Garfield's Creed part two The Kingless World As It Was
It was a cloudy and sad day with lots of thunder cracking and lighting strikes in sky in America for Garfield had heroically sacrificed himself to stop the bomb of evil Assassin plot to destroy America.
Obama the President had declared the day of Garfield's heroic sacrifice to be international Garfield day where the world would remember all the days where Garfield saved the day for America and world and eat lots of delicious meaty cheesy lasagna.
Jon Arbuckle was driving down the highway in his classic Lamborghini Jalpa contemplating the storm of evil that was coming to threaten America in this very moment as he remembered all the happy times with Garfield that he had had while listening to classic 80s rock station.
"This is an inspirational motivational montage song for Jon Arbuckle that we will play right before playing inspirational message of inspirations from Garfield." Said the DJ as the radio started to play the song "No Easy Way Out" from the all-time American classic directed by Garfield - Rambo Balboa IV: The Quest for Peace.
Inspired by the song as he drove, John then listened to Garfield's voice coming on the radio, which emanated manly inspiration to people of world to continue fighting on in his absence against the evil Assassins which threatened freedom and lasagna. Through the radio, Garfield raised the spirits of alls hearts.
"Garfield is right!" Said Jon Arbuckle with realizations. "We cannot afford to be weaklings by being sad about Garfield's passing or let the Assassins take over American and the world without a fight! We must find the manliness in us all to rise up and fight against those who would take all the freedoms, lasagnas, and babes precious to us!"
Jon Arbuckle then took out his cellphone while driving to make call of importance to Obama the President when suddenly he heard loud noise coming from behind. It was a vile group of America-hating Assassins in Toyota cars readying to make chase of John Arbuckle.
"I'm afraid we can't let you make that call Joh Arbuckle!" Said the Assassin cars with warnings. "You have no hope of defeating the Assassin Brotherhood because you are not man enough like Garfield so Pull over and surrender so you may be spared!"
"Dream on!" Replied Jon Arbuckle with rejections. "I AM AN AMERICAN AND I DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!"
"Then you will die with much pain like the rest of your filthy freedom loving country!" Said the Assassin cars as machine guns popping out of their wheels and began to fire. But Jon Arbuckle used his super American driving skills to backflip his car through the air to dodge the bullets. With expert skills of precision Jon Arbuckle landed his car wheels on the ground and was now behind the Assassin cars where he could unleash trap of death! With button push, rapid-fire rocket launchers popped out of John's Lamborghini and blew up all the Assassin cars!
"Take that, you filthy Assassins!" Said Jon Arbuckle with victory. "Your cheap Toyotas are no much for homebred American driving!"
But then Jon Arbuckle realized that time to celebrate had not yet come as giant Assassin super bomber jet hover above him with bombs! John Arbuckle swerved his Lamborghini to avoid the bombs and reached super high speed and then he hit ramp to launch him into air. With punching of strength Jon Arbuckle kicked out the front window of his car and with badass rock music pounding the earwaves Jon Arbuckle flew at bomber with fists of vengeful fury. With technique taught to him by master teacher Garfield, Jon Arbuckle smashed a whole through the bomber and as the bomber fell from the sky it collided with the Lamborghini blowing up. Jon Arbuckle in triumphant gesture whipped out a pair of shades from his pocket as he parachuted downwards without looking at the explosion.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO" Screamed one thousand Assassin goons that were popping out of nowhere with machine guns. "We must stop John Arbuckle before he stops us from taking over America!"
"Get ready to eat some lead!" Said Jon Arbuckle as he whipped out his revolvers for some freefall turkey shooting. But before he could mow down all the Assassins with his revolvers, a Blackhawk helicopter piloted by Odie came out of nowhere and Jon Arbuckle used his parachuting skills to land in it, deftly slipping through the whirring blades. The gunner's side of the helicopter facing the Assassins opened up to reveal both Jon Arbuckle and Obama the President to the Assassins who futilely fired at the helicopter with their machine guns.
"Obama, you're here! But I never was able to phone you before the Assassins attacked me!" Said Jon Arbuckle with surprises.
"You need not ask for your helpful mutt had the same idea and picked me up from Washington where I was leading army in defenses against Assassin invasion fleet!" Said Obama the President with answering.
"Wow! Thanks Odie!" Said Jon Arbuckle with salutations to brave courage of Odie.
"I am only doing what Garfield would have wanted us to do." Said Odie with humbleness. "Now, Mr. President, if you will authorize the honors?"
"As President of the United States of America I authorize you to know that… YES WE CAN KILL THEM ALL FOR AMERICA!" Said Obama the President with orders. He then grabbed the controls of minigun and began firing super deadly bullets at the evil Assassins on the ground, while Jon Arbuckle picked off the remainder that Obama the President missed with his revolvers.
