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Chapter 8 – The Surprise

"Surprises are foolish things. The pleasure is not enhanced, and the inconvenience is often considerable." – Jane Austen

I sit in the parlor room; watching the rain tap against the window. Mr. Collins is reading from his book of sermons and all are beginning to tire from his monotonous voice. "Bueller, Bueller," says my mind as I sit upon the window seat; watching the rain.

I feel an indescribable ache in my heart with a longing for something more. The pain of picking up the shards of a broken heart has enveloped my soul. I cannot bear to look anyone in the eyes for fear that they know my pain. Every time a family member places a soothing hand to my face, I think to myself, "Do they know that I was rejected?"

I want to tell someone about my rejection and yet, I cannot, for, Jane has had her own and I must bottle this up inside for now. Lydia sits next to me, "Why such a long face, Lizzy dear?"

I smile, "It is raining."

Mary sits next to me, "Perhaps, we should go for a walk once the rain stops."

"We should go to Meryton!" Lydia cries out, "For, the regiments are arriving."

"Regiments, regiments, that's all I ever hear about!" Mary sighs, "What are men compared to rocks and mountains?"

I meet Charlotte Lucas for tea the following afternoon and she tells me that she fears she will never get married. For, she is seven and twenty years of age.

Charlotte laments, "I fear that I have already become a burden."

I shake my head, "No. You have not. There are several men in town that are perfect for you."

Charlotte sighs, "However, most men in town are too young, too old, or alas, already married! I do not ask for much just that I find a man that can take care of me as I will take care of him."

"There is one," I whisper.

Charlotte leans towards me, "Yes?"

"Mr. Collins," I smile.

"Your cousin?"

"Yes." I whisper, "He has a parsonage of considerable size in the country which is next to Lady Catherine's estate."

"But," Charlotte sighs, "he has already proposed to you."

"I rejected him."

"Why?" Charlotte asks.

"I didn't love him."

"You must guard yourself," Charlotte whispers back, "For, there has been talk that you have thrown yourself to Mr. Darcy."

I gasp, "I have thrown myself to no one!"

"That is not what Caroline Bingley has been saying."

I scoff indignantly, "Of course! I should have known that she was behind the rumor."

The wedding of Charlotte Lucas and Mr. Collins was intimate and simple. Charlotte wore white (of course) and Mr. Collins looked as though he had stepped out of church on Sunday. It was simple and beautiful at the same time.

"You must," Mr. Collins turns towards me, "accompany us to the parsonage. It would be good for you."

"Good for me?"

Charlotte and Mr. Collins turns towards me. Mr. Collins smiles, "Mrs. Collins and I have noticed your depression. We think that travel would do you good and a change of scenery would be beneficial."

I smile, "Mr. Collins, thank you for being so considerate."

"It is the least I can do," he nods towards his wife, "for the person that has introduced me to my lovely wife."

I am staying at Mr. Collins' parsonage and find it rather calm and a nice change of pace. I am having tea with Charlotte as Mr. Collins enters the room stating that we have just received an invitation from Lady Catherine to dine with her tonight.

Charlotte and I immediately get up from where we are sitting and begin to get dressed. I did not know that I would have to go to many parties and so, have only brought plain dresses.

"What shall I wear?" I ask Charlotte.

"The purple satin dress is most agreeable though plain," Charlotte suggests.

I wear the purple satin dress and Charlotte wears a simple grey gown. Soon, it is time and we proceed to cross the lawn.

The butler opens the door and ushers us into a large foyer. He walks towards a very large parlor room (where a refined woman is sitting). She nods towards him and the butler nods towards us (as though he were ushering traffic instead of humans).

We walk into the room and Lady Catherine peers at me. More guests enter the room and she turns around, "Ah! Fitzwilliam, there you are."

"Aunt," he bows.

Once he enters the room, my heart skips a beat and I look away; feeling flush. "Fitzwilliam," Lady Catherine scolds, "do not glare so! One would think you were angry," she looks over at me and then at Darcy.

"Let us have music," Lady Catherine smiles. "Who shall play for us?"

Caroline Bingley smiles, "Miss Elizabeth cannot play the pianoforte. Yet, I have a firsthand account of her voice. She sings like a lark!"

"You are acquainted with Caroline and Charles," Lady Catherine sends me a pleased smile.

"Yes," I look off of Darcy's glare.

Lady Catherine looks at me, "Will you do us the honor of gracing us with your voice?"

I bite my lip, "Lady Catherine, I confess that I cannot sing well."

"I have it on high authority that you sing beautifully."

I sigh and walk towards the front of the room. I can feel Darcy's glare as though he is throwing hot coals at me.

I clear my throat and begin to sing.

Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don't they know it's the end of the world
'Cause you don't love me any more

Darcy looks at me and his glare begins to fade away. I cannot bear to look at him and look away. I focus on the wall in front of me.

