A/N: this was supposed to be posted yesterday, but after the site taking down one of my stories, I wasn't allowed to post for 48 hours, sorry!

Huge thank you for all of the reviews so far, it's been amazing to hear your thoughts!

Glancing down at the letter Martha had passed to her, Kate opened it up and began to read.

My dearest Kate,

If you're reading this it's because you've found out I have moved to California. Though given that I gave this to my mother for safekeeping, I would assume that if you're reading it then it's because you've come looking for me, which I guess is a good thing.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was moving, but it was easier this way, packing everything up and leaving without telling anyone, less fuss that way - yes, I know what you're thinking, but I can do things without making a fuss, you know!

Things between us..well, we both know they haven't been the same since your shooting and one of the biggest regrets of my life is not telling you sooner that I love you. Because I do, Kate, I love you so much but some things just aren't meant to be and I guess this is one of them.

I'd love to say it was because of the summer you didn't call but I know I can't blame it solely on that, we've both screwed up, it just so happened that this was the final nail in the coffin, for me, anyway.

There is one thing I need you know though: the past three years have been some of the best of my life. Working with you and the guys over at the 12th is an experience I'll never, ever forget and for that I will be eternally grateful. You're the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating woman I have ever met in my life and our partnership is one of the best things that ever happened to me, so I have to thank you for that.

One day, you're going to find a man who makes you happy and who you make happy in return and that man is going to be the luckiest man on earth.

Goodbye, Kate, and never forget that I will always love you.

Rick.

Finishing the letter, Kate realised there were tears in her eyes, threatening to spill over any second. If she was honest, her anger had dissipated, overtaken by feelings of despair. The man she loved was living on the other side of the country to get over her and it was breaking her heart because all she had to do was be honest with him and she'd left it too late and now he was gone.

"Martha.." She whispered, glancing up at the older woman.

"Oh Katherine, dear," Martha said, sitting beside her to give her a hug. "What's he gone and done this time?"

"I..you don't know?" Beckett asked in confusion. She would have thought Castle would have explained everything to his mother before he left, surely she would have asked for some sort of an explanation.

"Well, he told me the basics, that you were back after your shooting but he was angry that you hadn't called. But apart from that, he didn't really tell me much, just that he needed to move on and going with Alexis to California was the easiest way to do that," Martha explained.

"That's Castle, always trying to spare my feelings when everything is my fault," Kate replied with a shaky laugh. Martha needed to hear the truth, she wouldn't be so warm then. "What Castle hasn't told you is that I lied after my shooting, I remember everything - including Castle telling me he loved me." If Martha was shocked, she didn't show it. "I was scared..I loved him, still do, but I wasn't ready, not for what he deserved and that's something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. The one time he needed me to be honest and tell him how I felt, I didn't and it's ruined everything. I didn't call all summer and turned up expecting to pick up where we'd left off, which now that I come to think about was ridiculous and Castle was right to call me out on it but it still hurts."

"Sounds to me like the two of you need to talk more often," Martha said wisely. "The last three years you've worked together, getting by the best you could, avoiding any conversations that might change anything you had..but maybe this time it was one missed conversation too far?"

"I know," Kate whispered, "you're right, I know that but we can't change what we did. I've been trying and trying to get him to listen to me, to apologise for everything I've done but it's no use, he'd made his mind up and I wasn't a part of his future."

"If it's any consolation, dear, I think he made the wrong decision by moving away. What the two of you need is to sit down and talk things through, no matter how long it takes and just fight it out. Yes, there'll be screaming and shouting but that's what you both need, to get it all out and move on. One thing I'm sure of Katherine, is that my Richard loves you like he's never loved anyone and running away from it isn't going to stop those feelings he has for you."

"You really think he still loves me?"

"Of course I do!" Martha exclaimed. "And if I'm not mistaken, you love him, too."

"I do," Kate nodded, "so much."

"Then it seems to me that you need to find a way to get him to listen to what you have to say."

After her talk with Martha, Kate left and headed over to see Lanie, knowing her friend would be the best person to talk to right now. She wasn't angry anymore, just upset that things had come to this. She knew he wasn't happy with the way she had acted, he'd made that perfectly clear but she had never expected this to happen, him moving to California was the last thing she would have guessed he'd do.

One thing she did hope though was that he hadn't made his decision based in the fact that she had stopped calling so much the last couple of weeks. She had been tying to give him some space, let him come to terms with things and calm down a little, but it seemed he had taken it the complete opposite way and run away from her.

