Chapter 9: Uncertainties

(Happy Birthday to you, Ichigo! All kinds of love going out to you! And as a sidenote, the music I was listening to while writing the scenes between Shou and Byakuya, then Ichigo and Byakuya were both songs by Red. The first was Start Again and the second was Hold Me Now. I love Red and how their music works as both spiritual and sweet love songs for lovers! I will try to have more Ichigo related chapters, but maybe not today. Depends on how RL cooperates. Thanks very much to Haikha for putting this one back into my orbit just in time! I will have more soon! Love you all! Spunky)

Byakuya looked quietly out the window at the lovely waxing moon, a deep ache in his heart at being alone when all he wanted was to feel Ichigo's warm arms around him and to hear his lover's voice speaking into his ear as they made love.

I don't understand why he didn't come back. I was angry with him, but I wouldn't have pushed him away if he had come to talk to me. I was just flustered with him talking about me like that, and especially in front of Yoruichi, whom he had to know would make things even worse.

I wonder if I should go to him.

But the more he thought about it, the less he could stomach the idea of racing over to the Kurosaki home and disturbing the peace in the middle of the night. He thought briefly about seeking out Tetsuya, but discarded the idea quickly.

I know we are close, but it would feel awkward in that I really don't remember the things from our past. I don't want to talk to that cat woman, although she did stop teasing me for a while and Urahara would offer little but jokes and unhelpful suggestions that might make things worse.

Byakuya turned away from the window and left his bed, moving to the closet, where he found a robe to go over his nightclothes. He looked briefly at the door, then slipped out the bedroom window instead, touching down lightly, then freezing at the sound of a male voice.

"Damn it, you stupid fleabag nag!" Renji's voice huffed, "You scared the crap out of me!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Renji," Tetsuya's voice intoned, "I don't think he meant you any harm."

"Ah, are you there too, Tetsuya?" Renji said, blushing, "Sorry. I was just...he surprised me, you know? And with the creepy shit Urahara thinks might be hanging around..."

"That's why Arashi and I are here," Tetsuya agreed, "Kisuke felt that more protections were needed around my cousin. We wanted to help out."

"Yoruichi will be out pretty soon to relieve us," Renji commented, "Would you...like to have a cup of tea after that before turning in?"

There was a long silence between the two, then Tetsuya bit at his lip anxiously and answered.

"Y-yes, I think a cup of tea would be good."

"You could tell me a few more of your stories about you and Captain Kuchiki when you were teens."

"Oh...I don't know. He might not appreciate me..."

"I'm not looking to have you tell secrets or anything," Renji persisted, "I just...like hearing about what the two of you were like. And...not just Captain Kuchiki. You have a pretty complicated past. You're really different from most of your relatives. I don't want to make you talk about anything you don't want to. I just...w-well I..."

The redhead broke off, letting out a huff of frustration as Yoruichi flash stepped into view.

"Hi there," the purple-haired woman greeted them, not seeming to notice Renji's discomfort, "You guys can go get some rest now. I'll watch over Byakuya until morning."

"Did he seem any better when you spoke to him?" Tetsuya inquired.

"Yeah, Ichigo said Captain was pissed at him," Renji added.

"He calmed down a little, but I am still concerned."

They told Renji about this too? Byakuya mused, I thought as few people should know as possible...although Renji said he considered me...his captain...a friend. But this makes things worse. Ichigo said that Renji is close to my sister. When she returns, they will tell her too, won't they?

This just gets worse and worse.

I don't know what to do.

He finally resorted to using the fact that his reiatsu was so low to steal away from the ones watching over him. He walked a few blocks, then paused and took out his cell phone, dialing the number he remembered his bandmate giving him.

"Hello?" said a sleepy voice, "Is that you, Otto?"

"N-no, Shou," Byakuya answered, "It is me, Bya."

"Oh! Bya dear, do you even know how late it is? Why aren't you in bed and all curled up around that hot boyfriend of yours?"

"Hmmm, well, Ichigo and I had a...disagreement, and I needed somewhere to go to think about things. I am sorry to bother you, but..."

"Oh, say no more!" Shou said, his voice perking, "Come on over. My folks are working graveyard tonight, so I'm just here with my sister and she's out cold, so no one will even know you're here. Just...come in through my bedroom window, okay? You remember which window is mine?"

"Yes," Byakuya assured him, turning in the direction of his friend's home.

"All right, Bya. I'll have some tea ready for us."

"Thank you, Shou."

Byakuya continued down the dark, quiet streets, walking for a little over a mile before pausing in front of Shou's home, then moving on silent feet, around to the back and tapping lightly on his friend's window. A smiling Shou appeared a moment later, dressed in soft, red pajamas and extending a hand to help Byakuya into the room.

"Oh, this is so naughty!" Shou laughed, "I'd get in big trouble from my folks if they caught us together like this!"

"Well, I..."