Why do the birds go on singing
Why do the stars glow above
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love

But, I find myself compelled to look back at him again. He seems conflicted and stands up as though wanting to walk out of the room. But, instead stands by the wall and watches me where no one will be looking at him.

I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

I look away from Darcy. For, I am weary of not knowing where I stand with him.

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

I curtsy and smile as everyone claps. Lady Catherine smiles, "What a beautiful and unconventional voice you have, Miss Elizabeth!"

I smile, "Thank you, Lady Catherine."

I sit back down and Mr. Darcy sits next to me. He says, "It is, as you are perfectly well aware, quite impossible for you to be here."

I smile, "Not impossible, for, I am here. If you would like to, then send me back to the parsonage, for, this excursion has turned into a nightmare."

"Nightmare?"

I look away, "Yes. Nightmare."

Dinner is over and I have returned to the parsonage. I have just received news that Mr. Darcy wishes to speak to me. "Could this not have waited," I whisper to Charlotte (who has given me the message).

"It seemed urgent, Lizzy."

I sigh, "I was about to get ready for bed!"

"You ought not to keep an important man like Mr. Darcy waiting," Charlotte shakes her head.

I sigh and walk downstairs; my stomach doing flip-flops the whole time. I see Mr. Darcy standing alone in the parlor room, "You wished to speak to me, sir?"

Mr. Darcy looks away; flushed, "I am," he swallows nervously, "concerned."

"I don't quite understand."

Mr. Darcy continues; emotionally, "You came to this house knowing that you would be brought to Lady Catherine's, knowing that I would be there, knowing full well the abysmal disregard in which I hold you."

I open my mouth to speak, but, Mr. Darcy continues, "Why, when I am, as youinsist, so relentlessly unpleasant to you, do you persist in seeking me out? "

I raise an eyebrow, "But, I didn't seek you out, sir. You came to me."

"Why," he asks with a furrowed brow.

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You must know," Mr. Darcy says with desperation as his eyes glimmer in the candlelight. "I do not know why and my lack of comprehension," Mr. Darcy shuts his eyes as he chokes on his words, "is tormenting me."

"Mrs. Collins needs me," I quickly curtsy, "Good night."

Mr. Darcy swiftly walks towards me and grabs me by both shoulders. My breathing quickens as he looks into my eyes. "Are you quite sure that this is what you mean to do," I ask as he lingers there for awhile; debating.

The door to the room opens and he lets me go; I turn to see Charlotte standing there. She seems a bit shocked as he bows and walks out of the room (obviously to think some more).

"He is in love with you," Charlotte states.

"No," I shake my head, "He can't be! Not after the way he's been treating me," I look back at the way Darcy has left. "He-he can't be!"

"And yet," Charlotte smiles, "no man would have done and said what he did tonight if it were not love."

"I wish I never came here!"

Charlotte looks at me, "But, you have found out Mr. Darcy loves you and-"

"It is too intolerable!" I look away, "I will leave for home tonight."

Charlotte shakes her head, "Lizzy, you should sleep on this. If you feel the same way tomorrow-"

"I will feel the same tomorrow." I look down, "I have made up my mind."

I change my clothes and pack my belongings. The carriage is ordered for me. I hug Charlotte good-bye and tell her that I will write. She smiles, "But, now it is you that is running away."

I take in a deep breath, for, I know that she is right and I may be making a mistake. But, I need to show Mr. Darcy that, first of all, his running away has affected me and secondly, that his constant changefulness is a bit odd, for, I don't know where I stand (especially after tonight).

As my carriage dashes past the dark scenery, I hear a large crack and feel myself being hurtled around. I find that the carriage wheel has broken. "I am so wishing for roadside assistance right now," I say to myself.

I hear strange sounds and turn around to see a group of gypsies approaching me. They look at the carriage and see that there is luggage on top. But, a closer look tells me that they are not gypsies, for, they are highway men! There are three of them.

I try to run; however, one of them grabs my arm. I scream and break free as I run back towards the parsonage only to hear the rapid beating of horse hooves upon the pavement. I am lifted up and look up to see Mr. Darcy.

I am given a cup of warm tea and a blanket across my shoulders as, Mr. Darcy, paces the room back and forth. "Why would you think you could leave alone at this time of night?"

Caroline Bingley (oddly enough) looks up and states, "Darcy, do you not think you are being quite harsh."

I peer over at Caroline; confused, "I thought you would have wanted me to leave."

Caroline laughs lightly and looks away from Lady Catherine's watchful eyes, "Heavens no! I am, by no means, sympathetic to your station, however, that does not mean we cannot be acquaintances."

Lady Catherine sniffs huffily, "That is enough from you, Caroline."

Charlotte Lucas and Mr. Collins rush into the room, hastily curtsy, and dash towards me. "I should have never let you go alone," Charlotte whispers.

"So," Darcy turns towards Charlotte, "it was your doing."