Slightly hypocritical when you thought about it, he was doing exactly what she had done to him and what he'd called her out on. She had to admit though, she was beginning to understand fully why he'd stopped talking to her, this hurt like hell.

"Kate!" Lanie said. "What are you doing here?"

"Needed to see you," Beckett mumbled. She had the weekend off and Lanie hadn't expected to see her, especially not in the morgue.

"What's up?" Lanie asked, cottoning on to Kate's obvious upset.

"It's Castle," she whispered in reply before handing the letter over to Lanie. Standing and watching Lanie as she read the letter was almost as painful as when she had first read it for herself, seeing Lanie's eyes widen at certain points made her heart ache.

"Oh honey," Lanie said quietly, handing the letter back to Kate. "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry!"

"Nothing less than I deserved," Kate shrugged. "Guess I should have seen it coming, he hasn't spoken to me properly in months."

"Perhaps he thought you'd moved on?"

Lanie had a point but Beckett refused to acknowledge that as an option. "If that's what he thinks then he really doesn't know me at all."

"No, I don't believe that, either," Lanie laughed, "it's been quite clear since day one that the two of you have something, Castle could see it, you were the only one denying it."

"And now look where it's got me. The man I love is in a different freaking state, not talking to me and moving on as if I'm nothing, just another one of his blonde bimbos that he forgot about after he got what he wanted." That was unfair and she knew it. He might have a history if sleeping with bimbos but he was still a gentleman, she was pretty certain those women knew exactly what they were getting into.

"Mm, and when exactly was the last time you saw him with one of those bimbos?" Lanie asked pointedly, taking Kate's silence for the answer she expected. "Exactly. So, what are you going to do now?"

That was a good question, what was she going to do now? She could forget about him and move on, that was always an option - though a hell of a lot easier said than done. She could try calling and emailing again, but that hadn't worked when he was in New York, she highly doubted he would reply now that he was living in California. No, there was only one thing she could do.

"I'm going to California," she announced and Lanie stared at her. "If he thinks he can get away from me that easily then he's wrong. I'm going to California and I'm not coming back until he's heard me out and we've talked it all through."

Lanie would argue with her but if she knew anything about Kate Beckett, it was that once she had her mind set on something there was no changing it. Especially where Richard Castle was concerned.

Kate only just rushed out a quick goodbye to Lanie before heading back out to her car and pulling her cell phone out, searching for flights even as she buckled herself in. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was now 11.30 - and there was a flight from JFK to San Francisco at 4 that afternoon. She had changed her mind at the last second, thinking that if Alexis was at Stanford, that's where Castle would be so she'd need to fly to either San Francisco or San Jose, not LAX. If the flight left at 4, she land around 7pm pacific time and could book a hotel for the night, beginning her search in the morning.

Booking the flight, she made her decision final and started the car, heading back to her apartment to pack some clothes. Switching her cell to speakerphone as she drove, she called Captain Gates.

"Morning, Sir, I'm, just calling to let you know that I plan on taking my vacation says from Monday."

"Your..all of them?" Gates asked in shock.

"Yes sir, if that's what it takes."

"If that's what it- detective Beckett, may I ask why you're suddenly taking your vacation days?"

"I'm going to California, sir."

"And why is that?"

"Because that's where Castle is," Beckett replied.

"Very well, detective, give him our best."

"I will..thank you, sir." She had expected a fight, not a message for Castle. Gates had made it perfectly clear that she wasn't a fan and allowing one of her best detectives to run off and chase him when she was supposed to be working was a turn up for the books.

Shaking her head at the bizarre conversation she'd just had Gates couldn't suppress a smile. She might not be a fan of Mr Castle at the best of times, but she knew how much he meant to her team - detective Beckett in particular. Esposito and Ryan could cope for a while, she knew they'd be just as happy to have Mr Castle back, should Beckett be successful.

Throwing clothes and toiletries into a bag, Beckett zipped it shut, hoping she had everything she'd need. She'd packed enough for a week or two, and she could wash the clothes she had and buy more if she needed to.

Checking the time, she saw it was 1pm - she'd leave in half an hour, leaving herself plenty of time to get to the airport and check in, but first she'd book a hotel so she had a destination when she arrived.

This was so crazy and unlike her..dropping everything to go and chase a guy to the other side of the country, but it felt right. She could hardly do her job properly knowing Castle wasn't even in the state anymore, she needed to speak to him face to face and figure out what happened next. He might be trying to move on but she wasn't giving up yet.

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