Phineas put Perry down on top of a heating pad and wrapped a blanket around him. "Is that comfortable? Is the heat helping your tummy?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Do you need anything? Like water?"
"Nah. I'm fine. I'll just snooze, if it's all right with you."
"I just want everything to be perfect." Phineas said.
"This is perfect. I'm happy you're here. Don't worry. I'll be fine."
Phineas smiled at him.
"I brought books." Ferb said, putting a pile of books down by Perry. "And some of them are ones about going to the hospital."
"Ferb, you didn't steal those from the doctor's office, did you?"
"Of course not. Doctor Wallace gave them to me."
"Why didn't he give ME any?"
"Maybe because you kicked him through the wall when he tested your reflexes."
Phineas thought for a minute. "Huh. Maybe that had SOMETHING to do with it."
Ferb opened one of the books. He handed it to Phineas.
Phineas cleared his throat. "Going to the hospital. When people get sick, they sometimes are so sick that they need to go to the hospital." He showed Perry the picture in the book and continued reading. "The doctors at the hospital work very very hard to help all of the people that go there. Some people need special medicine. Some people need some shots. But all of those things help the people get better. Sometimes, however, even if a doctor tries really, really hard, the patient…" Phineas stopped reading.
"Come on! I want to hear what happens next!" Perry joked.
"Um… let's pick a happier book." Phineas picked up a different one. "Awesome Alpaca Goes To The Doctor."
"Wouldn't it be 'Awesome Alpaca Goes To The Vet'? Or does this alpaca think he's so cool and awesome that animal doctors are beyond him?"
"Awesome Alpaca loves going to the doctor. He gets a lollipop every time because he is always on his best behavior. The end." Phineas searched the back of the book. "What kind of book has only two pages in it?"
"The boring kind." Perry said.
"I wish we could build you something that would get rid of that sore." Phineas said. "I don't like the idea of them… well… having to go inside your stomach."
"I don't either, but my stomach hurts so bad that I'm willing to allow them to do so. It hurts worse than the time I ate Ferb's shoe."
Ferb slowly looked down at his shoe, then back at Perry.
"Don't worry. Monogram washed it off."
Ferb still looked suspicious.
"Let's watch some TV." Phineas said. He switched on the television.
"Weekend, weekend, hey everybody it's the weekend!"
"Look, it's Kendrine Adems's latest music video!" Ferb said.
"Make it stop!" Perry shouted.
Phineas changed the channel.
"And now, the platypus channel." Said the TV. "A channel designed specifically for platypuses, filled with footage platypuses love so."
"This sounds promising." Perry said.
Video clips of worms and insects filled the screen. Then a clip of a stream. Then a clip of more worms.
"This is gross." Phineas said.
"I like it." Perry said. "It's soothing. It's like watching a cooking at home show or something."
"Have you ever lived in a river?" Phineas asked.
Perry shook his head. "I've lived with you guys my whole life. Well, almost my whole life. When I was born, I lived in a zoo. Then I got you."
"We're the best." Ferb said.
"Indeed you are. I'm happy with the way things turned out."
"We aren't going to see you for a whole week." Phineas said sadly.
"Let's make the most of the time we have, then." Perry smiled.
"Are you comfortable?" Monogram asked.
Perry nodded.
"Need me to get you anything? Water? Blankets?"
Perry shook his head.
"All right, then. A doctor may come in to look at you. If you like, you can watch something… or talk to your roommate." Monogram left.
Perry looked over at the animal in the bed near his. It was a Yorkshire terrier. She appeared to be wearing dark eyeliner.
"Hey. I'm Dana. Why are you in here?" She asked.
"Something's wrong with my stomach."
"Mm. Too bad."
"You?"
"Not much. I broke my leg. And my foot. And my shoulder. And I had to get stitches on my hip and chin. And I have a headache. And a non-contagious cold."
"Wow. I'm so sorry."
"It isn't your fault." Dana pulled out a laptop and started typing on it. "There's no internet connection in this blasted hospital. How am I supposed to check my email?"
"Uh… I'm sorry."
"And my television doesn't work. I guess it's just as well, because my head's throbbing like crazy."
"I hope you feel better."
"Save your hope for yourself. It'll probably take me weeks to recover. What the heck? My DVD isn't even showing up on this thing."
Perry didn't bother to respond. He leaned back against the pillows.
At least the agency's hospital was comfortable. The pillows were nice and fluffy, and the blankets kept him nice and warm. If his stomach wasn't hurting so bad, and he wasn't stuck in a room with the world's most negative terrier, everything would be perfect.
The door to their room opened. A man in a white coat entered.
"Hey there." He said. "I'm Doctor Big. No need to worry, I'm a professional. I'm just going to look you over."
"Twelve people have looked me over this morning alone." Perry groaned.
"You'll get used to it." Dana said.
"No BONES about it, I'm the best doctor around!" Doctor Big said. He started to laugh.
