Just as Hungary was ushering out the prize chapter and figuring out the next pairing, the large doors at the end of the room were opened and a small girl stepped through. She closed the door behind her and then, avoiding eye-contact with everyone, went and sat down at the table to Hungary's left.
Hungary stared at the girl. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
The girl scowled at Hungary. "The fuck are you doing here?"
"You asked me to be here!"
"Well that's just great," the girl said, making a face. "Now I'm asking you to do a PolLiet chapter."
Hungary frowned. "Poland and Lithuania?"
The girl nodded, crossing her arms over her ample bosom. "Yeah. But, in memory of our dear departed Turtle- who is not dead, just gone, okay?! So the fuck there! -we are going to have a small, not-dead funeral."
Hungary stared at the girl, not believing what she was seeing with her own two eyes. The girl snapped her fingers, and within moments a frightened-looking Latvia had brought her a tray with a full carafe of French-pressed coffee. Instead of thanks, the girl placed a gentle hand on Latvia's shoulder and said "Riga is the capital of Latvia" in a wise-sounding voice.
Romano pressed his face into Spain's shoulder so that he didn't have to look at her. "Her grandparents can't REALLY be from Bari, can they…?" he groaned.
The girl's eyes were instantly drawn to Spain and Romano, and she stared fixedly at them for a couple minutes, cheeks reddening and eyes slowly filling with tears. Then she coughed and turned back to Hungary.
"So, arrange the funeral, please."
Hungary gave her another violently bemused look. "I thought you were arranging the funeral?!"
The girl stared at the carafe of coffee, then slowly pushed the filter thingy down, trapping the coffee grounds in the bottom. "No way. Have you ever seen me organize things? No. That's because I fucking suck at it, so other people do it instead of me. So, you organize it. I'll be writing a eulogy." The girl did her best to flip her short hair. "I'm a writer, not an organizer."
Everyone in the room facepalmed. England raised his hand and said, "Ah, don't you ever, em, have to organize the bloody plot?!"
The girl raised an eyebrow, then gestured at everyone seated at the table. "Obviously not."
The girl poured coffee into the small mug that Latvia had brought with the tray, then poured cream in it and sipped demurely at it. She shrugged. "Coffee's okay, I guess." She looked up at the rest of the world. "Um, what the fuck guys? Get started on the funeral preparations. Oh, it's called 'We Put the Fun in Funeral' in case you were wondering."
"Isn't that a Tumblr post?" Prussia said, jumping onto the table and glaring down at her.
She rolled her eyes. "Um, duh Prussia. Don't be so not-awesome. Get with the program."
Prussia scowled at her. "Don't call me not-awesome, not-awesome girl."
"I said not-awesome first, therefore you're copying me, therefore you're NOT AWESOME." The girl jumped to her feet and stared fixedly at him with widened hazel eyes.
"That… that... doesn't prove anything!" Prussia spluttered. "Therefore, you're stupid!"
"You're stupid AND dumb!"
America jumped onto the table next to Prussia, randomly holding a bacon cheeseburger. "I'M THE HERO," he screamed.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP," yelled the girl.
"YEAH," Prussia agreed.
Finally, the girl sighed and sat back in her seat, ignoring the stink-eye Hungary was sending her way. "Fine then, I guess I can organize the funeral." She snapped her fingers again, and this time Latvia came over with a small black laptop.
After typing at it for a bit, she looked up and said, "Oh, I can just do it from here, I guess." She closed her laptop and set it on the floor, then stepped from her chair to the table, shoving Prussia and America off of it in the process.
She cleared her throat, looking around at all the countries (who were glaring murderously at her), then began with, "Dearly Beloved- oh, speaking of Dearly Beloved there's this teacher at my school and the plaque in front of his door says D. Beloved so I liked to call him/her Dearly Beloved, now that I think about it I don't know if it's a guy or a girl -but anyway, Dearly Beloved we are gathered here today to witness the glorious matrimony of Poland and Lithuania."
Poland and Lithaunia's jaws dropped as they stared at her. "Um, like, what?!" Poland said, brushing a hand down Lithuania's hot abs. "Like, we don't even want to get married!"
Lithuania twisted the diamond engagement ring on his finger that he had gotten from Poland. "Yes, we really don't," he said honestly.
The girl rolled her eyes and made the typical teenage girl "dur" face. "Shut up omg. You guys don't know what you're talking about. Anyway, we're remembering Micro, therefore shut your face and get married. Also remember that I'm not actually a judge or a priest, so technically this won't count. We're just going through the motions."
"Oh, that's fine I guess," said Poland. "I don't mind getting, like, fake-married to Liet."
