Chapter Twenty-Three – Didn't Mean to Hurt You

Optimus' Quarters, Adonis III

Bumblebee's Point of View

I closed my eyes and leaned against his burly shoulder, feeling an arm slip around me and hold me safe, secure like a father's embrace. His fingers traced little circles into my side and walked their way across my stomach, dancing against my skin. I would usually smile, but I couldn't. I'd never felt so… mortified of myself.

I looked up at him, a taller man of over six and a half feet, every feature of his face hard in muscle and iron. His eyes were a deep blue, comforting to a younger one like me, yet chilling to any Decepticon that stared into them directly. His hair was spiked neatly, collections of hairs varying red and blue, always matching his attire.

Optimus Prime.

I looked away, sitting in the silence again. His massive hand stroked my leg.

"I feel like such a bad friend," I murmured, closing my eyes. "Horrible…"

Optimus sat his head against mine, squeezing my leg as if telling me that I was wrong.

"Bumblebee, you're in no means a bad friend," he said at me, moving his head to look at my closed eyes. I opened them, and looked at him. "You know how much you mean to the human, don't you?"

I shrugged, adverting my eyes. "I know how much I used to be…"

He sighed.

"Put yourself in Darren's shoes," he told me, shifting. "How would you feel?"

I let my eyes fall to the floor and close. I took in a breath. "Rejected, forgotten…"

I paused, suddenly realizing...

"…Invisible," I breathed, opening my eyes. "…Just like his old life at home."

Optimus just watched me. I shook my head.

"I hadn't noticed…" my voice trailed off, my head suddenly a hodgepodge of some much emotion. I shut my eyes. "If I weren't so dense…"

Optimus shook his head. "Bumblebee, everyone makes mistakes."

"Yeah, everyone does," I said shakily, lifting my eyes. "But, not every mistake is the same size, Optimus." I sighed and looked away. "Sorry won't be enough to heal him."

My commander thought in silence. "You're right, sorry will not be enough in this case," he said softly. "But, you can apologize with more than one word, of course. Tell him what you really feel." His finger lifted and tapped my chest. "What that feels."

"My spark," I said in almost I sigh. "I should follow it…and I will listen to it, Sir."

"That's right, youngling."

We sat in silence again, both of our heads replaying the words just spoken. I broke it.

"Well, what if he doesn't forgive me?" I asked.

Optimus pulled me against him in a gentle squeeze.

"Considering the connection between both of you, he will understand."

"Yes, but what if he doesn't, Sir?"

Optimus mused for a moment. "It's like the relationship between any human teenager, such as Darren, and a Creator, or father, you perhaps. They may quarrel, but it's just a phase, Bumblebee. Darren will get over it in time. I highly doubt he could be angry at you for more than an Earth week."

I lifted away from his shoulder, looking down into my lap.

"I only hope you're right, Sir," I sighed.

//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\

Ratchet's Quarters

Darren's Point of View

I wasn't sleeping when I heard his voice, just closing my eyes to go over every buzzing thought in my head. I almost felt angry when I heard him, and turned over onto another side, shivering on the cold metal bed. If anything, I wanted to be away from him. I did not want to talk to him right now.

"Bumblebee," greeted Ratchet. "I see you have returned to us."

Footsteps shuffled and someone sat beside me. Or, maybe both of them did.

"Is Darren alright?" I heard Bumblebee ask. "His wounds are holding fine?"

Ratchet's fingers trailed up my side, making a chill shook up my spine. "Yes, they're holding up very well," he said in a half sigh. "I was just cleaning them again, bandaging them."

Nothing afterwards for a while. It felt weird, everyone's eyes on you.

"May I be alone with him, please?" Bee said. He sounded very serious.

Ratchet paused. "Um, sure, sure," he said, a little concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Bumblebee answered too quickly. "No, nothing is wrong. Nothing that concerns you, at least…"

Silence again.

"Alright," the medical officer sighed. "I'll be down this hall if you need me."

His footsteps grew quieter and quieter as he walked away. The door hissed open, then shut with a soft thud, the lever twisting as the door locked. I swallowed and pulled my legs in toward my body. I heard Bumblebee sigh. I knew he was watching me.

I immediately tensed as his fingers slid up my neck, fiddling with locks of hair that rested near one of my ears. His cold fingertips sent chills up my bones.

"Darren…?" He called me. Did he know I was awake?

I didn't know how to react really, but I turned onto my back to look up into his striking blue eyes, noticing his mouth fixed in a solid line. I blinked at him.

"Yeah?" I said softly. "What is it?"

"I wanted to apologize…about rejecting you…"

I looked away, turning onto my side again. My eyes looked ahead.

"Well, go ahead," I grumbled.

"…I-It may have seemed that way, I could never forget you."

I scoffed, shaking my head. "Everyone forgets about me. I'm just that invisible boy..."

Bumblebee stammered. "That's not true. Y-You're not."

He knew it was true…C'mon.

"Yeah, well, whenever you're gonna be with her, I might as well just leave," I snapped, glancing at him. "If you're gonna kick me out the first time, might as well keep the spree going."

Bumblebee's fingers withdrew from my neck. He didn't say anything.

"I'm used to it, okay?" I said, trying to force every memory about my mom and dad out of my head, though I failed. Tears threatened, but I blinked them away. "M'used to be invisible, forgotten, all of that. At school, home…wherever. I'm always forgotten."

"You're none of those here," Bumblebee said calmly. "You know that."

"Well, maybe not to Ratchet, Ironhide, Jazz, er Optimus, but sometimes, I feel like you forget about me, Bee."

"When have I done this at all before?!"

I paused. "Maybe you asked Primus to be a permanent human just so you could get the love of your life."

//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\

Bumblebee's Point of View

I could not believe what my own ears heard from Darren.

