Chapter Forty-Five – A Letter From My Heart, Epilogue I
Darren's Perspective
Bumblebee…
Wow. Where do I begin...?
First and foremost, thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me from the moment I met your blue colored optics to now, me being a man, one who was raised from an abusive childhood. One who broke free of those chains from the help of an angel and was raised by that same person.
No wonder when I look in the mirror, sometimes, I see you in me.
You corrected every corrupted thought in my mind, told me what I had hoped to hear from my parents for over a decade. You told me that I wasn't invisible, that someone did in fact love me, and even though my parents couldn't say it, they did. I remember when you told me..."Your parents love you, Darren. They love you… Darren, if they didn't love you, would they give you clothes on your back? Food to eat? A bed to sleep in? ...Would they even allow you to get an education?"
Bumblebee…
Those words opened my mind. I realized… everything you told me was absolutely true. My parents did in fact love me, but their love wasn't shown in a way that I, as a teenager, understood. Behind my mother's love for me, in example, was anger, fury, perhaps worry for my dad, her husband, who was often ill and worsening in his condition. All of those negative feelings kept her from showing love to me, kept her from hugging me or kissing me.
She had to unleash it all somehow, and I was there, vulnerable, innocent…
What could I do?
That's why it hurt me so much when she first hit me. I remember that day as if it were yesterday, Bee…
"GO TO YOUR ROOM!"
"Mom, I want to talk to you! For once?! Please, let me talk to you…"
"GO!"
"MOM, LISTEN TO ME!"
"DARREN!"
"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
It was right after those words when she hit me, I'm sure you remember. It was right after that when you appeared, out of nowhere to me…
Like an angel.
"It's okay, Darren. This'll never happen again… I'll keep you safe. Don't worry."
When you said those words, I thought you would be at my side forever. But, when you told me that night that I had to stay, that you'd be visiting every week, my heart sank.
"Why can't you just take me now?" I had breathed. "Why can't you just take me…?"
"…I'll be back before you know it, Darren," you had whispered in my ear.
It was silent, then, "I know…I'll miss you, Bumblebee."
"I'll miss you too, Darren."
"…D-Don't forget me."
"Oh, I never could…I never could."
You added a moment later, "I love you, Darren."
You have no clue how much my spirits lifted each time you uttered those three simple words. I love you. Bumblebee, you know I love you too. More than those three words can explain.
I remember how slow those lonely weeks went by, and every time you visited, I wanted you to stay forever; The days went too fast whenever you came. Things impeded our visits, and I didn't see you for a whole two weeks, was it? Those lonely fourteen plus days hiding from my mother in my room, locking the door, shutting the windows and blinds, never coming out unless you were there. I didn't eat, barely slept, and the abuse only got worse.
I was so afraid.
My mom hit me with not only her hands, not only kicked me, but she hit me with things. Whatever was hard, whatever would hurt me, make me bleed… she beat me with them. Over and over and over until I couldn't scream anymore, my voice was gone. And the blood was there, I remember it, shivering at my own blood…Sickening.
You remember what it looked like, I'm sure…
"Sh-She hits me with things now…" I had told you after you had seen every scar and bruise on my body.
"What things?"
"Belts, sh-shoes, twigs…anything she can grab onto."
"Darren, we need to get you to a doctor."
"…We couldn't afford it, Bee.."
I was right. We couldn't. I didn't have any money on me, and you weren't even from this planet.
But, I still remember how much of a doctor you seemed like, and just watching you trying to find out what was exactly wrong with me actually made me smile. And afterwards, you held me in your arms, one of the times where I felt the most secure, like everything negative and frightening was gone.
It kinda felt like Heaven, Bee.
You've got that angelic touch, y'know. Whenever my ear was over your heart, I drifted off. It had that kind of…what's the word, capability. That little…knack, that God given gift I guess you could say. Regardless as to whatever it is, there wasn't a better feeling in the world then being held by you. A poor, anguished teen in the arms of an angel.
Now that was beautiful.
Everything had seemed to be running so smoothly until that one moment in the night, when we learned that Barricade had been pursuing you the entire time. Watching you fight him was horrific, especially when you were in pain. Bee, it tore me in half. I kept rooting for you, praying until I wanted to scream out, "You can do it!"
It was like a miracle when I saw you finally stand up again.
C'mon, Bee, get up. You're alright…
Bumblebee, fight it off, man. You're stronger than this, I know you are…
Then you rose to your feet, and I heard you utter those words.
"N-Not… giving up…"
You fought your hardest, for me. When Barricade got a hold of me, that's when I cried. I didn't want to be away from you for another set of weeks. I didn't want to go if it meant never seeing you again.
And though I didn't know much about the enemy, I did know one thing.
That Decepticons were absolutely merciless.
Barricade, he took me to a base, a Decepticon base, remember? I'll have you know, every moment without you, Bee, was pure anguish. I kept convincing myself that I was going to die, that I would never see you again until we both died and went to Heaven.
My fear was all I was based on.
"N-No, please. Don't come back."
Whenever I heard Barricade's footsteps, I wished you would appear to me and kick the Decepticon's aft all the way back to Cybertron.
"NO!! N-No! Please! Don't!"
When Barricade came to me, I was devastated, Bee. After his first attack, I really thought it was over. I slipped unconscious with your name my last word, thinking it'd be my last time to fall asleep. But, when you followed your spark to me, that's when I realized that our hearts had that unexplainable connection with each other. That you could trace my heart's pulses until it led you to me.
Wow.
And that was amazing.
How an eighteen foot tall robot could have a connection with a human teenager? I still don't know the answer of that to this day, a whole decade later.
