Remember Me?

Chapter 16 – SPOV

To say yesterday was a day of extremes would be putting it mildly. I was ready to throw in the towel, as Eric put it. Ready to give up and allow myself to be taken by Brendan, because the thought of causing Pam and Eric any more strife, or God forbid, physical harm, killed me.

I thought that by going back to Bon Temps, it would be one less thing that Eric had to worry about. I honestly had no idea if he truly had feelings for me, or if it was just the stress talking. Though we've had some misunderstandings in the past, I always looked at him and wondered what it would be like to truly be a part of his family.

Last night, Eric made me feel wanted and beautiful. The way he stroked my hair and caressed my arms as we lay in bed was everything. In those precious moments, nothing was wrong and everything felt right.

I woke before him because I felt a bit awkward. I didn't want Pam to come in here to find us lying together as we were, but I also didn't know where his head was and I wanted to avoid any weird or awkward conversations.

I busied myself in the kitchen. The pantry was looking a bit bare, so we'd have to go to the grocery store soon. That thought brought on a wave of sheer panic. The grocery store. It was where Pam and I had been taken. It was in public, with lots of strangers all around. Nope. I wasn't ready, couldn't do it. I wondered if Pam felt the same. I hoped not. I didn't want her to feel unsafe or scared going out into the world.

I found some bananas that looked maybe a little past their prime, but they were still good. I also found some Bisquick, Nutella and I used the last two eggs in the fridge and whipped up some crepes. Not the healthiest breakfast in the world, but I'd do.

"Morning mama!" a sleepy eyed Pam declared. I'd heard her padding down the stairs.

"Morning girlie." I said cheerily. To be honest, I was gauging her mood. I'd hoped that she'd been sheltered from the stress and drama that occurred the previous night, and by the looks of her, she had been.

"Are those creeps?"

"Crepes, and yes they are. Have you had them before?" I asked. I heard movement upstairs and assumed Eric was awake.

"Yeah, Ginny made 'em for me one time." I didn't know who Ginny was. Eric came down the stairs looking far too handsome for someone who'd just woken up.

"Who's that hon?"

"Oh, she's this nice lady who stayed overnight sometimes." She replied with a mouth full of Nutella she swiped from the jar lid. Oh. Maybe Eric had a girlfriend?

"Well, were they good?"

"Yeah, they were good." It shouldn't have upset, but it did. It was immature and I knew that, but I wanted Pam to like my crepes more that "Ginny's".

I shouldn't have asked, I should've kept my mouth shut and let it go, but Eric was out of earshot. It wasn't fair to pry information about Eric from Pam. Still, the damn question came out with no filter whatsoever. "And does Ginny stay over often?"

"Yeah." Pam said.

I had no right to let that bother me as much as it did. Eric barely knew me. In fact, I barely knew him. So he had a girlfriend. That did change things for me a bit. I admit to maybe flirting a little, and I would stop. I wonder what Ginny thought of me living with Eric and Pam?

"Morning Sookie, baby." Eric greeted. "Mmm. Crepes." Yeah and they're better than Ginny's. I thought jealously.

I put on my Sookie smile, you know, the one I used when a customer would say something to me that was off color. "Grab the OJ will ya Eric?"

"Desearesoogoodmommy!" Pam said with a mouthful of food. I gave myself a figurative pat on the back.

"Don't talk with your mouth full baby, and yes Sookie, these are delicious!" I felt proud. It meant a lot to me to be able to give back to them in some way.

"Thanks. We're almost out of food though." I said biting my lip. That damn anxious feeling crept in again.

Looking abashed, Eric said, "Yeah, sorry. I just haven't had a chance to go yet. We can go this morning if you want." I didn't want to go at all. Could I admit that to him? I just shook my head and continued with breakfast.

A little while later, the dishes had been done and Pam was upstairs picking out an outfit. I was feeling out of sorts, and I'm pretty sure the room had been turned into a sauna.

"You okay Sookie?" Eric asked. His concern was etched all over his face.

"Uh, yeah. I think I just need to go splash some water on my face is all." I hurried, well as much as a cripple could, up the stairs.

What the hell was wrong with me? Then I realized that this house had been my bastion from the world. My safety blanket was being threatened, and Eric wanted me to go out there and face my fear.

"Which crown should I wear?" Pam held up two crowns that pretty much looked the same to me.

"Um, that one." I pointed to the one that was the most sparkly. Pam beamed at me. "That's my favorite one too!" she declared and ran back into her room.

I looked back at myself in the mirror, barely recognizing myself. Evening out my breathing and repeating my mantra "I can do this. I am strong. Nothing can hurt me." I said over and again, but I didn't believe it, not really.

Lots of things could hurt me. Lots of things could hurt Pam. Another van could come screeching around the corner, an armed gun man could overtake me or kill me. I should be afraid. There is a maniac out there actively looking for me.

"You don't have to go Sookie." I jumped out of my skin. I didn't even hear Eric. "Oh shit, breathe Sookie. I didn't mean to frighten you. Shit, here take my hand. Breathe." He coached.

I did calm down eventually, thanks to Eric.

"You know, when I first brought Pam home, I was dead set against ever leaving this house. Though Pam never seemed like it bothered her, it freaked me the hell out to think that I could lose her." He said.

