I wanted to thank you all for the kind words of support and especially to those of you who left comments/reviews and sent me private messages of encouragement. It really means a lot to me knowing that there are perfect strangers out there who really do care. I owe you all more than this measly chapter, but I hope you will accept it as my thanks to you.
Ch. 17 SPOV
"But when do we get to eat cake?" Pam had been asking me for the better part of the morning.
"Later tonight, hon." I explained…again. Eric was out running errands, so it was just Pam and I. I was busy braiding Pam's hair, and she was thankfully being still enough so that her braids didn't looks too messy.
"Mommy?" she asked.
"Hmm."
"You're my Ohana. Ohana means family." Yeah, we'd also watched Lilo and Stitch all morning, so she'd been repeating that over and over.
"You're my Ohana too baby." I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, that little girl became a part of me. I felt protective of her the moment I laid eyes on her. She really was my Ohana.
I wanted to call Eric to make sure that he remembered some of the party supplies we needed, but it occurred to me that I didn't have a cell phone anymore since mine was smashed to pieces in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I'd have to get a new one at some point, but I didn't know where I'd find the extra money for it.
The rest of the afternoon, Pam and I busied ourselves by cleaning up the house and making ourselves look pretty.
A while later, Eric arrived home and dressed for the party. As it turned out, he didn't need a reminder from me, as he picked up everything we needed for the party. He had a glint in his eye when he returned and it seemed like he was up to something.
But before the guests arrived and the party started, I had a question nagging in the back of my mind. "Hey Eric, can I ask you something?" I asked as we were taking the lids off the food containers.
"Sure, anything." He replied. It was hard to concentrate on the question since he looked really good and his scent was intoxicating. He was wearing cologne, which he normally didn't. The only way to describe his scent was "masculine". You know that feeling you get when you walk past the men's fragrance counter at Dillard's? It was all of that, plus Eric looked like one of those fragrance models anyhow, so it was slightly distracting.
"Is, um, Ginny coming?" He looked confused then abashed. Uh oh.
"No, she isn't. How, uh, do you know who Ginny, I mean Ginger, is?" He asked. Ginger huh?
"Oh, Pam mentioned her yesterday morning. Said that Ginny made her crepes before and that she sometimes stayed the night." I tried to play it off casually.
Eric abandoned all pretense of aligning the plates on the table and ran his hand through his hair. "How do I explain her without sounding like a complete asshole." He mused aloud.
"She's mostly Pam's babysitter." He explained. I was curious about the "mostly" part. Babysitter by day, lover by night?
"Jesus, I didn't even think Pam noticed she stayed over. It only happened one time."
"You don't have to explain, Eric. I just thought she might've been your girlfriend." I said. Though it didn't really make me feel better knowing that they slept together, but I couldn't exactly be upset over it.
"I know, but I don't want you to think I'm this manwhore who fucks the help." He said.
"No, I don't think that." I wasn't sure what I thought, to be honest.
"I was just really lonely and she was nice. Jesus, it sounds so douchey when I say it out loud." I laughed at that.
"She and I are friends, that's it. What happened between us, happened a long time ago. I swear."
"Really Eric. I have no claim on you, so you don't have to explain."
"Don't you though. Have a claim I mean." He replied seriously. I wanted a claim, but no, at the moment I didn't have one.
"I hope to." Was my reply. I couldn't believe I was so forward. My feelings for Eric were confused. Because of all the stuff with Bill, I wondered if maybe I had a pattern for falling in with a guy just because he showed me a little interest. In retrospect, I knew that was the case with Bill, but I wasn't so sure with Eric.
None of the other guys in Bon Temps ever paid any attention to me. So I wound up dating Bill, the first guy that came to town and said a few kind words. What a mistake that was. I truly liked Eric, but I still had that nagging voice in my head that screamed at me to guard my heart.
"I'm going upstairs to touch up my makeup." I said and made a hasty retreat. I couldn't handle whatever conversation was about to happen.
