Bring Me to Life

Disclaimer: I own neither Buffy, Angel or the song Broken by Seether Feet

Twelve

"Judge me not for the deeds I have done

Judge me for why I did them"

Tara stared at the small form slumped on the bed. She seems so old. At that thought, Tara sadly shook her head. But she is old, the thought came back to her. So old and tired.

She wanted, more than anything, to run over to her lover and comfort her. But she couldn't, not when things were like this.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

The redhead had yet to notice her. Tara gazed at the woman for a moment, then slowly went to her.

"Hey."

Willow jumped, then turned around to face Tara. "Wha-I…Tara…" The redhead quickly stared at the floor.

Tara immediately noticed where Willow's eyes went. She gently cupped the redhead's face in her hands and brought it so that their eyes could meet. "Don't look away from me."

"What…What are you doing here? I thought you'd be…"

"I wanted to be with you." Tara paused; Willow's eyes looked so sad. "What happened?"

"Stuff."

Tara chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "Now there's an evasive answer if I ever heard one." The blonde paused a moment. "What happened?"

Willow sighed. "Bad stuff."

"Go on Sweetie, I'm here."

"We…I…I did…I did some bad stuff. I lost control…of the magicks. I'm…I'm sorry."

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel light when you're gone away
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away

Tara stared at the redhead, then spoke. "That was…a long time ago, wasn't it." It wasn't a question. Willow nodded.

"I…when you…died…" Tara's face paled. "I lost it."

Tara gulped. "What…happened?"

There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

I should tell her. Now. "I…Warren…you remember the nerds, right?" At Tara's nod, she continued. "He…He shot you…"

Tara could see the tears in Willow's eyes and drew the other woman into a hug. "Shh, it's okay." She looked straight into her love's eyes. "No matter what ever happens," she promised, "I could never hate you."

Willow gave the blonde a small smile. "I…I love you. I'll never stop. I…I just wanted you to know that."

"I know."

"After…He," the word came out as a sneer, "k-k-killed you…I…I……I killed him." She looked into her love's eyes, waiting for judgment.

Tara stared wide-eyed at her lover. "He…" Willow continued staring at her, noticing something…changing…in Tara's eyes, something that she would remember for the rest of her life, knowing that it was her fault that Tara then spoke the words she did. "I would have killed him too."

"Tara-"

The blonde quickly cut the redhead off. "No Willow. If he had taken you from me…I would have killed him."

"Not like I did." At Tara's nod to continue, she went on. "I skinned him. I flayed him. You wouldn't ever do something like that."

Tara nodded in agreement. "You're right. I would have done worse."

"Tara!"

The blonde sighed. "Just tell me what happened."

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Willow sighed. "You…You died in my arms, and I could have stopped it. It was my fault."

Tara looked at her love. "How? How was it your fault?" Oh Goddess, has she gone all these…years feeling this way?! "Did you give Warren the gun?!" She noticed Willow's eyes darken at the mention of his name.

"If I had just…I don't know! Done SOMETHING!!!" She yelled. "If I'd been faster, or if I hadn't gotten hooked on the magicks, or…"Her voice lowered, her sadness pouring out. "Or if I hadn't been so damn happy about you coming back to me." If we had waited two days, two fucking days!, then maybe you wouldn't have…died."

Tara gently placed a kiss onto Willow's forehead. "The key word is 'maybe'. There was nothing that you could have done."

By now, tears were streaming down both their cheeks. "I was all alone."

"No your not."

Willow looked up at Tara through tearing eyes. "We made a promise once, remember? If we ever got lost, we promised we'd find each other. I got so lost and…you never came. You weren't there, you were gone. You never found me."

Tara brought Willow in closer, resting her love's head on her bosom. "I'm here now Willow, and I'm not going anywhere." She pulled Willow in more. "I promise, I'll find you."

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel light when you're gone away