"I'm just teasing, Bya, love," Shou chuckled, "I know you're Ichigo's boyfriend, and until you smarten up and leave that sexy brat, I won't make a serious move on you. I'm just playing."

"Ah, I am aware," Byakuya said uncertainly, "It's fine. I wasn't offended."

"Good, have a seat, then and tell me all about what that Kurosaki cad did to you. I mean, he seemed to be so into you, especially when he saw you in that outfit I helped you pick out."

"That did have his attention, but...I...well, things are just rather difficult."

"Is this about the rumor going around the school that you are a hermaphrodite and and actually sexually female?"

"What?" Byakuya managed in a shocked tone, "Where did you hear that?"

"Well, I heard it from Masa, who said that he heard it from Tsutomu. Tsutomu claimed that he overheard you tell this to our bandmate, Renji while he was walking through the park. Bya, he also over heard you are pregnant with Ichigo's child."

"Oh, for the love of kami..." Byakuya whispered, going very pale, "I think I'm going to be sick!"

"You poor thing!" Shou said sympathetically, "Come, we'd better get you to the bathroom."

"That must be why he didn't come back," Byakuya went on breathlessly, the feeling of sickness strengthening as Shou led him across the room, "What have I done? I've humiliated both of us! I won't be able to show my face at the school again!"

"I'm sure it's not that bad," Shou said, rubbing his back as the Kuchiki heir dropped onto his knees and let the feeling of sickness overwhelm him.

Shou remained tactfully silent, allowing his friend to expel the sickness, then washing his face gently and offering him a small amount of water to rinse his mouth.

"There now, that must feel a little better, ne?"

"Not really," Byakuya sighed wearily.

"Well, maybe I can help. Come, let me get you into bed."

"Oh...no, I don't think..."

"I'm not trying to seduce you, silly!" Shou chuckled, helping him to his feet, then leading him back to the bed, "Now, lie down for a minute. I will be right back."

Byakuya loosed a deflated sigh and laid down on the bed, looking out the window and feeling more lonely than he had before.

Perhaps I should go back to Kisuke's home. But...I just cannot face all of them. Not like this. If I was...like I was before, older, wiser, not pregnant, I know this wouldn't be so taxing. It only feels like the end of the world because I'm younger and my heart is beating faster and everything is so...

"Here you go, Bya," Shou said, slipping several fresh leaves into his hand, "Fresh peppermint leaves from my mother's garden. She uses them for making our tea, but they're also good for curing bellyaches."

"Thank you again, Shou," Byakuya said, sincerely, slipping one of the leaves into his mouth, "That does help. I feel much better now."

"Do you?" Shou asked, "because you still look awfully pale, Bya dear."

"I am fine," Byakuya said, slipping out of the bed and heading to the table where their tea waited. He sat down and sipped at the tea while Shou joined him, "You were correct that I am with child."

"So, what they were saying was true?" Shou asked, "Our Ichigo impregnated you and dumped you? But you didn't look like you'd been dumped when we were at school. Ichi was really protecting you."

"Y-yes, it's complicated," Byakuya went on, "We simply had an argument and I...went to the park to be alone. Renji came upon me and he noticed I was distressed and tried to help. I never even sensed that other boy. I didn't know anyone heard."

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much," Shou said reassuringly, "Tomorrow, you might want to keep your head low, but day after tomorrow, if you show those ridiculous little gossips what you showed me when we were practicing earlier, then they are going to forget all about the rumors and everyone will want to be Ichigo Kurosaki!"

"What do you mean?" Byakuya asked, giving him a skeptical look.

"What I mean," Shou said, taking the other youth's hand and bringing him to his feet, then putting his hands on Byakuya's hips, "is that you are really a performer, Bya. You have a lovely voice and when you shake that bottom of yours, you break hearts."

Byakuya closed his eyes, listening as a slow and sad, but deeply hopeful tune began to play on Shou's radio and the other youth coaxed him closer, holding onto his hips and guiding them in a powerful swaying motion in time to the song's beat.

"Now, let's take your mind off of your troubles for a while. This is what I do when my heart gets broken."

"Oh!" Byakuya remembered, opening his eyes and gazing at the other youth apologetically, "That's right. I've been rude. You've only just broken up with someone. Shou, I'm sorry I bothered you."

"Shh," Shou said, smiling and touching a fingertip to Byakuya's lips to stop him, "Forget about that. Let's both forget about our troubles for a while. Love is too complicated, Bya. Sometimes, we need a break from it. Come here."

Shou opened his arms and drew Byakuya in closer, holding their bodies together as they moved with the slow, passionate beat of the music.

"Shou..."

"This isn't about sex," the other youth assured him, "We've both been hurt, Bya. This is about feeling, about letting everything out so that we can fix ourselves. I'm not going to seduce you, I promise. Just dance with me. It's good practice for when you are performing in front of everyone."

Aching with misgiving, but lulled by the music and Shou's gentle embrace, he relaxed and moved with the other youth, swaying slowly and breathing more calmly as the song progressed. Shou made no move to put him back on guard, merely holding the two of them against each other as they danced.