Did I have a claim on Eric? Who knew, but one thing I did know is that I wanted him to claim me. It was my birthday, my 24th birthday at that. Who in the heck is still a virgin at 24? Losers, that's who.
I was kind of over waiting for love or marriage or whatever other maudlin reasons I had for not boinking JB DuRone.
A bit later, Eric knocked on my door. "Sookie. Tray and Amelia are here." He said. Shoot, I didn't even hear the doorbell ring. I was such a rude hostess.
"Oops, shoot I'll be right down." I said and put a final coat of gloss on my lips and brushed the skirt of my dress with my hands.
"You look really beautiful Sookie, radiant, like the sun." he complimented. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and I knew I was blushing.
"Thank you. You don't look half bad yourself." I flirted. He looked hot actually and he smelled, well, we already went over how that affected me.
"Sookie, this is Amelia and Tray." Eric introduced. Amelia was a petite brunette with a bob haircut. She had on a black maxi dress with a pretty purple cardigan. Tray looked like he belonged to a motorcycle club. He was a large, muscular man with dark hair and features. He wore a leather moto jacket and boots.
Amelia and I made polite conversation while Eric and Tray chat about cars, or sports or sports cars. The doorbell rang again. It was Sam and Jason.
"Sookie!" Sam declared. I was wildly excited to see him; I may have jumped in his arms for a big hug.
"I missed you so much, Sam!"
"Happy Birthday Cher." He whispered in my ear then handed me a little box.
"Oh Sam, you didn't have to get me anything." I said. I noticed Eric watching us closely, and then I felt rude once again. Eric and Sam had never officially met.
"Oh, um, Sam this is Eric. Eric, Sam." They shook hands and I could see them sizing up one another. Men, always a pissing contest.
"So, open your present, Sookie." He said while I was hugging Jason. "Hey Sook. Open mine too" Jason said.
"Alright, but you really didn't have to get me anything, either of you." I always felt awkward receiving gifts.
Sam got me a pretty sunflower brooch that matched the yellow sundress I had on. I put it on and thanked him. Jason got me a handwritten gift certificate declaring that he'd do my lawn and chop my wood. I laughed at that, but appreciated it just the same. "Thank you guys so much." I hugged them both again.
The party was going smoothly, and I had to admit that I was having a good time. Eric seemed a little weird, but I didn't press the issue. Amelia, as it turned out, was a pretty awesome person. She was an acupuncturist at a little clinic that practiced holistic medicine. She offered me a few free sessions. I'd never done anything like that and I wasn't all that interested in being a pin cushion, but she tried to assuage my fears. I thought that I might take her up on her offer at some point in the future, just maybe not yet though.
"So, Sookie. Are you sure you don't want to come back home? You can stay with me if you want. I can protect you." Sam offered. He had sort of cornered me while I was in the kitchen refilling my drink.
"Look Sam, I know I've put you in a tough position. I mean I'm your friend, but I've also been a terrible employee lately. I really don't blame you if you have to let me go, or take me off the payroll." I said.
"It's not that Sook. You have a lot of vacation time accrued, so it's not an issue. And when your vacation runs out, I really can't afford to pay you. But that's not what I meant." I knew what he meant, I was just trying to deflect I guess.
"I feel safe here, Sam. Eric's been good to me and I love little Pam. You met her. She's adorable!"
"Are you and him…together?" Sam asked reluctantly.
"It's not like that, Sam. He's Pam's father and we're friends." I hoped to become more than that in the future, but at the moment, that's all we were, friends and Sam didn't need to know that anyway.
"He sure seemed pissed off when you hugged me." I didn't really like where this conversation was going. I just wanted to go eat my birthday cake.
"I don't know what to say, Sam. I like Eric." I started to wonder why Sam was making such a big deal about Eric, until he said, "I'm in love with you Sookie." He seemed to just blurt it out, but as soon as he said it, he looked like he wished he could take it back.
He started to pace, like a caged lion or something. "You know what, no, I'm not sorry I said that." He finally said. I guess he was having some kind of internal debate. "I've loved you for years. I watched that scumbag Bill swoop in like some kind of genteel hero. I should've told you then, maybe none of this would've happened."
