A/N: Viva here! This chapter is for Purestrongpoem, the lucky 100th reviewer! This is a very interesting chapter in that I wrote the first half while Epic wrote the second (if you can spot where I stopped and Epic began, you are a genius of the highest degree). Not to mention that the fourth wall gets shattered beyond repair. XD
P.S. Here's a hint: If you know me and my OTP really well you'll be able to figure out where I start.
Hungary left Japan to guard the room while she went to fix the fourth wall and apologize to the writers (we are NOT lazy!) Before leaving she warned, "Remember, if anyone tries to leave…" Everyone shivered as she ran a finger across her throat in warning before closing the door behind them.
"Well then, what should we do while we wait?" England asked.
America's eyes brightened, "We could sing! You know-" his chest puffed out as he inhaled loudly before singing, "ONE THOUSAND BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, ONE THOUSAND BOTTLES OF BEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"
"Shut UP!"
"Don't you dare!"
"Sit down!"
America pouted as the others protested loudly and sat down dejectedly, "Okay, okay, it was just a suggestion. Anyone else have any ideas?" He smirked slightly as everyone looked away and offered no alternative. "Ha! That's what I thought-"
"I've got one: We could use you as a human piñata and beat you with a large stick," a voice from farther down the table called. Everyone turned to look at the dark haired, dark skinned woman who sat there.
Japan looked at her in surprise. "Mexico-san, you usuarry don't attend these meetings."
Mexico flicked her dark hair over a shoulder. "Well, I decided to come this time, and I'm sure glad I did." She waved a small camera in the air and grinned wickedly.
Romano (who was no longer broken) glared at her. "Are you saying that you've been taking pictures of us this whole time?!"
Pure condescension dripped from Mexico's voice. "Obviously, you pasta-eating fool."
The South Italian banged a hand on the table and shot back, "Cazzo!"
"Burro," Mexico replied easily.
"Putana!"
"Pendejo!"
"Vaffanculo!"
"Oh yeah?! CHINGA TU MADRE!" Mexico screamed. All the Spanish speaking countries gasped and America (who could also speak Spanish) yelled, "Oh snap!"
A dark aura formed around Romano and he growled, "What. Did. You. Say. About. My. Mother?"
An equally dark aura formed around Mexico, only hers was dark red and crackled with magic. "You heard me." she answered.
A deadly silence followed in which she reached for her machete while Romano kept a hand on his gun (don't ask how they got their weapons in unnoticed). The inevitable fight was broken off as the doors banged open so suddenly that it made even Japan jump.
Hungary stood in the doorway with a triumphant grin and a terrified-looking girl in tow. The girl was fairly tall, but you couldn't tell since Hungary was basically dragging her inside the room. England choked on his tea and spluttered, "H-Hungary, why the bloody hell are you dragging a defenseless girl in here?!"
The girl spoke up, brushing some of her long black hair out of her face and straightening her glasses. "Actually, I'm here to receive my prize…?" She looked up at Hungary questioningly and the nation nodded back at her.
"That's right, this is Purestrongpoem, the one hundredth reviewer!" Everyone gasped as a hole opened in the ceiling and confetti fell over the table.
"First a disco ball, now this?!" England grumbled, picking bits of confetti out of his hair.
Mexico looked up suddenly. "Oh, I remember Scotland telling me he once added some…modifications to this place when we were drinking a couple of weeks ago!"
"Da! I remember that!" Russia agreed.
"WHAT?!"
Hungary pulled out her frying pan. "Focus, everyone! This is important!" Japan nodded and approached their guest.
"Who wourd you rike to pray the pocky game with, Purestrongpoem?"
A blush crept up her cheeks and she stuttered, "O-oh, you can just call me Pure for short. U-um, I'd like to play the pocky game with…Cadrgmrmph…"
Everyone leaned in closer. "What did you say? I couldn't hear you," Hungary asked. Pure got even redder and whispered inaudibly in reply. Raising a trembling hand she pointed once to Canada before covering her face with them both.
