Chapter 3: The Logic of Attraction

(Ah! I have been up half the night finishing this, so desperately need some sleep before I drop in my tracks. *yawns widely and noisily* I promise I will express the extremes of gratitude I feel for such enthusiastic support by giving you another stellar chapter very soon and catching up on shout outs next chapter. G'night everyone! Spunky is down for the count!)

Ichigo's stunned mind spun helplessly as the warmth and softness of Byakuya's insistent lips, the pleasant scent of sakura, and the tickle of errant strands of his hair all converged at once, stealing away whatever objection he might have made. And his distraction only grew as the noble's tongue thrust in between his parted lips, then caressed the slick, sensitive surfaces within his mouth, causing deep swells of arousal in his loins, that were helped along as Byakuya's slender body pressed up against his and their thickened arousals made contact through their clothing.

"Oh!" the shinigami substitute gasped, as Byakuya's lips released his suddenly, and the noble's smoky gray eyes fixed on his hazy brown ones, "What are you...doing?"

"You asked me how it was that you were looking at me, and I answered you as clearly as I could. I apologize for overstepping boundaries, but I felt action would be more easily understandable, in this case."

"Huh?" Ichigo managed, blinking and shaking his head as Byakuya sat up and continued to look down at him while he struggled to control the rapid beating of his heart and the shortening of his breaths, "I think you just shocked a couple years life outta me! Don't do that!"

Byakuya gave him such an uncharacteristic and innocent look in reply that he was momentarily stunned all over again.

What is this guy doing to me?

I've never felt anything like this...for anyone. But he gets to me, big time. He's so...beautiful and he smells so good. And his kisses don't just touch my lips. I feel them all over! Damn, I'm getting harder just thinking about it! I mean, other people have been attracted to me, even kissed me. But no one's ever done this to me!

What the hell?

But...I have to get a grip. Byakuya may be in a younger form, but he is still Byakuya. And when this all gets worked out, he's going to go back to being stuffy, frustrating, ramrod backed Byakuya, like I remember.

Problem is, the more I think about it, the more I remember being attracted to him before.

Yeah.

I always thought that Byakuya was really beautiful. He always got to me that way, even back when he was trying to kill me. It's like I could see through that stuffy, bullshit exterior and I really liked him, despite him sometimes acting like a prick. And who knows better than me that Byakuya often acts different than he really feels, because he is trying to respect the rules of his clan? He still tries to follow his heart, but he's always getting held back. He walks a fine line. But now, the lines are blurred. He doesn't have the restriction of having to think about the rules.

Kami! This is what Byakuya would be like if he had grown up here, like me!

And I really love him like this.

Fuck...what am I supposed to do with that?

"Ichigo," Byakuya said, lowering his eyes and looking penitent, "I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, you shouldn't have," Ichigo agreed, "but you couldn't know that because you don't remember the reasons that you wouldn't have acted that way before. You've forgotten a part of yourself, and when you get it back, you'll be pissed to the extreme if you think I took advantage of your situation."

"You mean, as I was, I was not attracted to you?" Byakuya asked pointedly, "because the basic nature, the more primal part of who I am doesn't seem to have been affected, has it?"

"No, but what has changed is that you are doing things that you wouldn't do if you remembered where you came from. You are noble class, and a shinigami. I am a commoner and a human."

"And this would make me feel less attracted to you?" the noble queried.

"Eh...?" Ichigo mumbled, blinking again and scratching the back of his neck, "Maybe it wouldn't mean you weren't attracted to me. I mean, you never told me if you were before."

"Which makes perfect sense, if what you say is true."

"Y-yeah. You have rules that you follow, at least, most of the time, that say I'm someone you can't react to that way because I'm not a shinigami and not noble, like you."

"That seems very shallow," Byakuya sighed.

"Yeah, that might be what you really think too. But, the way you were, and being your family's leader, you couldn't exactly go around saying that or doing things like kissing me, see? And when you go back to being yourself, do you really want the baggage of having started up with me like this?"

"Are you asking me if I will regret following my heart?" Byakuya asked suddenly, startling Ichigo all over again.

It's like I just can't catch my balance. I can't look at him like this and think straight. But this is like looking at a part of him I've never gotten to see up close. Yeah, this what Byakuya's heart of hearts feels, smells, sounds and looks like. And I am overwhelmed by that!

"Maybe you are right," Byakuya said, frowning and looking down at his hands, "But...I cannot gain a perspective like what I would normally have. I do not feel connected to being noble, or to what the rules that I followed were. I am responding to you on a more instinctual level. But, isn't that just a more honest level?"

"Yeah," Ichigo sighed, taking the noble's slender hand in his, "But when you go back to being yourself, you might regret being so honest with me, because you won't be able to be like that anymore."