Sometime later Jon Arbuckle and his friends return to home of Garfield to make plans to recover stolen lasagna and babes that would allow them to save America from the Assassins.
"What will we do? I have just received news that Assassin fleet has landed and is invading Washington City, DC, USA." Said Obama the President with worry.
"Quit being such a coward – are you not a man?" Said Odie with question of disdain as he use slap of sense on Obama the President.
"You are right! I know that even in our darkest hour we can find the hope to fight and win this war!" Said Obama the President with newfound battle spirit.
"I have just the plan." Said Jon Arbuckle with announcements. He took out big map of exposition and set it on coffee table while expository music began to play in background.
"You see this in Antarctica? This is Garfields Fortress of Lasagna. There Garfield has stored ultimate weapon of plot resolving convenience in case we ever were faced with a fight where Garfield was not around to save us!" Said Jon Arbuckle with exposition.
"I know just the way we can get there by borrowing Garfield's flying submarine tank but we are but three and without Garfield it would take at least six inferior men of less manly caliber than Garfield to man it without crashing!" Said Jon Arbuckle with sudden realization that he did not know where to find more men because he did not know a lot of people.
"Do not worry!" Said new voice of inspiring hope. The three turned with surprising to see that it was George Washington the first President of the United States of America strolling into John Arbuckle's house. At his side were British man in blue coat and wooden mysterious hooded redskin man.
"George Washington! It is honor to meet you!" Said Obama the President with salute and bow of honor.
"Do not bow before me for I am not a king but merely a man who wishes to help the great people of America once more. And I myself is honored to see a man of humbler stature such as yourself in my former position of great honor." Said George Washington with comradery as he and Obama the President did fistbump that boosted morale of people.
"Who are your friends George Washington?" Asked Odie with questioning.
"This are Haytham Kenway and his forest fruit bastard Connor who did everything I took credit for in the Revolution of America as seen in video game Assassinating Heroes' Creed the Third." Said George Washington with fourth-wall breaking. "Once they were enemy but now dire time have forced them to work together to protect America from evil Assassins!"
"But aren't you an Assassin already? You should be on their side." Questioned Jon Arbuckle with suspicions of great.
"Oh, he got kicked out because the other Assassins thought he wasn't cool enough." Said Haytham with assholish. "But the only person that gets allowed to hurt my son's feelings is me… and I will destroy the Assassins for robbing me of my bullying exclusive rights!"
"That's my dad! You're the best!" Said Connor with wooden loving father-son moment.
"And I'm here to help as well. The Assassins also kicked me out for the same reasons." Said Altair the other Good Assassin as he entered room. "Sorry I'm late. My plane encountered a bit of turbulence on the way here" (Timely Joke)
"Wow Altair that was a timely joke almost as good of one of Garfields!" Said Jon Arbuckle with complimenting as he got the joke.
"Thank you but I will not believe it until I hear the cat that has inspired my quest to fight for good say it to me in person." Said Altair with admiration of Garfield.
"I noting that we now have seven men." Said Obama the President with curiosity. "We only need six. Why is there an extra?"
"In case battle requires that one of us make a heroic self-sacrifice before we begin the expedition to Garfield's Fortress of Lasagna in a moment…" Said George Washington with ominous foresight.
At that moment, a million Assassins rushed into the house of Jon Arbuckle with intents of assassinating.
"…such as this." Finished George Washington.
"Then I shall be the one to make the sacrifice. For the people of America." Said Obama the President with brave selflessness in his voice.
"No, Mr. President, your country needs you!" Said Jon Arbuckle with concerned graveness.
"No. I am but a man. What the country truly needs now is the courage and indomitable nature of you – the people who make this great country what it is. It is because of the inherent heroism and goodwill of the American people that we have persisted through Civil War, world wars, and the age of terror. Now, it is time for you people to unleash that heroism and goodwill once more." Said Obama the President with encouragement as he placed his hand on the shoulder of Jon Arbuckle. "Now go and show these dastardly Assassins what happens when they dare mess with America!"
"I won't let you down! Good luck, Mr. President!" Said Jon Arbuckle, moved with tears at Obama the President's altruism.
"Don't worry! I was trained by Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian. Neither as manly and powerful as your teacher Garfield, but I shall buy you time! Now go, and save the day!" Said Obama the President with parting words as he rushed at the Assassin to begin epic kung fu battle.
The six men – followers of the Creed of Garfield who would save America ran to the garage of Jon Arbuckle's house, where Jon Arbuckle pressed secret button to reveal secret hangar where Garfield kept his flying submarine tank, the Monday Smasher! Pumping gear-up music played as all six geared up for the battle to come and prepared the Monday Smasher for launch.
"This, people, is Operation Final Wars. The battle for the fate of the world has begun." Said Jon Arbuckle cooly for the trailer as he took command in Obama the President's stead. As Monday Smasher heated up, the gear-up music reached crescendo and the Monday Smasher launched into sky, headed to Antarctica to retrieve the ultimate weapon of plot resolving convenience.