"Sam stop." I insisted. "You're my boss and my friend. I've never had those kinds of feelings for you." I explained. I didn't want to offend him, but I didn't want to give him false hope or lead him on either.
"I deposited your check for you, Sookie. I'm just gonna go." He said in an agonized way and then walked away from me. "Sam, wait!" I pleaded, but he didn't. Just like that, I didn't feel like being at my own party any longer.
I shouldn't have felt bad for not liking Sam in a romantic way, but that's exactly how I felt. "Everything ok?" Eric asked. "Where'd Sam go?"
"He left." I said sadly.
"Can we have cake now?" Pam came running and attached herself to my leg. Instantly, my bad mood was pushed aside. "How many candles are gonna be on your cake?"
"Yes! Cake! And far too many." Eric rolled his eyes. Yeah, yeah 24 was nothing. Eric was older than me, so he thought I was being silly.
At the end of the night, I hugged Jason and my new friends Amelia and Tray and bid them all a good night. Eric took Pam upstairs; it was way past her bedtime. I cleaned up a bit and when I was done. I went to the upstairs bathroom to clean my face. Pam's room had a door to the bathroom, just as mine did since we shared it. Her door was slightly ajar and I heard her and Eric having a conversation. I should've shut her door and minded my own business, but I heard my name and it piqued my interest.
"I love that Sookie is my momma." Said a weary Pam.
"I know you do, sweetie. She loves you right back." Eric said. There was a moment of silence before Eric spoke again. "You know that your birth momma loved you too. You know that right?"
"MmmHmm, daddy. She had to go be a angel in heaven though." Pam said.
"That's right. She did, but she loved you so much. Just like I love you."
"And Sookie too." Pam said. I couldn't see her, but she sounded like she was about to fall asleep.
I sat on the bathroom counter for a moment thinking about Pam and how she must feel. I know when I lost my mother at a young, I didn't really understand it at first. I just thought that my parents were on a road trip or something and surely they'd come back. I mean why would they leave their kids, right?
I thank God for Gran, because she was there for me when the world stopped making sense. She was there for me all the times a girl needed their mother. I certainly missed my parents every day, but the pain and confusion of it all lifted after a while. I wanted to be for Pam what my Gran was for me.
"You okay?" Eric whispered as he closed the door to Pam's room. I jumped, startled by his presence. I guess I was too lost in my own head to notice him.
"Yeah, just thinking." I replied.
"Want to share?" He asked. I walked out of the bathroom and into my room, Eric followed and we both sat on my bed.
"I was just thinking about how Pam and I really do have a lot in common, as far as losing a parent, well in my case, parents." I said. He nodded. "I love her Eric. I want to be there for her in all the ways a mother is there for her daughter. I mean, I know I'm not her birth mother, and I would never pretend to be that to her, but a girl needs a mother. I know I did, still do really." It felt good confessing those feelings to him. We'd kind of danced around the topic of Pam calling me mommy, and I really needed to clear the air.
"It's been difficult to admit, but you're right. Pam needs a mother figure in her life. As much as I want to be everything she needs, I know that I can't be. At least I know that now, anyways." He admitted and took my hand in his.
"If I ever step out of bounds, I want you to tell me." I said. He just smiled in understanding. He got off the bed and headed for the door.
"Oh before I forget. Pam and I got you a present. Well Pam picked it out anyway. I probably should've let her give it to you, but I forgot." He said and fished a small box out of his pocket. It was similar to the box Sam presented me. Pam had already given me a framed picture of the two of us earlier at the party, so I didn't feel too bad opening this gift without her.
It was a silver necklace with a round pendant. The pendant had a ruby, for me, a peridot, for Eric and a topaz, for Pam. It was engraved to say "We love you mommy". I held back a sob, a very happy sob. I wanted to wake Pam and pepper her with kisses. I would treasure that necklace until the day I died. "Thank you." I managed to say.
"You're welcome." Eric said and kissed my forehead.
"Good night Sookie." Then he turned and left.