Lithuania shrugged. "Getting fake-married wouldn't be so bad," he said, twining his fingers with Poland's. "I mean, it's not like I'm fake-marrying Russia."
Russia turned to smile sweetly at him, a dark purple aura surrounding him, but before he could say any threats the girl grabbed a book out of her bra and threw it at him. It hit Estonia, but it was close enough that Russia slunk away, smiling sweetly and threateningly at her now.
"ANYWAY," the girl continued, rolling her eyes and brushing her bangs out of her face. "Um like, Poland do you take Lithuania's hot abs- I mean, Lithuania himself, plus the hot abs, as your technically unlawfully wedded husband-creature?"
Poland shrugged, staring lovingly at Lithuania. "Sure, yeah, I guess."
"And Lithuania, do you take Poland's cross-dressing habits- as well as his whole self -to be your kind of mostly against-the-law husband/wife/cross-dresser?"
Lithuania smiled gently at Poland. "Yeah. Might as well. For Micro."
The girl nodded, doing the anime-person-with-glasses thing even though she didn't have glasses. "THEN, BY THE POWERS INVESTED IN MY AWESOME, I PRONOUNCE YOU THE FUN IN FUNERAL. AND ALSO UNLAWFUL HUSBANDS. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU I GUESS, YOU BRITISH-WORD-FOR-CIGARETTES."
England facepalmed. "I know that that word has a WAY different meaning in America… Bloody twat."
"It does," the girl said. "One time someone called me a faggot and I was like 'I am neither male nor homosexual and therefore take no offense to this comment' and then they told me to kill myself. Yeah, it was a good time."
The countries nodded as one, shifting uncomfortably as they wondered when the girl would finally leave.
Suddenly, someone spoke up: "Are you going to leave yet?" asked Snape, staring at her with unimpressedness.
The girl stared at him, eyes going out of focus. "Oh… yeah, I should go, shouldn't I… I have to shower. Plus, I'm in my pajamas." She stared down at her pajamas, then up at the countries. "These pajama pants have a hole in them somewhere and I'm not saying where."
She sighed, then turned to Hungary. "Well, this was fun."
She turned to Belgium. "You're hot gurl I mean damn."
She turned to Spain and Romano. "If you guys ever make a sex tape send it to me please."
She turned to Japan. "I've already put in my monthly order of Spamano merch so make sure you get it to me by like this week sometime because I've decided it's a Christmas present to me, so I need to wrap it and hid it under my bed. Because if my parents saw that sort of stuff under the tree…" She sighed. "Well, anyway. See all you biatches."
And with that, she turned and left through the doors from which she had come.
And then she came back and grabbed the tray with the coffee because coffee is delicious.
Everything was silent for a moment, and then Hungary stood up and coughed slightly to grab everyone's attention.
"Well, um, that was… weird, to say the least," she said with a pained smile. "We all… um… just love visits from Epic-"
"I hope that she marries a German guy so I have an excuse to disown her," growled Romano.
America nodded. "Yeah, I hope she marries a guy from the Middle East because then I can disown her."
"I hope she marries that hot guy that got kicked out of Afghanistan for being beautiful~" Spain said cheerfully. "I like her!"
Mexico snorted, crossing her arms and scowling at him. "Of course you would, murderer."
Spain gave her a sad look, tears welling in his eyes. "I'm sorry…"
Mexico was opening her mouth to speak again when Hungary stood up, slamming her hands against the surface of the table.
"THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS THING IS TO HAVE POCKY GAMES, NOT FAKE MARRIAGES. THEREFORE, POLAND AND LITHUANIA NEED TO PLAY THE POCKY GAME OR SO HELP ME-"
France laid a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. Be calm. Here, let me get Ukraine and then you can stick your face in her boobs. It's comforting."
Ukraine smiled, blushing. "Y-yes, many have said so…"
Hungary rubbed her forehead. "Maybe later, Kat. I just have a lot to do right now, what with this pocky game and all the secret cameras everywhere… It's hard trying to look attractive at all times."
Ukraine nodded in false understanding, running her fingers through her hair and looking around for cameras.
"ANYWAY," Hungary said, straightening up. "Poland and Lithuania, you know the drill. Grab the pocky you want, eat it, whoever wins gets to have sex with the other one or whatever the fuck the thing is."
"I'm pretty sure it's that whoever wins gets to have the other person do one thing," Ukraine corrected gently. "That's what we've been doing for the last twenty or so chapters."
Hungary shrugged. "In my defense, I missed one or two of them. Anyway, you heard her!" she said, now talking to Poland and Lithuania. "Do the pocky game already!"
