Tobias.

I feel a pillow hit the side of my lower back, I groan and shift in my bed. I haven't left my bed for two days. I have no appetite, I smell, and I feel miserable. But worst of all, I've lost hope. I realized how over my head I have been. What made me think that I could just get Tris back so easily? What made me think that I could even get Tris back? I feel stupid and humiliated. I'm definitely never going to see Tris again now. I remember the look on her face when I tried to tell her who she was. It keeps haunting me. I hate it. I shouldn't have told her that way. I should've explained it better or had evidence. But of course I had to be impulsive and idiotic.

I feel another pillow hit my face this time. Zeke. I should be mad at him. This is all his fault anyway. If he hadn't forced me to tell her, we wouldn't be in this mess. But for some reason I'm not mad. I'm still the one who messed up, this is more of my fault. And I can tell how let down he is. He won't be able to try to find Uriah. Not that he is even alive in the first place. But he knows he did this to himself and I feel bad for him. At least I got to see Tris, touch Tris.

Over the two days of being succumbed into my bed, I have also realized that I have nowhere to go. I got fired and my job was the only reason I stayed in Chicago. I need to find a new job. I have enough money to last a while but in soon enough I'm going to be needing income. To be honest, I think I want to stay here in Indianapolis. Not that this is the best place to be but at least I am familiar with the area. And I know that there is a computer store in the city that needs workers. I should probably go there to fill out a job application once I find the will to get out of bed. I haven't yet.

This time I feel a shoe hit my shoulder. Zeke has been in my apartment for an hour trying eagerly to get me out of bed. After twenty minutes he gave up and sat on the stool beside my bed. Since then he's just been throwing things at me. He's a good friend.

"Zeke, I'm not ready to leave." I muffle.

"You've been saying that for the past 48 hours."

"Ugh."

"Look, it's 8'oclock. At night. We should be out getting drunk but you're here whining like a pussy."

"Well the love of my life kind of hates me and never wants to see me again so."

"So? So you get your ass to work and you get her back. Stalk her. Go to her house? Doesn't she live in this building? You're bound to run into her at some point. You can't just give up on this."

I know he's right. I just don't want to run the risk of being disappointed again. Which is cowardly of me.

"Okay fine, I'll get dressed and go somewhere with you. But only if we get drunk."

What can I say? It's the best way to get my mind off this.

We end up in the club Dauntless again. I feel like I am the only one who didn't know about this place.

"So what are we gonna-" I say while turning to Zeke but then laugh. He's already hitting on some girl. I'm happy for him though. I heard Shauna broke up with him last year. I was shocked. They were the couple that everyone wanted to be. I didn't think love that strong could ever die.

I make my way to the bar. I guess I am just gravitated to alcohol. I order a beer and sit there. I feel alone and I remember why I am here in the first place. I'm lost. I don't know what to do about Tris. My plan was perfect. I was directly on the track of getting her back but I screwed it up. Now I have to suffer the consequences. But there's one piece of hope I have left. I know how desperately Tris wanted that serum. So even though she doesn't want to be near me, I could still persuade her into taking it. Once I get it from Zeke, of course. He's leaving to get it tomorrow night. I don't know if it will work though. I sigh. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

"You okay?" I hear a feminine voice say. I look at the bartender. She's pretty. Not the pretty that you keep engraved in your memory, but a dull pretty that you take notice of but never act on.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? You look sad. Thankfully I have something for that."

She bends down under the bar table and comes back up with a shot glass filled with brown liquid. She doesn't forget to bend down extra while giving it to me so I can get a look at her chest.

"I don't know about this." I admit, scratching the back of my neck. I wanted to get drunk, but I don't know how far I should go.

"C'mon, do it." She says with a smirk, flipping her brown hair behind her shoulders.

"Fine" I say. And I drink it in one gulp…

I wake up in my bed wearing nothing but boxers. I feel confused. The last thing I remember is a brunette kissing me. Probably the brunette who's in my bed next to me.

Shit.

I rise up and pull down the covers which stirs her out of sleep. She yawns.

"Hi" She says in a drowsy voice.

I don't say anything back. I stare at her like she's an animal in a zoo.

"Where's your bathroom?" She asks, pulling off her covers.

I point to where it is. She gets up and struts to the bathroom.

I don't know why this feels wrong. It's not like I've never been in this situation. But why does it feel like I'm cheating on Tris? Or betraying her? I felt like this the first few times I had been with girls after Tris died. But that feeling dulled down with a lot of therapy and strength. I know I don't have enough power left in me to go through that again.

I look down and see my wallet is on the floor. Ironically the picture of Tris that I put in there yesterday is open. I pick it up and look at it.

All the memories I had with this girl are blurs. Beautiful blurs that fill me with nostalgia. I remember Dauntless, the faction. I remember the jumping on and off trains, the Ferris wheel, the pit, the chasm, Eric, Tori, Max, being called Four. I remember it all, but it's different now. It's been five years. I've had so many more life experiences.

All I know is that I want Tris back. She was my first love and my only love. I've been with other girls. I've tried to find the love I had with her but I couldn't. I miss her. Every now and then I just feel the sting of her absence. If she lived, we might have been married by now. We could've shared an apartment; had sex in a bathtub. I could've surprised her by making her dinner. She'd smile at me and then do the dishes when we finished eating. She would've taken away all the memories of Marcus and filled them with happy lovey ones. But that never happened. Because she died. I feel a tear slide down my cheeks and angrily wipe it away. I can't condescend to this. I spent so much time working to get over this. I can't go back. I have to deal with the pain, not feel it.

I know that I have to get Beatrice Smith to become Tris Prior. I have to. I am determined.

I hear the bathroom door open. The girl picks up her things and leaves wordlessly. We both know this was nothing but a one night stand. I don't even remember what her face looks like.

I hear the main door slam.

I didn't even get her name.

Okay first off, im so sorry I haven't updated. I have been so busy and this is like the only day I was free. Second, sorry if this chapter gave you allegiant feels. Third, Yes I know your probably pissed off at what is going on in the story but do not worry. Fourtris will come just have patience. And fourth, OMGG ASDFGHJKL THE MOVIE WAS SO PERFECT AND EVEN IF IT WASN'T EXACTLY LIKE THE BOOK IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME AND I MEAN SURE THEY TOOK SOME STUFF OUT BUT THEY DID IT SO QUIETELY AND SUBTLY THT I DIDN'T EVEN CARE. Ok. So I liked it. Like shai and theo deserve all the awards. They were so flawless and I ship them even harder now. But omfg this movie is a must see and now everyone in my school is talking about it but like I don't wanna let it go. (frozen reference?) but yeah, it was so good. I want to go see it again. Like now. But I have a bio test :/