"CANADA?" shouted everybody ever.
"FOR REALS?!" shouted America, jumping onto the table in one fell swoop. "WHY NOT ME?! EVERYONE KNOWS I'M THE HERO!"
"I'M THE HOTTEST, THOUGH!" cried Prussia, shoving America off of the table. Gilbird landed on the albino's shoulder and chirped a threat at America, who had landed on, of all people, Russia. Again.
"I'M CANONICALLY THE SEXIEST!" cried Spain, standing up and flailing a tomato wildly.
"You're also canonically MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND," shouted Romano, grabbing Spain by the belt and yanking him back into his seat.
"Oh yeah."
"You want to play the Pocky Game with me...?" Canada asked softly, cuddling Kuma-something-or-other and blushing slightly.
Pure nodded emphatically, face turning bright red when she made contact with Canada's light violet eyes.
"Wow... I feel so honored," said Canada. He stood up and walked toward her, taking her hand and leading her gently into the middle of the table. Pure blushed as he leaned toward her, presumably to ask what flavor pocky she wanted.
"Russia, stop tickling me, I want to see Canada and Pure play!" America said loudly in his uke voice.
"I'm not tickling you~!" Russia said happily. "That's my scarf!"
America's face grew deathly pale. "Your... your... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" He jumped from Russia's lap and ran, screaming, from the room, Russia's long pinkish scarf slithering after him like Voldemort's manly bits.
Canada and Pure had not noticed the similarity between Russia's scarf and Voldemort's penis, though. They were too busy noticing the similarity between the way they both snacked on the pocky. Neither of them even moved, really. The pocky just sort of... disintegrated and made them move their faces closer together, which was kind of boring for everyone to watch, especially since Hungary didn't like straight ships.
But Canada and Pure didn't care. They were both too busy shyly trying to examine the other when they thought the other wasn't looking, which is kind of hard when you're separated by only a couple inches.
They did it again, but this time their eyes met. Immediately their faces went red and they turned their heads away, effectively causing them both to lose the pocky game.
"OH, C'MON! THAT WAS THE LAMEST POCKY GAME EVER!" shouted Romano, standing up in his seat.
"YOU AND SPAIN WERE THE ONES WHO BLOODY RAN OFF!" shouted England, also standing up.
"BATTLE OF THE TSUNDERES," shouted Hungary, who hadn't even been paying attention before. "By the way, who lost?"
"THEY BOTH DID," shouted Romano and England at the same time.
"DON'T SAY WHAT I SAY," they both shouted again, causing them both to blush and look hurriedly away.
"You both lost?" Hungary said with a light frown. "That's kind of lame." She shrugged. "Okay, moving on! Canada and Pure both lost, meaning that Pure has to get the fuck out now!"
"YEAH!" Romano said, who hadn't heard anything but the swear word.
"I don't mean to be rude when I say that, dear," Hungary told Pure as she led the blushing girl out. "I mean that you should politely get the fuck out!"
"YEAH," shouted Romano in agreement once again.
"Romanito, you should be quiet now," Spain told him softly.
"Okay."
Japan turned away from everyone else, toward the screen. "Stay tuned," he said.
Somewhere in the real world…
Two girls hovered over their individual computer screens, studying the countries gathered around the table. They both shivered as Japan's expressionless eyes stared back at them.
"He knows…He knows we're watching." Viva whispered. She clutched Epic's shoulder. "WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!"
Epic rolled her eyes. "Ignore him, it's not like he can do anything. Besides, we've got more ships to write."
Viva smiled, placated for now. "Okey-doke!"
A/N: Aaaaaaaaand that's it. XD I'm sorry Purestrongpoem, this ended up being very crackish.
Don't be sorry, it was mostly me.
Also, I am NOT going to translate what Romano and Mexico yelled at each other. All you need to know is that they both have potty mouths. Man, what on earth did Spain teach his colonies?!