I speak up, "Mr. Darcy, she had nothing to do with it. It was I who wanted to leave."

Mr. Darcy dismisses everyone, much to Lady Catherine's chagrin, and closes the door to talk in private. "Why?"

"Because," I shrug, "I wanted to!"

"You wanted to leave?"

"That was the general idea, yeah," I smile sarcastically.

"Miss Elizabeth," Darcy walks towards me and hesitates, "Could you forgive me?"

I stand up, "For what?"

"I have …," Mr. Darcy trails off. "I was wrong to separate Charles and Miss Bennet."

I look away, "Is it not too little too late?"

"Miss Bennet is not engaged," Darcy asks.

"No, she is not."

"It was shameful of me. I beg your propitiation for it." He seems like a little boy asking for forgiveness as he says, "Prove to me that I am forgiven," his eyes fill with hope and sincerity, "come to Pemberley. My sister, Georgiana, has want of company. You can stay as long as you like and we can leave now, if you would like."

Pemberley is more glorious than any movie has ever depicted! It shines when there is no sun and when there is sun it soaks it in; allowing not a single ray of sunlight to go overlooked.

I have come here at Mr. Darcy's request to be Georgiana's companion for the season. Even though my luggage has been accosted by the highway men from last night, Darcy tells me that Georgiana and I can go to town to buy some items for me. I shake my head, "No. I cannot take such liberties."

"It is not a liberty for a good friend."

I find the garden of Pemberley to be incredibly beautiful. And, I begin to take morning walks through the maze before breakfast. I see Mr. Darcy standing beside the fountain; staring forlornly into the depths of the man-made pond. I walk towards him and curtsy, "Mr. Darcy."

"Elizabeth," he takes me by the shoulders. "I have labored so long in the service of propriety."

"What would people say?" I shake my head, "You must not."

"Wherefore must I not? Who is to judge us?"

"Caroline Bingley for starters," I begin.

"You are the one I love," Mr. Darcy says with resolved seriousness.

"It has been settled," I tell Mrs. Bennet and Jane. "Jane is to marry Charles Bingley and I am to marry Mr. Darcy."

Mrs. Bennet is so happy that tears flow from her eyes, "I shall notify all of town that my eldest daughters have done so well for themselves!"

Our wedding is outdoors in the gardens of Pemberley where Darcy first declared his love. My dress is simple. It is of fine white cotton and satin. It is embroidered in satin stitch and knots down the middle of the skirt and on the bodice. I wear a veil over my face and watch the procession from the door that leads to the courtyard. I see that the priest, Darcy, and Bingley (the best man) are already waiting at altar on the right side.

Jane turns to me, "I wish that it were me!"

I smile, "It will be."

Jane, my maid of honor, makes her way to the front on the left side. I can see Bingley watching her and Jane smiling shyly as though nothing has changed. Mary, Kitty, and finally, Lydia, walk down the aisle; arm in arm with the groomsmen.

Finally, the flower girl and ring bearer come down the aisle side by side.

I take in a deep breath and hold onto Mr. Bennet's arm. Mr. Bennet looks at me, "I could not bear to let my Lizzy go. But, he is suitable for you."

I laugh nervously, "Suitable?"

It is time as I descend down the stairs towards the fountain. The orchestra begins to play. Mr. Bennet leads me to Darcy and takes his seat next to Mrs. Bennet.

I look over at Mr. Darcy and the priest begins, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Miss Elizabeth Bennet of Longbourn and Mr. Darcy of Pemberley in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Suddenly, I begin to feel as though I am being pulled away; against my will. Darcy looks at me as though confused, for, I am being pulled through a portal. People get up from their seats; screaming and Mrs. Bennet is hitting the portal with her fan; thinking that doing so will cause it to stop. Darcy takes hold of my hand, "Elizabeth? Elizabeth!"

The priest runs away; claiming that the power of Christ would compel me. Finally, I am pulled even deeper into the portal and can see the other side of my life. I see my mother, Frankie, and my best friend, Pirhana as they cry. On the other side, I see Darcy, frightened out of his mind, "No! I cannot lose you. Not now!"

I get pulled deeper into the portal and Darcy shouts, "ELIZABETH!"

He vanishes and so I have given up fighting the portal and let it suck me back into my dreary world.

My dreary existence.

I open my eyes only to find that I am staring at a white ceiling. A television is close to the ceiling; hanging on a bracket; playing the latest episode of Hollyoaks.

I see Pirhana and my mother; sleeping in armchairs across from me and I take in a deep breath. My mother wakes up and takes in a deep breath, "Thank god!" My mother rushes towards me and covers me in kisses until I have to tell her to stop for fear of suffocation. "Amanda, love," my mother brushes my bangs away from my eyes, "We were so worried."

I look down at my hands, for; I can feel a pricking pain. I notice that there is an IV in the back of my hand. I think of Darcy, all alone without me, and place my hands to my face as I begin to cry.

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