PJPF Chapter 5: We Face a Candy Crisis

Annabeth, Mr. D, and I sang Christmas carols as we walked towards the front of Walmart to pay for the farming equipment.

"Deck the hall with boughs of holly," sang Annabeth. Then Mr. D and I sang, "Fa la la la la, la la la la."

"Tis the season to be jolly..."

"...fa la la la la, la la la la..."

We continued to sing until we got in line to pay and this frail old lady with a slight hunch in her back turned around and glared at us.

"I hate Christmas!" she screamed with a strange likeness to the Grinch.

She turned back around and we all looked at each other and shrugged. So we decided we would sing a song about potatoes instead.

"Percy Jackson had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on that farm he grew potatoes, E-I-E-I-O," I sang. "With some starch, starch, here, and some starch, starch, there. Here, some starch, there, some starch, everywhere some starch, starch...Percy Jackson had a farm, E-I-E-I-O."

Then Annabeth sang. "Percy Jackson had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on that farm he grew some corn, E-I-E-I-O. With a kernel here, and a kernel there. Here a kernel, there a kernel, everywhere some kernels. Percy Jackson had a farm, E-I-E-I-O."

"Peter Johnson had a farm, I really hate his guts. And on that farm, I grew some grapes, good thing one of us is smart. With a grapevine here, and a grapevine there, here a vine, there a vine, everywhere some grapevines. Peter Johnson had a farm, E-I-E-I-O!" Mr. D sang.

Then the old lady spun around once again in fury. She screeched, "Percy Jackson, come to die, E-I-E-I-O. I'm not really an old lady, I'm a mythical monster. Look at my claws, look at my feathers. I have some pointy teeth, which I'll use to eat you. Percy Jackson, come to die, E-I-E-I-O!" She pulled off her ragged cloth to reveal her hideous bird form.

We all gasped. She was just about to bite my head off when Annabeth yelled, "Wait! Stop!"

She paused. "And why should I do that, little girl? Stupid, stupid, stupid girl!"

Annabeth's eyes filled with tears. "I am not stupid, nor am I triple-stupid. In fact, I am Athena's daughter and I am very smart. I am so smart that I can solve any riddle you have for me."

The monster smiled. "Alright. If you're so smart, stupid girl...how about this: if you solve my riddle, I will let your boyfriend go. If you answer incorrectly or go over the time limit of one minute, then I will dissect him right before your very eyes, and then you are next."

I found it typical that Mr. D was just hanging out in the corner, not caring nor doing anything about the situation. He didn't even look at us, as he was focused on cleaning the lint and dirt out of his fingernails.

Annabeth gave a sly smile. "Bring it on, you disastrous thing."

The bird monster smiled. "What is two plus two?"

Annabeth laughed. "Fish."

The monster gasped. "How...how did you know?"

"I'm not stupid, you know," she reminded the monster.

"Actually, solve another one," the monster said in desperation. "What is the capital of Canada?"

"The letter 'C,'" Annabeth answered.

The monster was so upset that Annabeth knew the answer that she exploded into dust, leaving behind only her claws, which were clutching three candy bars.

"Yummy!" I exclaimed as I reached for the Twix.

Annabeth slapped my hand. "Percy, I should get the Twix. I did save your life just now, after all. You can have the Hershey's or the Almond Joy."

I sighed. "Fine. I'll take the Hershey's."

It was to my astonishment that, by the time I had reached down for the Hershey's bar, Mr. D had already devoured it.

"Dang it! I'm allergic to coconut!" I screamed as loud as I possibly could.

This little girl looked at me funny.

"What are you looking at?" I screamed at her. She began to cry.

"Percy...don't be a baby. I'll buy you a Twix if you really want me to," Annabeth said.

She gave the Almond Joy to the little girl, but that only made her cry harder.

Mr. D rolled his eyes. "For a daughter of Athena, you're pretty dumb not to know that everyone hates Almond Joys."

"Well then, why don't YOU eat it, Mr. Dummy!" she yelled.

"That wouldn't make any sense, Annabeth...he just said that everyone hates Almond Joys...and that would include him, too," I said. Yet...somehow, as I had spoken, Mr. D had already consumed that as well. "Guess not..." I muttered.

We finally purchased our farming equipment and Annabeth bought me a Twix, which I ate faster than Mr. D had eaten the Hershey's.