A sudden eruption of voices and quick footsteps brought the two swiftly to alertness. Ichigo's hand covered Byakuya's mouth, and he pulled the other teen up close against him, holding him tightly as the footsteps neared the storage room where they were concealed. Several moments later, the sounds receded, then died out altogether, leaving the two teens close together, with their cheeks nearly touching. And again, Byakuya's scent and softness began to reach Ichigo powerfully, making his heart pound and his hands refuse to let go. He felt a hard ache in his belly and loins, and the intense urge to kiss the other youth again. but just as he gave in and started to bring their lips together, Byakuya pulled free of him, sucking the air out of his lungs and making him slump forward, his loins throbbing painfully.

"I think they are gone."

"Yeah," Ichigo managed, feeling a feverish flush on his skin, "I think they are. We should get a little more rest now. Later on, we can start looking for a place where they tend to open the garganta. We should be able to slip in behind some who are crossing over."

" Hmmm."

Ichigo didn't miss the fact that Byakuya chose to lie down a little farther away from him, or that he turned away. But what could be going through the noble's mind was a mystery to him. And he couldn't manage a guess at what he would do next.

We are in uncharted territory. We really need to get back and get him switched already. Although...I really, really like him like this.

I love him like this.

I want him so much that it hurts.

But I have to do right by him. He's a friend, and I don't want to put our friendship in danger, just because he got to me like this.

"Ichigo, may I ask you something?" Byakuya queried, jarring the shinigami substitute out of his reverie.

"Huh?"

"If you loved a person who was dying, would you avoid expressing that love?"

Ichigo's breath caught as memories of the story of Byakuya's love for Hisana flashed in his mind.

"The reason I am asking you this is because the situation is similar. If we assume that I was attracted to you always, but would not have expressed it, it is still true that I am attracted to you. And if I am attractive to you now, that means that the attraction must have been there before, but for whatever reason, maybe because you respected my choice to adhere to the rules, you chose not to act on it. The current situation upended our association and now we are both tempted to desire each other openly. So, I am essentially asking you, if I was going to die and leave you, would that keep you from expressing your love to me?"

"Huh," Ichigo huffed, shaking his head, "Don't talk like that. No one's dying here. It's not the same. You're going to come back. It's just that you won't be able to be like this, so we'll probably be forced apart. So, why get involved, just to be torn apart, right?"

"Then, you do not ascribe to the notion that...it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved, ne?"

Ichigo's mind was assaulted with the sad memory of Byakuya kneeling silently before a portrait of his wife, his head bowed and the loneliness around him palpable.

The truth is...I do. But if I say that to him now, we are going to give in to this. I'm going to have sex with him and everything from there will get really, really complicated.

"I...don't know."

He could almost feel Byakuya's hopes shatter.

I'm such a jerk. I hate myself for making him think that I don't want this as much as he does.

But isn't that just the reverse of how it usually is? If Byakuya was attracted to me before, didn't he have to deny it to himself and hide it from me? That's what I'm doing to him now. But, is it the right thing?

I wish I knew.

"Thank you for being honest with me."

Except that what I just did was a total lie. How ironic is that?

"Ichigo, I am sorry to have flustered you like that," Byakuya apologized, "I will not do so again. I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable around me. This place is lonely enough without alienating you too."

I hate thinking how lonely a person Byakuya really is. Does he ever get to be himself with anyone? I mean, I suppose he revealed himself to Hisana, but she's been gone for over fifty years. Is it so wrong to want to take away that loneliness for a while, even if only a short time is all that I can offer him? Or would that just be teasing him?

Damn! I just have no clue what is the right thing to do here!

He laid down where he was, a short distance away from the other teen, still aching inside, even as he drifted off to sleep. And when he did sleep, he could only dream about Byakuya's aching loneliness, and how that long, savory kiss had eased the loneliness and made Ichigo feel so very alive inside.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ichigo woke some time later, poorly rested and feeling even worse about hurting Byakuya's feelings. He turned over, planning to apologize, but found the place that the noble had been inexplicably empty.

"What?" Ichigo gasped, sitting bolt upright, "What the hell?"

He left the safety of the barrier and dropped down to the floor, searching for traces that would indicate where the other youth had gone, but found no sign at all of the noble's passage.

But then, he had stealth training from Yoruichi. And even though he doesn't remember who he is or what he did before, he remembered how to fight as he had been taught. So, maybe the stealth training too is now instinctual, and he can use it without remembering how he knows it.

Whatever the case, the thought of the powerless noble, wandering around in the den of powerful hollows left Ichigo with a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach, so he left the store room and slipped out into the darkness, looking again, for any sign of which way Byakuya had gone.

It's a good thing the hollows did away with Aizen's fake sunlight around Las Noches or hiding from them would be a lot harder. Still, if Byakuya stays out here, he is going to get caught. I can't let that happen.

I shouldn't talk. I'm here, barely able to conceal my reiatsu and could more easily be sensed. I have more of a probability of being discovered than he does.

He was shocked out of his thoughts as two hollows passed suddenly, close to where he crouched, their words sending a chill straight down his spine.

"They caught him near the crossover site. Poor bastard never had a chance. They ripped him up and ate him right there, selfish assholes. They could have at least shared!"

"So go and eat one of them if you're pissed!" the other hollow replied, smirking.

