Sting

)O(

Beast Boy woke up feeling surprisingly comfortable. He had a pounding headache from making friends with an entire body of vodka last night, but other than that he felt… satiated. That was the only way he could describe it. Like he had been starving for days, and then suddenly had a full meal placed in front of him, but he couldn't understand why. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened last night. He had left the tower, met up with a fangirl whose name he was pretty sure was Carly, he remembered coming home from her apartment (where he'd gotten a sloppy, subpar blow job), and then stumbling into the kitchen. But other than that, he couldn't remember a thing, not how he got back to his bed or what happened in the kitchen. All he had was the strangest feeling of being complete.

He yawned and stretched, feeling his back burn a little with the movement, as if he had wounds healing on his skin. Jesus, what did he do last night? Did he get into a fight? Why couldn't he remember that? He grabbed a pair of jeans and t-shirt from his pile of clean clothes, and went to the bathroom to shower. As he stood under the warm stream of water, he smelled the faint scent of tea mingling with flour, and tried desperately to remember what had happened last night. He remembered flashes of sounds, gasps and moans, and a warm body pressed up against him.

Had he…

No. He couldn't have. He was careful about losing his virginity. He always made sure that he wasn't so drunk that he couldn't control his ability to say yes or no. He had saved himself for Raven, which was a silly, stupid thing for him to do, but he thought that maybe, someday, in an alternate universe, he might actually have a chance with her. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to ignore the burning feeling on his back.

Seriously, what did he do last night?

He turned off the water and stepped out, looking at his back in the steam-filled mirror. Several long, red gouges ran down the length of his back, as if someone's hands had raked over his skin. He felt a violent shudder go through him as the pieces seemed to fall together into place. He had lost his virginity last night, but Jesus, why couldn't he remember it? And who had he slept with?

He held his head in his hands, knowing that calling Carly and asking if they'd actually slept together last night was probably a dick move. Considering he only called her when he needed some maintenance, it probably wasn't a good idea that he called her now. He sighed and dressed quickly before heading down the hall, wet hair sting clinging to his face. As he entered the kitchen, he was struck with the faint smell of sex. Anyone else would have never smelled it, but he was gifted with the olfactory senses of some of the strongest animals on earth. He took a deep breath of air, smelling the scent of sex again. It was his and…

He sniffed the air again.

Tea and fresh water.

Something strange and painful bubbled up inside him and he turned around to see Raven staring at him with an expression of surprise mingled with shame. She moved quietly around the kitchen, her eyes not quite meeting his as she made her way to the stove. As she passed, Beast Boy could smell himself on her, the scent of his own body clinging to her skin like fine perfume.

"Good morning."

"What happened last night?" He wasn't in the mood to skirt around the truth.

"What?" Raven looked up at him, color flooding her face, although her expression was stony and blank. "What are you talking about? You came home in a drunken stupor and I sent you to bed. Good job raiding the fridge though. I'm pretty sure there's nothing left."

"You're lying." He growled and pinned her against the counter. She looked trapped, like a deer in headlights. He took a long drag of her scent, tasting her on his tongue. "I can smell myself on you. In you. I can smell the scent of sex still clinging to this room." He looked at the floor, as if imagining her sprawled out on the linoleum tiles. "We had sex here last night. But I don't remember it."

Raven pushed at his shoulders. "I don't want to talk about it."

Fear swept through his body and his hand wrapped around her wrist, stopping her retreat. Yesterday he had been so determined to dominate her, he had images float through his head of conquering her body in the middle of the living room. Had he finally lost control? In his drunken stupor, had he finally taken her? "I'm sorry, Raven. I'm sorry for whatever I did. I don't even know what I did, but I know that I have to be sorry for it."

Raven looked up at him, and he swore he saw tears brimming in her eyes. Raven never cried. Oh, she screamed and cursed when she was angry, but she completely withdrew when she was hurt. He had never, in all their years together, seen her cry.

What the hell happened last night?

"It's not you that should be sorry." She slid from between the counter and his body, turning off the burner on the stove and making her way to the door.

Beast Boy's hands moved around her wrist again and he pulled her small body against him. He felt the thump of her heart, and the overwhelming sense of guilt that permeated her skin and into his own. He looked down into her eyes and frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, I do!" He growled and pushed her away from him, the force of his body pushing her into the counter hard. She winced briefly in pain, but seemed to take the torture as if it were some kind of punishment she had earned. Beast Boy reached out to touch her and apologize, but she pushed his hand away with a grimace.