As he was absorbed in his epic kung-fu battle against the Assassins, Obama the President saw the Monday Smasher disappear into the sunsetting horizon. Tears of pride in the spirit of America flowed down his cheek as he did, all while reducing Assassin bones to dust with his strength of presidential. Then the Assassins swarmed all over him creating demisesas battling continued.
Sometime later when the Monday Smasher was nearing Antarctica message pop up on Jon Arbuckle's communication screen. With disgust, Jon Arbuckle observed the evil laughing face of the Grandmaster Assassin of Evil who killed Garfield.
"Mwahahahahahaha!" Said the Grandmaster with laughter. "You can never hope to best our mighty Assassin airfleet! You'll never reach Garfield's Fortress of Lasagna in one piece so why don't you just accept American manliness is dead and that the age of Assassin has begun?"
"Do you think that the letter on my chest stands for France?" Said Jon Arbuckle with patriotism as he ripped off his shirt to show mighty capitol A tattooed onto his chest above his six-pack of muscles.
"You fool! Your tiny Monday Smasher holds no hope of defeating my fleet of millions! I am forever, I will never be defeated or die! Mwahahahahaha – your petty little wannabe man Garfield never realized that until it was too late!"
"You [CENSORED] with my cat, you're going to [CENSORED] die!" Said Jon Arbuckle with rage of revengeance. "Give my regards to your little fleet of plastic birds!"
Jon Arbuckle then gave the Grandmaster on the communication screen the double bird with such powerful patriotism and faith in the Creed of Garfield that it shortcircuited the line on the other end!
"They want war? We'll give them a war!" Said Jon Arbuckle as he began blaring DIO at amplified volume of 11 and piloted the ship into the incoming Assassin airship fleet at full speed.
Following came long laser ship fight but suddenly blocking their path was giant intimidating boss fight force field generator ship that prevented them from landing at Garfield's Fortress of Lasagna.
"Oh no!" Said Odie with concern as he fired ravioli torpedoes at the Assassin ships. "How will we disable that force field? The force field prevents us from hitting with our weapons?"
"There is only one way." Said George Washington with realization. "The vile Assassins may be able to block mere physical weaponry, but those freedom-hating numbnuts will not be able to withstand the unleashed power of a true American hero!"
"But Commander, an attack in that manner will be absolute suicide!" Said Connor the Assassin with much wooden concern.
"Do not worry, my redskin friend." Said George Washington with farewell. "For as Garfield once said, a real man knows when he must sacrifice himself for others. It is time that I make ultimate sacrifice for the people of America, just as Obama the President showed me back there."
Then hype-building remix of the gear-up music began to play as George Washington prepared for suicide attack. With solemn majesty that only the Great Father Who Founding America can possess, he hopped onto Mattel Hoverboard and ejected himself from the Monday Smasher.
With soundtrack filling up with heavy-hitting electric guitar riffs and synthesizer beats, George Washington sped towards the force field generator ship at full speed on his Hoverboard powered by sheer American heroism reflecting laser beams with the force of his patriotism. He then said message of disdain to the force field ship as he approached.
"You people came to this world, expecting a world that would bow before you without a fight! But you Assassins underestimate the glory of freedom, and the high price that we are all willing to pay so that the world may taste its glory! Now, feel the wrath of a TRUE AMERICAN HERO!" Said George Washington with epic unleashing of power as he morphed into giant flaming bald eagle with gatling guns mounted on his wings.
The soundtrack climaxed in epic metal orgasm as George Washington Eagle flew directly into the Force Field Generating Ship, breaking past the field of force as it was nothing because the heroes will always win!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Screamed all the Assassins in the Force Field Generating Ship as it exploded and cause a shock of American Macho Patriotism that destroyed the entire Assassin airship fleet!
"Oh shit!" Said Jon Arbuckle with oh shitting. "There is too much manliness in the air for us to handle for only Garfield can absorb this much macho power at once!"
The remaining five heroes ejected from the Monday Smasher with lightning quick speed before it crashed, and landed in Antarctic snow.
"Oh…. the Fortress of Lasagna is so far away. We will never reach it in time to save America from the Assassins!" Said Jon Arbuckle with defeating despair as he slumped down into the snow. "Already two of us are dead and America is being invaded as we speak!"
But then with motivational music begin to play, Connor stood up and began to make wooden inspirational speech.
