about her marital status.

Sharon smiled, considering his offer for a moment. "Sure, why not?"

"Great!" Lane seemed relieved. "I'll call you later for the details." He grabbed the folder from the desk and winked at her as he passed her on his way to the door.

Sharon turned around to see him exiting, and met Andy's red face.

"Are you feeling alright?" For a second, she feared it might be his blood pressure again.

He looked at her with an 'Are you kidding me?' expression. "Forget about it", he said angrily and left the room too, slamming the door behind him, which made Sharon jump a little.

She rushed to follow and caught up with him in the hallway, which to her convenience was deserted so she was able to speak freely.

"Andy, what's wrong with you?" she asked behind him but he just kept on walking. Sharon grabbed his arm, causing him to stop. He looked her in the eyes in silence for a few moments before speaking.

"It doesn't matter." He moved his arm from her grip.

"It does to me."

He looked so miserable. Sharon was having a royal battle against her inner demons, trying not to give in to the desire to put his face between her palms.

"Not to me," he sounded defeated, "not anymore." And with that he left her standing in the middle of the empty hallway, cursing herself inwardly for not being brave enough to talk about their feelings towards each other.

Sharon watched him moving away from her until he walked through a door and disappeared from sight. There were so any things she'd have done a few seconds ago, if her legs weren't planted to the floor. There was a question nibbling through her heart and leaving a void in her stomach – what would his arms feel like around her?

"Damn you, Eric", she muttered to herself as she started back towards her office. His words broke a heavy dam in her and now all those feelings and crazy thoughts she's been ignoring so very well were flooding every inch of her being.

She sat at her desk, wondering if what Eric said was even true. But how could it not be, with the way Andy had just acted, after witnessing Sharon agreeing to meet with Eric after hours? He was a fun person to be around, but she didn't even mean anything by it. After all, she was still a married woman, even if only technically.

The word 'divorce' flashed in her mind. 'Yes, definitely something I should've done ages ago.' she thought, shaking her head.

(***)

"Are you sure it's okay with you if I go to this chess club?" Rusty stopped by the kitchen before leaving, where Sharon was sitting with her laptop, staring blankly at the screen.

"Of course it's okay," she smiled at him.

"You don't mind spending Friday night on your own? I might be really late." He looked at her, unsure, and she thought he was being adorable, caring like that. Of course, she kept that thought to herself.

"I spent many Fridays on my own before you came into my life. It's fine."

The truth was, Eric had called her three times now, but she hadn't returned any of his calls yet. She couldn't stop thinking about Andy. The hurt in his eyes when he looked at her in that hallway… it felt like actual pain in her stomach. Hurting him was the last thing she wanted. Was he really that interested in her?

"Okay… see you later. Or in the morning, if you're already asleep when I get back." Rusty waited for Sharon's last approval, which came in the form of a fake-cheerful 'have fun', before he left.

The apartment was way too quiet for Sharon. She usually enjoyed silence, but it was now screaming in her head louder than any noise.

"Maybe I should go clarify things," she muttered, speaking to herself. "I wouldn't want Andy to spend the weekend angry or offended." His name felt softer than ever on her lips. "Yes! I definitely should!" She got on her feet with determination, "Before I completely lose my mind and make it a habit talking to myself." She grabbed her purse and rushed out of the apartment.

Andy's place wasn't too far from her apartment, but the ride felt very long. Sharon realized she was eager to see him and that she was acting like a crazy person without thinking things through. The feeling of acting on her emotions was unfamiliar to her. She usually over-thought everything.

What if he's not even there? Why didn't I call first? God, I'm an idiot. Oh, That's his word. She chuckled to thoughts were all over the place from stress.

When she finally reached his door, she stood in front of it, frozen. It wasn't the first time she was at his place, but this time it wasn't exactly a friendly visit. It was much more than that.

The door opened so suddenly that Sharon gasped and forgot to continue breathing for a while, as Andy looked at her with surprise or even shock on his face. There was a garbage bag in his hand, which he forgot about the second he saw Sharon.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" he stuttered.

It wasn't such an easy question. What could she say that wasn't a lie but wasn't the direct truth?

Sharon cleared her throat and felt a little braver. "I came to talk about… what happened today. You made it very clear that you were angry when you went home without saying goodbye."

Andy looked uncomfortable. He knew that his behavior was childish and rather foolish. He couldn't expect anything other than friendship from Sharon. She owed him nothing. If anything, he owed her for helping him every time he asked.