Poland made a face at her, seeing he was currently pulling pocky out of a pocky bag and readying to do the pocky game, like she had already said to do.
He fished out an unbroken piece of pocky (this container must have fallen to the floor a couple of times) and put it into Lithuania's mouth, pushing it past his lips without even bothering to warn him. Liet blushed, and Poland smiled.
"You're, like, so cute," he said.
Liet blushed even darker. "N-no you are," he managed to say around the fragile pocky.
Hungary made a weird face, like she was constipated. Ukraine, worried at this point, grabbed Hungary's shoulders to make sure she'd stay in her chair. She didn't know if she would pass out and fall or something.
Slowly, the two countries moved forward, eyes locked and small half-smiles etched onto their features. Japan was not even bothering to pretend that he wasn't snapping pictures like crazy, and France wasn't even bothering to pretend that he wasn't checking out the Netherlands from across the room.
Finally, Lithuania pulled away- not because he didn't want to kiss Poland over the pocky game, but because he didn't want to kiss Poland over the pocky game while everyone was watching.
"So, what do you want?" he asked Poland, smiling gently.
Poland smiled back nervously, then said, "Um, like, will you marry me?"
The entire world and Snape looked at the two countries as they stood in the middle of all of them, smiling cutely at each other.
Lithuania blushed. "O-of course!"
"Real married, this time," Poland expanded.
"It's still 'of course.'"
They smiled at each other, and slowly all the people around the table began to clap, some even getting to their feet to do so. Even Germany, still sitting in the corner, looked up, though it was only to throw up all over the floor.
Hungary nodded in approval. "We haven't had a proposal yet," she said. "This is a first."
"Yes," Japan agreed. "And hopefully a last, because Epic coming in here and trying to run the show was…" He shook his head.
"Yes…" Ukraine agreed, finally removing her hands from Hungary's shoulders. "Epic is… well… I would say she's a character, but she is a real person and we are the characters."
Hungary nodded. "She's a bitch is what she is. Rude little bitch. We should put alarms around the premises to stop things like people leaving-" She glared at Romano and Mexico. "-and unwanted writers entering."
Japan nodded. "I will get right to it."
"Good… goooood…" Hungary clasped her hands together evilly, then jumped suddenly as the chandelier above her flickered to life. Looking around in confusion, she realized… Oh dear God!
She jumped to her feet, grabbing Ukraine by the forearms and staring into her eyes, looking haunted.
"Wh-what is it-" Ukraine began, but before she could finish, Hungary interrupted:
"The sun… is setting!" she screamed.
The world gasped and turned to the window, watching as the light coming through the large windows faded.
"I… I… It's been twenty-four chapters," England whispered to himself. "I had forgotten that the sun could set."
All the countries turned and glanced at each other. Finally, someone broke the silence:
"You know what this means, don't you?" said the Netherlands, pulling his pipe out of his mouth. The entire world stared at him, waiting for him to say it.
Pounding footsteps pounded from the hallway outside, and the Netherlands grinned. "Australia… has awoken."
A/N Epic here!
HAHAHAHAHA. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS CHAPTER. LIKE. THIS IS THE MOST CRACK-Y CHAPTER YET, I THINK. ALSO, IT'S LITERALLY LIKE 2000 WORDS. I DON'T EVEN- HOW DID I WRITE SO MUCH?!
Viva: Yep, things are back to normal. XD I've got the next chapter. It'll be interesting to say the least...
Star: :) I loved it. And I has a tribute for Micro!
(Unofficial) omake-What could have happened in the end (according to Baby Turtle):
An short, auburn haired girl blew her nose into a tissue. "P-poor Micro..."
Romano jumped and turned to her. "Who the fuck are you?!"
She smiled at him. "Hello Romano," she said shyly. "I'm Star, the Baby Turtle. I'm here to pay tribute to Micro, the Turtle I never met." The girl teared up again and wiped her eyes.
"I-I'm sorry, it's just...I wish I met Micro. Maybe one day..." Star said.
"Japan! I thought you had that technology ready!" Hungary whisper-yelled.
"I'm sorry, Hungary, but it appears she snuck in somehow! I don't know where," Japan said.
"Oh...you wanna get rid of me, huh?" Star said dejectedly. "It's okay. Goodbye. And never forget Micro."
Just as Star was leaving, she looked at Belgium, North Italy, and Spain. Her eyes narrowed.
"Watch your backs. If I hear something has happened to Romano and you were involved..." Star moved her finger across her neck threateningly. "Goodbye."
The girl leapt out the window without another word.
I don't blame the others if this gets deleted. XD