"Get over here."
"I'm comfy." Perry was curled up in his pet bed.
"Come on, Perry." Phineas tried to pick Perry up. "It's time for your walk."
"It's raining."
"Come on."
"I hate you. I really, really hate you right now. You will regret it if you take me out for a walk in the rain."
Phineas finally managed to pull Perry out of the bed. He put Perry's leash on.
"You will not make me go out there. You will forever live with guilt if you make me go out there."
Phineas walked toward the front door.
"Rain is cold. Bed is cozy and warm." Perry squirmed in Phineas' grasp.
Ferb stepped in front of the door.
"I have to take Perry for his walk." Phineas snapped. "Go away."
Ferb pointed out the window. "He won't like it in the rain. He has a litterbox."
If there was any benefit to the fight between the two boys, it was the fact that Ferb was speaking more.
"He's a platypus. They're semi-aquatic. They LOVE water."
Phineas was right. Perry did love water. But not when it was cold and rainish.
"They don't like cold water. They're from Australia, you know. The water there is usually warm."
"Well, look who's so smart all of a sudden!" Phineas put Perry down on the ground.
"Look who never cares to LISTEN to me!"
"Look who moved out of our room so I COULDN'T listen even if I wanted to!"
"Look who KICKED ME OUT of our room!"
"It was my room first!"
"Boys!" Linda ran into the room. "That's it. You two are going to take a break."
Phineas and Ferb turned their backs to each other.
"Your father and I have decided this spat has gone on for too long. We're taking a trip to the beach house."
"What about Perry?" Phineas mumbled.
"Isabella has agreed to come and feed him daily. Now pack your bags." Linda shooed them upstairs.
Perry padded back to his pet bed. He realized he was still wearing his leash.
Perry chewed on the leash. It was nice texture.
Finally, he managed to bite through. Only a small piece of the leash remained on his collar.
Perry lay down in the pet bed and closed his eyes.
It was warm. Not like the stupid old rain outside.
"Why won't she let us in?"
"Because she wants to be the first one to see it hatch."
"I remember when I hatched. Both of you got to see me hatch."
"But Poppy's being possessive of this egg. We'll wait out here, Pal."
Palmer sighed. He sat down and stared at the closed door that led to the kitchen. "It took me two seconds to hatch."
"Maybe this baby's not as strong as you were."
"Maybe King Penguin Epic Man is mocking us." Palmer sighed again. And again.
"Why are you doing that?"
"Because maybe sighing will make the baby hatch faster."
"It won't." Perry sat down on the couch. "Find some way to entertain yourself."
"Okay! Saw a walnut, saw a walnut…"
"Palmer, why are you singing about a walnut?"
"Because you're allergic to them. Also, it sounds better than peanut. Saw a walnut last night, saw a walnut, saw a walnut, saw a walnut last night. It looked rotten, it looked rotten…"
"Palmer, please, no more annoying songs."
"It looked rotten last night, it looked rotten…"
Perry had his hands over his ears.
"Then I died, then I died, then I died last night! Then I died, then I died, then I died last night! I was a ghost, I was a ghost, I was a ghost last night!"
"AKKK!" Perry stuffed his head underneath the couch cushion. But he could still hear Palmer.
The door to the kitchen flew open. "She's hatched!" Poppy said.
"She? It's a girl?" Palmer asked.
"Yes."
"Aw man. Now we have to name it King Penguin Epic Woman." Palmer went into the kitchen.
Perry cautiously pulled his head out from the couch. "She couldn't have hatched like five verses ago?"
"Come on." Poppy gestured for him to follow her.
In the kitchen, the baby platypus was sitting on top of eggshell remains. "Bluurb." She said to Palmer.
"She's cute." Perry said.
"Was I cute?" Asked Palmer.
"Yes, and it was a good thing, too, because you were a handful." Poppy said fondly.
"He still is." Perry said under his breath.
The baby platypus stared at them. "Blurb! Blurb blurb blurb."
"You mean 'Gnakakakakakakka'." Palmer chattered.
"Blurb." The platypus said.
"Barely hatched and she already has a favorite word." Perry commented.
"What should her name be?" Poppy asked.
"King Penguin Epic Woman!" Said Palmer.
"Maybe something shorter." Poppy said gently.
Palmer thought for a while.