"I know. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry." His voice was soft and low. Definitely not what Sharon was expecting. She prepared herself to try and calm him down, but he wasn't in a war mood at all and she was grateful for it. Not just because she didn't want to fight with him, but also because it meant that his behavior earlier was a momentary lapse. She didn't think he was the kind of man to usually make a scene, and she was happy to know she was right.

"Oh. That's alright. It was just very… unusual." She felt like a huge weight was lifted from her chest.

"Yeah, when I got home and had some time to think about it… I even surprised myself." Andy could barely look her in the eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he was so embarrassed. "I don't know what's gotten into me."

Sharon nodded and, feeling how uncomfortable he was, tried to give him a sympathetic look. She realized there was still something bothering her. Not all the weight was gone. There was still quite a heavy concern in her stomach. A concern that wasn't derived from the way he behaved earlier, but from the reason why he acted as he did. Was Eric right? Did Andy really have meaningful feelings for her? And if so, did he really expect her – a married woman and his boss – to just throw all caution to the wind and be with him?

"I hope you know…" she started, not sure how, or whether she even wanted, to let him down easy, "that I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"You won't," he exhaled, looking tired and gloomy.

To someone overhearing their conversation, Andy's words might have sounded like he was assuring her his friendship forever. But Sharon knew exactly what he meant between the lines, where the unspoken words lurked behind the obvious: she won't lose him as a friend even if they got involved romantically.

"Because… your friendship is very dear to me," she continued, ignoring his words.

"You're very dear to me, too."

There he was, doing it again, putting deep meaning behind the spoken words. It was only then that Sharon realized there was a fine line between anger and passion.

She stared at him absent-mindedly, thinking about what she should say.

"Andy…" she stated, but then something warm engulfed her fingers. She looked down to her right hand and felt her heart racing when she saw his hand holding hers. As she looked back up he came half a step closer to her, not leaving much empty space between them.

"I've known, for a while now… I just didn't know how intensely until today." He didn't look as intimidated as she was by their proximity.

Sharon admired the way he knew how to say everything without actually saying it, leaving her with a thirst to know the exact meaning of his words. They were so close now, she could feel his body heat… or was she just craving it?

He swayed a little and for a moment she thought he was getting even closer to her. She put her left hand on his shoulder to stop him, without realizing it would have the opposite effect, Andy grabbing the opportunity and putting his free hand on her waist.

Sharon watched his face getting closer to hers like slow motion. An artificial light somewhere behind him made the whole thing look divine. She couldn't bring herself to stop him. There was nothing on her mind in that particular moment, but the need for his mouth to finish its celestial orbit in a collision with her longing, parted lips. And when it happened, she closed her eyes and saw the stars and the moon and the entire galaxy. The most beautiful vision she'd ever seen.

Andy let go of her hand and wrapped both his arms around her waist as his lips moved smoothly against hers. He felt her now free hand creeping up his upper arm and stopping at the shoulder. There was still a slight gap between their chests, a demonstration of Sharon's hesitation. She wasn't 100% in the kiss, though her mouth was co-operating fully with him.

The way this specific physical contact made them feel was everything they thought it would be, maybe even more. There was no possible way to describe this dazzling, swirling sensation – which both had been trying to imagine. Andy for much longer than Sharon.

For a second, Andy felt Sharon's torso make contact with his chest, but before he was able to embrace that new feeling – the feeling of her complete devotion to the kiss – she moved backwards in a quick, sharp movement, mumbling the word 'wait' several times. She looked at him, scared and confused. He wanted to hug her, but she moved away so firmly, that he lost his confidence.

"I can't do this. I'm a married woman."

"Only technically." He wasn't sure it was the right thing to say, but she didn't look upset by it.

"But still."

"So… that's it?" He didn't want to believe they could never have a chance at this.

"I… can I come in?" She suddenly realized they were still in the threshold.

"Yeah, of course," he moved aside and let her in. She walked a few steps into the house and he closed the door, appreciating her form with a quick glance from her back down to her legs and back up, right when she turned to him.

Andy motioned with his hand to let her through first and then followed her to the couch. She sat down right in the middle and, once again, he didn't leave much space between them when he joined her.

Sharon was on the edge of the seat, elbows leaning on her thighs like she was ready to jump up if necessary, and looked at him. She would've much preferred leaning back with him, possibly with his arm around her shoulders, but it wasn't possible.

"I've been thinking a lot lately… about Rusty," she started.

"Rusty?" Andy felt the disappointment like cement in his stomach. He thought she was going to talk about them.

"Yes. I've been thinking about… adoption."

"Wow." He didn't expect that.

"And if I want to do that… Jackson's going to be a problem." She saw his face twitch a little at the sound of her husband's name.

"What are you gonna do, then?" He was curious to know where she was going with this conversation.