Perry stared at him.
"Nothing?" Doctor Big asked. "Nothing? Not even a little chuckle? Really?"
Perry looked away.
"Okay. Well… I'll need to take that blanket off so I can have a look at your belly."
Perry pushed the blankets away. Doctor Big began poking at his belly.
"Guess what the carrot said to the orange?" Doctor Big said. "Come on, guess."
"I'm a stupid vegetable called a carrot?" Perry mumbled.
"Orange I glad I'm pointy and not round!" Doctor Big started to laugh again. "Oh man. That one always cracks me up."
Dana put her pillow over her ears.
"All right. I'm done here." Doctor Big covered Perry back up with the blanket. "Hey, why was six afraid of seven?"
"Because he kept telling him lame jokes and didn't stop until the end of time." Perry said wearily.
"Because seven eight nine! Ha ha ha ha!" Doctor Big left the room in a fit of laughter.
"If I could get up, I'd stick a bolt on that door." Dana said.
Perry had just been thinking the same thing.
Perry woke to the sound of the Flea Waltz.
"BUM BUM BUM, CRASH CRASH! BUM BUM BUM, CRASH CRASH!"
Perry sat up instantly. "What the…"
A huge marching band burst through the door, followed by Devon the dog, Pinky the Chihuahua, Darren the duck, Ferdinand the frog, Bernie the bear and Peter the panda.
"Like our 'Get Well' present?" Pinky asked, putting a box of chocolates on Perry's bedside table. "I found out too late that you couldn't actually digest anything other than clear liquids for the time being… but you can always eat the chocolates later! And you can always smell them, too. Mmm."
"Guys… what IS this?"
Peter tried to answer, but the marching band was still blasting the Flea Waltz as loud as it could.
"WE MADE YOU A CARD!" Darren shouted.
"WHAT?" Perry called back.
"WE MADE YOU A CARD!"
"SHE PAID TO A YARD?"
"A CARD! WE MADE YOU…" Darren began using his hands to act out his sentence. "A CARD!"
"OH. THANK YOU."
Darren brought it over. A picture of the agency was drawn on the front.
Perry opened the card up. The inside said, "Get well soon! Love from Pinky, Carrie, Devon, Darren, Peter, Ferdinand, Kyle, Ernest, Bernie, Terry, Sergei, Brandon…"
Perry had to flip the card over to read the rest of the names. Pretty much everyone in the agency had signed it.
"CAN WE PLEASE TURN THE MUSIC OFF?" Perry yelled. "IT'S MAKING MY HEAD HURT."
"WHAT?" Devon asked.
"TURN THE FLEA WALTZ OFF!"
"OH." Devon waved his paws, and the marching band stopped.
"Thank you." Perry breathed.
"So, how are you feeling?" Darren asked.
"Kind of sick. And really tired."
"Don't worry." Devon patted his head. "We'll take good care of you."
"And don't worry about work. Sergei took over for you again." Peter said. "Like he did that one time. And that other time. And that other time."
"Don't you remember, though?" Devon said. "During THAT other time, Rocky the raccoon took over for Perry."
"I thought that was that other time." Peter said.
"No, it was for sure that other time." Devon said.
"Guys. Rocky took over for me when I had that snakebite. Case closed." Perry lay back down.
"Are you feeling sleepy?" Pinky asked. "We could read you a story."
Perry shook his head. "No. You don't have to."
"Of course we do! We're your friends." Bernie opened up a book and started reading. "Once upon a time, there were three adorable, highly intelligent, wonderful, kindly bears."
"That's not what it says." Ferdinand said.
"Hush, Ferdinand. I'm reading. So, one day, the bears went out for a walk, when an evil, stupid little girl named Goldilocks decided to BREAK INTO their house and STEAL all of their food and VANDALIZE their chairs and then sleep in their bed like a CRAZY STALKER. So the bears chased her away. The end."
"That's not what it says." Peter said. "You forgot the part about Super Panda. He comes in and saves the day."
"Why do bears get all the action?" Devon asked. "Where are the dogs?"
"Yeah, where do we come in?" Pinky asked.
"Dogs are awesome!" Dana piped up from her bed, where she had been quietly reading.
"And don't forget me!" Ferdinand said.
"Or ducks!" Said Darren.
Perry moaned and covered his face with his blanket.
"Aw. He must really be sick." Pinky said. "Don't worry, Perry. Monogram will make sure you get better."
"Guys… no offense… but I really just want to sleep right now."
"None taken! We can be quiet." Said Pinky.
"No, we can't." Said Peter.
"Let's play the silent game." Devon said. "3… 2… 1…"
There was silence.
Then a giggle from Ferdinand.
"Ferdinand loses!" Shouted Peter.
"Peter loses!" Shouted Devon.
"Devon loses!" Said Darren.
"QUIET!" Perry snapped.
Everyone fell silent.
"Sorry, Perry." Pinky whispered. "Get some rest."