Saturday, 30 June

Dear Ted,

It's been a while since I wrote to you. I'm sorry. You didn't reply back, but it's ok. But I wrote to you because you haven't changed. And I know you'll understand me, because you know how I feel, and that's enough for me.

I'm really happy that you bothered to read about my mostly boring life, because that means so much to me, to have someone understand. And if you think this is one of those other 'the mean girl was mean to the poor girl, who got her revenge in the end' stories, you're wrong. Because life is so much more than that. Life is something that you live, and lots of things happen during those years. So life is important, and I am cherishing it. So I want you to cherish it, too.

I don't want you to change, because then I know you will still understand me. I want to tell someone I haven't changed. But that's not true. And I don't like changing, like at the beginning of term, some girl decided to befriend me.

I don't want to tell you her name, because I don't want you to know. You're a great friend to have, Ted. But she isn't, and even though she isn't great, I don't want to be terrible. So I'll call her something else.

Jo thought I was cool. I wonder what cool means. I got into a good academic school, so everyone there is clever. But almost everyone there is cool. Dad told me to make a good impression on my first day. So I did. I bet I came out as the new, bright, happy and always smiling girl, who's really talkative but at the same time, kind and understanding. But also slightly weird. And weird is one of those new words, which change meaning everytime you say it. I thought I was weird. But not in Jo's sense of weird.

We did a small drama piece on out first day, two months before the start of term. We called it Intro Day. It was really fun. I knew some girls before I went into school. Like Kelsey. She's a nice girl. But she can be annoying at times. She was the only I knew. I was going for the new kids, but they all seemed to know each other. So I might as well show off my great friendship.

Fortunately, Jo thought I was really cool. We had a great afternoon, making jokes and stuff. I thought I made a best friend. On the first day, Jo walked up to school and carried on the joke from two months before. She knew some other kids from her area, so I made 2 more friends. It was great.

Then, after 2 months, it went downhill. I can't understand, because I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Then she completely ignored me and started being really cool, listening to pop songs, skipping homework, being mean to other people. Which is strange, because she was bullied for a long time at her primary school.

I really don't want to be a girl. They can be so mean sometimes.

I don't like facts, either. I don't know why. But I still discovered something. I think everyone is a jerk. Even me. I'm a jerk for being a jerk. So when I tried to explain this concept to my friend, all I got was denial and some swearing.

'I think everyone's a jerk.'

'Not true. You can be a biatch when you want to be, or you don't have to.' said Trish.

'Biatch?'

'I don't want to swear right outside of church.'

'You're really nice.'

'I said-'

But I don't want to bore you with this rubbish. You need your time, and I don't want to waste it, because I am already grateful enough that you took the time to read my letter. And that's what matters.

I tried explaining other concepts to Trish and Kelsey.

'Why are girls so mean?'

'Because they are.' Trish always gives such answers.

'But why?'

'It's in our nature.'

'Why can't we all be nice?'

'Nobody's nice all the time! You can't make sure everything's fair, Fay!' said Kelsey. She gets really impatient when I say things like that, because she hates opinions and loves facts.

'Sorry. I get that.'

'Why are you asking deep questions and being all philosophical?'

'Because she's obsessed with that book, Telling my story.'

'Just because I like a book, doesn't mean-'

Sorry, Ted. I know you don't like long, boring, cliche girl conversations. But I will try to ignore what Trish and Kelsey said today. And I will ask you again. So don't give up.

Your friend,

Fay