"I think… I want to get…" She didn't realize how hard it would be, saying it out loud, until now. "I want to get a divorce." Her voice was lower than usual and she looked away from his eyes. If she hadn't done that, she would have seen the hopeful spark rekindling in them.

"That's great!"

She looked back at him, frowning.

"I-I mean, not that… it's great that you'll be able to adopt Rusty."

A weary smile appeared on her lips for a moment. She knew what the real reason for his happiness was, but she didn't say anything about it.

"It'll probably take time. I don't see Jackson liking the idea."

"Right. Well, from what you've told me, there's nothing legally binding you to him, except for the actual marriage. No finances, no underage kids… having divorced once myself and having seen Provenza going through all of his four divorces, I can tell you that it shouldn't take too long. Even if he refuses to sign the papers… probably a few months."

"Yes." She waited to see the disappointment on his face again, but the light stayed in his eyes. It gave him the look of an eager boy.

"When that finally happens, will you consider…"

She looked at him, waiting for him to speak, but he wanted her to figure the last word on her own.

Sharon squinted, unsure. "What?"

"Us." The eagerness wasn't just in his eyes anymore. It also spread to his voice.

She didn't answer right away, as she thought about how unfair the situation would be for him.

"I can't ask you to wait for who knows how long," she said in an almost whisper, unable to bring her voice up. After that kiss, letting him go wouldn't be easy at all.

"You don't need to ask."

"Andy… I'm not going to tie you down."

"I'm well aware of that."

"I can't be responsible for you missing out on… things." She couldn't bring herself to say 'the opportunity to find love'.

"I won't."

The mere thought of him finding love with some random woman made her sick, but she forced herself to speak. "Feel free to… date anyone you want."

"I don't want."

"Stop it."

"What?" he chuckled.

"Those determined one liners."

"Sharon –"

"You're stating facts that might not be relevant in a few –"

"Sharon."

"What?"

"I'm going to wait. And I'm going to be patient and respect whatever decisions you make along the way. And when you're finally free, I'm going to be so happy," he smiled.

Sharon examined his face. His mouth, his eyes – they seemed honest, correlated with his words.

"Why?"

"Because…" he hesitated, trying to find the right words to express what he was feeling, "I'm never going to find another woman like you.

Sharon closed her eyes for a few seconds, fighting the need to bury her face in his neck.

"I don't even know why you'd wanna be with a mess like me, but I'll take it without asking questions," he smiled bitterly.

"Are you serious?" She couldn't believe he was so unaware of himself, but he just nodded like an unsure child. She took his hand in hers. "There's so much good in you, how can you not see it?"

"Maybe I'm blinded by you," his tone was so soft and inviting.

"Okay, I should go." Sharon hopped on her feet, hoping she'd manage to leave before giving in to the temptation of kissing him again. It wouldn't be an easy task, resisting it.

Andy got up too. They were standing in front of each other, confined between the couch and the coffee table.

"Did I say something wrong?" Her sudden rush to leave took him by surprise, planting fear in his heart. The last thing he wanted was to offend her.

"No… but that's the problem," she smiled, and it wasn't a happy smile. "I don't want to do something that's against my beliefs and hate myself afterwards. And I also don't want to hate myself for past mistakes… for waiting so long to free myself," her voice was so low now, that Andy suspected she was going to cry. "And you're not making it easier for me." She swallowed hard and he knew that she was fighting back the tears. She looked so frustrated and he wanted to take her in his arms, caress her hair and tell her that everything was going to be alright.

"Okay, I'll do what I can to make it as easy as possible. From now on, I'm not gonna mention… us, until you're ready for it. Sound good?"

Sharon smiled again at his lack of understanding. Him being so good to her was exactly why it was so hard for her to walk away. She needed him to stop treating her like that at the moment, but she couldn't see a way to say 'stop treating me nicely' without sounding like a crazy person.

"Sure," she said eventually and he nodded before moving a few steps back so she can pass him and go to the door.

Sharon didn't look at him as she walked by him, thinking that it'd be easier that way, but a wave of odor from his cologne reached her nose and it was intoxicatingly good. She figured that holding her breath all the way to the door would be much better than allowing him to take over her lungs. As she moved away from him, she felt a relief.

"I'll see you on Monday," she gave him one last smile before opening the door.

"Good night," he said from his spot near the couch, knowing that it wouldn't be her last visit to his apartment.

And with that, Sharon stepped outside and closed the door behind her. She took a deep breath, feeling the fresh, cool air of the night replacing Andy's scent, filling her lungs with excitement. She was about to open a new chapter in her life, and she had a feeling she was going to enjoy it.