Ichigo slumped back against the wall he was crouching beside, his mind assaulted anew with the tender feeling of Byakuya's kiss, and the tragic sound of the last few words he had said.

"...if I was going to die and leave you, would that keep you from expressing your love to me?"

"Huh, don't talk like that. No one's dying here. It's not the same. You're going to come back. It's just that you won't be able to be like this, so we'll probably be forced apart. So, why get involved, just to be torn apart, right?"

"Then, you do not ascribe to the notion that...it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved, ne?"

"I...don't know."

He found himself hating himself even more for the words in retrospect.

"Byakuya..." he whispered, closing his eyes and feeling them dampen as he saw images of the noble, both as the strong, proud captain he was and the shyer, more emotional teen.

"...if I was going to die and leave you, would that keep you from expressing your love to me?"

"I have to stop thinking this way," he whispered, "He made his own choice to leave. I told him not to come out here alone."

But in his heart, he knew exactly what had made the noble ignore that advice.

I hurt him.

I hurt him and he came out here alone and died, just as alone.

It's like I killed him, myself, saying what I did to him. I should have been honest with him.

"You know, you're not really doing a very good job of remaining hidden," Byakuya's voice said suddenly, shocking the life out of Ichigo and almost making him fall over.

Sucking in a surprised breath, he managed to remember that they were in enemy territory and shouting at the other youth was likely to get them both killed. Instead, he swept Byakuya up and flash stepped back to the cover of the storage room, carried him up to the protected area, then threw him down on the bed they had shared, glaring at the stunned youth and seething with fury.

"What in the fucking HELL did you think you were doing, running off like that, here in Las Noches? Are you out of your goddamned MIND? I heard them talking about killing someone and I fucking thought it was YOU, you stupid ASSHOLE! You had me thinking that you were DEAD!" he hissed, wanting to shout the words, but knowing better than to get any louder.

Byakuya's gray eyes flashed indignantly.

"I was doing what you said I should do!" he retorted, crossing his arms and glaring back at the other teen, "I was being stealthy and observing the hollows to find the location they use most often to cross over into the living world. And I did find it."

"I didn't tell you to go off alone you freaking idiot!" Ichigo snapped, "You were supposed to go WITH ME so that I could PROTECT YOU, because I don't know what I would do if you died! Do you get it, you fool?"

The hardness in Byakuya's dark eyes faded slightly.

"Ichigo, you...?"

Ichigo wasn't sure when he decided to move, but found himself suddenly surging forward and landing on top of the other youth, holding him down and plunging into that hot, defiant mouth, closing his eyes and thrusting his tongue in deeply, desperate to taste what he thought had been taken away and aching all over to be as close to Byakuya as humanly possible.

He was dimly aware of Byakuya's eyes widening and watching him in surprise as his hands swiftly laid the noble bare, and his body came down on Byakuya's.

"Ichigo, are you sure that this is a good idea?" Byakuya asked, his breath leaving him as Ichigo's mouth latched onto his again, and he felt the hard press of the other teen's arousal against his thigh, "Do you even know what you are...?"

His words ended suddenly in a hiss of pain as Ichigo's inflamed member found his entrance and plunged heedlessly inside. He clenched at the shinigami substitute's strong shoulder, burying his face in the soft flesh there, biting at it to stem the harsh burning as Ichigo's hips moved, causing a heady blend of pain and intense pleasure.

"Ichigo!"

But he had no real urge to stop the other youth. Instead, he closed his eyes tightly and sank into the feeling of intense strength in Ichigo's thrusting body loving his to within an inch of his very life.

This is what he was holding back when he lied to me before...this powerful emotion. How long has this been building between us? How did we ever contain such a thing at all?

I am glad...not that I frightened him, but that this could happen. I wonder, when I go back, if I will remember.

He held on more tightly, his body moving in perfect harmony with the one atop it.

It feels like perfection.

I won't let myself forget how this feels!

Not ever...

Byakuya's mind went blank as something powerful seemed to grip him, heart, body and soul. He was thrown into a deep well of consuming pleasure, still moving with Ichigo and biting back the cries of bliss that wanted badly to escape him. He heard Ichigo groan, then reeled as hot flashes of the other youth's release filled him inside.

Even not remembering a thing, my body knows it has never felt anything like this before.

Ichigo, what have we done?

What concern he felt drained away with the ebbing of the intense emotion around them. Ichigo groaned again and collapsed on top of him, leaving their bodies connected and placing his lips close to Byakuya's flushed earlobe.

"I lied to you before," the shinigami substitute confessed, "I would rather be honest about this and experience love, even if I know going in that it isn't going to last. But...that being said, I still think that we shouldn't do this again. For some reason, it feels dangerous."

"I agree," Byakuya panted softly, surrendering easily as Ichigo's mouth found his again, "We shouldn't let this happen again. After all, how could it be any more honest...any more perfect?"

But, despite their words, neither moved to separate from the other as sleep overtook them again. And each time they woke after that, they made a lie of the words all over again as they gave in easily to the urge to make themselves one.