"It took Dr. Ludwig for me to realize that I had to face my fear, plus we really fucking needed food." He laughed. "Anyway, I thought I was going to have a panic attack at the store. I still can't go to a big box, and I park as close to the door as I can, but Sookie, we can't let those assholes win. We can't stop our loving our lives just because bad people exist."

I understood that, logically. "Eric, that psycho is still out there though." That was the difference in my mind.

"He is, but we also have a cop following us, making sure we're safe, and I have a gun. Fear will immobilize you if you let it."

"So will being tied to a chair and stabbed." I said bitterly. I didn't want to argue with him, I really didn't. He was trying to help, but it was just too soon for me.

"Sookie." He said sadly.

"I'm sorry Eric. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I just… can't." I said wiping an errant tear.

"It's okay. Make me a list and Pam and I will go." He said. I was amazed by his utter lack of fear. I didn't know how he felt so confident.

While they were gone, I beat myself up some more. I didn't understand how I could be so fearless when faced with the enemy, but so fearful of their threat. Maybe it was because I knew in my heart of hearts, that I couldn't survive another round of torture. At the time, I pushed all the fear and pain aside because I had the singular goal of saving Pam. But now, I was broken.

Later that night, Pam insisted on watching Frozen…again. It was fun though. It took my mind away from my earlier dark thoughts. Hearing her sweet voice sing along made me smile. I noticed Eric glancing over at me a few times during the movie. Since Pam was snuggled between us, it was a bit obvious when he'd look my way.

He was probably just trying to figure out where my head was at. The movie ended and Pam was snoring softly. "I'll take her up." Eric said quietly.

A bit later he came back down and I had put on some slapstick comedy and was laughing along with the silly joke that Steve Martin had made.

"It's good to see you smile." Eric said as he sat next to me.

His words were a bit of a reminder of the panic attack from earlier. I didn't want to think about that, so I changed the subject.

"So, it occurred to me today, that I don't really know that much about you." I said, turning down the volume a bit.

"Is that right?"

"Hmm hmm."

"Okay, so what do you want to know?" Do you have a girlfriend named Ginny? I wanted to ask.

"Um, when is your birthday?"

"August twenty ninth." He replied.

"When's yours?" He asked.

"Wait, a minute, I thought I was the one asking all the questions here."

"Quid pro quo, Sookie. Besides, it occurred to me that I don't really know a lot about you either."

"Okay than, tit for tat it is."

"I prefer tit for tit." He grinned.

"Ha ha. Okay fine. Wait, what's todays date?" I asked.

"That's a question, not an answer." He said playfully. "Today is July 17th."

"Then tomorrow is my birthday." I said sheepishly.

"Wait, what? Are you serious? Why didn't you say something before?"

To be honest, I didn't even know what day it was, and really I never cared about my birthday. Birthdays for me didn't correlate conjure happy memories.

I shrugged. "Eh, I don't really celebrate my birthday." I said honestly. I really hadn't celebrated it for ten years. My parents died on my thirteenth birthday, so it was never a happy day. Besides that, I never really had a lot of friends, so throwing a party wasn't really an option.

I deflected, not wanting to recount my sad little history.

"That's not acceptable. Everyone should celebrate their birthday!" Eric cheerfully proclaimed. "Let me throw you a party. It will be small, I promise."

"I don't really have a lot of friends, so the guest list will be" non-existent "small."

"Names, Sookie. I need names and phone numbers." He was far too excited about this, and the genuine smile on his face made it difficult to protest.

"Sam, my boss and, well Sam." I thought about adding Arlene, but she'd probably be busy with the kids. Plus I didn't really consider her a friend. She was just a co-worker who'd occasionally chit-chat about personal things. I also thought about Tara, but our relationship had been strained since she stole my boyfriend, JB. I guess you can't steal him if he went willingly, but still it hurt that he left me because I wouldn't sleep with him, only to find out that he'd been going behind my back with Tara.

I was over all that though, truly. But I wouldn't include Tara or JB on my list of friends. Lafayette, who I would consider a friend, moved to New Orleans as soon as he had his diploma in his hand. He'd been gay-bashed during senior year, which was horrible. Convinced that he'd end up murdered if he stayed in Bon Temps , he left for the city only an hour after graduation ended.

"Just Sam?" He asked. It must've seemed sad to Eric, I mean he owned a bar, I'm sure he had lots of friends, whereas I only counted Sam, my boss.

"Okay then, Sam it is. Do you mind if I invite over a few friends?" He asked. He was probably just being polite, but honestly, I wanted to get to know his people and see a whole different side of him rather than the Mr. Domesticity that I saw. It was funny because he actually made me feel excited for my party, which in and of itself was kind of an amazing feat.

"Okay then, it's set. Next question."

We spent the rest of the night –and some of the morning- getting to know each other. I didn't ask about Ginny, and he didn't volunteer any information about his love life – past or present- but I did hear a lot about his bar, and Pam and Aude, Pam's mother. Though he didn't talk about her too much, he did explain how she died giving birth, and how being a single father had been difficult.

I told him about my family, my parents, Jason, gran and how I felt naïve and humiliated by Bill.

He didn't attempt to kiss me and I didn't flirt. It was just two people getting to know one another and it was magnificent. The more he told me about himself, the more smitten I became, which was dangerous considering he had a girlfriend. I just enjoyed being in his company. He had this uncanny ability to make me feel calm.

Eventually, I made my way to my room and he to his, but thanks to him, I looked forward to my birthday for the first time in a decade.