"Beckett," she answered wearily, deciding she shouldn't really ignore it just incase it was the boys with news of a body drop. It was early evening and she'd finally got home after wandering aimlessly round Central Park after Castle had stormed off. She knew she should probably eat something but the thought of food made her stomach turn.

"For someone who had the afternoon off work you don't sound very pleased about it." Lanie sounded rather chirpy as she teased Kate. "Anyway, drinks tonight? I've actually cut out on time for once and I was thinking of making the most of it.."

"Uh..no, sorry, Lanie," Beckett refused. "I'm tired and I think I'm just going to have a bath and get an early night." The last thing she wanted was to have to go out and pretend to be happy, after her disastrous meeting with Castle, she was surprised she was still functioning properly.

"Oh, okay," Lanie replied. "You sure you're alright?"

"Fine, Lanie, just tired." Oldest lie in the book. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She didn't wait for a reply before cutting off the call and tossing her phone somewhere amongst the cushions on the sofa. She doubted very much if Lanie believed her but that wasn't her biggest problem right now, working out how to get Castle to ever speak to her again took precedence.

She was contemplating kidnap when a knock came at her door. Frowning slightly as she dragged herself off the couch, she racked her brain as to who could be at her door. Opening it, she found Lanie.

"Obviously I didn't believe you when you said you were fine so I stopped off at that pizza place a couple blocks away and brought chocolate and wine," Lanie said as she walked in without waiting for a hello. "So you can either tell me what's wrong or just eat the food and not say a word but I'm not leaving this apartment until I've seen you eat a decent amount of pizza and drink a glass of wine."

"I said I was fine, Lanie," Kate sighed, "and I meant it, okay? I don't need a pity party."

"I know you don't," Lanie said simply. "Just thought you might want some company."

That was it, the frustration of the afternoon came to a head and Kate snapped. "What I want is Castle!" She shouted. "What I want is to go back in time and change so much, change the whole summer after I got shot so that I don't have to spend every single day miserable as hell, beating myself up for the way I've acted and the things I've done. I don't deserve him and I know that but that doesn't mean I want him any less!"

"Well, that's a start," Lanie smirked, "that's the most passionate you've ever sounded about it, I'm impressed."

"I'm sorry, Lanie," Kate sighed, "I shouldn't have snapped, none of this is your fault."

"It's fine," Lanie rassured. "You're upset and angry and I get it. And I know you, you keep everything bottled up and never talk about it, if you're getting angry at me then so be it, I can take it, I know you don't really mean it."

"You're the best friend ever, you know that?" Kate asked and Lanie smiled, pouring them both a large glass of wine.

"So, you wanna talk about it?" Lanie asked as they settled on the sofa with pizza and wine.

"Who are you, my therapist?" Kate grumbled. Truth was, she didn't know if she wanted to tell Lanie. Explain how once again she'd managed to screw things up beyond repair, not knowing if she'd ever even see him again except on the back of a book jacket.

"Depends, do you tell your therapist how you're really feeling?"

"Yes. Sometimes." She was seeing him tomorrow and she still hadn't decided if she should tell him about what had happened, he'd only worry it was going to completely undo all the work she'd done into getting herself back on track. Lanie would help though, wouldn't she? "I uh..saw Castle today.." She began.

"Oh sweetie," Lanie whispered. "I'm judging by the mood you're in it didn't go well?"

"No," Kate replied, fighting back the tears. "It was okay at first, we made small talk and for a split second, I actually thought we had a chance, that we would be able to make this work and move on.."

"What happened?"

"I was trying to explain why I hadn't called all summer and it sort of slipped out that I remembered what he said when I was shot.."

"Oh honey," Lanie soothed. "I take it he got angry?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "Couldn't believe I'd lied about it and then asked if me I was just calling him because I was single again."

"You told him you and Josh broke up?"

"Yeah. Probably not the right time, I guess I can see why he'd think that..I never got round to telling him we actually broke up months ago." She let the tears fall now, seeing no use in keeping them back - it's not like Lanie would mind the tears anyway.

"He loves you," Lanie told her, "I think that makes it harder for him, you're not just partners anymore, it's so much more than that and I think he just needs to realise how much he needs you."

"He's better off without me," Kate said quietly, tears still streaming down her face. "He deserves so much better than this..someone who can be exactly what he needs instead of a screwed up mess who can't even tell the truth when it counts."

"That's what you see," Lanie said, "but to everyone else you're the most beautiful, kind hearted and incredible person. Yes, you've made mistakes but you can admit that and that's what matters."

"Since when have you been my biggest fan?" Kate grumbled, "just earlier you were telling me I needed to move on."

"Oh sweetie, I never meant it like that! Goodness knows I've been rooting for you and Castle to get together since day one, you know that..I just..I want you to be happy, Kate. And I know you and Castle are perfect for each other but since you've come back..I've never seen you like this and I know it's because of how much you love him. I guess I was just trying to subtly tell you that it might not work out how you want it to.."

"Work I guess you were right," Kaye replied, huffing out a laugh. "But..I can't give up, Lanie. I know it's ridiculous and I doubt he's ever going to talk to me ever again but it's him or no one, and because of that I'm going to keep trying, keep working on making myself the best I can be and try my hardest to be what he deserves."

"Okay honey, I hear ya," Lanie smiled. "And I understand, okay? No matter what, I'll be here for you, whether it's to bring you wine and chocolate when you've had a fight and I'll still be there when the two of you get married, okay?"

"Lanie, he's possibly never going to talk to me again, I don't think marriage is an option!"

"He'll come around," Lanie said, "he can't resist you."

"I guess I just have to hope you're right," Kate replied reaching for the chocolate. There was no other option, it was Castle or spend the rest of her life alone.

"Are you sure about this?" Alexis asked. The phone call from her dad had surprised her to say the least, she'd never expected him to actually agree to move to LA with her, it was a big decision to make.

"Yes, Alexis, for the hundredth time, I'm sure," Castle said. He was going ahead with it, moving to California with his daughter..it scared the life out of him but what was life without a little risk? He needed a fresh start, somewhere away from his life here, something new. "Wait, are you sure you still want me to?"

"Yes daddy, of course I do!" Alexis laughed, "I just never thought you would and I want to make sure you're doing this for you and not just for me."

"I'd do anything for you, you know that but no, I want to do this. I need to do this, if I want to move on and be happy again."

"You we're happy when you were working with detective Beckett," Alexis whispered, bravely bringing up the one person they'd carefully avoided mentioning for almost two months.

"Yeah well, things change, Alexis, people change. Beckett lied to me and seemed perfectly happy to spend three months acting as if the past three years hadn't happened, I don't need to be around that anymore."

"Okay," his daughter replied, knowing when to stop. "Oh daddy I'm so excited!"

"Me too, Pumpkin, me too." In all honesty, he wasn't that excited but he'd never tell his daughter that, she didn't need to be worrying about him being sure about moving. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was just that leaving this city behind might not be the best idea..he loved it here and leaving would be hard, but it was the only thing he could think of to get over Beckett, the only way he could properly move on with his life.

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