How could he think such a thing…after I just died for him?

Words cannot describe how much my spark ached, just hearing the displeasure in his voice. I'd never felt so…

I don't even know the word to describe it.

The feeling was unexplainable.

"D-Darren, how could you say that?" I stammered, feeling tears rise and sting my eyes. My throat felt clogged, so clogged I could barely breathe, or talk.

He gave me a look, no sympathy in his eyes.

I didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. Helplessly, I took his hand, squeezing it hard as he tried to pull his away. I shook my head at him.

"Darren, I could never forget you, son," I said, my voice quivering. "You know that, Darren. You know that. I know you do…!"

He didn't look convinced.

"Darren," I breathed his name again, staring into his eyes. He only stared back, blankly. He looked away without a word. I could only stare at him, my spark aching.

Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said,
But, I didn't mean to hurt you.

I couldn't help, but let out a sob, jolting forward as my arms wrapped around his shoulders. I shut my eyes and pressed my cheek against his, letting him feel my tears of pain and sorrow that fell from the bottom my very spark. He bowed his head, his chin on my shoulder. I hugged him tightly.

I heard the words come out,
I thought that I would die.
It hurts so much to hurt you.

I didn't say anything for a while.

My hand lifted to the back of his head, my fingers tugging gently at and tussling his hair as I became lost in thoughts I can't explain. I let him feel me trembling, opening my eyes to look him face-to-face, our noses practically touching. I shook my head quickly at him, slowly pushing his bangs from over his eyes.

"Please forgive me, son," I whispered, feeling tears fall of my chin. "Darren, you know me. I would never, under any circumstances, forget about you…"

I thought I saw tears in his eyes, welling in his ducts. He blinked at me. Now, there was sorrow in his eyes.

Then you look at me,
You're not shouting anymore.
You're silently broken.

I took his hand between both of mine, then pulled it against my chest.

"You're at the core of my spark," I said to him. "At the center…"

He looked down at our hands, then slipped his away, staring down at it.

"Pretty soon, I won't be," he murmured.

I leaned down, lifting my chin to look right into his eyes. "Why do you say that?"

"Arcee's gonna have all of your spark. There won't be any room for me..."

I'd give anything now to kill those words for you…
Each time I say something I regret, I cry "I don't wanna lose you!"
But somehow I know that you will never leave me…

Yeah.

I froze, my mouth still open.

"Darren, no," I breathed. "No, no, no, that's not right. N-No…"

He glared softly. "You know it is. You're so caught up in her."

My chin trembled. "No, Darren! S-Stop…None of that is true…!"

But, was it? I loved her so much…I knew I'd do anything to get her away from Hot Rod.

A tear fell from Darren's eye, and he looked away.

I felt like a monster.

…'Cause you were made for me.
Somehow I'll make you see,
How happy you make me.

I didn't know how to continue…

So I didn't.

I leaned away and wiped the tear from my cheeks, letting my spark sit dead inside me.

"I guess I'm just afraid, Dad," he whispered, his eyes on the floor. "M'just scared…"

Dad…He hadn't called me that in a while. Regardless of the situation, my spark fluttered just at the name.

I looked at him, waiting for him to go on. He didn't, so I spoke up.

"What is that frightens you?" I said, sliding to his side.

He sniffled. "I-I don't…"

"You don't want to lose me," I cut in. "You're afraid you'll fall into the shadows again…"

He made a choked sound in his throat, nodding.

"I just want you in my life," he croaked. "F-Forever."

"You will not lose me, Darren."

"I-I'm afraid…!" He stuttered out.

I can't live this life,
Without you by my side.
I need you to survive…

I slipped an arm around his middle. "You're not telling me everything," I whispered.

It was obvious he was fighting back tears.

"After you d-died," he sighed. "I-I thought you were never comin' back, Bee. I r-really did. You have no c-clue how…t-torn I was…I thought I'd lost my guardian, my best friend…my Dad…" He took in a deep breath. "Since then, I want to be with you, at your side, in your arms…" He bit his lip, trying not to cry. "…f-forever. I-I'm just afraid something's gonna happen to you when y-you're out one day. A-And I won't be there to say goodbye…"

I never knew he was worried about me. And not only worried about me forgetting him, but me dying again. Being separated from him forever.

"I don't want you worrying about me, Darren," I said at him.

He didn't look at me. I took his hand, and finally, he looked. His pale eyes tremored with tears. I smiled at him, watching his soft lips curl into a smile. He shook his head playfully and looked away, and I gave his hand another squeeze.

"Alright?" I said. "Dad will be around for as long as you will."

He revealed to me his teeth in a grin. How that warmed my spark so…

"Do you understand me, Darren?"

He nodded. "Yeah, Dad," he said softly.

I lifted my massive hand to his head, tussling his hair. He laughed.

His laughter seemed to echo in my ears. I laughed with him, then pulled him into a hug. Feeling his body against mine was a pleasure in itself. And feeling his heart against mine made me close my eyes, and take in its every beat. He nuzzled his head against mine.

"You remember what I told you, Darren," I said in his ear. "Don't you ever think otherwise…"

So stay with me.
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry…

He nodded. "I'm sorry for accusing you of something you'd never do…"

I shook my head. "No, don't be sorry," I said, opening my eyes to look at him. "I take the blame for being so dim…Listening to my processor when I should be listening to my spark. None of this is your fault…" I pressed my lips against his cheek and held them there, smiling. I felt him smile, his laughter rattling me.

"J-Just…don't leave me, Dad," he whispered. "Be my guardian forever."

I grinned. "I will be your guardian angel until the end of it all," I said, moving my cheek against his. "And no one can stop me…"

And you forgive me again.
You're my one true friend.
And I never meant to hurt you…