"Don't touch me. I don't deserve your pity."

"Raven…" His voice shook, and he reached out to touch her face. "Raven, what happened last night?"

Her eyes swept up to meet his, and her lips turned down in a frown. "I used you last night, Garfield. You were drunk and I was on fire, and I was jealous that you let some other girl touch you… some other girl was giving you what you needed even after all the time that we spent together, all because I can't properly express myself." Her eyes closed and she looked away. "I was desperate, and I used a spell that I shouldn't have. I took advantage of you."

It wasn't his fault?

It was hers?

She used him?

Rage rose up into his chest and Beast Boy growled. How could she do that? Raven was supposed to have the highest morals out of anyone on the team, and yet she had succumbed to temptation as easy as the rest of them. She was supposed to be the good one, the logical one, but she was just as weak as the rest of the team. She was just as weak as he was. The thought was bitter and pungent and he wanted to do nothing more than spit the taste out of his mouth.

"You used me. You fucked me?" He pushed at her again, her body hitting the edge of the counter with enough force to bruise her. He should have felt some amount of remorse, but he couldn't feel anything through the pain in his chest. "I have no memory of what you did to me. What you took from me. You took advantage of me, and you want me to forgive you?"

"No." Her eyes flashed up at him, but her expression stayed stony. "I don't want your forgiveness. I did something irrevocable, and I deserve punishment. I know that. I don't expect you to understand and I don't expect you to accept my apology, but understand that I am unequivocally sorry. What I did last night was out of line and unacceptable, and if I could turn back time and stop it, I would." She paused. "But I can't. I can't take back what I did, and I have to live with the shame of my own decision."

He stared at her, the faint lines of a love bite showing on her neck. His love bite. His dreams of losing his virginity to Raven were smashed by her own hands, by her own inability to just ask for his body. Something sour rose into his throat and he took a step back from her, offering her more space. How were they going to get over this? How could he ever forgive her? But most importantly…

"How can I ever trust you again, Raven?"

She winced and pulled back from him, a single tear spilling over her cheek. "I don't expect you to trust me again, Gar… I just hope that we can move past this."

"How?" He ran his hands through his hair, desperately trying to find something he could cling to. "How? How are we supposed to move past this? How am I supposed to look at you and not think that you're going to cast a spell on me because you want something I would gladly give you if you just asked?" Anger shook his hands and he walked away from her. "I was saving myself for you, Raven. I was hoping that maybe in some alternate timeline, that we could have a relationship. That when I finally made love to you, that it was special. And you took that away."

"Tell me, how is getting blow jobs from some fangirl saving yourself?" Anger flashed behind her own eyes, mingling with her guilt and shame. "You chase after them because you need release, and I understand that. But, don't throw me under the bus because I can't figure out my emotions. I wanted you too, and you never gave me the chance. So, I took it. It wasn't right and I am not proud of what I did, but what choice did I have? What path could I have taken where we would have ended up together?"

"I don't know! Is that what you want to hear from me?" He snarled at her, their emotions mingling together in the small space of the kitchen. "I don't know. I looked for ways to tell you how I feel, I looked for ways to get close to you, and I couldn't find them. You're so damn guarded and closed off that I need a fucking neon sign to point me in the right direction. Don't blame me because you suck at giving emotional directions."

"I tried!"

"How? By being a bitch to me? By making sure that I know how little you think of me? By making me feel small and useless?" He threw his hands in the air and moved farther away. "I don't know why I fell in love with you in the first place. You're a terrible person to love, and I should have known that."

She gasped and stepped back, and he felt another wave of guilt from her and looked away, shaking his head. It didn't matter what was said at their point, they had both done irreparable damage, and there was nothing they could say to fix each other. "You know what? It doesn't matter who says what, or whose fault this is. I just know that I can never trust you again, Raven. Not after this."

"Fine." She made her way to the door. "Good bye."

"Bye." He offered a sarcastic wave and watched her small form disappear into the dark hallway. And as he stood there, surrounded by the now pungent scent of their sex mingling with their emotions, he began to wonder exactly what he had done.

)O(

I promise I'm actually still working on my other stories. Like I said, this one is just kinda fun to write.
Anyway, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.