"You have any ideas?" Poppy asked Perry.
"I'm terrible with names."
"What about Pamela?" Palmer asked. "It starts with P."
"That could work." Poppy looked at Perry.
Perry shrugged. "I'm fine with it."
"Okay then. Welcome, Pamela." Poppy said.
"Blurb." Said Pamela.
"We're gonna have some interesting conversations." Palmer said sarcastically.
"Blurb."
"What's she like?" Devon the dog asked.
"She's small. And teal-colored. And she's basically a clone of Poppy."
"Is she cute?"
"Yep. All she says is blurb."
"Blurb?"
"Yep."
"You don't seem too excited."
Perry sat down in his chair. "I would be if Monogram was. I feel like I failed him by having Pamela."
"You didn't. It was your choice."
"He wasn't even happy for me. Why should I feel guilty about giving life to a platypus?"
"You shouldn't. Monogram's been in SUCH a bad mood lately. He called me fat."
"Seriously?"
"Well, he called me 'Chubby Friend of Mine', but that's the same thing as fat. It just sounds cuter."
"I hope Pam isn't as rowdy as Palmer. I love Pal, but having two of him would seriously explode my brain."
Devon laughed. "I haven't been in your lair in a while."
"It's nice, I guess." Perry shrugged. "It's like a second home."
"I bet you'd hate it if something happened to it-" Devon began.
There was a huge explosion. Perry and Devon leapt out of the way as the wall and ceiling caved in.
Perry stared at the rubble in shock.
"Sorry, Agent P!" Carl said, appearing in the dust cloud that floated in the space where the wall had once been. "One of the new recruits accidentally set off a time bomb."
"Explodey!" Said a baby narwhal, clapping his flippers.
Perry stared at Carl, then at the narwhal. His eyes slowly filled with tears.
He ran for the door. Carl ran after him, calling for him to calm down.
Pinky opened the door to Perry's room in the medical wing. He quietly approached his friend's bed.
"Why are you in here?"
Perry pulled the white sheets over his head. "I'm sick."
"I happen to know you aren't. Monogram said your temperature was normal and that everything was working properly."
"I have a stomachache."
"Come on, Perry. What's wrong?"
"What's WRONG? Where do I start? Phineas and Ferb aren't friends anymore, I lost a huge promotion, my second favorite place in the world just exploded, Monogram thinks I'm rebelling against him… I don't want to talk, Pinky." Perry poked his head out from under the cloth.
"Talking always helps me feel better."
"Well, I'm not you."
"Lying around pretending you're sick isn't going to change anything."
"Neither is getting up, walking around, dancing to Tiny Cowboy, thwarting Doofenshmirtz or eating pie."
"Speaking of eating pie, have you eaten anything today?"
"I'm not hungry."
"Why don't you go and do something?"
"Do what? Everything I do is wrong. I always mess up. I can't do anything right."
"That's not true."
"I can't. I never will be able to."
"You really need to get up."
"Two days in bed hasn't killed me. A few more won't hurt."
"Perry, you need to get up. You're not a failure. You're the best agent this agency has ever had."
"You're saying that to make me feel better. It's not working. Go away. I want to be alone."
"You've been alone long enough."
"I like it. Go away."
Pinky sighed. He turned away from Perry and left the room.
Perry pulled the sheets back over his head.
Perry stuffed a few old soft toys into a huge bag. They were followed by his memory box and his fedora.
"You're up."
Perry glanced at Pinky, who stood beside him. "I guess." He responded.
"So, you're feeling better?"
Perry didn't answer. He pulled a tuxedo out from his closet and shoved it into the bag.
"You making a memory BAG now?" Pinky asked.
Perry put a toilet plunger into the bag.
"Let me guess. You used that toilet plunger the first time you ever plunged a toilet."
Perry finally came to the last thing in his closet. A scrapbook. It had a picture of him on the front as a baby.
Perry stared at it for a moment, then thrust it into the bag with a huge force. He pulled the bag closed and shut the door to his closet.
"What's the bag for?" Pinky asked.
Perry didn't meet Pinky's gaze. "I'm taking it home."
"Why?"
"There's no use coming back here."
Pinky stared at Perry in shock. "But… Doofenshmirtz. You have to come here to get your missions…"
"Not anymore. I quit."