I remember clearly when you fought for me, putting your entire personal being before you, going above and beyond what you had to. Bumblebee, I saw you, and I saw you fight to the end, literally. To see you dying was absolutely heart wrenching and knowing in the pit of my stomach that you weren't going to make it…
Unspeakable. Unexplainable, Bee.
My guardian, my angel, protector, strong foundation that kept me standing…Dead? I didn't want to believe it, but I had to, seeing your optics offline, your entire mainframe went cold under me. No longer did I feel like spark vibrating me, or hear those vents working in your chest. Everything about you had stopped and me want to. I couldn't live without you.
Your last words…
"D-Darren, you did-didn't escape?"
"I'm n-not leavin' you here…I-I'd never."
I wouldn't leave you, such a great friend, behind. Ever. Screw the consequences.
"D-Darren, I-I d-don't…d-don't want y-you to see th-this."
That's when I realized your death was too near.
"S-See what?! Y-You're not…"
"…Y-You pursue y-your dreams, Darren…D-Don't let anyone t-tell you th-that they're better th-than you, u-understand? …D-Don't…"
Your voice, I remember so clearly, was barely there. It was basically air.
God, how it hurt so much. It hurts just remembering, Bee.
"N-No, Bee! You c-can't leave me…!"
You didn't answer.
"Bumblebee!! N-No, Bee…!!"
More silence.
"Bumblebee, man, c'mon!...No, no, no, n-no, no…No!!"
Finally, you spoke.
"Darren…B-Be a good b-boy…b-be good, now…"
"Y-You can't go. I-I love you t-too much, Bee."
"…Y-You kn-know I l-love you t-too, my s-sparkling…"
"Don't forget me, Bee. Oh, God…D-Don't go."
"I-I could never f-forget y-you…a-and y-you d-don't……D-Darren, r-remember m-me."
"I-I w-w…w-will."
"A-And I-I'll be h-here…th-there…al-always."
I could barely ease my sobbing.
"D-Darren…"
My name being your last word before your spark faded, it hurt. I stood with you, even though I knew you wouldn't respond, I stood there, crying all the while until the rest of the Autobots arrived. I knew your soul was looking over me, and it would be forever.
Forever.
Or so I thought.
That's why it was unbelievable when you returned that night. First of all, you looked completely different, older, more like a father to me. Secondly, you reincarnation, was unexpected, Bee. I thought you were gone for forever, because, hey, that's what most people are when they're dead.
Gone forever.
But, no, not one. You're a god sent angel, Bee.
You'll never die.
Angels don't die.
"Who're you?!"
You just stared, curved your lips into a smile. "C'mere," one word, deep and simple.
So, I took your hand, my disappearing completely in yours.
"Don't be afraid," you told me.
"W-Who are you? Really…"
"How could you forget this face?"
"I've never seen you before."
You showed me…The ends of your bangs were jet black.
"Darren," you cooed.
I was frozen for minutes. "…Wh-What? N-No…"
"You heard me. My precious human."
"…Bumblebee?!"
You nodded.
I don't think you know how scared I actually was. I felt like I was dreaming, and I had convinced myself that I was. I told myself that I would wake up in tears, forcing myself through the pain and misery that hounded me at the thought of your death.
But, no. You let me feel your heart beating, your spark, you let me listen to it giving life to your systems again.
Again. You were alive. Living, breathing…I heard it.
And that made me believe.
You were back.
"Stop! What're you…" I didn't understand.
"Shh, just listen, please…"
Humming in your chest… your spark.
I looked at you. "…No way."
"Darren…" You kissed my forehead and it all felt too real, soft lips, hot breath…
This wasn't a dream.
I couldn't believe it.
Bumblebee, you were back, and you'll stay back now that the enemies are terminated. I only hope you'll stay my guardian angel until the end of my lifetime, and carrying on our protecting spirit to my children when Nicolette and I have some. Haha, you may not know, but Bee, I've always been watching you, watching every little thing you do. I don't think you're aware of this.
Hopefully I'll become the man you want me to be, with a wonderfully loving heart like yours. But, again, Bumblebee, thank you is barely enough to say. Everything you've done for me can be summed up in two words…
Amazing.
And love.
Amazing love.
Thank you for turning this terrified teenaged kid from a corrupted soul to the successful man I am today. Had you not stepped into my life, God…Where would I be? Take that to your processor, Bumblebee. You're an amazing role model, an amazing person, not collections of metal, bolts, and wires. All of you Transformers are more than meets the eye. Definitely.
"I love you…more than you'll ever know. I swear to God, Bee. I fuckin' love you, man."
"And I love you too, Darren. I'll love you now and forever until the end of it all. The very end. And don't you forget that. Ever."
"I won't. Don't you forget mine either."
"You know I won't."
Goodness, Bee. I love you is too small of a phrase. If only words could describe how much you mean to me.
"Don't let this get to you, Darren. You know I'm here, always, anytime…forever, whenever you need me, I'll stop and listen."
"You're the greatest…I love you…s-so much, Bee. I don't want to lose you…"
"You won't, Darren. I promise you, I'll be here for as long as you need me."
You always kept your promises. And despite all the disputes we may have had, Bumblebee, c'mon.
You know I could never stay angered with you.
"Even if you lose me, I'll always be right here…"
"In my heart." I smiled. "…A-And, I'll always be right here…"
"In my spark."
Yes, you will always, always, always, always be in my heart.
You got that? Always, Bee.
Bumblebee, I love you. I can't say thank you enough, you guardian angel. Tears fell when I wrote this, and I only hope you receive it.
I love you.
This is a letter from my heart.
To yours.