Tris.
I lied.
I feel heavy and guilty wrapped in his arms, lying on top of him, feeling his heavy sleeping breath on my neck.
I lied to him.
I get up from the couch, tuck the blanket over him and kiss his forehead. I go to the kitchen to make tea. Maybe it will help me sleep.
I lied to him about moving here.
I look at the time. Its 2:04 AM. Great. I quietly pull a mug from the cupboard and fill it with microwaved water.
I told him I wanted this new life and that I didn't want to be Beatrice Smith anymore and at that, time it was the truth. But it's not anymore. I've been here one night and I already know I made a mistake. Sure, I missed everyone and was happy to see them. But they weren't my people anymore. My life is in Indianapolis, my friends, my job, my home.
That's something Tobias failed to realize; however I didn't expect him to. Nothing can just go back to the way it was. I am Beatrice Smith whether I like it or not. She wasn't a bad person. She was just lonely; and she isn't lonely anymore.
I don't know if I want to go back. I don't know anything. All I know is that I lied to him when I said that I got rid of my apartment in Indianapolis.
I didn't. I still have the key and everything. Besides, I have the money to keep paying for it. I don't think I'm going to ever use it. But just in case I do…
"What's that?" He says, nearly catching sight of the apartment key in my hand.
"Nothing!" I quickly put away before he can clearly see it.
"We fell asleep." He says, wrapping his arms around me.
"Yeah." I whisper with an unsteady breath as he kisses my neck.
"We should go to sleep."
"Right. Sleep."
He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. I laugh as he carries me into his bedroom.
When I wake up he isn't there. I wrap myself in a blanket from the edge of the bed and walk to the bathroom. I lean against the side of the door and watch him brush his teeth. He looks at me and smiles. I wrinkle my nose at the white minty foam all over his jaw. He spits and rinses and then kisses me.
"Good morning."
"Good morning."
"What are we doing today?"
"Well, I am going to find my boss and beg for my job back and I am assuming you want to go see Caleb?"
"You assumed right."
"Yeah." He scratches the back of his head. I know him. He must be hiding something.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"I'm not going to ask again."
"It's just later, I was wondering if you'd go somewhere with me."
"Where?"
"Dinner?"
Dinner? That's it?
"Well, yeah sure. About time you take your dead girlfriend to a fancy restaurant. I don't think we've ever even been on a formal date."
"With my mom."
There it is.
"Your mom hates me."
"You hate her too."
"That doesn't help."
His Mother has never liked me. She despised me. I bet she was glad when I died. She probably thought she won, that she got Tobias all to herself.
"You know what, Fine! I will go. I want her to see how happy I make you."
He smiles.
"You're the best."
He drops me off at Caleb's house. I still have to go back to Indi to get my car and the rest of my stuff.
Last time I saw Caleb, I had an emotional breakdown. I mean, I only sacrificed my life for him. But I was happy with what I saw. I sacrificed myself for that; for him to be happy and have a new family.
His house is pretty big. He was Erudite; probably became a neurosurgeon so he could buy it.
I knock on the door and he opens it. We hug. The first thing I see as I sit down on his expensive leather couch is a picture of us. My parents; who are dead, and Caleb and I. I see Susan appear from the kitchen and I hug her too. I hardly got to talk to her at the party last night. Even though she looks completely unrecognizable, I was still her friend. Probably longer than I was with anyone else.
"You have a beautiful house. What job do you have?" I ask him after downing my second cup of coffee.
"I'm a neurosurgeon."
Of course.
"What are you? Or what were you?"
I tell him everything there is to know about Beatrice Smith.
"Tobias didn't tell me any of that."
"Good, I wouldn't want him to."
"I understand." He puts a hand on my shoulder.
God, he's such a dad.
"Speaking of him, he should be here soon. It was good seeing you, Caleb."
"You too."
I make my way to the front door where I see Tobias's car waiting patiently.
"Oh and Tris?"
I turn around.
"If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to come to me."
I smile. On the inside, we are still the sixteen year old Abnegation prude's who cooked Mom and Dad dinner and wore baggy clothing.
Tobias and I spend the rest of the day at his apartment trying to unpack. We got pretty distracted with my possessions. But while doing this, my guilt increases. I start to miss Indi even more. The places I wore all these dresses to, the stores I bought them from, the people I wore them with.
I finish applying my mascara and look in the mirror. I want to look good for this dinner with Evelyn. I wear a plain maroon dress with one side strap and black pumps.
"You look amazing. If my mom still doesn't like you, she's insane."
I blush a little.
"You don't look to bad yourself with that gorgeous tux."
"Look before we go, there's something I need to ask you but I feel bad doing it."
"What?"
"I don't know if you've been thinking about it at all, but when are you going to find a new job?"
Is he serious?
"Uhm. I figured I'd just work from here. Most of my work is just making a bunch of phone calls anyway."
"Really? I thought you said you hated your job?"
"I never said I hated it. Besides, it's my career."
"Yeah but a CEO? It's just…It's not…it's not you."
I get mad now.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I seethe. "You haven't seen me in five years and you come back and think you can change everything about me? My job isn't me? You don't even know me! I liked my job. I didn't realize it till now but I liked my life there! I may have moved here to be with you but there is no way in hell I'm becoming your housewife."
"I never said I was going to do that and I'm not trying to change you."
"No you're not trying to change me but you are expecting me to be the same girl you met five years ago and I am not that girl. I am a completely different woman and you haven't even given her a chance."
"Look I was just suggesting that you find a job! Why are you freaking out so much?" Now he raises his voice.
"Who the hell do you even think you're talking to?! I am a fucking millionaire. I've been on magazine covers. I own a household name company. I don't go chase after jobs, they chase after me."
Before he can reply his phone rings. He looks at it.
"We should go, my mother is waiting. We're talking about this later."
I turn around and march to the front door. I freeze when I hear the noise of something small dropping from my purse.
He bends down to pick it up.
"What the hell is this?" he hisses while holding up a key.
Aloha. If you've read a lot of my writing you know that I can't have anything be perfect and happy until the very end. I actually kinda like this chapter. I hope you do too. Also im sorry I haven't been updating. Ive been really busy and having a ton of personal shiz to worry about. Don't worry im not going to bother you with more rants. I just found out that im moving and im pretty bummed out. Also my brother finally picked a college and he's moving out. And my cousin just came into town from india (im Indian btw) so ive been trying to spend time with her. And I have a hella lot of school crap. So that's where I've been. Just an update. Oh yeah, we started discussion for DIVERGENT in school today. I hate it so much. No one read the book. No one cares. My evil annoying English teacher asked if anyone knew what the factions meant and some chick who brags about being this giant fan SAID CANDOR MEANT BRAVE WTF IS HER. Yeah I sat through class in misery. I don't think I can last another month of this crap.
REVIEW PLEASE!