"Do not worry, Jon Arbuckle. For Garfield once made for me this speech to inspire people with if people ever needed inspiring. I made once made a promise to protect our people. I thought that those I supported would do what was right. They did, I suppose, do what was right. What was right for them. Are we born to argue? To fight? So many voices, each demanding something else… It has been hard at times, but never harder than today to see all that we worked for perverted, discarded, forgotten! The Grandmaster Assassin of Evil would say I have described the whole of history. Is he smiling, then? Hoping we might speak the words he longs to hear? To validate him and surrender to his evil? To say that all along, he were right? We will not. Even now, faced as we are with the overwhelming odds of despair stacked against, I refuse, because I believe we can still save the day. We may not all see this journey to the end, but we will not stop! Compromise. That is what everyone has insisted upon. And so Garfield taught it to me. But differently than most, I think… Garfield showed me that it will take time; that the road ahead is long, and shrouded in darkness. It is a road that will not always take us where we wish to go, and I doubt I will live to see its end. But I will travel down it nonetheless. For at our side walks hope. In the face of all that insists we turn back, we carry on. This… This is our compromise. That is the true meaning of the Creed of Garfield."
Inspired, Jon Arbuckle regained his strength of spirited fighting and they began the walking scene with large sweeping landscape widescreen shots to the Fortress of Lasagna.
But when they reached the entrance of the Fortress of Lasagna they heard laughter of evil as Evil Black Woman in Hat pop out with hundreds of Assassins!
"Mwahahahaha!" Said Aveline the Evil Black Woman Assassin. "You have just walked into a trap! You will never get into the fortress and looted it of its delicious man-powering lasagna!"
"You are wrong. For it is you that is trapped with us!" Said Odie with defiance.
Odie, Jon Arbuckle, Haytham Kenway, Connor, and Altair all take out their weapons in preparation for epic fight scene to be shown in trailer but then Aveline ripped off her shirt.
"Feel the wrath of my honkers, you honkeys!" She fired paralyzing beams of wicked horniness from her tatas at them.
"Noooo… this evil sexy is too much for us to resist!" Cried four of them as they were caught in the overwhelming beams of arousal. But Jon Arbuckle, with nerves of determined steel, fought his way through the pain with great power of determination that only a student of the Garfield could possess.
"What? How can this honkey not be fallin' to my chocolate milkshake?" Said Aveline with shocking horror.
"You black bitch Garfield teach me that love in life only worthy of love is FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" Said Jon Arbuckle with finishing maneuver as he pulled out katana and leapt Aveline, slicing in her in two vertically and then swiftly defeating ten Assassins that tried to swarm him with swift samurai maneuvers.
"Thank you Jon Arbuckle! Now it's time to kick some ass!" Said Odie as he focused his sniper rifle and began picking off Assassins from afar as Jon Arbuckle continued to cut up Assassins with Arbuckle ancestral katana Haytham reduced Assassins to shreds with his picket fencing and Connor decapitated Assassins with his tomahawk of liberty.
"We are clearly outnumbered! We must retreat to safety! RETREAT!" Screamed the Assassin commander.
"On my Earth, under my watch, there is nowhere for evil to retreat to!" Said a familiar manly voice as Hans Zimmer soundtrack started to play.
"Great Caesar's Ghost … he is alive!" Said Jon Arbuckle with joys of surprised tears.
Everyone watch in awe as giant tidal wave form up and coming out of the tidal wave was Garfield riding on a trained pod of laser-firing orcas that fired lasers as they completed arc from one side of ocean to the next. As they reached the zenith of the arc, Garfield leapt off and began to fire his Desert Eagles at the Assassins. He then landed and pounded fist into ground, sending off shockwaves of energy that reduced hundreds of Assassins to nothing but dust!
"How do you vile enemies of America like your fist?" Asked Garfield as he finished off all the remaining Assassins with just his fists of lasagna-fueled manliness.
"Garfield, how did you survive being blown up in orbit along with the Grandmaster Assassin of Evil's superbomb from the first chapter?" Asked Odie with questioning as he gave another macho buddy high-five to Garfield.
"It is simple, I used the gravitational boost of my manly kicking to send the superbomb into the sun!" Said Garfield with astrophysical science explaining.
"But how did you return to Earth Garfield?" Asked again Odie.
"I violated every single known law of physics and caused great destruction porn for the trailer before reentering the atmosphere surfing on the corpse of Lucrezia Borgia to greatly bombastic music. In the process I rewrote rulebook of physics and won academy awards in processing but without the need to needlessly scream at camera for an hour and half" Said Garfield with answering.
"Wow that sounds like you had lots of fun Garfield!" Said Jon Arbuckle impressed.
"Thank you Jon Arbuckle but I am afraid we have little time left for joking." Said Garfield with great seriousness as he opened the door to the Fortress of Lasagna. "You know what must be done, but I shall travel ahead back to America."
"Good luck, Garfield!" Said all five of the surviving heroes who had inspired the people of Earth to rise up and fight in Garfield's absence. But now, it was time for the King to make his entrance once more. The final battle for lasagna and freedom had finally begun!
To be concluded...