After much thought, here is another installment. I'm not sure how I feel about this "letter", so feedback would be greatly appreciated. Also, I want to thank AlongTheBinding for providing me with so many great ideas, which I plan to use in future letters and to structure this whole thing. So thank you!
Hey,
Pony and Darry are going at again, this has got to be the third time this week. Pony's got a big ole' track meet this weekend, but Darry won't get off his back 'bout studying for some English test. Lord, and you better believe Pony gave it right back to him. At least this time I wasn't asked to side with neither of 'em. I hate that. Having to choose who's right and who ain't, especially between my brothers. Quite frankly, I'm getting real sick of it. Do they not notice that I don't wanna take no sides? Or that I don't think neither of them is right? Hell, they don't listen anyway. They're too caught up tryin' to get underneath each other's skin. Just the other day, I was fixing on telling Darry 'bout this tuff Mustang Steve and me have been fixing up down at the DX, and he don't even listen to the first two words before he's hollering at Ponyboy again. Darry needs to lay off Pony, but Pony needs to understand that Darry ain't superman, though he may act like it. But I am tired of being overlooked. How come Darry don't pressure me to do good? It's almost like he can't see me. I want him to holler at me when I screw up, and tell me I'm not working enough hours down at the DX, and to stop staying out so late. Goddamn, I just want him to acknowledge me! Why doesn't he listen to me? Why doesn't Pony ask if I'm okay?
Pony sees me, sees right through me, missing everything in the middle. He's always asking me for advice, but every time I'm fixing to go and talk to him, I get pushed aside. Pony, he's a smart kid, smarter than I'll every be, so can't he see that I am dying inside? That every time him and Darry yank me between 'em I can't stand lookin' at neither of them? I know that they're hurting because of mom and dad, but hell, I'm hurting too. I comfort Pony when he gets his nightmares; I quit school to pay the bills with Darry, so why am I forced to hurt all by my lonesome? Ain't they concerned why I am so quiet? Why I spend so much time at the gas station? Because being at home hurts too much. Sometimes it feels like I just can't take it anymore.
There is only one person in this wide world that understands me and listens to what I got to say; Sandy. Shoot, one time, Sandy stayed up all night with me, just listening to me goin' off about Darry and Pony and missing my folks. And she just sat there, running her hands through my hair, telling me that everything will turn out alright in the end. Sandy's got this crazy way of making everything seem like it's gonna be alright. I love her. I love her so much. I once tried telling Darry 'bout how much I loved Sandy, but he must've been too busy thinkin' about bills and roofing, because he didn't hear I word I got to say. I guess paying the bills and keeping me and Ponyboy is more important than my loving Sandy. I guess there are a lot of things more important than what I got to say…It ain't fair. I shouldn't have to keep it all bottled up inside me like this. Maybe I could tell you all about Sandy and my folks sometime, you'd listen. Right?
Wishing you the best,
Sodapop Curtis