"Now, you know the words to this song, Bya. Sing it for me."

Byakuya let the words out without hesitation. He kept his eyes closed and breathed the words into his bandmate's warm shoulder, embracing the message about love and longing, anger and heartbreak, redemption and forgiveness. He felt Shou lead him into a turn and when it ended, he felt as though he had fallen into a dream and it was no longer Shou, but Ichigo he was dancing with and singing those sweet, sad and beautiful words to. He could smell his lover's scent and even the arms around him felt different as he sang soulfully and danced slowly to the music. He even thought he could hear Ichigo's voice.

"I love you," that voice whispered in his ear, "I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry, okay?"

Byakuya froze.

This is...!

He opened his eyes and found himself in Ichigo's arms, and Shou sitting on his bed and smirking at the two of them.

"Ichigo..." Byakuya whispered, going even more pale than he had before.

This just goes from bad, to worse, to worst!

"Is there some reason you were in that guy's arms and not mine tonight? What's going on, Bya?"

"Bya was upset and came here to talk," Shou explained, "He became ill, so I was comforting him. That's all."

"Is that right?" Ichigo said, "And why didn't you just come to me? Did you think that I wouldn't listen to you?"

"No."

"Did you think I would get mad at you or something?"

"You left and didn't come back," Byakuya explained.

"So, you disrespected all that the people who love you were trying to do," Ichigo concluded, "You left alone and came here by yourself, even knowing what could be out there? You must have been really upset to act like that. The Byakuya I know would never have taken such a risk without thinking."

I want to be angry at his words, but he isn't acting angry, only concerned. And...he is right, it was stupid for me to run off alone.

He took a breath, shaking slightly as he swallowed his pride and forced out the next few words.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Will you come home with me?" Ichigo asked, brushing the long strands of silken hair away from his face.

"I can't go back there," Byakuya whispered, closing his eyes again.

"I get it," Ichigo assured him, "There's a lot of pressure because they're all people who know you really well. But it's okay. We can go to my house. My dad and sisters are out of town as of tonight. They won't be back for a few days. I'm sure Kisuke will write you an excuse for school if you just want to stay there for a few days."

Byakuya's eyes opened and fixed on Ichigo's.

"You know, don't you? You know that Renji and I were...?"

"Don't worry about that. Just come with me."

"I w-would, but there is the performance to think about."

"It's all right," Shou assured him, "I can come to Ichigo's house and we can practice. It will be fine. I think you should go with him. Heaven knows though, I do tend to play the fool. I'd go in a minute if that bastard ex-boyfriend of mine would just call me back again tonight and dance with me like that, but what can I say? I'm not as lucky as you, Bya, love. Go on."

"But, you were saying that..."

"I am fine," Shou insisted, "And I'll make sure and set folks right about talking about you behind your back tomorrow."

"I am in your debt," Byakuya said, reaching out and taking Shou's hand for a moment, "Again, I thank you. I will be ready for the performance, and we can make Otto realize what a fool he was to leave you."

"Thank you," Shou said, shooing the two out the window, "Now, get out of here before my parents get home and ground me forever! Unlike you two, I'm not eighteen yet, so they can still make my life miserable!"

Before Byakuya could answer, he felt himself being swept off his feet and carried at flash step speed across town to Ichigo's house, then the shinigami substitute carried him in through the front door and up the stairs, laying down in bed and sliding in with him.

"Ichigo, I..."

His words, too, were swept away by a powerful, penetrating kiss and he barely had cognizance of the hands that bared him as they continued the long, heated exchange. The intensity of their joining grew as Ichigo laid his bare body on top of the noble's and moved in the same way they had while they were dancing. He reached over and turned on the radio, letting warm, sensuous strains of music wash over the room and guide the two in their movements.

He's doing everything so slowly, Byakuya mused, so different from how he usually touches me. He is taking much more care. Now I wonder why I couldn't go to him before? What was I thinking?

Dizziness invaded his writhing body, but he ignored it and focused instead on how Ichigo's every touch on his body seemed to bring life back into him and to arouse his senses into a fever pitch. He strained harder against Ichigo's body, aching to be one with him.

He loosed a scandalously passionate moan as he was finally taken, barely holding onto his composure as a slow barrage of deep, heavy thrusts swiftly undid both mind and body. His fingers dug into Ichigo's shoulders an his mouth opened in a exclamation of intense pleasure as the loosing of that melting heat inside him overcame him and the room around them began to disappear. He released a last few panted words as darkness swelled around him.

"Ichigo, I love you too."

His ear rang too loudly to hear his lover's answer, but he felt the strong arms that anchored him and knew instinctively what Ichigo's answer would have been.

We shouldn't have done this. Sorry.

Byakuya's mind spiralled in the blackness and he imagined what he would have said back.

Never regret loving me like this, Ichigo.

Never.

No one has ever loved me like this, and no one will ever love me like this again!